Chapter 14 #2
I followed my mom inside to find Nova, Aunt Rose, and Grandma Brenna sitting at the bar. They got to their feet when they saw me.
“What?” Aunt Rose barked.
“Later,” Mom said, her voice sharp. “I’m taking Harper to the shower.”
“Lily,” Bas said, his voice a mixture of panic and apology.
“You can come,” she said without even looking at him. “The rest of you, give her some space.”
There were a handful of times in my life that I was overwhelmingly thankful for my mother, and that was one of them. She took me straight to the bathroom inside Dad’s room and dropped my purse on the counter. Bas stood in the doorway as she turned on the water.
“Glasses,” Mom ordered. I handed them to her.
She looked me over. “Shoes first.”
Kneeling down, she helped me pull first one, then the other. She peeled the socks off my feet and then rose back up.
“Bas, there are garbage bags under the sink, can you grab me one?” she asked as she carefully pulled at the waist of my sweater.
I tugged my arms out of the sleeves and bent down a little so she could pull it off my head without letting it touch my face. When I glanced down, my stomach lurched.
There was blood on the skin of my chest, and it had soaked into my bra.
“Look at me, Harpy,” Mom ordered gently. “Just keep looking at me.”
I looked back at her face and didn’t look away as she extended her arm and dropped the sweater into the open trash bag Bas was holding.
She peeled off my pants next. Then my bra, and finally my underwear.
Then, she stepped into the shower with me.
I shivered as she scrubbed at my scalp, even though the water was warm, bordering on too hot.
“Bas, there are washcloths on the shelf. Can you grab one?” she called out as she rinsed my hair a second time.
“Here you go,” Bas said roughly, handing it through the opening in the curtain.
If I hadn’t been so foggy, if I hadn’t kept picturing the hole in the back of that man’s skull, if I could’ve forgotten the sneakers he was wearing, I probably would’ve been embarrassed to be naked in the same room as my mom and boyfriend.
Instead, I was vaguely grateful that I could just stand there, my arms dangling at my sides, as my mom washed the blood away with one of the pink washcloths she’d had for about a million years.
When she was done, she called Bas again. He helped me out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. He used another to dry my hair and then my legs and arms. Once I was no longer dripping, he led me to the bedroom, swinging the bathroom door shut.
Auntie Rose must’ve come in while we were in the bathroom, because two sets of clothes were laid out on the bed.
One had jeans, and the other had sweatpants.
In a daze, I grabbed the sweatpants and pulled them up my legs.
Bas grabbed the matching sweatshirt and pulled it on over my head, only pulling the towel away after I was fully covered.
His hands were shaking.
“We’re back,” my dad announced from the hallway, opening the door a fraction. “How’s it goin’ in here?”
“Mom’s in the shower,” I replied, my voice scratchy.
He pushed the door fully open and stepped inside. “This is a much better look,” he teased carefully. “Baggy sweatsuit. You should always wear that.”
I tried to smile, but it just wouldn’t come.
“Your glasses still in the bathroom?” he asked.
“Shit,” Bas mumbled.
“I’ll grab ’em,” Dad said. He opened the bathroom door and slipped inside.
The shower was still running.
He brought my glasses back out to me, then grabbed the clean clothes from the bed. “Take her out to the main room, yeah?” he asked Bas quietly. “We’ll be out in a little bit.”
“You sure?” Bas asked, glancing at the bathroom door. “Lily—”
“I’m sure,” Dad said. He kissed my head and went back into the bathroom.
The next few hours were a blur. Grandma Brenna sat next to me on the couch, rubbing my back. Nova got me coffee and then later some tea she said would help me sleep. Auntie Rose was silent, but she was never far away. She pulled a comb out of her purse and gently combed out my wet hair.
Bas didn’t leave my side. Titus and Cian and Rumi and Otto and about fifteen others came over to talk to him, but they always kept it brief.
My cousins each touched me, like they were reassuring themselves that I was in one piece.
Mick crouched by my knees and wrapped his hand around my ankle as he spoke to me quietly.
Rumi leaned down and wrapped his arms around me, giving my hair a soft tug.
Otto held my hand while he spoke to Bas.
On and on it went, each man stopping by to check on us.
At some point, I must’ve fallen asleep because in the middle of the night I woke up in an unfamiliar bed. My heart raced for a moment until I realized that Bas was sitting next to me. He was on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor.
“Where are we?” I asked, rolling toward him.
“Spare room.”
“The club has a spare room?”
“Apparently.”
“Oh.”
Things were much clearer than they’d been before I fell asleep, and I wondered where my parents were.
They wouldn’t have gone home, I knew that much.
Had Gram ever come to the clubhouse? I wasn’t sure why she’d stayed behind.
I didn’t need more coddling than she did—she was the one who’d had to shoot the man.
I’d just followed commands like a puppet.
Bas let out a rough sound, his breath shuddering.
“I’m okay,” I reminded him. “I’m not hurt.”
He didn’t answer.
“It scared me,” I continued, because I wasn’t really sure what else to say. “But it was over really quick. I walked backward from the front door to the kitchen, and then Gram shot him. It was less than five minutes. Three, probably. Maybe not even that.”
“I didn’t know it was you,” he said after a long moment of silence. “Titus said there was a shooting at Casper and Farrah’s, and I thought—I hoped both of them were okay. I didn’t even know you were there.”
“I had Nova and Rumi drop me off there,” I replied. “I was going to stay the night with Gram.”
“Because you were pissed at me,” he said flatly.
“I—well, yes. Mostly because I didn’t want to go home and get questioned why I was there.”
He let out a huff of humorless laughter.
“I think he was following me,” I said, trying to puzzle it out. “It doesn’t matter where I was.”
“You think he woulda tried to break into my place?” he asked. “Or your parents’ place?”
“Yeah. For all he knew, Gramps was home.”
“Or he looked in the kitchen windows and saw you and Farrah were alone,” he said flatly.
“I guess we’ll never know,” I replied.
“Always comes back around,” he whispered to himself, so quietly I wasn’t sure what he meant.
“What do you mean?” I asked, reaching for my glasses that someone had placed next to me so I could see him.
He was quiet for a really long time. So long, I wondered if he hadn’t even heard me.
“I had a foster sister,” he said finally, his voice a whisper. “Didn’t tell you that before.”
My stomach clenched. By just the quiver in his voice I knew that whatever he was about to say was going to hurt. I barely breathed, waiting for him to continue.
“Her name was Josie. She came to us when she was eight and I was eleven, but she always seemed even younger because she had a lot of health problems.” He paused.
“She was my little buddy. I let her follow me around for years because she didn’t have a lot of friends.
She’d walk to the store with me, play video games, that kind of thing. ”
I wanted to lay my hand on his back, but I was afraid if I touched him, he’d shatter.
“When I got older, I didn’t want a little sister around, and that really pissed her off. But I wanted to hook up with girls and shit. I was getting older, you know, tryin’ to find my own thing.”
My throat tightened.
“One night when I was seventeen, my mom went to the casino with a couple of her friends. She wasn’t allowed to be gone overnight with the fostering rules, but we all knew she’d get back pretty late.
So me, Mateo and Arlo decided to have some people over.
We told Josie that she had to stay out of the way, right?
Don’t embarrass us. Don’t drink. Basically, stay in her room. ”
I already knew which direction his story was headed, and I braced for the inevitable impact.
There was no way I could’ve prepared.
“So, the party’s goin’ and we’re all takin’ our turns keepin’ one eye on Josie and one on our friends. But at some point, we lost sight of her. Each of us assumed one of the others was keepin’ track of her, you know? She was a freshman in high school, so it wasn’t like she was a toddler.”
He let out a small sob before swallowing it back.
“By the time we found her in her room, she was half dressed and already blue. Overdose. From what the police could piece together, she’d gone up to her room with someone and probably got the drugs from them. We never figured out who it was.”
“Oh my god, Bas,” I whispered, finally reaching out to lay my hand on his curved back.
“She was probably so fuckin’ scared,” he rasped.
“She hadn’t been around drugs or any of that shit before.
Doubt she even understood what was happenin’ until it was too late.
She’d gone into foster care because her mom had mental health issues and was homeless, and Josie had too many health problems for her to handle.
She needed regular meals and a warm roof over her head. ”
“Is that when you left home?” I asked, rubbing his back in a slow circle.
“Yeah.” He shook his head, his voice distant. “You shoulda heard my mom screamin’ when she came in the house. Just completely lost it.”
That was twice he’d called Bernice his mom—he’d never done that before.
“She could barely look at us. After days of police and social services in and out of the house, the three of us took off. Just woke up one morning, and without discussin’ it, started packing our shit. I hadn’t seen any of them until Arlo showed up a couple months ago.”
“She was grieving,” I told him, sitting up. “She didn’t blame you, Bas. You were just a kid. Kids do stupid shit all the time. You didn’t know Josie would get hurt.”
“Now, I look at Ariel and think, I’d never blame you for somethin’ happenin’ to Diana, you know?
Just no fuckin’ way. But back then? Couldn’t see how she wouldn’t blame us.
We invited those people over. We lost track of Jo.
The only reason I didn’t swallow a bottle of pills was because I didn’t want my mom to find me the way we’d found Josie. ”
“Thank God,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. I laid my cheek against his back.
“When I walked in tonight and saw your dad, I saw his face, and I knew you were there,” he said, his hand wrapping around mine at his waist. “And I got thrown right back to that hallway, the look on people’s faces as I pushed my way through ’em.”
“I’m okay,” I said, kissing his back.
“Think I’m in love with you,” he said after a moment. “Haven’t ever been in love with anyone before, but I’m pretty sure this is it.”
“Odd timing to tell me,” I replied hoarsely, my heart pounding. “But okay.”
“Didn’t fuck Lou,” he said, his words stark. “Haven’t ever fucked Lou. Didn’t ever want to.”
“We can talk about that later.”
“Felt drawn to her,” he continued, like I hadn’t spoken. “Felt protective. Liked her. Thought she was cute, thought she was funny, liked how she was always takin’ care of people.”
I tried to keep my body from stiffening as he listed her virtues.
“She kissed me once,” he said, tightening his hands on mine as I tried to pull away. “Felt like kissin’ my sister. Creeped me out, honestly.”
I stopped pulling.
“Realized then that’s why I was drawn to her. Why I couldn’t seem to stay away from her or why I was constantly worried for her whenever we were at a party or whatever—even though I knew she was safe.”
“Oh,” I breathed, leaning into him.
“She’s slept in the same bed as me plenty of times,” he said, his thumb running along my wrist. “Sleeps. It’s not like that for me, and she knows it.
But when she was next to me, I knew she was okay.
It was comforting or some shit. I was able to sleep after bein’ keyed up all night.
I don’t know. Just know it didn’t have anythin’ to do with wanting to fuck her. ”
“And everyone thought it was exactly that,” I replied softly.
“Barely anyone knows about my past,” he said, turning to face me. “Dragon, Grease, and Casper got me shit-housed drunk one night and got it out of me…and now you. That’s it.”
“Why didn’t you tell Cian and Titus?” I asked.
“Don’t know,” he replied. “Didn’t want to think of it. Didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want them to know how bad I fucked up.”
“They would’ve understood,” I chided, reaching up to run my fingers along his prickly jaw. “They’re your best friends.”
“Shit like that changes the way people see you.”
“It doesn’t change the way I see you,” I argued.
“That’s ’cause you’re too sweet for your own good.”
“I am not,” I scoffed.
“Why do you think I love you?” he said, smiling slightly. “Makes my teeth ache, you’re so sweet.”
“I wasn’t tonight,” I said with a sigh. “I didn’t let you explain before I bailed.”
Bas gave his head a small shake. “Wouldn’t have been able to explain it then, and I know how it sounded. I woulda done the same thing.”
“Insecurity, party of one,” I said dryly, lifting my hand a little.
“Baby, haven’t you figured it out yet? You could sing show tunes standin’ on your head, and I’d still only want you. Nothin’ to be insecure about.”
“Show tunes?” I asked, my lips twitching.
“Standin’ on your head,” he whispered in confirmation. He pressed his lips to mine and then pulled back a little, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Can you stand on your head? Because that might be fun.”
Impossibly, irrationally, I giggled.