33. Zyran
ZYRAN
Esperr lies on her stomach, one arm tucked under the pillow and the other loose at her side, her hair strewn about and the blanket pulled up under her shoulders. She’s been in that position for the better part of the night and into the morning, not moving a single muscle.
I’ve been awake for a while, not that I’ve minded.
All I can think about is last night, about everything she said—the way she sat across from me on the couch and looked me dead in the eye, handing me every broken piece of herself like she was daring me to drop them.
‘I knew how to clean blood off the floor by the time I was six. I’m an emotional wreck; sometimes everything just shuts off and I can’t find anything inside me. ’
And then I think about Daniel, about what he did to her, or more accurately, what he didn’t do—the truth of her being a cleaner and him running away like a little pussycake. He panicked and ruined her, making her family pack up and lose everything, all because he couldn’t handle it.
But she trusted me.
That’s what I need to hold onto—after everything, the childhood that she shouldn’t have had, after Daniel, she sat on the couch last night and told me everything that she was feeling.
And when she fell apart, she turned into me instead of away, which I think might be the most significant thing anyone could ever do.
She thinks she’s too much.
And I’ve been trying to work out how to tell her that she’s exactly right; she is a lot, but I want every single bit of it. I want the crying, the overthinking, and the occasional emptiness—none of it changes anything.
I’ve been hollow too, and I know what it’s like from the inside and that I’m not going anywhere.
But there’s something else, something she hasn’t given me yet, and I haven’t pushed for it because I know if I push her too hard, she’ll break, and not in a good way.
It has something to do with how they died—her parents.
I don’t know anything about it, but from the pieces I’ve put together I know that she was there when they were killed.
It’s clear that what happened left scars on her that are deeper than anything she’s willing to say out loud.
But the full picture, the who and how and what she saw, she’s keeping that locked up tight.
I just–
Her phone starts going off, cutting off any thought I had. The sound cuts through the quiet of the bedroom, and Esperr doesn’t move, not even a single twitch; she just lies there breathing the same way she was breathing a second ago.
It stops for a moment before starting up again, and only then does she finally make a sound in the back of her throat and into the pillow.
I peer over at the screen, lighting up on the nightstand, reading Jessi, before the screen goes black once more and goes straight to voicemail.
And then it starts right back up, and this time Esperr blows out an annoyed sigh, drags her arm out from under the pillow, and reaches blindly toward the nightstand without lifting her face from the pillow.
Her hand finds the phone moments before knocking it off the stand and then pulls it back under the blanket with her.
“What?” She answers, her voice completely wrecked with sleep, flat and clearly annoyed. I look up at the ceiling to stop myself from smiling.
She’s quiet for a moment, while I hear a voice on the other line yapping away like her life depended on it.
“Yeah.” Esperr clears her throat, stretching an arm out from under the blanket towards my face.
Her fingers knock into my chin, and for a moment she freezes like she’d forgotten I was there or hadn’t realized I was right there.
Before she can pull them away, I grab her hand and place a kiss on her palm.
“Okay, yeah… I can be there in maybe like thirty minutes.”
I hear her hang up, but the blanket doesn't move for a long moment, and then she pushes it down and squints her eyes at me. There’s a crease from the pillow on her cheek, and she looks like she’s seconds from falling back asleep before she starts to scoot herself up.
“Back to work?” I ask, watching her.
Esperr turns her head and looks at me, and there’s something in her expression that isn’t quite ready to be awake yet but knows that she has to be.
“Yeah,” she grunts. “Coffee shop.” I nod while she glances at the window and the small amount of lightning coming through. “Guess that means the storm is over.”
“Just so we’re clear, this doesn’t change anything,” I tell her.
She turns and looks at me, and a smile spreads across her lips. Not the kind that she saves for others when she’s trying to be nice, but it’s the real, goofy, and wide one that reaches her eyes.
“Okay,” she whispers, giving me a single nod.
She leans forward, giving me a quick kiss, before she’s sliding off the bed and padding across the floor toward the bathroom.
I lie there watching her go and thinking about how five days ago she was someone I wished I knew better, someone that I wanted to know every little thing about.
Now she’s the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I think about before I sleep, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about how any of it happened.
When I come out of the bedroom, keys in hand, she’s sitting on the edge of the couch pulling her shoes on. She glances up, a split second before she goes back to her shoes, or attempts to when she does a double take.
“What are you doing?”
“Driving you.” I smile and twirl said keys in my hand.
She gets the shoe tied up and reaches for the other one. “You don’t have to do that… I’m used… I run to work.”
“I know.”
“Zyran—”
“You’re damn straight I don’t have to.” I pick my jacket off the chair and pull my arms through it. “I want to, plus it gives me an excuse to come get you after.”
She stares at me with her shoe half on, and something moves across her face that she doesn’t bother trying to hide anymore. Glancing down at her shoe, she thinks about it for a second and then goes on pulling her shoe on.
Once she’s ready, we take the stairs down the three flights and then step out into the cold. Esperr pulls her jacket tighter around herself, and I move my hand against her back as we head towards my truck.
She goes to reach for the door handle when I make a sound in the back of my throat, daring her to lay a finger on it. Peering over her shoulder, looking up at me with a raised brow. I don’t say anything as I unlock the truck and then open the door for her.
Thankfully, she gets in without a word, and I round the front, climbing inside myself. Shoving the key into the ignition, I turn it, having already had it started with remote start to get it warmed up for her.
I just hear the click of the seatbelt when she speaks. “Your twin, Cyran, right?”
I glanced over at her, not expecting that from her. “Yeah, what about him?”
“Identical or fraternal?”
“Uh, identical.”
Esperr nods, turning back to the window before looking back at me. “So there’s another version of you out there.”
For some reason that makes me chuckle. “I mean, more or less.”
I shift the gear and begin to start backing up before I turn out onto the main street.
“More or less meaning what?”
“Meaning we look the same, give or take, but he’s got it more together than I do. Always has, honestly; even when we were kids, Cyran was the one that made sense.” I chuckle thinking back to the only good parts of my childhood.
She pulls her legs up onto the seat, turning towards me. “And what about the others?”
“Raiden and I argue the most.” And before she can ask about what, I rush to say, “About everything. And we always have. Pretty sure I came out of my mother arguing with him.”
“Who wins?”
“I say me, but if you’d ask him, he’d say him. So the question is kind of up in the air, per se.”
She laughs softly, “And Rhys?”
“Mean,” I say rather quickly and only regret it a little. “Brilliant with a computer, but can be ruthless.”
She nods but continues on. “And Slater?”
I ease to a stop at the red light and turn my blinker on. “Slater, he doesn’t talk much.” At all, but I don’t tell her that.
“Which one are you closest to?”
“Cyran,” I say with no hesitation. “He’s… he’s always been there. He’s always been… he’s my best friend, I mean, probably should be; we shared a damn womb together.”
I pull outside the coffee shop and kill the engine before opening my door and walking around to her side. Taking her hand, I help her down onto the sidewalk, and it’s then that she says, “I want to meet them.”
My brows pull together for a moment, and my steps falter for just a second. Not because I don’t want her to; I do… it’s just that five professional killers can be a lot. And that’s not counting Sybil.
“You sure about that? All five of us in one room…”
“I grew up cleaning up after people like you; I think I can handle a family dinner.”
I look at her for a long moment, the certainty that sits on her face, the way she says it like she’s daring me to tell her no.
“I’ll arrange something,” I tell her, opening the front door to the coffee shop.
The warmth hits immediately with the smell of coffee and something baked. I see Jessi, her boss, standing behind the counter, moving something behind the display, while Eli, the baker, comes around the corner, holding another tray of cinnamon rolls.
His steps falter when he sees Esperr, a smile spreading across his face; that is, until he sees me standing there, my hand on her back. And then it drops, his eyes scanning me before a frown hits his brows.
“When are you off?”
She glances at Jessi before peering up at me. “Noon… two at the latest.”
I nod and then reach down, cupping her face before pressing my lips against hers.
Esperr’s hand finds the front of my jacket, and then she’s opening her mouth, allowing me access.
In a fucked-up way I like that Eli is watching this; I saw the way he was looking at her when she walked in.
And I’m a bastard for wanting to stake my claim to her, but Esperr is mine, and Eli better get a fucking clue.
When I finally pull back, her cheeks are flushed, and it takes her a second to open her eyes.
“I’ll be here,” I mutter.
She blinks once, biting the inside of her cheek. “Okay.”
I straighten up and turn on my heel, walking back out into the cold.
When I get to the truck, I don’t get in right away; instead, I lean against the hood and look back at the shop.
Esperr is already moving behind the counter, pulling her hair up into a messy bun, and slipping into the rhythm as if she never left the place.
Jessi talks to her, and Eli, he just stands there, watching my girl with a look that I don’t like.
I watch him for longer than I probably should, and then I’m in my truck heading back to the house. Because there’s something about Eli that I don’t like.
And I’m going to find out what it is.