Lydia
Being back in Deus’s arms is like I’ve never been anywhere else in my entire life. I don’t consider I had a home, but now I do. It’s with him, it’s like this. I never want it to end.
Which means I am not going to let the rest of the Sarkarnii warlords off the hook.
They wanted to paint Deus as a villain, and he is anything but.
It might be the case I’m still not entirely sure if he really wants me, but I know in my very heart, regardless of whether it might be broken, I want him.
I will never want any other.
Darax snorts a cloud of smoke.
“Are you capable of piloting this ship back to Vorostor?” he growls at Deus.
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re the worst pilot in the fleet,” Darax says, with typical brotherly tact. “And if you crash into any of my ships, I will have your tail.”
Deus thrashes his tail.
“Maybe I got better,” he suggests.
“Unlikely.”
It’s Deus’s turn to smoke heavily, like a steam train at full power.
“When you’re both quite finished,” I say. “The traitor? We need to find them.”
Both brothers growl at the same time. “My mate will stay with me,” Deus says. “On my ship.”
“The one you took from the Ntahal?”
“They tried to buy me,” Deus rasps. “I am not for sale.”
“I’m surprised anyone wanted to purchase you,” Darax replies.
“My mating mix was the best the Ulep had ever had,” Deus says lifting his chin. “I was worth a significant number of credits.”
I shake my head at the pair of them. “What are you going to do with the Ntahal in your hold?” I ask Deus, in an effort to break them up.
“I should release them into space,” Deus growls. “But I will not.” He looks down at me. “On this occasion. We should take them with us to Vorostor. I’m sure Dalox will have a use for them.”
“I’m comming Driok to let him know the situation,” Darax says, turning away from us and heading back to the airlock.
“Wait,” Deus says. “I’m not saying Driok is the traitor, but the fewer who know our plans, the more chance we have to catch them.”
Darax makes a growling noise in his chest, as he clearly doesn’t like the idea his brother might be right.
“With the Gonoz, the Ulep, and all the others, there’s enough choice of enemy to go around,” he says.
“And as we’ve been dealing with the external threat, we haven’t spent enough time looking at Vorostor.
” He tips his head to one side and looks Deus up and down.
“But I agree, we need to keep this between ourselves until we can meet in person.”
He gives a nod to his warriors and they exit. Finally, I am alone with Deus.
Instantly, I’m checking him over. He still smells just as good as before, all woodsmoke and hints of spice. The scales on his neck are in disarray, with several missing, as if they’ve been ripped off. As for the rest of him, he seems…larger. I’m not sure how that is possible.
“Am I to your liking?” Deus rumbles.
“You know you are.” I gently touch the area on his neck. Deus lifts a lip to reveal a fang.
“The Ulep put me in a collar. It was used to harvest my mating mix and my accelerant,” he says, his lip still curled. “And to control me.”
“I wonder how that went?”
“Not great for the Ntahal.” Deus grins at me. “Nor will it be good for the Ulep, once we are sure Vorostor is safe.”
I shiver slightly, and it’s my turn for the inspection. “Are you unwell?” Deus runs his claws through my hair.
“I’m worried for my friends and their children. If there’s something on Vorostor which can harm them…”
“Then I will find it and I will neutralize it,” Deus says. “Nothing will harm them or you while I have blood in my veins.”
Part of me melts at his words, but there’s still one small voice which cries out inside me. The voice I don’t want to name, I don’t want to be there, to make this less of a beautiful reunion than it already is.
Deus pulls me to him, burying his hand in my hair, slipping it around the back of my neck.
“You are what pulled me through, little ember,” he says quietly. “When the Ulep took me, I could have accepted it, I could have even expected it, but I did not, because of you.”
“I know I’ll always be second…”
Deus growls deep within his chest, and the sound reverberates through us both.
“You will never be second. You are not second. I know I have mated before. I know I did things I now regret in her memory, but Dylia would have been so nevving angry with me for what happened.” He sighs. “It was never about her, but me, and how I felt I had failed somehow.”
“You didn’t fail. Not even the best warrior can fight something they cannot see.”
“I know.” Deus dips his head and fixes me with one eye. “I was too far gone for a long time. But you pulled me back. You are mine, Lydia. My heart beats for your heart, my soul is entwined with yours. When the stars burn, they burn for you. When I burn, I burn for you too.”
His eyes are incredible, filled with flames, the slit pupils reflecting me back at myself.
My doubts are my problem, not Deus’s. He has given over his whole heart. I think he always has, but because I wanted a specter at the feast, because I thought no one would ever want the damaged goods I am, I let his previous life color our present.
But this is all new, to him, to me, to us both. Why wouldn’t he want to be with me? Why can’t he have a second chance? If I don’t let him, if I let my internal voice tell me I am not worthy, then what am I save for the person who denies us both happiness.
“I think I love you.” I snuggle against his warm chest. “In fact, I know I do.”