Lydia
“Look,” I say to Kerra. “If we were on Earth, we’d have said Deus has PTSD and he would have been treated for it, not thrown in a cell.”
“These are Sarkarnii we’re talking about,” Scarlett interjects. “It’s not the same.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” Rosalie says.
“Just because our boys are big, gruff, grumpy, unhinged, and turn into dragons, it doesn’t mean their minds are as robust.” She fires a glance over at Dante who seems to be dicing with death in talking to Deus, who is glowering like it’s about to go out of fashion.
“Exactly.” I nod as Dalox calls Deus over to him.
My heart sinks because, while Rosalie and I are in agreement, I know the Sarkarnii don’t treat each other the same way we would on Earth.
Dalox can do what he pleases with Deus. Banish him, condemn him to the cells again, almost anything but actually kill him, although I wouldn’t put it past the grumpy bastard.
“You do know what Deus did before Darax had him locked up last time, don’t you?” Kerra says quietly to me as Deus walks past us and we all watch his progress.
The condemned…Sarkarnii.
“He attacked Darax,” I respond.
“He didn’t just attack Darax,” Kerra says, her voice still low. “He’d been acting weird for a time, there had been some injuries among warriors, and both Dalox and Driok had fought with him on separate occasions.”
“So?”
“So, one night, Darax found him.”
“Don’t tell me he was trying to kill his brother with a blunt instrument.”
“No, Lydia,” Kerra says, her voice low. “He was trying to kill himself. Hard to believe because Sarkarnii are seemingly virtually indestructible, but he’d ducted a flyer engine into a small space, added a mix of star fuel which had an extremely poisonous gas, one which even a Sarkarnii can’t survive forever in, and he was ready to seal himself in. ”
A chill hand grips around my heart. Tears prick at the back of my eyes. Deus didn’t want to live, which, given how much the Sarkarnii cling to life, says everything about his state of mind.
“And Darax stopped him.” I have to swallow hard in order to clear my voice. “Then put him in a cell. What a great brother he is.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Kerra glares at me, tears hovering in her own eyes.
“What Deus did was reckless in the extreme. If the gas had got out, it wouldn’t have just injured or killed him, it would have caused widespread injury to all the Sarkarnii in the vicinity.
Darax locked him up for his own safety and that of everyone… and everything else on Vorostor.”
As I glance around at my friends, I see their concerned faces all looking back at me.
“Deus is…Deus,” Scarlett says. “We just want you to understand what you’re getting into, Lydia. We’ve all heard you…” She looks at Rosalie and Kerra. “We’ve all been there when you had the nightmares.”
“They were…” I find myself unable to reach for a usual explanation, instead shaking my head and not meeting their eyes.
“I don’t understand any of this with Deus either, but I can’t go on being little mouse Lydia forever, can I?
And with him.” I shake my head, staring at the floor, wincing at the words I can’t stop. “It’s different.”
Scarlett and Rosalie put their arms around me.
“You were never a little mouse, Lydia,” Maggie says.
“You were always the bravest of us all.” She puts her hand on my arm, the most I’ll ever get out of her.
“But you don’t have to be brave because you think it’s what’s expected of you.
We’re here, no matter what your decision, no matter what happens. No judgement.”
“No judgement? From you?” I laugh through my own tears.
“I can make an exception. Sometimes.” Maggie grins at me. “And always for you.” She grips at my arm. “But if Deus hurts you, I will remove a sensitive part of his body with extreme prejudice,” Maggie growls, releasing me as Dalox starts speaking loudly enough for us all to hear.
“Prove your loyalty and you can be one of us again. Prove you are a traitor and I will banish you…and your female…forever.”
“Oh shit,” Kerra says. “Darax thought that was how it might go.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dalox wants Deus to prove himself as a warrior and a warlord.” Kerra sighs. “But this is Deus.”
“You mean you think he’ll fail?” I find my chilled heart is warming back up. “Why?”
“It’s Deus,” Maggie says. “I’ve already said I’ll support you, hun, in whatever you want to do, but Deus is…the original loose cannon.”
“Even Dante can’t hold a candle to him,” Rosalie says. “Which is saying something.”
“And if he fails, he’s banished…” My stomach churns.
“And so are you,” Kerra says.
“Which means”—I look around at my friends—“I’m not going to let him fail.”
“Lydia…” Scarlett says.
I hold up a hand. “Whatever you all think of Deus, I’ve seen a different side.” I see Rosalie purse up her lips. “I know you all think I’m bonkers, but I’m not. He can be a good Sarkarnii, and he isn’t a danger to anyone, not anymore.”
I want to believe what I’m saying, putting as much force into the words as I can, even though deep down I’m quaking. Not at the thought Deus might not succeed, or that we’d both be banished, but because I’m still not sure I am his female.
There’s a specter at this feast. She stands behind me. She is what Deus sees when he’s not looking at me.
Dylia.