Chapter 4 Numb
His pulse remained unsteady. His eyes—sharp and cold during the day—now looked clouded and uneasy. His breaths came harsh and shallow, and for a long moment, he just sat there, staring blankly at nothing.
When his gaze fell on the clock on the wall, it read two in the morning.
He exhaled slowly, pushed himself up from the chair, and grabbed his phone from the desk. Sitting still was impossible. His entire body felt restless like he was being chased by a fear he couldn’t escape.
He walked out of the study, his footsteps echoing faintly in the silent hallway. His steps slowed as he reached the bedroom door. The dark room stared back at him, silent and cold. His hand clenched around the doorknob but after a long second, he turned away.
He descended the grand staircase, crossed the hallway, and stepped out into the cold night behind the house.
The air outside was biting cold. A large swimming pool stretched before him, the water dark and still under the faint moonlight. Thin layers of mist floated over the surface, and the faint rustle of wind was the only sound.
James walked to the table beside the pool, poured himself a glass of whiskey, and took a long swallow.
The burn slid down his throat, but he barely felt it.
His expression didn’t change. His body was stiff, shoulders squared, his thin nightshirt doing little to shield him from the cold but his body felt numb, as though the cold couldn’t reach whatever was left inside him.
He poured another, downed it, then poured again.
Each swallow was harsh, his Adam's apple bobbing as he drank without pause. The cold night mixed with the warmth of alcohol, but the numbness in his chest stayed the same. He paced alongside the pool, his eyes fixed on the water’s reflection, his thoughts circling back to the same question again and again.
“She walked out on her own,” he muttered under his breath. “Then why the hell is she crying to me now for help?”
Yet the words didn’t sound convincing. No matter how much anger he tried to summon, all he felt was a strange tightness in his chest. An agitation that refused to fade.
He finished the glass in one hard gulp and poured another, but his fingers trembled slightly this time. His gaze drifted to the side where his new phone lay on the table. The sight of it made something heavy settle in his chest again—something close to panic.
He set the glass down and picked up the phone, staring at the screen for a long time. The hesitation was clear in his eyes. Finally, he exhaled and dialed a number.
“Mr. Sinclair?” came William’s drowsy voice on the other end.
“Did Mia call you again?” James asked directly.
There was a pause. Then William replied, “No, sir. She didn’t.”
James’s throat tightened as he dropped the phone back on the table, the screen going black. He picked up his whiskey again, took a few small sips, and began pacing around the pool once more. The silence pressed against him from every side.
He drank again. And again.
The glass was nearly empty when his grip started to tighten. His hand trembled, veins standing out on his skin. When the last drop was gone, he squeezed harder—until a sharp crack echoed in the night.
The glass shattered in his palm.
Shards cut into his skin, thin lines of blood appearing against his fingers.
But he didn’t even flinch. He looked down briefly, then simply pulled the glass pieces out of his palm one by one, tossing them aside.
His fingers bled, yet he simply wiped them on his shirt, his expression unchanged.
The pain didn’t register. The numbness stayed.
By the time dawn came, the entire city outside had begun to lighten with morning hues. The pool area glowed faintly under the rising sun.
William stepped into the backyard, his eyes widening at the sight—James seated in a lounge chair, the whiskey bottle empty on the table beside him. He was still holding the last glass, slowly sipping the remaining drops.
“Mr. Sinclair,” William said carefully, stepping closer. “Are you all right?”
James looked up, his face blank. “It’s nothing,” he said flatly. “Couldn’t sleep.”
William inclined his head slightly. “Sir, Mr. Hayes will arrive at your office within the hour for the meeting.”
James blinked slowly, then muttered, “Right.”
He pushed the empty glass aside, making it slide across the table. Then, with steady movements, he stood up. Despite drinking the entire night, there was no trace of drunkenness in his eyes—only a hollow exhaustion that ran bone-deep.
Without another word, he turned and walked back into the house. In the bedroom, he headed straight for the closet, his expression still hard as he reached for his clothes.
However, his eyes fell on the clothes hanging in the wardrobe next to his own.
Mia’s outfits from the parties they had attended together, neatly folded, still carrying the faint scent of her perfume.
His chest tightened, a surge of frustration and anger rising uncontrollably.
Teeth clenched, jaw taut, he roughly yanked his own clothes from the wardrobe and stormed out of the closet.
He took a long, tense shower, letting the cold water wash over him, though it did nothing to calm the turmoil inside.
Dressing meticulously in his finest suit, he fastened an expensive watch on his wrist and dabbed on his signature perfume.
Everything about him screamed control and power—a man presenting perfection on the outside while chaos brewed within.
He left the room, moving to the living and dining area.
The table was empty. No breakfast had been prepared. His eyes flicked toward Mrs. Maisel, who was working quietly in the kitchen. Her hands froze mid-motion as she noticed him. Instantly, she hurried forward, picking up plates.
“Mr. Sinclair, you’re here? I’ll set up breakfast for you,” she said, her voice anxious as she started arranging the table.
James’s gaze flickered toward the empty chair across from him. Normally, Mia would already have the table set, the food arranged perfectly. She would sit beside him, eating lightly herself, watching him with that familiar soft expression.
The familiar warmth of the morning routine was gone. His appetite died instantly.
Without saying a word, he turned on his heel and walked out, leaving the house in silence and heading straight to the office.
By midday, after a morning packed with meetings, James returned to his office. Gabriel was waiting, casually lounging in a chair, scrolling through his phone. The moment James entered, Gabriel sprang to his feet, a gleam of excitement in his eyes.
“Finally! I’ve been waiting here for hours, Sinclair,” Gabriel exclaimed.
“I was in meetings,” James replied nonchalantly. Lowering himself into his chair, he asked, “What are you doing here?”
Gabriel’s excitement only grew. “Tonight there’s a meeting that’s way more important than your board discussions.”
James rested his hands on the table, fingers twitching slightly, his mind barely registering Gabriel’s words. “What meeting?” he asked.
Gabriel leaned forward, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Do you remember all our friends from college? They’re all gathering tonight at Neil’s villa. And guess what? Kylie is coming too! You have to come early. Don’t miss this chance to impress her.”
James leaned back in his chair, uninterested. “I’m not coming.”
Gabriel froze, frowning, and stepped closer to the desk.
“Why not? I’m talking about Kylie! Don’t you remember how much she liked you back then?
If it weren’t for Mia, wouldn’t she be… well, you know?
” His voice teased, leaning suggestively toward James.
“I asked around—she hasn’t had any boyfriends, not even in France.
Can you believe it? Despite becoming a popular actress there, she’s still coming back for you.
Everyone has been saying that she’s been waiting for you. Aren’t you even a little excited?”
James set aside his tablet, his voice flat. “I am married.”
Gabriel blinked, confusion flashing across his face as excitement drained away. “You… you don’t like that Mia Bennett, do you?”
James’s fingers tightened. For a brief moment, his eyes flashed with something but he quickly shifted his gaze back to the files on his table. “Have you lost your mind?” he said sharply, his tone laced with irritation. “Why would I fall for a woman like that?”
Gabriel stared, disbelief flickering in his eyes.
James pushed back his chair abruptly, stood, and strode to the door, slamming it behind him as he walked out.
***
When James arrived home again, the sight of the mansion made him pause. The large house stood in stark blackness, silent and imposing. Gabriel’s words echoed faintly in his mind, gnawing at him.
‘You don’t like that Mia Bennett, do you?’
He clenched his fists, jaw tight, and finally forced himself to enter.
Once inside, his gaze moved directly to the staircase leading to the upper floor. His feet faltered in the living room, his body stiffening. Instead of heading upstairs, he turned and sank onto one of the couches.
Mrs. Maisel approached promptly, her voice soft and measured. “Mr. Sinclair, shall I set the dinner table for you?”
His gaze slid toward the empty dining chair where Mia would usually sit, and his frustration deepened until his temples began to throb.
That chair had always been hers. Every day she would sit there quietly, waiting for him.
Now the sight of that empty seat made something inside him twist unpleasantly.
‘This woman disappeared from my sight only to haunt my peace again and again!’ he thought bitterly.
His chest tightened as he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling harshly. He dismissed Mrs. Maisel flatly, not even glancing her way. “No. I don’t want to eat right now.”
“All right then, Mr. Sinclair,” she said quietly, giving a small nod. She hesitated for a second as if she wanted to say more, then turned and walked away.