Craving Revenge (Kings of Mafia #6)

Chapter 1

Yuki

My face is expressionless as I lie down on the medical table.

Just like always, the doctor and Masaki exchange words before he comes to stand beside me.

Masaki is in charge of me, making sure I don’t cause any trouble and do everything I’m told. In the beginning, when I used to put up a fight, he’d whip my back raw. Eventually, the punishments just weren’t worth it anymore, and now I do as I’m told.

Dr. Hagita has been on the Yakuza’s payroll since I can remember. He’s the one who’s made sure I’ve looked like a boy since the age of eleven. With dermal fillers and Botox, he contours my jawline, enhances my chin, and gives my cheeks, nose, and brows a more masculine definition.

I haven’t seen Ryo in eleven years. Growing up, I was very close to my older brother until Father forcefully separated us. While I fill Ryo’s shoes in the public eye, he’s stashed away somewhere, training to take over as the Kumichō of the Yakuza so he can retire.

Retire, my butt.

Father is power-hungry and will never want to lose his seat at the head of the table. That’s why he’s going to place my brother in the seat of power, so Father can continue to rule by making Ryo do his bidding.

While Dr. Hagita starts with the injections, I close my eyes, my thoughts revolving around Ryo. I wonder if he’s doing well. Does he think of me? Father never answers my questions about him.

My heart clenches because even though so much time has passed, I miss my older brother. He was the only person who showed me any kind of love before he was ripped away from me.

(Eleven years ago…)

“Yuki! Over here.”

I carefully jump from one rock to the next as I cross the stream to get to where Ryo is crouching. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I bend down and peer into the puddle. Seeing the small fish, a smile stretches over my face.

Slowly, Ryo pokes his finger into the water, and it makes the fish scatter, looking for hiding places between the rocks.

I let out a chuckle, then getting up, I jump onto the grassy embankment. “Leave the fish, Ryo.”

He listens and follows me, and as we walk through the bamboo trees, we find sticks to use as swords and pretend we’re Samurai warriors.

“You’re too pretty to be a Samurai,” Ryo says as he jabs his stick at me.

The smile fades from my face as I stare at my favorite person in the whole world, and the next second, I burst out in tears.

Yesterday, Father told us Ryo is going away to train while I’ll stay behind.

Ryo quickly comes to hug me. “I don’t want to go away.”

Clinging to my brother, I sob my little heart out. “If you leave, I’ll be all alone.”

“Ryo! Yuki!” We hear Masaki call from the direction of the stream.

While I gasp, Ryo grabs my hand and starts to run through the trees.

“Ryo!” Masaki shouts. “We don’t have time for this.”

I glance over my shoulder and see Masaki giving a hand signal to the soldiers to go after us.

A shriek bursts over my lips, and my tears begin to fall again. “Ryo, they’re coming.”

He pulls harder at my hand, our palms sweaty. I almost stumble as I struggle to keep up with him. The next second, my other arm is grabbed, and I let out a terrified scream as my hand is easily pulled from Ryo’s.

Ryo spins around, and letting out a warrior's cry, he storms the soldier who’s yanking me backward. As I lose my balance and partially fall, the other soldiers grab hold of Ryo, and he drops his stick on the ground.

“Enough!” Masaki snaps angrily, then he orders, “Take Ryo away.”

“Nooooo!” I cry, darting to my feet as the soldiers begin to drag Ryo back toward the stream. The soldier who captured me tightens his grip on my arm, and I’m unable to get free.

“Yuki!” Ryo shouts. “No. Let me go. Yuki!” His voice goes shrill with anger as he fights against them.

I’m crying so hard I can’t get any words out, and as the men continue to walk and the distance grows between us, I feel inconsolable.

“I’ll find you!” Ryo yells as he disappears from my view. “Yuki! I’ll find you again.”

I sink to my knees, my arm hanging in the air where the soldier still has a firm hold on it. Seeing the stick Ryo was using for a sword, I quickly grab it and press it to my chest.

(Present time…)

Dr. Hagita finishes with the last injection near my ear, then his fingers prod all over my face.

For the next week, I’ll lie low while the swelling goes down before I’m forced to go out in public again. It’s the only week I get to myself and I’m left alone.

In the past, school and voice coaches kept me busy, but since I turned eighteen, I get to do some pottery or just watch TV while I gorge on snacks. At least I don’t have to watch my weight because it helps me look more like a man if I’m not too skinny.

I have to go through the procedures every three months and don’t even feel the prick of the injections anymore.

Honestly, I’m so used to it and actually get excited because it means I’ll have seven days of peace and quiet before I have to return to the role of a man who spends most of his time in restaurants and clubs.

There’s also the suit fittings, test driving the latest sports cars, and once in a while, attending birthday parties or functions held by the other wealthy heirs in Tokyo.

I hate that I have to portray Ryo as a man who’s frivolous with money and doesn’t care about anything. It feels like I’m being dishonorable to his image, and I fear he won’t forgive me once he finds out.

But that’s still another year from now. Ryo will come out of hiding to take his place in the Yakuza when he turns twenty-five, and he’ll probably take over from Father when he turns thirty.

When Dr. Hagita is satisfied, and he steps away from me, I sit up on the bed and adjust the oversized sweater I’m wearing. Except for the suits, most of my clothes are bulky. I also wear shoes with hidden lifts and thickened insoles, so I appear taller than I am.

“Does the padded shirt and chest binder still fit well?” Dr. Hagita asks.

Not bothering to look at him, I nod as I slip off the medical table. The padded shirt adds bulk to my torso, and the chest binder squashes my breasts so flat that it sometimes hurts to breathe. It’s a two-in-one shirt I’m forced to wear under all my outfits.

While I wait for Masaki to finish talking with Dr. Hagita, I adjust the hoodie over my head to hide my face, which is already starting to feel swollen.

When Masaki walks to the door, I follow him out of the room. Sho and Kentaro, the two guards who always accompany us everywhere, are waiting out in the hallway, and we leave the building without wasting any time.

Just as we step onto the sidewalk, a woman gets out of a car. She’s wearing a pale pink dress, the fabric swooshing around her legs. Her makeup is done exquisitely, and I feel the familiar pang of longing and resentment.

I used to be beautiful like her. Ryo always joked that he’d have to beat up all the boys to keep them away from me once I was older.

Instead, I became a boy, and I was home-schooled, so I never had any friends. I’m fluent in five languages and did so well with my schoolwork that I could’ve studied for a degree. But I wasn’t allowed to attend university.

Right now, it’s my job to impersonate my brother, and once he takes his rightful place, I’ll get married to a man of my father’s choosing. My life will never be my own.

The woman gives me a curious look as I walk to where Kentara opens the back door of the luxurious Toyota Century.

As I climb inside, I glance at the woman and see she’s looking over her shoulder at me, but when Kentaro gives her a wolfish grin, she quickly glances away.

She’s probably wondering who I am. I often run into socialites when I’m out and about, but thankfully, I never have to pretend I’m dating one.

I have never dated or been in love, and I’ve given up having stupid daydreams. Once Ryo comes out of hiding, I’ll be given to a high-ranking official.

My eyes touch on Masaki as he gets in beside me while the guards sit in the front of the car.

Masaki is married, so at least I know I won’t be given to him. Kentaro and Sho are just guards, so it won’t be one of them either, which is another blessing because they’re hot-headed idiots.

I don’t know the other members of the Yakuza, as I don’t attend meetings or interact with any of them. I don’t even know where Father lives and only see him every other month.

During the drive home, I stare down at my hands, useless thoughts mulling in my head.

When we pull into the driveway, I let out a sigh, and as soon as the car stops, I push the door open and get out.

Sho and Kentaro always search the entire premises before they make themselves at home in my living room. Luckily, I have a TV in my bedroom, so I don’t have to interact with the guards.

“Rest this week,” Masaki orders with a brisk tone. “You’ll be busy once the swelling is gone and won’t get any time off.”

That’s not news to me.

Not replying, I walk to my bedroom and lock the door behind me.

I pull the sweater off, but it takes me longer to remove the padded shirt because it’s so tight-fitting.

The instant the stretchy fabric is over my head, I let out a relieved sigh.

I can finally take a deep breath as my skin and breasts tingle from no longer being squashed.

I go to stand in front of my full-length mirror and take in the swelling and injection marks all over my face and neck. I can’t remember what I used to look like before the injections, except that I had long hair that reached my butt instead of the wolf cut I have now.

Is this what Ryo looks like now?

I asked Father once if I’m Ryo’s likeness with all the injections, but he didn’t answer me.

Sometimes, I miss my brother so much that I stand in front of the mirror and talk to my reflection, pretending it’s him.

My gaze drifts over my breasts and the scars on my side from where I was stabbed twice during an assassination attempt two years ago.

I suck in a forlorn breath and let it out slowly as I turn away from the mirror. I glance over the bedroom where I spend most of my time. There’s only a cupboard, a bed, a TV mounted against the wall, and a table by the window where I can sit and have my meals.

I have nothing personal to say this is my bedroom.

Walking to the closet, I open it and stand on my toes so I can reach the top shelf. My fingers brush over the box hidden there, and carefully taking hold of it, I lift it out and carry it to my bed. I set it down on the cream-colored covers and remove the lid.

Ignoring the letters I’ve written over the years for Ryo but never got to give him, I pick up the two pieces of the bamboo stick Ryo used as a sword.

When the soldier dragged me home, Father was so angry, he grabbed the stick from my hand and hit me with it until it broke in two.

Looking at my only precious belonging, a lump forms in my throat as I once again remember the day Ryo was taken from me. Our mother died shortly after giving birth to me, so I don’t remember losing her.

But losing Ryo, the heartbreak was unfathomable and so great that it will follow me through all my lives. It’s the kind of pain that leaves a stain on your soul.

I only allow myself a minute to gingerly brush my fingertips over the dried bamboo pieces before I carefully place them back in the box and return it to the top shelf.

Pulling a T-shirt off a hanger, I drag it on before lying down on the bed. I turn onto my side and stare out the window at the ginkgo tree that grows close to the house. The leaves are starting to change from green to yellow.

The heaviness that’s filled my chest since the day I was separated from my brother grows until tears prick my eyes.

I feel like I’m nothing more than a shadow passing through this life.

Ryo’s shadow.

I’ll never be Yuki again. She died with the prick of the first injection when she was eleven.