9. Margot
NINE
Margot
I had been through a lot of terrible experiences in my life. The cancer center. Attending chemo sessions with my dad. The night my mom died unexpectedly. Sitting vigil with little Lucas when no one knew his name or if he’d ever wake up.
But this? This was like someone telling me my heart would never beat again. The sun had set an hour ago, and there was still no information about Caleb and Gabe. It was dark, and the moon was eerie on the water. I didn’t want to hover at the docks and be asked to leave by one of the officers, but when I paced in Caleb’s room, the walls closed in, and I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin. I found myself walking back to the docks in hopes that in the three minutes I had been gone, a miracle had happened.
“Ma’am? Excuse me?”
I whipped around, ready to explain that I had permission to be here from Commander Guthrie, Caleb’s commanding officer, but I came face to face with someone who had an uncanny resemblance to Caleb. I realized this must be Jacob O’Connor.
“H-hi,” I sputtered, reaching my hand forward.
“You don’t have to be formal with me.” He pulled me into a hug and held me against his chest. “Damn. You’re shaking hard.”
I nodded and stepped back. For a second ,it was almost like Caleb was here. I looked into his brother’s eyes.
“So you’re Jacob?”
He smiled. “Yeah. Shit circumstances for us to meet. You walking back to the command post?”
I nodded. “Have you heard anything?”
“No, not yet. My dad’s out patrolling with everyone. I promised Mom I would be the only man in the family to stay on dry land.” He grinned. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood. I could only imagine what Caleb’s mother was going through.
“I’m sure she’s glad you’re here. It’s a little bit of comfort for her, right?”
“Yeah. Something like that.”
We walked in silence the rest of the way to where the Coast Guard docked their boats and ships. Usually, the slips were full of a myriad of vessels. Tonight, they were all empty except for an old trawler that had been hauled in. She looked out of place and ghostly, floating by herself.
I shivered as we approached the marina office. Several officers were inside, controlling the radios and taking information as it came in. From what I could tell on this side of the glass, there wasn’t any news to report.
Jacob tapped on the glass, but the man inside shook his head.
“Why don’t we sit over here? You know there is coffee in the ship’s quarters. Want coffee?”
I had a strange sense of deja vu when he asked. Even Jacob’s voice had pitches similar to Caleb’s. This wasn’t much unlike the night Caleb and I stayed up all night together at the hospital in Pointe Harbor with Lucas.
“Coffee might be nice.” I smiled. I knew he was trying to help. He had to be worried, too.
“They stuck you with the no access badge?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded. I didn’t want to explain that I had squeezed through the gate and made a run for it.
Didn’t they know the only thing I wanted was to be closer to Caleb? Being here felt like I had divided the distance somehow. Sitting at the Blue Heron would have been maddening. I had almost forgotten Ethan had promised to stay behind. Josie was reluctant to leave me, but I promised I’d call her with any news.
She had already texted me three times since she pulled away from the gate.
I was certain by now, the entire island knew Caleb O’Connor was missing. News traveled quickly. If it meant more people were out on the water looking for him, then I was okay with the Marshoak Island grapevine tonight. Someone had to find him. Find both of them.
I followed Jacob through the side door and into a hallway lit by a flickering florescent light. We turned a corner into a breakroom. He was right. There was coffee, but I didn’t know that it was drinkable.
He lifted the pot from carafe from the pot and we made faces when the coffee moved like sludge instead of liquid against the spout.
“I think we better toss this one out and start over.”
I nodded. “Good idea. I’ll help.” I started running hot water in the sink. There wasn’t much in the breakroom. I saw a whiteboard with the schedule for the week. I swallowed when I saw Caleb’s name marked for day shift today.
I wouldn’t allow myself to think the worst. I’d let myself cave once in front of Josie and had regretted it ever since. I was stronger than that. He deserved more from me than to crumple on the floor.
“I know the coffee grounds are around here somewhere.” Jacob opened cabinets overhead. “Ah-ha.” He found a can. “Not sure this is going to be the best coffee, but it will be better than what was sitting in the pot for twelve hours.”
“Thanks,” I said. “For distracting me and keeping me company.”
He lifted the lid and poured the grounds in. “What are you talking about? You’re helping me. I want to be out there too and it’s taking all the restraint I have not to jump on that shrimp trawler.”
I laughed then stopped. It surprised me I was capable in such a moment. “It’s just that’s a funny image. I don’t know how fast it can go.”
He winked. “We could try it out.”
I pinched my lips together. I wondered how much of the O’Connor charm was in their DNA or it just came to them naturally.
“I think I would be in more trouble than you. I promised Commander Guthrie I would stay put.”
“All right. Then I guess we sit here and drink bad coffee until my little brother comes home.” He pushed start to get the coffee brewing. It chugged and sputtered.
I thought the inside of the offices would feel different than they did. It wasn’t more than a row of offices, restrooms, meeting rooms, and the breakroom. I walked the perimeter, reading the pamphlets pinned to the corkboard. There was an announcement about the next bonfire on the beach. Someone had handwritten instructions on beer and ice pick up.
“I thought Caleb said these aren’t sanctioned by the base?” I turned to face Jacob, the paper in my hand.
“They aren’t. But anyone who has been through here knows about them. The officers don’t stop any of the guys. As long as they aren’t getting shitfaced on base, they are cool with it,” he explained.
“You were here too, right?” Caleb had mentioned the tradition of the O’Connors serving in the Coast Guard. His grandfather had been stationed in Maine before finally getting the post on Marshoak.
“I was. But now I’m at the boat yard.”
“Why did you leave?” I asked. “Sorry.” I winced. “I can be too nosey. Was that nosey?”
“We’re stuck in here. Nothing’s too nosey at this point.” The coffee pot began to steam. The pot was nearly full. Jacob found two mugs with different Coast Guard years printed on them. He gave me the outstanding class of 2002’s mug, and he poured his coffee in the Class of 2014 cup.
He sat across from me at a small Formica table. “I wasn’t a rescue swimmer like Caleb is. My path was a little different. I served my contract and wanted to get out when it was over. I’m the only one who didn’t stay in career.”
“You’re glad about that?” He made me feel like anything was on the table.
“I miss it sometimes. But I worked in narcotics mostly.”
“Narcotics?” My eyes bulged. “Sorry. I just didn’t realize that was part of the job. Caleb hasn’t mentioned it.”
He shrugged. “It’s actually most of the job. Caleb is in an elite unit. Drug smuggling up and down the coast is what the Coast Guard handles on a daily basis. I got tired of it, to be honest. It’s not like when my dad was in. Although, he doesn’t believe that. He thinks I really fucked up by leaving.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Families were complicated. I had a different perspective without parents. I’d give almost anything to have someone interfere in my life now. To tell me I was making a bad decision. To argue with them about leaving the city and running the Blue Heron instead of writing. To weigh in on how Caleb was the best second chance I’d ever taken. But that wasn’t Jacob’s life. He was living in the shadow of a man who had a different viewpoint.
He shifted in his chair. “Enough about me. Come on, city girl. Tell me about you. Tell me something my brother doesn’t know.”
I smiled. He was good. Very good. I imagined he had broken the heart of every girl on the island at least once.
“It is weird we haven’t met until now, isn’t it?” I avoided answering his question directly.
“Yeah. It is. What was it seven years ago?” His eyebrows lifted.
Before I had a chance to respond, an alarm sounded. I gasped.