Chapter 7
Frankie
“Y ou guys need to work it out,” Lou ordered as we moved around each other in the kitchen. “Myla was just worried, and you were stressed out, and it was a perfect storm.”
“She was a dick,” I countered.
“Neither of you were very nice, if we’re being honest.”
“Can you hand me the lid?” I asked, pointing past her.
She turned and handed it to me. “Don’t try and change the subject,” she warned. “It’s been over a week, and I’m sick of being in the middle.”
“I’ll deal with Myla when I feel like it.”
“Let’s not pretend that you’re going to be mad forever,” Lou said, following me out of the kitchen. “I’m just asking that you clear it up sooner rather than later because this sucks.”
“I’ll call her tonight, okay?” I asked, setting the coffee on my dresser as I pulled a pair of socks out.
“Call her on your way to work,” Lou ordered. “I want to barbecue tonight, and we can’t if you and Myla are still fighting.”
“With what barbecue?” I asked with a laugh, hopping on one foot as I tried to tug a sock on.
“With the one I’m grabbing after work. It’s not like we need anything fancy. Bas said he’d help me set it up.”
“Of course he did.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Why don’t you put Bas out of his misery already?”
Lou rolled her eyes. “Call Myla before work.”
“Yes, Mother,” I griped as she stormed away.
I couldn’t believe it had already been over a week since Myla and I had argued. We’d never gone without talking for so long, but for once, neither of us had been willing to extend the olive branch. Which, let’s be real, she should’ve done within days. Being concerned is one thing, but tearing my head off the minute I walked in the door was uncalled for.
Point blank, I deserved to have some privacy. I didn’t get all up in her shit. Sure, I let her know what I was thinking, but only after she’d come to me first.
“I’m leaving,” I called as I headed for the front door. “Text me if you need me to grab anything for dinner!”
“Call Myla,” Lou yelled, her voice muffled by her closed bedroom door.
As I drove to work, I hyped myself up. Things had already been uncomfortable, but I hadn’t realized how bad they would get. It took every bit of willpower I had to force myself into the office every day.
Scott wasn’t just everywhere anymore. He’d started leaving notes. Making comments in front of others as if we were still seeing each other. He’d even made some remark about my ass to a vendor we’d been doing business with for longer than I’d been at the company. It was so flagrant that the vendor had pulled me aside later and asked if I was okay. The older man had told me flat out that he’d go to HR with me to make a report if I needed him to.
I was choosing to ignore it. Bullies eventually gave up, right?
“Hello?” Myla answered, when I finally called her.
“Lou wants us to make up.”
“I’m sorry for freaking out,” she replied. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“I’m sorry for not calling,” I countered. “I was putting it off because I didn’t want to talk about it yet…or ever, really. I didn’t think you guys would call in the National Guard.”
“You could’ve talked to me about it.”
“I didn’t want to,” I repeated slowly, hoping it would sink in. “It was something that happened, and now it’s over. I just wanted to put Scott and the whole mess behind me.”
“Fine.” She paused. “What’s going on with you and Gray?”
“Nothing.”
I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t talked to Gray since that night. He hadn’t reached out, and I was so embarrassed about how I’d clung to him like a life preserver that I sure as hell wasn’t going to reach out first. He’d done enough as it was. If I called him, he’d probably assume that I was dealing with another new crisis I couldn’t handle on my own.
“Gray’s my cousin, and I’ve been to his trailer once.” Myla said with a scoff.
“It’s a camper,” I corrected automatically. “And it’s tiny. It’s not like he could have a party or something.”
“I swear to God,” Myla mumbled. “I’m living in the freaking Twilight Zone.”
“I’m at work,” I replied as I pulled into the parking lot. “We’re good?”
“We’re fine,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Lou told you about the barbecue?”
“When the hell did you get a barbecue?” Myla asked.
“That’s exactly what I said.” I pulled into a parking space. “See you tonight.”
The office was already crowded as I carried my coffee and bag inside. I’d stopped coming in early because I didn’t want Scott to catch me alone. I wasn’t afraid of him or anything, but the fact that he didn’t seem to be giving up made me uneasy. I wasn’t sure what his aim was. He had to know that there wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d ever see him socially. Was he trying to intimidate me into quitting, or was he just so small that he couldn’t handle that I’d rejected him?
“Hey, Frankie,” the receptionist called out.
“Hey, Linda,” I replied, stopping at her desk. “Anything I should be aware of?”
“Well—” she looked around and lowered her voice. “I think something might’ve happened. The big boss called this morning, and Scott stormed out of here afterward. We haven’t had any pissy foreman call in, so I’m not sure what’s going on.”
“Good to know,” I muttered.
“But the good news is, Scott isn’t here.” She shot me a small smile.
“Hopefully he’s tied up all day,” I replied, smiling back.
Linda more than anyone had seen Scott’s bullshit firsthand. From where her desk sat, she could see pretty much everything that happened in the office. She’d been witness to almost every time Scott had stopped in my doorway to fuck with me. Half of the floral deliveries had gone through her when he’d stopped bringing them himself. Plus, I knew how the employees talked, and Linda was the hub of all the gossip. She never started the conversations, but she seemed to hear everything.
Fridays always started with phone calls to vendors, making sure that deliveries were scheduled to the job sites bright and early Monday morning. I went over the projects we had currently, going over inventory lists to make sure they were correct before verifying with the various vendors and catching up with a few of them. I’d built good working relationships with most of the guys I spoke to. They were one of the only things I would miss if I found a different job—which felt like it was becoming more and more likely the longer Scott pulled his shit.
The day went quickly as I finished up paperwork for the week and prepared for the next one. Without the worry of Scott showing up to my office, I was able to focus and knock out my tasks with little fuss. I should’ve known that it wouldn’t last, though, because Scott came stomping in just after lunch.
“What the hell did you say to human resources?” he barked, glaring from my doorway.
“What are you talking about?” I straightened away from the computer.
“My uncle just ripped me a new one for being inappropriate with my employees,” Scott spat. “Which we both know is bullshit.”
“I didn’t go to HR,” I said flatly.
“That’s good, since you don’t have a leg to stand on,” he blustered. “You were a completely willing, eager participant in our relationship.”
“I’ve never said otherwise,” I ground out, the knowledge making me queasy.
“Well, I don’t know who the hell tried to say I was sexually harassing you,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. His entire countenance had changed on a dime. It was eerie as hell. “Being in love with my girl isn’t something to take to human resources.”
In love? What the hell was he smoking? We’d broken up over a month before. I wasn’t his girl. He didn’t love me.
“We’re not together, Scott,” I said, rising to my feet.
Something flashed in his eyes, there and then gone again before I could decipher it.
“I know, we’re on a break,” he said condescendingly. Was he deliberately raising his voice so that the rest of the office could hear him? “I told my uncle as much. Do you want to grab lunch?”
“I already took lunch,” I replied through numb lips. What the hell was going on? Why the fuck would he think I’d get lunch with him?
“Well, I’m starving,” he said, reaching up to grip the top of the doorframe. “I’ll see you later.”
I dropped back into my seat as soon as he’d gone. Was he—did he just orchestrate that whole thing to make it seem like we were still seeing each other? No one would believe it. Everyone had watched me dodging him—hell, a few of them had even interrupted for bullshit reasons a few times when they’d noticed him loitering in my office doorway.
My heart pounded as I looked out the window of my small office into the larger area. No one was looking my way, but I knew that most of them had heard him.
Refusing to let my entire afternoon get derailed, I forced myself to focus on the tasks I needed to finish before I could leave. Scott and I were surrounded by people, so even if he was acting more unhinged than normal, it wasn’t as if he could do anything. I’d have plenty of witnesses.
By the time I packed up my bag and headed out of the office that evening, my shoulders and neck were so stiff that I could barely turn my head from side to side. I’d only left one thing on my desk I’d have to finish early Monday morning, but I wasn’t willing to stay late for any reason.
I met Linda and another coworker, Sharon, as they waited for the elevator.
“Hey, girl,” Linda said kindly. “All done for the day?”
“All done,” I confirmed, smiling at them both.
Sharon looked behind us. “I figured Scott would be with you.”
“Why?” I asked bluntly.
“Well,” she hedged, glancing at Linda, who just stared back at her. “It’s Friday night. I figured you guys would have plans or something.”
“I’m not with Scott.”
“Sure,” she said, shrugging.
“I’m not.”
“I mean, it wouldn’t be a big deal,” she said, lowering her voice. “If you were, I mean. There’s nothing in the employee handbook that prohibits it.”
“I’m not with him.”
Sharon shrugged again, and Linda let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a scoff.
“Good grief, Shar,” Linda said, shaking her head as she stepped onto the elevator. “Just because the guy’s panting after her, doesn’t mean she likes it.”
I shot Linda a look of gratitude.
“I’ve seen you two together,” Sharon argued primly. “I don’t know why it has to be a big secret, but don’t lie about it.”
“You’re right,” I conceded, following them onto the elevator as I weighed what I should say. “But I broke up with him last month. He’s just not letting it go.”
Sharon’s head spun to look at me. “Last month?”
I nodded.
“But he’s—”
“He’s not leaving it alone,” Linda said disapprovingly.
“Not cool,” Sharon muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
“That’s what you get for dating someone from work,” I said, trying to lighten the conversation. “He’ll get over it eventually.”
“I would hope so,” Sharon said, wrinkling her nose.
“He needs to pull his head out,” Linda said, nodding to me.
“One can only hope.”
We exited the elevator, and I waved to the women as I walked over to the Tahoe. The day hadn’t been as bad as it could’ve been, at least Scott had been gone the first half of the day, but after his little performance that afternoon, I was jumpy. I climbed in and locked the doors before turning on the engine.
Lou had texted me a list of groceries to pick up, and I let my hair down and ran my fingers through it as I drove to get them. I was looking forward to not having anything to do all weekend. Maybe I’d hit up some garage sales or something—though, I’d started being really careful about what I was spending, even more so than usual. If I had to quit my job without finding something new, things were going to get tight, even considering my savings.
My phone rang through the car speakers, startling me, and I grimaced when I realized who was calling.
“Hey, Dad,” I answered.
“Hey, baby girl. How you doing?”
“Not too bad. Just working hard and playing harder,” I joked. “What the hell have you been up to? I haven’t heard from you in weeks.”
“Oh, nothing too exciting,” he said with a sigh. “My hip’s been acting up again, so I haven’t been getting around all that well.”
“That sucks. Have you been to the doctor?”
“Appointment next week. I’m sure it’s nothing. Jules says that it’s probably just arthritis.”
I rolled my eyes. My father’s wife had been a vet tech for about ten minutes years ago—she wasn’t exactly a doctor.
“Well, it’s good you’re getting checked out.”
“We’re thinking of coming up for Christmas this year,” he said, abruptly changing the subject. “How’s that sound?”
“Sounds great, Dad,” I replied, infusing enough excitement into my voice that he couldn’t hear the disbelief in it. “For how long?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he hedged. “Maybe a week or so.”
“That would be awesome.” I pulled into the little discount grocery store down the road from the office. It sat in a strip mall that was slowly but surely gentrifying. A couple of empty spaces sat between the grocery and a nice bar and grill. Next to that was a laundromat and a small tobacco store. On the furthest end was an art gallery of all things.
“Well, I’ll let you know when we’ve got the tickets booked,” he said gruffly. “You could come down here, you know.”
“I know,” I replied, parking the Tahoe. “But work just doesn’t slow down.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Hey, Dad, can I call you back? I just got to the grocery store. Lou’s waiting on me to start dinner.”
“Sure,” he said quickly. “You give the girls hugs for me.”
“Will do. Love you.”
“Love you.”
My mood was even shittier as I grabbed a bag out of the back seat and climbed out of the car. I wondered if he knew, before he even mentioned it, that he was going to cancel on me.
In the four years he’d been living in Arizona, he hadn’t been back to Oregon once. Oh, he’d made plans to come back, calling me to block out dates so that I could spend time with him, but he never actually followed through with any of them. He wouldn’t visit on Christmas either. I would’ve bet my savings on it.
I’d long ago moved past any jealousy I had over how close Myla’s family was and how wonderful Lou’s grandparents were, but it still stung a little that I’d never had the same thing. My dad wasn’t a bad guy. He’d never been a bad guy. I knew he’d tried his best. But our conversation that day was a pretty good representation of our relationship since I was a child. We didn’t have anything to talk about. Some days, when I was young, the only thing we’d say to each other was hello and good night. He’d made sure that my needs were met, but that had been the extent of his contribution. My counselor in college had called him emotionally unavailable.
I just figured he was as deep as a mud puddle. I wasn’t even sure that he was capable of human interaction beyond what he’d given me. The fact that he’d found two women willing to put up with it and actually marry him boggled the mind.
Taking my time, I perused the grocery shelves as I found everything I needed on Lou’s list and added a few treats for myself while I was at it. If I was going to have a solid stay-at-home weekend, I may as well have some snacks to get me through. I hoped Lou wasn’t planning on some big gathering at our house. I should’ve asked about it that morning.
It was pretty standard for our core group of friends to have dinner together a few nights a week, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else. We’d built a little family within a family, and I was comfortable with that. I didn’t feel the need to do my hair or wear something cute when Cian and Myla or Bas or Brody or Titus or Noel and the kids were there. I could just be myself without all the extra. I didn’t need to be on .
I was loading the bags into the Tahoe, debating whether or not I should just call Lou and ask her how many people were coming over, when a familiar sound made me whip around in surprise. A flat black Harley was pulling into the parking lot, and I found myself straightening and a smile tugging on my mouth when I realized who it was. I lifted my hand about halfway up and waved, but he must not have seen me across the lot because he passed right by.
Dawdling, I slowly walked the cart to the return and watched as Gray parked near the bar and grill and took off his helmet. God, he was good looking. He’d shaved his face again, and his sharp jaw and cheekbones were droolworthy. He was dressed up a little, wearing a dark flannel under his cut with a pair of clean jeans. I only had a minute to wonder what he was doing when a skinny blonde woman climbed out of a car a couple places down the row.
I knew who that was. Well, I didn’t know her, but I’d seen her before. It was the same woman I’d seen him with the morning after we’d hooked up.
Gray reached her, and his hand immediately landed on her hip. She was talking and smiling. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss.
I didn’t want to see it, but I couldn’t look away even as my heart pounded. They looked good together. He was all rough looking, and she was polished to a shine, his perfect opposite. In heels, the top of her blonde head reached just under his chin.
She reached up and swiped at his bottom lip with her thumb.
He grinned, and I dropped my keys. They fell to the pavement with a crash, and I dropped down out of sight with a curse, scrambling to pick them up so I could get the hell out of there. All I needed after the day I’d had was for Gray to realize I’d been spying on him and his girlfriend.
Slowly enough that it wouldn’t look like I was racing away, but quick enough that he hopefully never realized I was there, I pulled out of my parking spot and got the fuck out of there.
My stomach was in knots as I drove home. It wasn’t like me and Gray were even seeing each other. We were friends, and he’d helped me out when I was in a tight spot. He’d made it pretty clear in all of our interactions that a hookup wouldn’t be repeated. My guts twisted.
Not that I’d want a repeat if he had a girlfriend—and if that woman wasn’t his girlfriend, then I didn’t know what their relationship was about because they were clearly very comfortable with each other, and it was not platonic.
It wasn’t any of my business. I hadn’t heard from him, and that was fine . We were cool. Everything was totally cool. There wasn’t any reason for my feelings to be hurt or for it to feel like I’d just been socked in the stomach. It wasn’t rational that seeing him with someone bothered me.
I puzzled over it as I drove.
I knew I could only control my emotions to a certain degree. That was life. Sometimes you were hurt by something that seemed inconsequential. Sometimes you were angry about something that was too small to worry about. Sometimes the tiniest thing made you giddy with joy. It was just part of being alive. What I didn’t like was not being able to pinpoint where the feeling was coming from.
I knew Gray saw other people. Of course he did. He was an adult male. Besides that, I saw other people, or I had before the whole Scott debacle. It shouldn’t have mattered that I’d seen Gray with the blonde woman.
It wasn’t until I’d parked that I realized why I was so bothered, and when it hit me, I smacked my forehead against the steering wheel in frustration.
I’d ridiculously thought that grin was mine . I’d only seen it when we were alone together. He didn’t smile like that when we were in a group. He rarely smiled at all, but never like that.
Stupid. I was so stupid.
I’d hoarded that grin. Daydreamed about it. Imagined that it meant something, like a little secret between us. How delusional could I get, for fuck’s sake?
That was his I’m getting some smile. Every woman he’d ever been with had gotten that same smile.
“Stop smacking your face,” a voice called from outside my window.
“I wasn’t smacking my face,” I argued, swinging my door open. “I was lamenting how dumb I am.”
“Not true,” Myla said, reaching in the back seat to grab the grocery bags. “But what did you do?”
“Thought something meant more than it does,” I grumbled, grabbing my coffee mug and bag from work.
“What?” She closed the back door with her hip.
“Not worth explaining,” I said, locking the doors. “Do you know who’s coming tonight?”
“Just us, and Brody I think.”
“No Bas?” That was surprising.
“I think he had something else going on.”
“And he didn’t cancel when Lou decided out of nowhere that she needed a barbecue?”
“Shocking, right?” Myla said over her shoulder as we let ourselves inside.
“Louise, I’m home,” I called out. “Where are my slippers and scotch?”
“In here, dear,” she called back from the kitchen.
“Where’s Cian?” I asked as we rounded the corner.
“He’ll be here. He was working late today to get something finished.”
“Loser,” I joked. I found Lou sitting on the floor surrounded by a massive mess. “What the hell happened?”
“These directions suck,” she bitched. “I should’ve just asked for the floor model.”
“I thought Bas was going to help you build it.” I knelt down and took the instruction manual from her.
“He canceled.”
“What an asshole,” I said flatly, making her smile.
“Do you know what he had to do tonight?” Myla asked as she started unpacking groceries above us.
“He didn’t say.” Lou pushed herself up, stepping gingerly around the metal pieces and wrapping. “But I figured it must be important since he canceled last minute.”
The two of them puttered around the kitchen getting stuff ready while I built Lou’s barbecue for her. I wasn’t sure why she’d had such a hard time with it since it only took me about twenty minutes to fully assemble it. I’d always loved puzzles. It was probably part of the reason I liked refinishing things. You had to take them all apart and then put them back together again. It was satisfying.
“Done,” I announced. “Where’s the propane tank?”
“The what?” she asked in confusion.
“The tank.” I gestured at the bottom of the barbecue. “It needs propane to work.”
“Oh, shit,” Lou said with a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. “Whoops.”
Myla cackled.
I snorted.
Then we were all laughing at the unusable barbecue sitting in the center of our kitchen.
“Well, it’s pretty,” Myla said, wheezing.
“Shiny,” Lou agreed.
We laughed harder. Brody found us draped over the counters, Lou with her arms wrapped as far as she could get them around her new lawn ornament.
“Nice,” he said, smiling as he walked into the kitchen. “Any reason Lou’s huggin’ a barbecue?”
“Lawn ornament,” Lou corrected, sending us into fits of giggles again.
He looked around at us in confusion, still smiling.
I gasped, trying to calm my breathing. “Einstein forgot to buy a propane tank. Can you take her to get one?”
“I can do it,” Lou argued defensively.
“What size do you need?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“I’ll just check the instructions,” she countered, slapping them off the counter.
“I’m on the bike,” Brody said. “We’ll have to take one of yours.”
“Mine,” Lou said with a sigh, dropping the instructions back down. “Let me grab my shoes.”
“I’m going to shower,” I announced, picking my bag off the floor where I’d dropped it.
The laughing fit was like a palate cleanser. Not only had it erased any lingering tension between Myla and I, but it had successfully wiped Gray’s grin out of my mind for a few minutes. I was grateful for that.
I got into the shower in an attempt to wash away the rest of the day. It didn’t work, but it did ease the tension in my neck so that it didn’t feel like it was going to snap every time I turned my head. The other things, I’d just have to move past or work through.
As we sat around making fun of Lou’s lawn ornament that night I decided it was time to start searching for a new job. That was one thing that I could do to make my life seem like less of a shit show. My dad was my dad, there wasn’t anything I could do about him except remember that he never followed through and set my expectations accordingly.
The problem with Gray was trickier. I didn’t see him much as it was, so avoiding him would be easy as long as I didn’t call him because I was having some sort of personal crisis. I just needed to figure out a way to stop thinking about him and making our non-relationship more than it was in my head. We’d hooked up once, and he’d been a good friend when I needed one. Sure, he was affectionate—but maybe he was like that with everyone, and I just hadn’t noticed. Fantasizing about some grand love affair would just fuck with my head, and honestly, I didn’t need that on top of everything else.
“You’re quiet,” Brody said, dropping down beside me on the daybed. “You good?”
“Glad it’s the weekend,” I replied, stretching out to rest my feet on his lap. “I’m going to sleep until noon tomorrow.”
“Bullshit. You never sleep in.”
“I am tomorrow.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What’s up with you?” I asked, poking him in the belly with my toes. “Anything new?”
“Nothin’,” he replied, shoving at my foot. “Work and home, rinse and repeat.”
“You need a girlfriend.”
“Yeah, like a hole in the head.”
“You never bring anyone around.”
“What, so you bitches could scare her off?”
“We would not,” I argued, poking him in the belly again. “We’re nice.”
“Lou’s nice,” he corrected. “Myla could go either way, dependin’ on how happy she is with Cian that day. You?” He shook his head.
“If she’s good to you, I’d be nice!”
“If I find someone worth puttin’ through the ringer, I’ll bring her around.”
I dropped my head back against the pillows. “Great, so we’ll never meet anyone.”
Brody laughed and bent one of my toes, making it twinge so bad that I shot up.
“Ow, quit!”
“Such a baby,” he teased, dropping my foot. “Keep your toes to yourself then.”
I curled my feet back protectively.
“How’s shit goin’ with Scott?” he asked, too nonchalantly to be believable.
“Scott is Scott,” I replied, wrapping one arm around my knees as I reached for the joint I’d left on the table. I didn’t smoke all the time, but I’d found myself at the dispensary more often than usual over the past couple of months. “I’m dealing with it.”
“You want me to deal with it?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Sometimes it takes assholes like that more than words to make them back off,” he warned.
“Scott’s a puke, but I don’t need you to beat him up.”
“Who said I’d beat him up?”
I shot him a look of disbelief as I lit the joint. After taking a drag, I held it out to him.
“You know you would,” I answered, letting the smoke roll out of my nose as I side-eyed him. “But don’t. I’m handling it.”
“Up to you,” he said with a shrug, handing the joint back.
I went to bed that night full of half-burned steak courtesy of Lou, who hadn’t quite figured out how to grill them, and a fuzzy head courtesy of the excellent joint I’d shared with Brody. It was a good night. I hadn’t realized how badly I’d needed a chill night at home with my best friends, just joking and laughing and being weirdos.
I knew with absolute certainty that if they’d known all the shit swirling in my head, we wouldn’t have had that night. Their concern would’ve been overwhelming. No one would’ve been thinking about the way Lou had looked at me when I’d informed her about the missing propane tank. Myla wouldn’t have heckled me about the way my hair dried in little horns on each side of my head after my shower. Brody would’ve stormed off before dinner even ended, rounding up the boys while I tried to call them before he could so I could talk them out of whatever stupid shit they were about to do.
I loved how protective everyone was. It was so different from how I’d grown up that it had taken a really long time to get used to—but I couldn’t imagine my life without that layer of protection anymore. Sometimes, though, I needed to get my own head straight before I could deal with everyone else’s opinions and help.
The weekend went by quickly—they always do—and Scott’s shit started up again on Monday morning when he planted himself in one of my office chairs and refused to leave. Oh, he was cordial about it, charming to anyone looking in, but he wouldn’t fucking go. No matter how many times I tried to ignore him so I could get things done, he just sat there. When I told him that I didn’t have time to chat, he brushed me off.
It wasn’t until he was ready that he stood up and ambled back to his own desk. A power move to prove that he had it all, and I had none.
Tuesday, he left a note on my desk with a restaurant and a time. I threw it away.
Wednesday, he loudly complained about me standing him up and alluded to the fact that I must be on my period.
Thursday, Linda called me up to the front desk because a huge bouquet of wildflowers had been delivered. I told her she could keep them.
Friday, Scott walked by my office at least fifteen times before lunch, making jokes and trying to flirt with me. Thankfully, after lunch he must have had meetings or something because I didn’t see him again.
I started out strong, believing that if I could wait him out, he’d eventually give up. He wasn’t doing anything alarming, after all. I’d dealt with him up to that point. He wasn’t scary. He was just persistent.
But the anxiety of waiting for what he would do next started wearing on me, and by the third week after he’d asked me if I’d reported him to HR, I was a nervous wreck. All of the pep talks I gave myself weren’t working. I’d cut him out of my life, I’d made it absolutely clear I didn’t want anything to do with him, but it didn’t seem to matter. He was still there. All the time. Watching me. Asking me out. Making flirty comments. Telling me how this skirt was nice or that pair of heels made my ass look good.
I searched high and low, applying to anything I could find that was even remotely related to the field I was already working in—but I hadn’t gotten a single interview. The jobs weren’t exactly thick on the ground, and none of them paid what I was currently making. I was well and truly stuck, and it was more demoralizing than I could’ve imagined.
I had to force myself to eat because my stomach was always in knots. I barely slept, falling asleep most nights only a few hours before my alarm went off. I hid it well from my friends, who had their own lives going on, but I was pretty sure that Lou suspected something was wrong when I stopped wearing makeup to work.
I went shopping and found looser and less flattering business wear for the office. Flats only, so he couldn’t comment on my heels again. I pulled my hair tightly back from my face after he murmured in passing how much he’d loved tangling his fingers in my wild hair . I didn’t even care about my Dumbo ears at that point. I just wanted to do anything and everything to seem less attractive to him.
The crazy thing is that I knew I could go to human resources and get his ass handed to him—but what then? If he was moved to a different office or got fired, I’d still have to work there. I couldn’t find another job. So, I’d just have to spend every day with coworkers who knew I’d ratted him out to the administration. That’s assuming his uncle didn’t inform them to find any other reason to fire me.
Our field was tight and closely connected. People talked. I’d be the woman who started a relationship with a superior and then complained about it later and got her boss in trouble. Any chance I’d had to get a new job would be ruined. No one wanted that kind of person working with them.
So, I showered less. I wore unflattering clothes. I spent most of my time in my room at home, trying to catch up on sleep that I couldn’t seem to get at night. It wasn’t working for its intended purpose. Scott didn’t give up, but it almost felt like it was working because no one else around me noticed that it was happening.
On the bright side, worrying about the next time I would have to deal with Scott had taken up all of my energy and attention and left me with very little time to obsess about Gray. He’d become a memory that I pulled out at night when I lit up a joint and tried to relax enough to fall asleep.
By the time I was invited to the Aces end of summer party, I’d maintained the facade for so long without anyone saying anything that I’d thought I was getting away with it. Maybe I got sloppy about hiding it…or maybe everyone around me had seen it happen so gradually that they hadn’t even noticed that it was.
I should’ve anticipated that at some point someone was going to realize that I was hanging on by a thread.
And of course, that someone was Gray.