Chapter 12 #2
If Payton had been taken aback by the degree of the baron’s announcement, the children were outright stunned—and seemingly skeptical—as they both froze in their seats, their excitement fleeing. A meal with their father was one thing, but an entire afternoon in his company?
Payton had thought about more time with Lord Ashford, but an afternoon outside the townhouse was far more than she’d expected.
She could not show her surprise and risk adding to the children’s hesitancy around their father. That would benefit no one. If the baron insisted on accompanying them to Pall Mall, then she would do her best to appear enthusiastic.
She smiled. “Isn’t that a wonderful announcement?”
Joy nibbled at her bottom lip. “You mean to spend the entire day with us?”
The girl’s tone made it clear that the baron had never spent an entire day in his children’s company, at least not within their memory.
The baron’s eyes narrowed, and the tenseness returned to his shoulders. “Most certainly.”
“It has been some years since we’ve enjoyed an outing together.” Lord Ashford’s voice was strained, as if he heard the meaning behind Joy’s question, as well. “The excursion will be fun. Your governess has explained how much you both want to go.”
Joy and Abram shared a familiar, silent glance, neither looking confident in their father’s use of the word fun.
“Very well.” Abram shrugged, his indifference mirroring his father’s nature.
“Wonderful.” Payton infused as much joy as she could into the single word. “Now that everything is settled, I think the children should find their beds and get a good night’s rest before tomorrow.”
Abram and Joy slid from their chairs.
“Say goodnight.” Payton gestured toward their father, and the pair obediently mumbled goodnight before starting for the door. “Have a pleasant slumber, my lord. Thank you for agreeing to the excursion.”
He glanced over Payton’s shoulder, likely watching the children depart. “They don’t want me to come, do they?” he mumbled low enough to keep the children from hearing.
It had been what she was thinking, but she’d never thought to verbalize it, especially to the baron.
“I think they are anxious, Lord Ashford.” She paused, knowing if she chose the wrong words, it would hurt the baron.
Or worse, return the distance between him and the children.
Payton thought back to the way Joy had asked why her father didn’t love her or her brother.
It had broken her heart to hear the uncertainty in the child’s voice.
“I think they are just hesitant. You are not accustomed to having them underfoot, and neither are they overly familiar with you.”
He grimaced and averted his stare. She’d hurt him. Perhaps there was no other way to put into words Joy’s and Abram’s adverse reaction to the news of him accompanying them on their outing.
“We will depart at eleven o’clock. Sharp.” His gruff tone did nothing to hide his disappointment. “I will have the carriage ready and a meal prepared. Do you think they would enjoy a picnic in St. James’s Park?”
“I think they would enjoy that very much, my lord.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “It is that…”
“What?” The question came on a breathless whisper, and for a moment, Payton longed to be back in the baron’s study without the listening ears of servants.
“I fear that no matter what I do, this outing will cause Joy and Abram disappointment.” His head lowered as he fell silent.
“How so?”
Lord Ashford appeared resigned to some unknown fact. “Because what if I speak out of turn? What if the day is marvelous, but when we return home, I…?”
When his words trailed off, unfinished and looming in the space between them, she prodded, “You what, my lord?”
He ran his hand through his hair, causing it to fall haphazardly over one eye. “It matters naught.”
“Can I ask you a question, my lord?” Gaining the baron’s approval before she made a disparaging comment was unfair, but this moment was a long time coming.
She’d noted the distance that separated him from his children the first day she arrived at Ashford Hall.
When he nodded, she said, “Why did you offer to accompany us tomorrow? After all this time, why now?”
He showed his palms with a shrug. “They were happy. I haven’t seen them excited about anything in a long while unless they are up to some troublesome behavior. Is it wrong for me to want to be a part of that, even when I know I have no right, and they are better off without me close?”
Payton couldn’t understand how the baron had come to believe that his children would fare better without him. They had no mother…only Lord Ashford. Had her presence at the townhouse over the last month taken away the baron’s chance to deepen his connection with Joy and Abram?
“Do forget I mentioned anything,” the baron sighed. “I bid you goodnight, Miss Samuels.”
Without a backwards glance, he strode from the dining hall. She remained frozen in place as his heavy footfalls faded.
Perhaps it was Payton who should forego the outing to Pall Mall on the morrow. If she were not as readily available, would he take more notice of his children? If she left him no option, would he build his relationship with Joy and Abram?
There were too many questions to have them all answered so simply.
However, there was one thing she was not questioning: Payton hadn’t been overly enthusiastic about the outing until Lord Ashford announced that he’d be joining them.
It might be a selfish decision, but Payton now looked forward to witnessing the baron outside of Ashford Hall.
Without his study to seek refuge in, and without his mask to hide behind, she—and the children—would likely encounter an entirely different man.
The baron could not possibly keep up his stoic demeanor with both of his children clamoring for his attention at Pall Mall. And there was little chance that Joy and Abram would not be demanding their father’s much-needed notice.
She wondered if any of them would recognize the baron outside the townhouse.
Surely, there was more to Lord Ashford than Payton had seen in their short acquaintance. Was there a time when he had been a charming young lord? A dashing rogue? Mayhap even an enticing scoundrel?