Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
STEVIE
My feet hurt. My back hurts and my heart hurts.
When I asked Logan for some time, I never thought he would give me four days. The way he said that he would see me soon, I assumed he would be around the next day, but maybe when I declined his call that day, he thought something different.
“Do you have any plans for the next three days?” Benton asks from beside me.
We are both on the same shift, and I love working with him; he makes me laugh, so the shift goes by faster.
Tonight is my last shift before I have three whole blissful days off. I plan to do some grocery shopping, buy some junk food, and lock myself away to catch up on some TV and reading.
“Binging TV and books, with a load of junk food. You?” I ask him, while checking something on my computer.
“I have a date, plus tickets for a basketball game.” He wiggles his eyebrows.
“Who is she? And have you told her that you are a man-whore?”
“Little shit.” He looks up to make sure that no one is near us. “She knows what she is getting, that is all I am saying.” He wiggles his eyebrows again, this time making me giggle.
It feels nice to laugh with my co-workers. They know how to make anyone smile— to forget for a little while the sadness that they might be feeling.
“How are things with that biker?” he asks.
My skin bristles at his question, my shoulders tensing up. They know that I missed a shift but not the reason why, so I had to lie to them, and Crash never came up in conversation, until now.
Relief and disappointment have been the emotions I have been feeling lately since he walked away. His promise has been floating in the back of my mind, which I think makes it worse.
I am not sure if something has happened or if he has just given up on me. Maybe Val did get to him and he caved, wanting another go with her. History can be a solid foundation when it comes to couples trying again.
Yet, he looked so determined when he said that nothing had or would happen between them again, but I can’t shake this feeling that something is wrong.
“Hey, you, okay?” I look at Benton.
“Yeah. Sorry, spaced out.” I force a smile. “Things are complicated right now. I am not sure what we are.”
I lean my palms on the desk in front of me, dropping my chin to my chest. It is quiet this time of night, with not many guests walking around. I flash back to Crash the last time I saw him: he looked tired, but still handsome.
He has that boy-next-door vibe, but his new stubble adds to the bad-boy biker image. You take into account his leather vest, and his motorcycle, and he is a girl’s wet dream.
“There has been a bit of tension between us. An ex of his said something to me and it hurt, making me re-think what we have. Mix in some miscommunication, and we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for a few days. Things are up in the air.”
Benton rubs my back. “Stevie, I know next to nothing about being in a committed relationship. But I see my folks, and they are still very much in love and have been since the day they met. They have had their ups and downs, every relationship does, but you have to choose whether it is worth fighting for. Nothing in life is easy, but you can control how you deal with what is thrown at you.”
I smile at him, standing to full height again and adjusting my blazer.
“You just went all Love-Yoda on me,” I joke, and he winks.
“I may not want to settle down yet, but I know love from seeing my parents and couples who come here to stay. Now, we also see the cheaters as well, and that is a stark reminder as to why I can’t take a woman yet.
I do not think I am capable of being faithful, and I will not intentionally hurt a woman. ”
“Aww, Benny, you big old softy, you.” I playfully punch his arm. “When you are ready, you will make a great boyfriend.”
“Well, our sex life will be fucking epic with all the practicing I am doing.” Again he wiggles his brows and I fake gag.
“Eww, no.”
The rest of the shift passes with ease. No more guests come in and we chill, talking and catching up on paperwork, not that there is much. When we are leaving, Benton walks me to my car, and my phone beeps with a text.
“See you in three days.” He waves goodbye and climbs into his car.
My heart drops into my feet when I see a picture with a text attached to it.
Jon: Thought you should see this.
The photo is of Crash standing next to a kitted-out car, with Racer and Savage next to him. But it is Valarie who is next to him, her hand on his bicep, that makes my heart constrict.
She is dressed just like she used to be when Crash had a race.
Why did he lie to me again? And I keep fucking falling for it.
Anger mixes with sadness and disappointment at seeing this. I cannot let him hurt me anymore— I need him to know that this is done. Over.
I race home and strip out of my work clothes and into a pair of jeans, my burgundy Doc Martens, and a T-shirt, before slipping a plaid shirt over the top. Clipping half of my hair up, I race back to my car and drive to where I know the race is.
My heart thumps in my chest, my fingers flexing tightly around my steering wheel the entire drive there.
So many things rush through my head that it makes me sick to my stomach. My anxiety is building, making it hard to concentrate. I almost collide with a car when changing lanes, which scares the crap out of me but does not deter me from getting to that freaking race.
This man has made me see that I need to stay away from men. Freaking twice he has lied to my face, and I can only take so much. It is something that I never understood: the lying and cheating.
If you want to sleep around then fucking end the relationship that you are in. Believe me, a break-up hurts far less than finding out that your partner cheated.
Arriving in the desert, I find a parking space, and lock my car as I climb out. Tucking my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, I go on the hunt for Crash and his club. Oh, and the ex-bestie, who is fucking my man.
Well, ex-man now. I am done being made a fool of.
My temper rules me in this moment, and I cling to the feeling, knowing it will help me get my point across without him or her steamrolling me.
“Hey, Stevie. Long time no see.” I turn to see Oscar.
“Oh, yeah. Hi, Oscar.”
“You here to watch Logan?” He walks beside me, a smile on his face.
“No, but have you seen him?” He nods.
“Oh, yeah, he is with his club and Val. I didn’t know they were back together, but I guess with the history they have, it was bound to happen, right?” My heart stutters at his words.
I know that he did not say that to hurt me, he probably has no idea what Crash is to me. So they are back together. He fucking lied to me, or the space I asked for gave him the opportunity to start something with her again. Clearly, I am not worth the effort.
We break through the crowd and my steps freeze in place, but Oscar keeps walking, not noticing that I have stopped.
Crash leans against his car, ankles crossed, his hands moving animatedly, while he speaks to his brothers. Val is at his side, smiling at whatever he is talking about.
My skin feels tight around my body, and my chest feels like it is being cracked open watching him being this close to her and not moving away. That just solidifies what they are.
As if she senses me, she looks up, and her eyes widen in glee that I have caught them.
She moves in, her face moving closer to his like she is whispering in his ear. Her hand lands on his arm, he doesn’t shake her off, and I feel sick.
My stomach churns, and my heart breaks.
I am not usually one to jump to conclusions, but this is not jumping, this is witnessing everything first hand.
Tears blur my vision, my anger fading, as heartache takes over. My fists clench at my sides, and I will myself to move, to walk away but I am frozen. Valarie, the woman I thought would be my best friend for the rest of my life, is taking great fucking pleasure in my pain.
People walk around me, some nudging me as they pass, but I cannot look away. It is like a train wreck that you know you have to look away from but can’t.
I get knocked forward a step, and the ‘Sorry, sweetheart’ catches the attention of Crash and his brothers.
Crash’s eyes widen in shock at seeing me, then it fades and he looks pissed. His lips press into a thin line, his steps heavy as he comes at me. I know he won’t hurt me, not physically, but my fear amps up the closer he gets.
I cannot take my eyes off him, as he storms in my direction, but it is his words that drive a blade right through my heart.