Chapter 15 #2
Sam pulled her hand from his, and their fingers slid apart, though she felt the squeeze of his hand as he attempted to hold her there.
Lord Ridgefeld was in attendance at Hollybrooke to conduct business, not soothe or rectify a long ago wrong done by another man.
“You are not the only person in this room abandoned by someone whose only goal in life should be to love, protect, and cherish their child.” His voice wavered, halting Sam.
She’d been so carried away with her own life circumstances she hadn’t thought of Eli’s situation—why he’d been raised by his grandfather.
Each time he’d mentioned the late marquis, his eyes had lit with love.
She’d assumed he’d lived a content and happy life.
Then again, how many people thought the same of Sam and her siblings?
“Let us sit, Sam,” Eli whispered, taking her hand once more and tugging her toward a lounge close to the little heat coming from the hearth. “I have a story to tell you.”
“I am in no mood for a cheerful story—“
He refused to release his hold. “There is no cheer to be found in this tale, I assure you. However, you may realize you are not as alone in your situation as you think.”
Sam wanted Eli close, but didn’t want to listen to his fabled story, concocted to soothe her frayed soul.
She longed to escape to an empty room, cry until there were no tears left, and fall into an exhausted sleep—awaking to a new day.
Only then could she fathom donning her gown of rich golden silk and joining her family in the Cummings’ gardens for her twin’s morning wedding.
“All I ask is for you to listen,” he coaxed.
For some unknown reason, Sam gave in and sat beside Eli on the lounge. She would listen to his story, though she could not promise to find meaning behind his words.
He took hold of both her hands, threading his fingers through hers once more.
Sam could not take her eyes off them as Elijah began his story, his words soft, spoken in reverence.
“I lived with my grandfather for as long as I can remember.” Eli squeezed her hand once more.
“He was a loving man, an honorable man, an adventurer at heart, and he never shied away from bringing a boy along on his expeditions. I spent my first birthday in Rome, my fifth birthday in the Orient, and my ninth birthday trudging through the . He is the man I hope to one day be.”
Elijah was wrong if he thought his story not a happy one—or that he wasn’t already as noble and pure as his grandfather.
She looked up when he did not continue to see a single tear holding at the corner of his eye.
“I mention those specific places because they capture my life on very special days—days that should be filled with family, home, love, laughter, and celebration.
Instead, my grandfather, bless his kind soul, took me to explore the world so I would not dwell on the two important people who should be present in my life…
but were not. One taken far too early, and one absent by choice.
“The marquis did everything in his power to make sure I was not surrounded by an empty home—full with remnants of parents I had no memory of. He did not shower me with extravagant gifts or treat me as anything but a boy needing a proper upbringing. He taught me love, compassion, and loyalty.”
“Loyalty…something my father knows nothing of.”
“Is that true?” Eli asked. “He was loyal to his father, he was loyal to the Viscountship. I think, if anything, he lacked the ability to love.”
Sam let go of an unladylike snort.
“He is here now, is he not?”
“Yes, but to what end?” Sam pulled her hands free and looked at Eli, his face etched in concern. “Why come to us after all these years?”
“Does it matter so greatly?” he protested. “He is here—”
“And will likely depart and disappear again as soon as he attains what he desires.”
“That is a possibility, but allow me to finish my story.”
“Your lesson about love, compassion, and loyalty was not the culmination of this lecture?” Sam’s tart reply did not deter Elijah.
“Certainly not, Miss Samantha.” A soft smile settled on his lips, and her breath stuck in her lungs.
“Your father returned to you of his own free will. I, on the other hand, was not so fortunate. I put someone who meant everything to me in jeopardy to gain something I thought was lacking in my life. And I suffered horrible consequences. I lost my grandfather, and the person I went halfway around the world to find, turned me away with barely a glance.”
“Oh, Elijah, I—“ Sam reached forward, uncertain why, but knowing she needed to feel him—and he needed the same. “Tell me what happened to your parents…why you lived with your grandfather.”
Her fingers grazed his cheek, but he didn’t pull away as she’d expected. Instead, he brought his own hand to hers, pressing her palm against his warm skin.
“My father’s demise started long before he met my mother.
You see, he was much like my grandfather, but prone to risk-taking of an extreme nature.
” Eli turned his face and placed a kiss on the palm of her hand, sending a tingle through her entire body.
“My mother, Alice Watson, loved my father for his adventurous ways. There was never a dull moment to be had with the pair. However, when my mother found she was with child while on a trip to Africa, my grandfather insisted she journey back to England to await my birth.”
Sam suspected this was the part of the story that was in no way happy. “It must have upset him to send your mother away.”
“My father or grandfather?”
“Your father, of course.” It was similar to her love for her twin. It would be devastating when the possibility finally sank in it could be several months before she saw Jude again.
“No, I do not believe either man was dismayed at the departure of my mother for England.”
“What happened next?” Her question left her with a sigh of anticipation. “Did your mother arrive safely in England?”
“Certainly, or likely I would not be sitting here,” he said with a sorrowful chuckle. “However, my father fell to his death from a high ridge when he and my grandfather quarreled over selecting a dig site. My father got so angry, he stalked off into the night…”
“And the marquis never saw him again?”
“Oh, no.” Eli shook his head, releasing her hand. “He was found early the next morning, or at least what the scavengers hadn’t eaten of him.”
Sam gasped, her hands clutching her throat in shock. “That is awful!”
“Perhaps, perhaps not.” Eli shrugged. “We cannot know what today would have held if my father hadn’t perished.”
“And your mother?” The story could not be any worse. “Did she die of a broken heart when she found out?”
“Not exactly. She gave birth to me, and shortly after, fled to America.”
“She never returned?”
“She sent letters—about twice a year—but a little over a year ago, they stopped arriving.” If possible, a far deeper sorrow shone from his eyes. “I feared she was in trouble and needed my help. I convinced Grandfather to accompany me to America—Baltimore to be exact—to find her.”
The pit of Sam’s stomach dropped, suspecting no good news was to follow.
“You both sailed to America?” She hadn’t quite known the extent of his travels until this moment.
“Yes. Unfortunately, only I arrived safely.” Eli jumped to his feet, rubbing his palms down his face. “I am sorry, Sam. You are the first person I’ve told the complete story to. It has not gotten easier to speak of since my return.”
“We do not need to discuss it at all,” Sam protested. “Your meaning is clear.”
“No, it is not. You see, when I finally found my mother, she didn’t even recognize me—her only son.
She told me to return to England and leave her be.
” Eli pivoted toward the study door and strode to a nearby chair.
He grasped the back, and his knuckles turned white.
“I begged my grandfather to journey to America with me to collect my mother. He died because of me, because I needed more than he could give. Because I could not be grateful for all I had. I had to discover more about the woman who’d birthed and then abandoned me.
The marquis died, and it was all for nothing.
I am completely and utterly alone in this world. ”
“We are not so different, you and I,” she mumbled through the heartache she felt on his behalf.
“That is true. However, if my mother were to return to England—show up unannounced on my doorstep—I would not turn her away. I would not wonder what her ulterior motive could be. I would open my arms and welcome her.”
“It is not that simple, my lord.” Sam stood and crossed the room to stand before him. “I truly wish it were, but…” Her lips pressed together, conflicting feelings coursing through her. Sam was uncertain if she were capable of forgiving Beauchamp.
Eli set his hands on her shoulders, gently kneading them.
Sam’s gaze dropped to their feet, afraid he’d see the reasoning in her stare.
“How does one begin to forgive a man who allowed his children to grow up in impoverished circumstances while he dined at his club, traveled around England, and wore coats worth more shillings than our yearly food staples?”
“The way I would push aside the fact that my mother would rather live as a woman of loose morals in an American saloon than return home and have all the pretty gowns she could dream of…have an entire estate and London townhouse…and receive invitations into every home in England.” His hands moved from her shoulders up her neck, and he leaned close.
“One does not need to forget in order to forgive.”
Their lips were almost touching. “What if I do not want to forgive?”
“Then happiness and contentment will be forever out of your reach.” His warm breath fanned her lips.
Happiness and contentment—those were both things she longed to achieve…someday. She had never suspected they’d be permanently out of reach. How had Jude attained what might always be denied her?