36 ~ Prohibited substance #2
He looked at me for a long moment before finally speaking.
"Chahat... there is a part of my life that I want you to know."
His voice was low.
I nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
"Main sun rahi hoon."
(I am listening.)
He took a slow breath.
"My grandfather wanted to join the Army when he was young. He couldn't. Circumstances never allowed him to pursue that life. So when I grew up, one of his dreams was to see me become an Army officer."
I remember dadi told me about his dream when we were watching the album.
He paused.
"And surprisingly... I wanted it too."
There was a faint smile on his face now, almost as though he could still see that younger version of himself.
"I prepared for the Combined Defence Services examination. I cleared the written examination and then went through the SSB selection process."
I bit my lips. Those terms I've never heard before.
"SSB selection process?"
"SSB is basically the officer selection process for the Army, Navy, and Air Force. They assess whether you have the qualities needed to become a military officer."
"Ohh..." I nodded. "To kaunsi quality honi chahiye?"
(So what quality should it be?)
"Leadership, confidence, discipline, teamwork, communication, decision-making, problem-solving, courage, and emotional stability." He explained. "Then the interview, psychological assessment and after that came the medical examination."
I looked down at our joined hands then at him, waiting for him to continue.
His expression had changed. The usual coldness in his eyes had disappeared, replaced by something softer, something almost nostalgic.
"Jab maine apna naam final merit list mein dekha..." he paused, a faint smile appearing on his lips, "I was so happy."
(When I saw my name in the final merit list...I was so happy)
I could see it in his eyes. That happiness hadn't been ordinary. It had meant something to him.
"When I finally received my selection, I thought I had made it."
His smile grew slightly.
"I was selected for officer training at the Indian Military Academy in Dehradun."
I listened carefully.
"I was an officer-cadet. And I loved it."
There was something almost strange about hearing those words from him.
"I loved the discipline. I loved having a routine where every hour had a purpose. Physical conditioning in the morning, drill, weapon training, fieldcraft, endurance work, obstacle courses... and then field exercises where everything we learned had to come together."
His voice became steadier as he remembered.
"The training was physically demanding. We were expected to build endurance, strength, coordination and mental resilience. We had exercises that tested how well we could function when we were exhausted, hungry or under pressure."
He glanced at me. "I was good at it."
A tiny smile touched my lips. "I believe you."
There was a trace of his old arrogance in those words, but this time it was almost endearing.
"I was one of the stronger performers in my course. My endurance was good. I did well in obstacle courses and field exercises. I was particularly comfortable with outdoor training and difficult terrain."
His fingers tightened around mine.
"I had already completed more than half of the training when everything changed."
My smile disappeared.
"What happened?" I whispered.
Kartik's eyes lowered. "Family emergency."
His voice immediately became quieter.
"The business was collapsing. My father kept calling me back because he needed my help. And also he was not well."
He took a breath.
"I was granted leave because of the emergency. I fully intended to return within the authorized period."
He looked at me.
"But the situation at home didn't get resolved."
"Every time I thought I could leave, there was another problem. Another meeting. Another financial crisis. Another matter that needed to be handled."
His jaw tightened.
"My father kept asking me to stay a little longer." He paused. "And I stayed."
The words were simple, but the regret behind them wasn't.
"Main wapas jaana chahta tha, lekin yaha problems khatam hi nahi ho rahi thi. Dad's health was also deteriorating."
(I wanted to go back.The situation simply wouldn't end.)
He looked away.
"By the time I finally returned, I had overstayed my authorized leave."
His voice was completely matter-of-fact now.
"That was a serious disciplinary issue. I knew it. The rules were clear. I had been absent beyond the period I was authorized to be away, and I had missed a substantial portion of training."
He swallowed.
"I wasn't expecting them to ignore it. I was prepared to face the consequences."
I squeezed his hand. "Phir?"
(Then?)
He answered after a moment.
"Because I had missed so much training, I could no longer simply rejoin my course at the point where I had left it. I was told that I would have to be relegated to an earlier stage of training and repeat the portions I had missed."
He gave a small nod.
"I accepted it. Honestly, I didn't care if I had to start over."
His eyes finally met mine.
"But when I actually went back into training, something was wrong."
His expression changed.
"My body wasn't responding the way it used to."
I frowned. "Matlab?"
"I initially thought it was simply because I had been away from regular training for nearly two months. I had lost conditioning."
"What do you mean?"
"Two months away from training had reduced my stamina especially because I wasn't exercising during that period."
I nodded.
He looked down at himself and heaved.
"But it wasn't normal. I couldn't maintain the same endurance. My strength had dropped. Recovery became harder. Things I had previously done without thinking started exhausting me."
His voice lowered.
"I struggled with loads that I had once handled easily."
I felt my heart tighten.
"The instructors noticed. They started asking me what was wrong."
He shook his head slowly. "I told them I didn't know."
I moved closer and held his hand with both of mine. "Main khud nahi samajh pa raha tha ki mere saath kya ho raha hai."
(I couldn't understand what was happening to me.)
He took a breath.
"I had told my father everything about the exhaustion, the pain, and how difficult it had been to get back into the training routine after two months away and he came to meet me. He looked at me for a moment before placing a hand on my shoulder. You'll be fine, Kartik. Give yourself a few more days.
Your body just needs time to adjust to the training again."
I nodded quietly.
"That day I underwent medical evaluation. There were physical assessments, medical examinations and laboratory tests because my performance had changed so suddenly." He paused. "And that's when they found a prohibited substance in my system."
My breath caught. "What?"
A prohibited substance?
Did someone deliberately manipulated the reports? Did someone do something to his body without his knowledge?
Or was there a possibility that Kartik himself had unknowingly consumed something?
The questions came rushing through my mind, each one more disturbing than the last.
And suddenly, the scar on his chest wasn't the only thing about his past that frightened me.
And I couldn't stop wondering...
What if he never failed but someone had deliberately made sure he did?
I stared at him, my mind struggling to make sense of what he had just told me.
"Did you... did you take something without knowing?" I asked carefully.
Kartik immediately shook his head.
His brow furrowed, almost as though the question itself brought back the disbelief he had felt all those years ago.
"I was stunned. Because I hadn't taken anything."
He looked directly at me.
"Not a drug. Not a performance enhancing substance. Nothing illegal." His voice became firmer. "I hadn't even taken any medication."
I searched his face, but there was no hesitation in his eyes, only confusion.
And suddenly, my heart began to beat faster.
Because if Kartik truly hadn't taken anything...then how had that substance entered his system?
"Phir kya hua?"
(Then what happened?)
His fingers tightened around mine. "I told them I was willing to undergo whatever medical evaluation they wanted. I was willing to prove that something was wrong with my health, that I hadn't knowingly consumed anything prohibited."
He exhaled slowly.
"But by then, the situation had become much bigger than one medical report. The unauthorized absence was already a disciplinary matter. I had missed a substantial amount of training. My performance had deteriorated. And now there was a prohibited substance detected in my system."
He gave a humourless smile.
"From their perspective, every part of my case was becoming another reason why I couldn't continue."
I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. "What happened then?"
He was silent for several seconds.
"Eventually, I was withdrawn from training." He said it almost like he was reading a line from someone else's life. "And I was discharged."
The words landed heavily between us.
To be continued...