29. Lara
CHAPTER 29
LARA
Picking at my thumbnail doesn’t make my phone give me a notification from Alexei. Neither does the extra three slices of cheese and crackers I had for breakfast.
Why hasn’t he come by?
Did I do something to ruin us? All I want is him.
Still no word.
Maybe something happened?
An image of him sky jumping and his parachute not opening shows up in my head, and I can’t get it out.
I need to know if he’s okay. If he’s even alive.
“Nikolai? Good morning,” I stammer, pushing another cracker around on my plate.
“Lara. How are you?” He sounds winded. “What’s up?”
He’s hurrying me.
Why do I always feel inconvenient?
“I was wondering if you’ve seen Alexei recently? I have, um, his extra charger cord I borrowed.” That’s probably the lamest excuse I’ve ever come up with.
Nikolai pants in my ear, but I can hear jostling like he’s running. “He’s here. With me.”
“Oh.” Well, at least I know Alexei is alive. “What are you doing?”
“We’re chasing down one of Dad’s fuckers,” he grunts. “I gotta go, I’ll let Alexei know about the charger.”
I can hear several more muffled words slip out before he hangs up.
Well, now I feel like an idiot.
Alexei isn’t hurt, he’s just avoiding me.
It’s probably for the better. I’m barely able to hold myself together around him. And he’s opened up a whole new level of vulnerability.
He’s smarter than me sometimes. Maybe he sees something I can’t and knows we need some space.
It’s time to go to work anyways. I’ll worry about him later. Nights are the hardest.
All of my clothes are hideous. They don’t fit right.
No matter what I wear, how much effort I put in, I always hate the reflection that stares back at me. I’ll never be good enough.
I guess that means it doesn’t really matter how I look. Why am I trying so hard?
Every since getting away from Kirill, I’ve been fighting the urge to eat anything that tastes good.
Fuck that.
On my way to the casino, I stop at a place I haven’t been to in forever.
The doughnut shop.
God, it smells amazing here.
I bet if I get a dozen, Mikhail would want some.
The sweet aroma permeates my car on the drive, and I can’t resist pulling one of the sticky glazed ones from the box and sampling.
Absolutely delicious. It’s as if I’ve been starved for months, and this is the first bite.
Licking my fingers, I finish it before I pull into the parking garage.
I’m just reaching the doors when the guilt starts to pour in.
What did I do?
All of that sugar? It’s going to make me bloated and fat for the rest of the day.
Pushing into Mikhail’s office, I toss the eleven remaining desserts onto his large oak desk.
“What’s this?” He looks up from his computer.
“I can’t eat any more of them.” I’m already half sick thinking about the horrible calories running rampant to my hips.
His dark eyes narrow as he stares at me for a long minute. “Lara…when are you going back to the cabin?”
That irritates me. “What, getting rid of me so soon after escaping being kidnapped and tortured?” I jab my finger towards my face as emphasis.
His brows raise and he takes a deep breath. “No. I know how relaxing your visits are out there, and after everything you went through, I thought maybe you could use some quiet time.”
He leans back and laces his hand behind his head. “You know I love you, Lara. I’d do anything to help you. We burned this city down looking for you. But I can’t do anything about what’s hurting you from the inside. I wish I could.”
His chair creaks under his muscular frame as he reaches over and picks up a doughnut. “But I guess if I have to eat these to do my part to save you, I’ll suffer in sugar for you.” The mask over his cheeks tightens as he smiles at me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, distracting me from answering him.
“Alexei?” Why does my heartbeat turn into a snare drum?
“Lara! I need a huge favor, please? Life saving! It’s an urgent emergency!” He has a lilt of panic in his voice.
“What? Of course,” I answer automatically. All of my doubt disappears as he begs.
“It’s Sheila,” he yells. “She’s gone from my cameras. I need you to check on her.”
“Your bird?” I glance at Mikhail who shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
“She’s more than that. She’s important to me.”
“Alexei, do you think maybe she just flew away?” I say quietly.
“Lara.” He speaks slowly. “Did I just let you go when you disappeared?”
Ouch.
“No, you didn’t,” I admit. “I’ll go check on her.”
“Thank you, let me know as soon as you get there.” He hangs up with a click.
“What was that all about?” Mikhail grumbles.
“I have to go to Alexei’s. Do you want to go with me to check on his pet?” I’ll leave the doughnuts here.
Maybe Nikolai or Jax will come by and eat them?
“Um, no. I have a deal to try and figure out for another shipment of guns from Frankie back in New York. You’ll have to herd birds without me.”
“Understandable. I’ll be back soon.” Turning on my heel, I head down to my car.
It’s strange that Alexei doesn’t want anything to do with me, but still wants a favor.
I wish he had never kissed me. I miss how we were.
He’s more to me than just some silly fling. I need him like air.
Without him, I feel bitter, alone, and worthless.
Imperfect. Unwanted.
Damn him.
I’ve never been here without him before, and I realize I don’t have the key to get in. A text from him tells me that the door code is the day he and I met.
Wow, that’s sweeter than I expected.
What’s funny is I remember exactly what the date was.
My life changed forever when I met him.
Surprisingly, the house is spotless inside. For some reason, I hoped that he was falling apart inside like I am.
Okay, I’m here to look for a giant pink bird. It shouldn’t be that hard to spot.
“Sheila? Here girl.” I move onto the back veranda and search everywhere that I remember seeing her last time.
Before I was taken.
There’s a pool complete with a small sprinkler at the end. Water and food bowls are full.
Where could she be?
I start in the center and start working my way out, but all I can find is the occasional feather. But there aren’t enough to make me think that something bad happened.
Maybe she’s stuck somewhere?
Not in the shed. Or behind the shelves.
Poking my head into his garage shows that it’s nearly empty except for his corvette.
He must have his motorcycle again today.
I even get down on my knees to peer under it.
Did she perhaps sneak in through a window?
Going back into the cool interior, I start going from room to room.
This is starting to feel hopeless, but for Alexei’s sake, I keep looking.
I work my way back into his massive master bedroom suite. I’ve never been in here either.
It feels weird being in here without him knowing it.
No flamingo though.
Shit.
I bet Mikhail has some ideas.
“Yes, Lara? How goes the fowl play?” Of course he chuckles at his own joke.
“Very funny. It’s not. I can’t find her anywhere. Do you have any suggestions?” I glance down and pause.
The picture by Alexei’s nightstand has the two of us in the frame.
When I pick it up to inspect it, we both look so much younger.
Wait. Was that my twenty-first birthday? I can’t believe he kept this picture.
I hated that dress. It never fit me right. How can he bear to have this next to his bed?
He looks handsome as ever. His wild hair was tamed and slicked down, and he has that same cocky grin on his face, flashing the silver of his tooth.
I miss that girl in the frame. She was more carefree than I am now.
There’s a strange part of me that wants to pitch this in the garbage because of how awful I appear.
But it’s Alexei’s. I’d never do that to his things.
“I have no idea what to do or where to look for a flamingo in a town that has them everywhere. I bet it flew away to rejoin a flock.” He sounds less than enthusiastic to be considering this.
“Please, Miki? For me?” If I find his bird, Alexei would be happy enough he might start coming back over.
“Fine,” he growls. “I’ll see what I can do. No promises, and you’re going to have to start being nicer to Mila.”
It’s a small price to pay.