Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Claire
I’ve dealt with pain before – losing my parents is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I’ll grieve their loss forever – so it’s not that I didn’t know my heart could hurt this much.
But this is a different kind of pain. The pain of betrayal. And of a broken heart.
I feel so used. So ashamed. What was I thinking, agreeing to being his fake girlfriend?
It’s probably a move he puts on all the girls, telling them a sob story about his image to charm his way into their beds.
I ignore the more rational part of my brain telling me that a guy who looks like Bryce doesn’t need to lie to get laid.
As if he could be bothered dating a girl like me.
A virgin, for fuck’s sake. It was all probably some sort of twisted game to get him off, with the added bonus of being the first to fuck me.
And now that I’ve given him that, so easily, he’s gone.
On to the next girl. Couldn’t even be bothered to say goodbye.
Again, the rational part of my brain rears its head, reminding me of how he looked out for me, how he defended me against Simon. His kindness. His tenderness. How he let me set the pace. He didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t ask him to do.
Yet I still feel used. And to go along with it, there’s the painful fact that I still love him.
I hadn’t even really admitted my feelings to myself, unwilling to entertain the idea I could call for someone after spending a week with them.
But Bryce captured me from the moment he first spoke to me.
And I fell for every single word. More than that, I fell for the deep connection I felt with him, the rightness of having him next to me, in my life and in my bed.
Maybe I was just kidding myself. Maybe I just wanted something other than Simon. But I remember Bryce in the surf, telling me he couldn’t deny there was something between us. I felt the same way. I still do.
So why would he do this to me?
I can’t stop crying. I curl myself in a ball in the centre of my bed, among sheets that still hold a faint scent of him, and sob out my heartbreak until I fall asleep.
Bryce
Mum and I get back from the hospital the next afternoon.
I’m half-dead with exhaustion, but the sun is bright, green leaves in all the parks, a beautiful day.
It feels like a new beginning, somehow. I make sure Mum is okay, that she’s in bed and asleep before I do the same myself.
I want to call Claire, but I’m too knackered to do anything except crawl between the sheets and nod off.
When I wake the next morning, the first thing I do is check my phone.
It’s strange that I haven’t heard from her.
I realise, as I scroll through the screen, that she tried to call me last night, twice.
I check voicemail but there are no messages.
That’s really weird. Worry spikes in my stomach.
What if she’s in trouble and was trying to get hold of me?
What if that dickhead Simon got to her somehow?
I feel sick at the thought of her in his clutches.
I dial her number, but it comes up as busy, the call cutting off.
The worry spikes get larger. I try again. Same thing.
My feelings haven’t changed since I left her.
If anything, they’ve got more intense. I’m desperate to see her again.
I wonder if there’s any other way I can check where she is.
I dial again but still get the busy tone.
If I could, I’d drive down the coast right now.
But I can’t leave until I know that everything is all right with Millie.
My sister was awake when we left the hospital. The shame in her eyes almost broke me. She burst into tears when she saw me, shaking in my arms as I hugged her, crying myself. Mum was there too, the three of us a mess.
“None of it matters,” I said to her, before she could start making excuses. “You got clean before. You can do it again. The only thing that matters is that you’re still here with us.”
“I know I shouldn’t have let him back in,” she said, her voice cracking.
“I just… I felt sorry for him. And he swore things would be different. And then I just… I felt so ashamed each time I did it. I didn’t want to go back there.
And then last night … he injected me, and then I was sinking.
And I couldn’t stop.” Her voice cracked.
I felt cross with Mum again; things must have been getting bad for a while. But then I realised I was actually angry with myself. I should have come to visit more often, instead of disappearing for months on end.
And now, sitting up in bed, running my hand through the tangle of my hair, I realise that there’s more than just one reason to come back more often now. Sure, Millie and Mum mean the world to me, but now there’s Claire. I pull up my messages, wondering if she’s texted me.
And I go cold.
The message I typed yesterday, telling her I couldn’t meet her like I promised, is still sitting there. Unsent.
I must have been so distracted at the hospital that I didn’t press send.
Claire, therefore, must have thought I’d stood her up.
Fuck.
I hastily delete the message, then type another, explaining what happened, and press send.
It doesn’t go through.
Has she fucking blocked me?
I stare at my phone for a moment, unable to believe it.
Maybe it isn’t Claire who’s doing this; maybe Simon has got hold of her and is controlling her phone, somehow.
I should never have left her alone, not after she told him we were having sex.
I feel so fucking torn, between what I need to do here and my need to be there for her.
I blow out a breath and give Matt a call. It’s early, but I know he’ll be up. I need to let him know what’s going on with Millie, anyway, but I also need him to check on Claire, on the off chance she’s actually in trouble.
“What’s going on, mate?” The cheery sound of Matt’s voice lifts my spirits, but only slightly.
“Mate, it’s fucked,” I say. “Millie overdosed.”
“Fuck.” The cheerful note slides away. “She all right?”
“She is now. We got there just in time.”
“You and…”
“Me and mum. I came up the day before yesterday.”
“Fuck. I’m so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?”
“There is, but not for Millie. We’re going to get her back into rehab, if we can. So I’ll be here for a week or so at least, I reckon.”
“And here I was thinking you were holed up in bed with Claire.” Matt’s tone is teasing, but strain threads through it.
“I was, when Mum texted me. She’s the real deal, I think.” My voice cracks.
“Yeah? Man, I’m pleased for you.”
“Thanks. So, do you mind checking in on her? Or seeing if Kylie can find her at the shop? It’s just, I can’t seem to reach her.”
“What the fuck? What’s going on?”
I tell him everything. About Claire, about how things have changed, how I had to leave her suddenly. I explain about the unsent message and Simon’s fuckshit. “In a way, I hope she’s blocked me. I’d rather that than having that dickhead anywhere near her.”
“Fuck, I know that dude! He’s a total tosser. Mate, I’ll get all the boys on it. He won’t get near her place. And I’ll ask Kylie to check in on Claire.”
I don’t say anything, my need hot within me.
“You want me to do it now and call you back?”
“If you could.”
“On it.” Matt hangs up the phone and I stare at it, as though I can will Claire to call me.
Mum is bustling around downstairs, and I catch a whiff of fresh coffee.
I need to get up – we have an appointment with Millie’s doctor this morning to discuss treatment.
But instead, I keep staring at my phone, then realise I’m being an idiot.
I go and shower, my mind a tangle of Millie and Claire, stress like a weight in my stomach.
I’m dressed and downstairs, drinking coffee, too sick to eat anything, before my phone rings again. It’s Matt.
“Yeah?”
“Claire’s at work. Kylie just saw her – she came in to get coffee. She said yesterday morning she was glowing, bright and bubbly, but this morning she didn’t have much to say. She figured it was because you’d worn her out. But if you’ve been in Melbourne—”
“Then she’s fucking blocked me. Fuck! Over an unsent message.” Anger burns in my chest. “Fucking hell!”
“Mate, calm it.” Matt knows my temper. “You like this girl, right?”
“Yeah. More than like her. At least I thought I did.”
“Right. Well, right now she thinks you’ve stood her up, and she doesn’t have anything really to go on, except your reputation. You didn’t tell her about Millie, did you?”
“I didn’t.”
“And you’ve just kind of landed in her life and turned it all upside down, right? She probably thinks you blew out as fast as you blew in.”
“We had a deal. For a month.”
“Which ended when you fucked her. Sex changes things, mate. And even the mighty Bryce Maylands isn’t immune.”
“Fuck! What am I supposed to do?”
“You need to focus on Millie at the moment. Kylie and I will keep an eye on Claire. You can always try and call Claire using a different phone or something.”
“What if she tells me to fuck off?”
“Can you blame her? Sort your family shit out, then give Claire a call. If she still wants to see you, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, she never was.”
We finish the conversation and I hang up, feeling slightly better.
Matt always cheers me up. He’s right. I do need to help Mum sort out what’s going on with Millie.
But I’m not sure he’s right about Claire.
There’s a nagging pain in my chest, a feeling as though I need to call her, now, before I do anything else.
I’ll take his advice, though. Sort out my family first.
I want her, though. Want to hear her voice. Want to kiss her. Want her near me.
Oh, I am well and truly gone on this girl.
And the fact I might have lost her is killing me.