Chapter 10 Crane
TEN
CRANE
Iwake up the following morning to the sound of my parents arguing.
Well, my prick of a father is shouting at my mom, and for once, she is giving it back.
I know how this ends, and that’s the part that makes me throw myself out of bed. My eyes fall to the freshly scrubbed stain on the floor where my sperm donor threw up, and I imagine Mom on her hands and knees, cleaning up his shit.
What a prick my dad is.
There’s a sound of shattering glass, and I’m out of my bedroom before I can blink, catching sight of Dad retreating to the porch with the speed of a drunk tortoise.
“Are you okay?” I lean down beside my mom, who is sweeping at the glass on the floor with tears streaming down her face.
“I’m sorry we woke you,” Mom replies, biting on her lip as I clock the new bruise on her jaw.
“I’m not; dumb fucker should be out at work, supporting his family!” Dad calls over his shoulder, igniting the rage and revulsion I try so hard to keep under wraps.
“He’s at college!” Mom yells back, emptying the glass into the trash, the sound too familiar for anyone’s liking.
“To fuck around with whores! All he does is color in, he’s like a fucking kid!”
Mom puts the dustpan and brush away, and her body trembles, the anger and defiance within her coming to the surface. Her eyes narrow as she glares at Dad, and a sick smile twists on his mouth.
“Oh, here she is, Super-Mom,” he sneers, and I close my eyes, wishing he would just drop dead.
“I wish you’d died in that accident,” I say, turning to see Dad’s head snap toward me.
“What did you fucking say?”
There’s a brief pause, one where Mom pleads with me with the same look she gives me every fucking time.
I’m tired and hungover, and I really don’t want to have to do this today.
But fuck it.
“I said, I wish you would’ve died in that accident.”
Dad crosses the room in a fit of rage, the only thing that seems to motivate him.
The first slap rings in my ears, his fists following suit as Mom screams, trying to drag him away from me.
“No! Stop!”
He’s a big guy, but I’m faster, and despite the whiskey flowing through my veins, I’m considered sober in comparison.
“Why don’t you fucking hit me back, you bastard? Huh? Hit me back!” Dad roars, lunging for me with a solid fist, sending me reeling.
There’s something about being beat up by your old man; it’s fucking frightening, yet you know if you can take his beating, you can take any.
But I’m done with his shit.
I swing back, my knuckles aiming for the back of his head as they connect with his jaw, his eyes widening in drunken disbelief as he topples back, trying to claw at the sides as he goes.
Without thinking, I sit astride him and slam my fists repeatedly into his fucking face, blood splattering on my clothes as Mom wraps her arms around me, doing her best to drag me back.
“Crane! Stop! Stop now! Please!” Mom’s crying now, but I know it’s not because I’m kicking my deadbeat father’s ass. Oh no.
It’s fear.
She’s scared he’s going to kill us both.
Years of abuse force my fists to keep going, tears streaming down my face as Mom finally wins, pulling me back onto her, her hands reaching out to steady mine.
“Crane.”
It’s all she says, but I know.
I can’t stay here.
The body of my father lies at my feet, and for a moment in time, I wonder if I can stop his chest rising and falling by cutting off his airway.
“I should kill him right now,” I whisper, staring at his smashed-up face. “He’s out cold, it would be so easy—”
“Crane! Listen to yourself, this isn’t who you are!” Mom sobs, her hands trembling as she tries to hold me close. “Leave him, you’ve done enough damage.”
I twist my body so I’m staring at her, my mouth dropping open with disbelief.
I’ve done enough damage?
What about the years of abuse he’s inflicted on us?
Does she not see any of it anymore?
My heart drops when she shakes her head sadly, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.
I want to scream at her, shake some fucking sense into her, but instead I respond, “Are you fucking serious?”
“Look, maybe you should go and stay with Kai for a few days; I’m sure the Carsons wouldn’t mind…”
This is unbelievable.
“Are you fucking serious right now?!” I repeat, watching as she bows her head. “You want me to go?”
“Crane, I don’t have much choice! If I leave, he will find me. He will never let me go.” Mom moves her hands, looking at me with defeated eyes. “I’ve accepted my fate, but you don’t have to accept yours. You can do anything.”
My throat burns with emotion as I shake my head, my vision blurring with tears.
This isn’t right; it’s not over for her. She’s too young, too lovely for this.
“He doesn’t deserve you, Mom!”
Mom slumps against the wall, looking a hundred years older than she is. Her eyes are ringed with a darkness that only comes from living in hell, her skin pale and bruised.
“Crane, please. Just go. I’ll tell him he did this to himself falling over; he won’t remember…”
“I’m not leaving you.”
Mom looks up at me, reaching out to cup my face in her tiny hands.
A lump forms in my throat when she shakes her head sadly.
“I’m doing this for you. I’ll get you a room on campus; you’ll have to share, but—”
“Mom…” I press her hands to my cheeks as she continues.
“It’s better than being here. This was my choice; I married him. Believe it or not, I still see the man I married sometimes, and I truly believe he’s in there somewhere. I need to help him, Crane.”
I know she’s right about it being better than being here, but so fucking what if she made a choice twenty fucking years ago?
She can make another one, right now.
“Crane.” Mom rests her head on mine, her thumbs rubbing my cheeks. “You can’t help me, trust me. I’m not leaving him.”
“I can’t leave you.”
My voice is thick with emotion, but Mom looks at me with desperation in her eyes.
“You can. And you will. You know I’ve got that money for your education stashed away, right? From Nanny Joan?”
I can’t see through my tears, and I let out a sob of frustration as she strokes my arms, still watching my father over my shoulder.
“It’s time, Crane. You need to move on; this isn’t healthy for you. Don’t say what about me, because I’m telling you now, I’m staying here.”
“Why are you so stubborn?” I snap, wondering if she realises how sad her life is.
Mom's face softens into a smile, and I know that something’s changing between us.
The realisation that she will never leave him, no matter what he does to her, fills me with an emptiness that’s all-encompassing.
“One day,” I whisper, gripping her hands with mine as she swallows, tears coursing down her cheeks. “I’m going to come back, and I’m going to make you leave. I’m going to save you, Mom.”
Mom closes her eyes, nodding as she does.
She’s too emotional to say anything, but I know she heard me.
“I promise you that. I will save you.”