Chapter 40
I feel marginally betterwhen I wake the following morning, though dealing with a call to Mari and cleaning up after the break-in quickly zaps my newfound energy. I can’t fathom why someone would ransack my place but not take anything. What were they looking for? Could it have been a warning? From whom?
As far as the kidnappers know, we died in the plane crash, but no other culprits come to mind. I told my cousins that we suspect the Albanians but can’t be sure. They weren’t able to learn anything while we were gone. All they knew was that we’d disappeared with the guns. That was it.
I have to figure out who was behind all of this—the kidnapping and my break-in—for my own peace of mind and because it would be a perfect distraction from thoughts of a certain bullheaded Italian. But first, I have more immediate matters to deal with.
My place is nearly returned to order when Mari buzzes the intercom to come up. She insisted on coming over when I called to let her know I was back. I have to deal with her at some point. Might as well get it over with.
She flies at me the second I open the door, hugging me like her life depends upon it. “I can’t believe you’re here. I was so worried.” Her words are saturated with emotion, so raw and dripping with heartache that I’m speechless.
My muscles crawl with the need to pry myself free, but that would be cruel. She obviously took my disappearance much harder than I expected. She not only noticed my absence but that I was ghosting her, then figuring out I’d been abducted when she went to the gym to confront me. While I hadn’t introduced her to my family, she knew the gym where I spent most of my time. A bunch of my cousins box there as well. Conner told me on the plane ride home that a woman had come around asking questions. I knew it had to be Mari.
“Are you okay? They said you’d been taken. How did you get away? What happened?”
I realize that maybe the truth is the best way to go. The whole truth—I think it might ease the sting of me ending things.
“It’s complicated, but the thing you need to know first is my family business isn’t exactly legitimate.”
“Your self-defense classes?” she asks in confusion.
“No, I don’t even teach classes. I help with demonstrations sometimes at the gym where I train. My family owns a number of businesses. In particular, I help with security at a club called Bastion.”
“I’ve never heard of it.” Her arms cross over her chest.
“I wouldn’t expect you to. It’s a well-to-do social club.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me? And what does that have anything to do with you being abducted?”
“That’s just one aspect of our business. I can’t go into the others, but they put us in contact with some unsavory individuals. People with vendettas and no moral compass. In this case, someone tried to steal something from us. I happened to show up in the process and complicate things, so they took me and the man I was with.”
“What do you mean the man you were with?” she blurts.
The question catches me off guard. I’m telling her about being kidnapped, and she’s focused on who I was with?
“He’s a business associate, Mari. I had a scheduled meeting with him.”
She nods, sufficiently chastened.
“The thing is, my life isn’t what you think. I’m not the person you think.”
Before I can continue, she launches into another aggressive hug. “I don’t care about any of that. I’m just so grateful to have you back. I’ve felt awful this whole time.”
“Why would you feel bad? None of this is your fault.”
“No, but I thought some pretty awful things about you at first.”
“You couldn’t have known,” I offer gently while trying to keep a professional tone to my voice. This is not going how I’d hoped. I’m not sure how to say goodbye when her emotions are already raw and exposed.
She pulls away and nods, her teary eyes cast to the floor. “Still … when I thought maybe I’d lost you, it changed everything. I’m just so relieved you’re back.” She sniffles and gives me a sad smile.
“It’s definitely good to be home,” I say vaguely. “It’s been a lot to process, though, so I’m going to need some time…”
“Oh, of course. I understand. You do what you need to do, and I’ll be here to offer any support you need.”
My smile is a grimace in disguise. “Thanks, Mari.”
Awkwardness rolls through the room like a heavy fog off the bay.
“Okay, I guess I’ll head out and let you rest.” She gives me one last hug and a tentative kiss that wraps a barbed wire of guilt around my heart.
Mari is going to be a bigger issue than I’d hoped. I hate to hurt her, but it’s inevitable. I’m not interested in seeing her anymore. And I’ll tell her. Soon. Just not today. Not only would it drain me dry, but ending things the day I get back seems needlessly hurtful. I’ll put some space between us, let our emotions recover, then gently part ways.
It’s a plan, and having a plan is reassuring. I only wish I knew how to handle the other person in my life. Renzo is giving me space. That’s what I wanted, so why do I feel so despondent? Why does my heart feel as empty as my bed? It’s so damn big and cold. When I slip beneath the covers that night, I wonder how I ever found the damn thing comfortable.
I search my phone and am able to find an app that plays hours and hours of uninterrupted background soundscapes, including one of a crackling fire. It doesn’t sound quite like the cabin stove, but it’s close enough. When I close my eyes, I can almost imagine I’m back there. It’s soothing, but I still can’t fight off the chill at my back. I try not to think about what I’m doing when I lie on my side and wad up my duvet like a wall behind me. It’s not radiating heat, and it doesn’t hold me close, but it’s enough to finally help me find some comfort.
I wonder if I’ll ever readjust back to my old normal. To a time when my heart didn’t ache every damn minute. I know I will, eventually. Probably.
God, I hope so because I hate the way I feel. Like someone stole the North Star from the sky, and I no longer have a direction. I feel untethered, which is unfathomable because I have an incredible family and a job I love. Surely, three weeks with someone can’t negate all that.
It’s the last thing I remember thinking before something wakes me in the night. Quiet footsteps here in my room. I lie perfectly still except for my right hand, which slides under my pillow to grip my Glock. No one gets the drop on me. This bastard’s about to find out the hard way in three … two … one…
“Relax, Chaos. It’s me.”
“Renzo?” My heartbeat was swift but steady at the thought of an intruder. Now, it dips and swirls like a paper airplane running out of steam. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?” I replace the safety on my gun and sit up.
“Getting some damn sleep,” he grumbles.
I hear clothes rustling. “Are you … undressing?” I gape at him in the dark.
“I’m going to bed.”
“Well, you almost got yourself killed instead.”
“You wouldn’t shoot me.”
“Maybe not, if I knew it was you. Hard to know that when you break into someone’s house.”
“About that. Why the hell don’t you have an alarm system?”
“Don’t need one. Light sleeper. And speaking of, you can’t sleep at your place?”
“No. I can’t,” he grumbles. “And judging by the sound of a crackling fire in here, you’re having trouble sleeping, too.” He crawls into my bed, forcing me to scoot over.
“You can’t just—”
“I can, and I am,” he cuts me off distractedly as he fumbles with the covers. “What the hell did you do to your quilt?”
“It’s a duvet,” I say petulantly, avoiding his question. I don’t want to admit to myself that I’d used my bedding to pretend he was here with me, let alone tell him what I’d done.
“It’s chaos, but I suppose I should have expected that,” he mutters before snagging me by the waist and pulling my back flush against his front.
“Let’s get some sleep. I’m exhausted.”
I open my mouth to argue, then close it when his masculine scent invades my lungs and scrambles my thoughts. His body wash is divine, but beneath that is an earthy scent that’s all his own. A scent that lent me comfort for three weeks straight.
As the sounds of a fire fill my ears, and the warmth of Renzo’s body melts every last ounce of tension from my coiled muscles, I can’t think of a single reason to send him away. It’s only sleep, after all. For one night. And I was having trouble sleeping on my own. I might as well take advantage and get some rest.
I sleep so soundly that I almost feel like I didn’t sleep at all when morning comes and I wake to light streaming into my bedroom. A contented grin spreads across my face until I roll over and find the bed empty.