Chapter Six
Florence felt as though her heart had just been flayed bare.
She wanted to cry, wanted to be left alone to weep buckets of tears, because Trajan and his cousins would now know her shame.
She had to tell them, for they deserved to know the truth. But how was she to reveal the facts to them without their losing all respect for her?
She offered no resistance when Trajan drew her out of her chair and placed his arms around her.
“Florence, love. Are you sure you do not wish to speak to me in private? I never meant to humiliate you. My cousins can leave the room while you tell me what this is about. But you must tell me. I cannot remain in the dark to whatever is going on.”
“I know.”
“Oh, love.” He caressed her cheek and gently stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her down. But she had kept so much sealed up inside, it was hard to stop the deluge now that her dam had burst.
“They can stay. Just give me a moment.” She withdrew her handkerchief and used it to dab her eyes, leaving it well and truly soaked, because she had held back so many tears for so long, and now they were flooding out of her.
After a moment, she eased out of Trajan’s arms and sank back in her chair. He knelt beside her, studying her with genuine worry.
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. “These tears aren’t for me.”
She felt the soft rush of air as he released a breath. “Then who? Are you protecting someone?”
She nodded. “My brother. The golden child. The firstborn who can do no wrong in the eyes of my parents. But Matthew is about to be brought up on charges of dueling. Fortunately, he merely winged the son of a marquess who had called him out for cheating at cards.”
“Bloody blazes,” Sebastian muttered. “Did he cheat?”
“Yes. And he has also run up a sizeable debt at the copper hell he frequents. This is the bargain I really struck with the princess. She has agreed to erase his debts and squelch that dueling charge in exchange for the return of those letters. It seemed a good bargain at the time. All those marks against my brother suddenly made to disappear.”
“She ought to have warned you about Frampton,” Sebastian retorted.
“Assuming she knew how vicious he was.”
Trajan rolled his eyes. “Oh, she knew it, all right.”
“I really don’t think so. But fine,” she said in response to his continued disbelieving gaze, “she used me as her dupe. Does this make you feel any better? I was a na?ve idiot, but the fact remains, my parents will be devastated if my brother is criminally charged. I don’t think they know of his gambling debts, certainly not the extent of the hole he has dug for himself. ”
“And you mean to coddle your brother and let him get away unscathed for his bad behavior?” Trajan remarked. “Your family never knowing he is a lying weasel?”
“He is still my brother, and they adore him.”
“And what about you?” he asked with mounting anger. “What do they think of you? They cannot be happy you are risking your life to protect him.”
“You would be wrong,” she said, her voice brittle and on the verge of shattering.
He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Florence, what are you saying? That you have no value to them?”
She cast him a pained smile. “I always knew you were clever.”
“They would rather risk the worthy child to save the unworthy wretch?” He shook his head, still in disbelief.
“Now you are being na?ve,” she said. “What makes you think they ever considered me worthy?” She wanted to burst into tears again, but did her best to maintain her composure.
“Why do you think I am independent and so much on my own? It is of necessity. They have never cared for me. Well, my father did once…perhaps he still does, but he will never stand up for me. My mother…” She felt a physical ache at the thought of this woman who would not blink if Florence fell at her feet and died in front of her.
“My mother has never… She wishes I had never been born. My father goes along with whatever she demands because he wants to maintain a tranquil home life, and it is easier to say nothing rather than argue with her.”
She felt a tomb-like silence descend upon the room, and knew she must have shocked these Aubreys, who were a close-knit family and could not imagine their parents or siblings hating them.
But she had been raised unwanted.
Florence could not bear the silence. This had been her upbringing, an awful and constant silence. Her presence ignored. Her words falling upon deaf ears. She was merely vapor to her family. A phantom. A wraith.
In truth, being sent off to boarding school at an early age was a welcome relief for her. There, people liked her. She made fast friends and had kept up a friendship with several schoolmates, most notably Jocelyn, who was now Duchess of Camborne.
“Lady Simmons did give me an advance,” she said as the silence persisted, “but her obligation is only to pay for my out-of-pocket expenses, since the princess was not that generously inclined to help out her foolish friend. My expenses were the responsibility of Lady Simmons to pay, but my actual fee is the release of my brother from his debts and the dueling charge.” She let out a ragged breath.
“So, you see, there is no possibility of my leaving here without those letters.”
“I’m so sorry, Florence,” Sebastian said with genuine remorse, and his brothers nodded in sympathy.
“I’m not sorry. I am angry,” Trajan said, pushing away from her chair and beginning to pace in front of her. “Let your brother retrieve those blasted letters himself. He got his worthless arse into this mess, so let him deal with getting himself out. He might learn something from it.”
“He’ll learn nothing, and he isn’t competent to handle anything,” she replied, wondering how two siblings could have grown up so different.
Perhaps being raised unloved had made her stronger, while her brother was showered with affection, his every misstep overlooked, and this had left him pampered and weak.
“Besides, he would probably hold on to the letters and blackmail Lady Simmons himself.”
Trajan muttered something unintelligible, probably a curse.
“My parents would be devastated if harm befell him. Do you not get it? They care about him. They do not care about me. If not for Aunt Hermia, I have no idea what I might have become.” Hermia was the only one to ever show her the affection one would expect from a mother to her child.
“Well, that is everything,” she finished. “The entire truth. No humiliating stone left unturned. Do you still wish to help me? Because I am not turning back.”
Trajan raked a hand through his hair as he stared at her. “Does Hermia know all of what you are doing?”
“No, she thinks we are on a bird-watching holiday.”
“Dear heaven.” He raked a hand through his hair again. “Did you not give thought to what might happen to your aunt if Frampton killed you?”
“I did not realize until yesterday just how dangerous he was,” she said in her own defense. “No one warned me, and I sincerely believe the princess did not know. Besides, Hermia is not witless. She would have made arrangements to have my body shipped home and properly buried.”
“Buried? Gad, Florence. Do you hear yourself?”
Oh, she was riling him worse than ever.
“What if I married you? Now. Today. We’ll head straight to Weymouth and obtain the license. The vicar at St. Michael’s will not deny me. My cousins and your aunt will serve as our witnesses. You are of age to consent.”
“Marry me?” Her head began to spin. “How will that help the situation?” Had she heard him right?
“I don’t give a fig about the situation. I care about keeping you safe. You’ll be my duchess and forever under my protection. To blazes with Frampton, Lady Simmons, the Princess of Wales, and your family. Hermia, of course, is welcome to reside with us if she wishes.”
“I would never do this to you, Trajan. How can I drag you further into this impossible affair and damage your family name? Nor do I wish to marry because you pity me. So, take back your pity proposal, although I am exceedingly grateful for the offer. You are kinder and more valiant than I deserve.”
“You are refusing me?” He seemed surprised, but why ever would she agree to a marriage that would only bring him endless headaches?
“I would not refuse you if you genuinely loved me, but we all know where your heart lies.” She shook her head and held back her tears, trying not to think of Eden.
She was the fortunate lady who had captured his heart.
“You have been incredibly good to me. But I cannot live in a marriage as I have lived with my parents. I want someone who loves me best, who puts me first in his heart, and who cannot be without me. Not in a suffocating, all-consuming way. Just someone who likes to have me around, who might smile if I enter a room, and who would talk to me instead of telling me to keep silent.”
“Gad, Florence.” His eyes widened. “This morning at breakfast, I—”
“You wanted me to be quiet,” she said with a gentle smile. “You have every right to enjoy your peace and quiet. I know you did not mean it unkindly. You are a bear in the morning, that much is obvious. But I have dealt with silence all my life. I cannot endure it with a husband. I simply cannot.”
“Nor would I ask you to, especially now that I know what it represents to you. I would let you chatter like a magpie at our breakfast table.”
“And give you headaches daily?” She shook her head and laughed lightly.
“I appreciate this, and I believe you would sincerely try to put up with me in the mornings. But my reluctance comes from more than that. I cannot marry for the sake of convenience, although how convenient can it be for you, a husband who finds me an imposition and does not really want me around?”
“That is not so. When have I ever wished you gone?”
“Oh, I expect you are wishing it right now. Even if you are not, it is not possible for your feelings to be that strong for me.”