finn
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BEL house was up by the time I walked in, which was my bad. I’d meant to leave sometime in the night, but Jesse’s bed had been too inviting and his eyes too beautiful to give up. I’d stayed until now, long past the reasonable window of opportunity to sneak into my room unnoticed.
When I entered the house, Jason was already flipping a protein-heavy banana pancake, Greg was packing for the gym, and Taylor was brushing Peanut. “There you go, gorgeous,” he was saying. “Got another dog’s worth of hair there, don’t we?”
Bennet was coming out of Jason’s room, since they spent most nights at each other’s houses. I suspected Harrison was lodging in Taylor’s room, too, although he wasn’t around. They were talking more and more about moving in together.
Then, as their gazes turned to me, I saw the anticipation on their faces.
“Here he is,” Jason declared. “The man who stayed the night.”
To my liking, it was far too early for a round of cheers, yet that was what I got. Bennet seemed overjoyed when he got to the bottom of the stairs. “Was he a good match?”
“Of course he was,” Taylor said. “Did you see the guy?”
Jason chuckled. “I had my money on Alejandro.”
“I think we all did,” Bennet admitted. But then they all looked back at me, because I hadn’t said a thing yet. “He was a good match, right? You didn’t get kidnapped by a pirate?”
“No, I didn’t get kidnapped by a pirate,” I said.
Bennet shrugged. “Stranger things happened in my source materials.”
“Romance novels,” Taylor clarified.
Then they waited again.
I drew a deep breath of air, and held on to the fact that I’d had sex with Jesse twice last night, held on to it belonging to me and only me for a moment longer.
That first time still had my knees buckling, but the second, the romantic, gentle, passionate lovemaking of two people who just wanted to feel each other, have each other, taste each other, stayed with me even more clearly.
“Alejandro was a good match,” I said.
“See? I told you Jesse would know,” Taylor said. “Tell us everything.”
So I did. I said what a nice guy Alejandro was. How charming and funny and easy to talk to. Then I told them how understanding he was when I said I didn’t want to go to his place.
“What?” Taylor demanded.
I shrugged. “The whole time I was talking to him, I felt like I was…missing out on something.”
The guys waited to hear more.
“Whenever I laughed at something he said, I felt like I would have laughed more if someone else had said it. No, that’s not right. Whenever I laughed, I had this thought: I wanted to tell this to someone else, to make him laugh just the same. Because I felt like he should hear it.”
“And this someone,” Jason said carefully. “Is he with us right now?”
Greg snorted and shook his head.
I shot Jason a sharp look, but it drew a smile from me anyway. “After I told Alejandro it wasn’t gonna happen, I walked around and ended up…” I didn’t try to ramp up the suspense. In fact, I just wanted to hold on to the things that made it special to me.
“In a ditch?” Taylor asked.
“In jail?” Jason supplied.
“In a snowed-in cabin in the mountains?” Bennet asked, the most hopeful yet.
Greg looked at me and cocked one side of his mouth. “He ended up at Jesse’s place, you fools.”
I nodded. “I didn’t even think about it. Actually, I only realized what I was doing after I’d knocked. By then, it was too late to chicken out.”
“What? Tell us more, man. Don’t leave us hanging,” Taylor blurted. “You knocked, and then what?”
“He opened the door. He thought it was his roommate, so he stepped out of the shower in just a towel and, well, you’ve seen Jesse.” It was obvious.
“I’m gonna need a bigger corkboard,” Bennet said, crossing the living room to the corkboard that was flipped over for discretion.
He flipped it again, and my silly mugshot was in the center of it, red strings leading to several headshots that were crossed out like the victims of a gruesome killing spree.
But Taylor was watching me with a goddamn-look-at-you-go look. “The long-lost best friend came back, and you stayed the night,” he said. “Guys, we have our happy ending.”
I shook my head quickly. “It’s not like that. I think. It’s just…he picked Alejandro. He knew who I’d match with. He set me up even though he liked me, and I just…I needed to know.”
“Now you know,” Jason said. “You found your match.”
“I don’t think I do,” I said, taking a seat at the kitchen island because this was going to take longer than I’d expected. “At least, I don’t know anything for now. I just know I’m done with dates.”
“What was he like?” Taylor asked.
I looked at him, incredulous. “I’m not telling you.”
“No, I mean, was he weird about it? Was he awkward?”
“He wasn’t. He was very confident, after I convinced him to admit he wanted it.”
“And what’s stopping you from being together?” Bennet asked.
What was stopping us? Where should I begin?
“Look, the way we were as kids has nothing to do with who we are now. We don’t even know each other like that.
Besides, he ghosted me soon after he moved away, and he isn’t the type to show his feelings just like that.
He doesn’t date. He doesn’t believe in romance or happy endings.
I don’t know what happened to him to make him think that, which is just one of the issues. I need some time to figure things out.”
“It sounds to me like you just need to talk to him,” Taylor said simply.
The others agreed without hesitation.
It didn’t seem so simple to me. And it seemed no simpler later that day, after we’d all gone to our trainings and weekend activities.
In fact, the first time I was alone that day was in the evening, and my heart was still tripping at the thought of Jesse, and my body was still aware of him, aware of what he felt like inside me, still warm with the memory.
I was in my room, sitting at my desk and trying to type out the notes on vertical growth of companies from yesterday’s lecture, but my mind kept slipping off the topic like it was glazed with oil.
He was constantly invading my thoughts. Sometimes, he was just wearing that towel, standing shocked at the door. Other times, he was tangled in the bedsheets with me in his arms. Yet other times, he was the guy who teased Harrison about King Kong and made me laugh all night long.
To hell with vertical growth.
I picked up my phone and opened his contact. As I toyed with the idea of sending him a casual text or sending him a risky photo to tease him mercilessly, a message came.
He beat me to it.
Are you free tomorrow evening?
He didn’t say what he had in mind, and I didn’t need to know. In fact, if he wanted us to sit in an empty room and stare at the walls all night, I would have said yes.
I’m free. When and where?
He texted back immediately. I’ll pick you up at eight.
What should I wear?
What are you wearing now?
I laughed out loud. Just my sweatpants.
Just?
Exactly.
One piece of clothing too many, he wrote, with a heartbroken emoji in tow.
We ended up texting for an entire hour, and I wondered why we simply hadn’t walked for five minutes to see each other. But then, I never suggested it. I let it be, let it feel more special, whatever we were doing tomorrow.
I wanted to see him, but I didn’t want him to be sick of me. I didn’t want to overwhelm him, like I must have after he’d moved away.
Tomorrow was soon enough.
Besides, I still had the memory of him fresh on my body. That had to count for something.