Chapter Seven
Spencer
We set up two fires: one near the front of the cave, and one further in.
The flames in the mouth melt some of the massive icicles hanging from the opening.
The inside reminds me of a movie set, with ice crystals growing from the ceiling, some reaching all the way to the floor, and stone staggered perfectly inside to make it aesthetically pleasing.
Amanda and I sit on our beds next to each other, touching like we have been.
Call it safety positioned behind the fire, call it warmth, but I think we would have lain next to each other no matter the circumstance.
We’re getting low on sustenance and dine on a feast of dog food with a quarter of a protein bar.
We need to figure something out soon. Maybe I can hunt with a spear, or we can find a river with salmon.
The fire twists and burns near the mouth of the cave, icicles drizzling behind it like magic rain.
“Spencer?” Amanda asks.
“Yes?”
“Want to go in the hot spring?”
My chest tightens.
I can’t read her. Her always pouty lips are slightly parted, but she’s studying me, waiting for my response as she tilts her head, and the edges of her mouth pull into a small smile.
We have been in survival mode, which in some ways has made me more primal, craving basic human needs.
Needs like eating, drinking, sleeping, and yes, sex.
I’d be lying if I said the thought hasn’t crossed my mind with Amanda, especially the more I’ve gotten to know her.
But I don’t want to just fuck her. I want to love her, but she could never love me, not the real me, because I could never give her what she deserves.
I’ve never been able to give that to anyone, so I’ve stopped trying.
I’d only end up destroying her. She has a slow smile that builds as she waits for my response.
“I was hoping you’d ask.” Her eyes widen as she rubs her throat. “These types of springs have certain healing elements in them.”
“Oh, do they? And how do you know that?” she says, shrugging off her jacket, unfastening her brace, and removing her socks and boots.
“Well, I am a doctor.” I smirk, rising to help her to her feet. “We can make a makeshift drying rack by propping some of the wood together next to the fire and hanging our clothes over it to dry.”
“Clothes? Who said anything about wearing clothes?”
I draw in a sharp breath that goes straight to my cock, and my cheeks flush at the heat firing through my body.
She places her palm over my chest as she stares intently into my eyes, and my knees weaken for the first time in my life from a woman.
“Relax, Spencer, I’m not going to bite you.
” She winks, taking one from my playbook.
She turns around and removes her shirt and drops it onto a nearby rock.
She pulls down her pants and steps out of them, then straightens.
My fingers are rigid as my chest heaves.
Her body bears the scars from this journey as her ribs protrude slightly on her back, but the curve of her waist flowing out to the roundness of her hips has me in a chokehold.
I’ve only imagined what lies beneath those layers, and it is even better than my dreams.
She reaches behind her and unclips her bra, throwing it with the rest of her clothes, then pulls down her black panties.
My dick is now at complete attention as she steps out of them.
She pauses, and neither one of us moves a muscle.
The fire crackles, and the trickling of the underwater stream and melting ice crystals fill the cave.
She turns her head over her shoulder, fixes her eyes on me, and says, “Are you going to help me get in there? I don’t want you to watch me hobble naked, and I’m not sure I can climb in without any assistance. ”
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I blow out a breath and shake my head. “Amanda, I can’t go in there with you like that.”
“Why, Spencer?”
“Because I can’t,” I whisper and bite my bottom lip as I clench my fists.
“If I were alone, I’d go in here just like this.
Besides, I feel more comfortable with you now than I do with myself.
We are two people stranded in the wilderness, who may never get out of here alive.
I don’t care if you see me naked, but if something were to happen, Spencer Grey, I don’t think I’ll mind. ”
I feel lightheaded. “Hang on.” My voice is husky with a tone I’ve never heard before.
I remove my hat, gloves, jacket, shoes, and socks and approach her.
My eyes lock on hers and don’t look further down as I slide my hand over the bare skin of her side, and pulsing waves of need ache through my body, even my fingertips, as I fight the urge to explore her further.
I guide her like I have a hundred times before, but the barrier of layers of fabric has always kept us apart.
Never with her flesh against me, and if it were against my own, there would be no stopping me from going completely feral on her.
“Here, this looks like the best spot to climb in.” I step fully clothed into the hot spring.
The warm water starts at my knees, and I sink back.
It spreads over my chest, thawing out my body, but my muscles refuse to relax in this aroused state.
I reach my arms out to her, again never breaking eye contact, afraid to look down her body, but I can still see the swell of her breasts from my peripheral, that curve of her waist, and the dark V between her legs.
The steam sticks to my face, and beads of sweat form at my temples, but I don’t think it’s from the temperature of the water.
She reaches for my shoulders and leans forward as her breasts sway, and my lips part.
My eyes lose their fight as her hardened pink nipples come just inches from my face, begging for my mouth’s attention, blinding me with desire.
Fight it. I circle my fingers around her hips as I lower her down, keeping her away from me so she doesn’t slide down the front of my body, over my craving dick, as I would be completely done for.
“It’s pretty flat here,” I whisper as I release her and sink down to chin level, attempting to regulate my breathing.
“You’re keeping those on?”
“I was going to wash them in here, along with myself, so I guess they are going to come off at some point…maybe after I help you out.”
She sinks into the water and closes her eyes.
“Oh, my God, this feels divine,” she says, lifting her chin and dipping her head.
When she rises, her hair slicks back, accentuating her high cheekbones and elegant bone structure.
She inches towards me. I extend my hands under the water to keep her from coming too close, and she grasps them.
We both have sunk down to chin level. “Spencer.” She releases my hands and loops her arms around my neck so our faces are inches apart.
“I will make it home to Tyler, but what if this is it? You, me, and this cave.”
“Amanda.” My voice is hoarse as I’m blinded by the desire to erase the distance between us in every way.
My body trembles as I crave her like I have no other woman before.
Her arms tighten around my neck, and her eyes look right through me, then drop to my mouth.
My hands glide around the smooth skin of her waist and tighten in an unexpected, needy reflex.
“Spencer,” she breathes.
“I can’t—” Her kiss seizes me, and my body jolts.
The intensity of it is too much. Her lips are more heavenly than I imagined as they open, and our tongues collide.
Then our mouths move, drawing each other in, spinning my head, freeing me, but I pull away and harden my jaw.
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I gasp, but I don’t release her.
She dips her quivering chin, then gives me a slow, disbelieving headshake. “Amanda, it’s not you.”
She twists from under my touch and backs away. “Oh, the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. Really?”
“No, but it is.” My face contorts in pain.
“Spencer, I haven’t been with a man since Phil because I vowed never to let someone have that much power to hurt me like that again. You are the first one who has made me feel something, the one who broke down that barrier, and you denied me,” she seethes and turns away.
“It’s not like that.” God, I’m such an idiot. “You are not going to like who I am, and I won’t make you happy.”
“Bullshit! How do you know what I want and what will make me happy?”
“Because I can’t make anyone happy.”
“I have just spent basically every second of the last several weeks with you in a life-or-death situation. You have been nothing but kind, competent, confident, and gentle. And I’m sure you have looked in a mirror.
Sue me for falling for you—” Her hands fly to her mouth, and her eyebrows hit her hairline.
Her frantic eyes dart about, like she surprised herself just as much as she did me.
There’s a fluttering in my stomach, and my knees grow weak for the second time in my life from a woman—from Amanda, again.
She turns away from me, cutting through the water as it circles her shoulders and wakes behind her. I don’t know what to say, but I go after her. I reach for her and gently graze her back. “Don’t go.”
“I’m just a little confused and embarrassed right now, so maybe don’t touch me at the moment.
” I jerk my hand back. “Well, I finally admitted not only to myself, but out loud that I have feelings for you. I guess I figured, what the hell? I’m stranded with this stranger, who is no longer a stranger, naked in a hot spring, maybe I’ll give in to that desire. ”
I don’t move a muscle, and the drizzling water and the crackling of the fire in the distance echo through the tension. “I have feelings for you, too, but I can’t act on them because I can’t give you what you deserve.”
“And what do I deserve that you can’t give me?”