Chapter 37
CLOVER
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I debate calling Brynn three separate times on my way home from my appointment, but decide against it. I’ll see her tonight. When I pull in the driveway, I realize I definitely drove home in one of those ‘wait, how did I get here’ fogs.
Beckett opens the door and smiles at me as I walk up the steps. “There’s my girl,” he says sweetly, wrapping his arms around me. Every time he does that, all of my stress melts away, and this time is no different. I don’t know why I’m panicked. “Ready to go to Mom’s?”
I nod. “Yeah, let me change clothes real quick. I don’t want to wear these jeans over; they’re too tight for the amount of food we eat when we are over there,” I say, walking to the door.
He slaps my ass playfully. “Alright, Lucky. I’ll be in the truck.”
A few minutes later, we are on the way.
“How did today go?” I ask. I didn’t want to be the first to bring it up, but I’m impatient. Especially now.
“Alright, I guess. She put on some bullshit act for the judge, but I don’t think he bought into it.”
“Thank God,” I respond. “I don’t know how anyone believes a fucking thing she says. Did they say anything about custody?” I don’t want Lennon to spend a single minute with that lady that she doesn’t have to.
His grip tightens on the wheel for a second, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Yeah,” he says dismissively. “She offered a couple of settlements when it comes to everything, and Taylor and I are working on it.” Real vague there, Beckett.
I don’t press the issue, but it’s mainly because we are pulling up to his parents’ house.
We pull in behind Brynn’s bike, and I hop out when the front door opens, and a very happy Lennon comes running at me. “Momma!”
I feel like I got hit by a clown car full of emotions.
She’s said it offhandedly, Beckett said she’s called me her mom to other people, but she’s never directly called me that to my face. Mary is standing at the door with a big smile on her face.
“She’s been waiting on y’all all day,” Mary calls out. Lennon wraps her arms around my waist in a big hug.
“Hey, Lenny,” I say, squeezing her. “I miss you!” I don’t make a big deal out of it because I don’t want her to feel like she did something wrong. If that girl wants to call me Momma, she can do it all day long.
She mumbles something with her face pressed against my shirt before going over to her dad, who swoops her up and carries her inside.
As they go through the door, I feel the tears start to fall.
When I get to the porch, Mary looks behind her to make sure no one is waiting on us, steps out, and shuts the door behind her before pulling me into a hug.
“I know, Clover girl, and I know your momma would love being a grandma just as much as I do,” is all she says before I completely break down on her shoulder.
* * *
After Mary and I talk for a bit, we head in to meet the chaos. Lennon was playing with Brynn’s new puppy, which I’m almost positive will either live with their parents or with us when she’s working, and Beckett has a tumbler of bourbon, seemingly in deep conversation with his dad and Brynn.
“So,” Beck says when we walk up. “I was waiting on you two,” he begins, and I’m immediately on edge. “I was telling them that Hannah has offered a settlement, and I think I’m going to agree to it.”
I sit down beside him. Brynn hands me a beer, but I decline, focusing on Beck.
“What’s her offer, Son?” Hayes asks. I’m glad he did, because I don’t want to be too nosy, but I’m so nosy.
Beckett takes a big swig of his bourbon, finishing it off and sighing. He looks directly at me.
“I’m signing the deed to the ranch over to her.”
* * *
It’s hard to pretend I’m okay with this. We are home, getting ready for bed, and I’m still fuming. I run my brush through my hair and try to think of a calm way to say all the things I need to say. Beckett has been a little broody since we got home, but he’s acting like everything is fine.
“Whatever it is, CJ, just say it,” he says, sounding exhausted as I leave the bathroom to climb into the bed beside him.
I don’t want to argue right now, I’m so fucking tired.
Emotionally and physically. “I think it’s bullshit that you have to give up everything you’ve worked so hard for just because she needs some fucking money,” I tell him bluntly.
“She dips out of your life then swoops back in when it works best for her. She can’t afford the lifestyle she tries to have; the ranch is successful, so she sees it as a cash cow, literally and figuratively. ”
“Clover, it’s a house and some land. If giving it up means I keep Lennon safe, then so be it.” He sounds angry.
“I get that,” I say. “I really do, but this house is you. It’s Lennon. It’s your family. Those are Lennon’s chickens, your livestock, and my garden. Not hers.”
“You haven’t planted anything yet,” he retorts.
“Yet!” I huff. “If you sign the deed over to her, it’s all gone.”
“It’s too big for us anyway, CJ. It’s just the three of us. We can start a small hobby farm wherever we go next.”
“Not to mention, now she will live here, in our home, and we will have to run into her in town all the time and have to explain to Lennon why her mom doesn’t want to spend time with her.
Right now, she doesn’t want to spend time with Hannah, but what about in the future?
What happens when Hannah looks right over her in the grocery store?
” I’m riled up at the thought. I need to bring it down a notch; this stress isn’t good for anyone.
“I just imagined our future here,” I say softly, and it’s true.
I wanted to watch Lennon grow up here, and I wanted to learn how to homestead.
I wanted to can vegetables I grew in the garden and make salsas to take to the farmers’ market.
I’m crying again. Jesus. Three times in one day is a record for me, I’m pretty sure.
Beckett pulls me against his chest. “I know, Lucky girl. I’ll be honest, though. My home is wherever I can be with the two of you.”