23. Penelope
Chapter 23
Penelope
I get back to my office without looking over my shoulder to see if Xavier is following me or what expression is on his face. I close the door behind me and pull out my phone to call Jonas and ask him to pick me up for lunch.
As the wife of the three CEOs, they’ve given me free reign to do that, and Jonas seems happy enough to do it.
I wait for him outside and when he pulls up, I slide into the passenger seat instead of going to the back.
He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything about it.
“Everything all right?” he asks, glancing over at me as he pulls away from the building. “It might not be any of my business, but you look like you’re having a rough day.”
“Yeah, you could say that,” I reply, slouching down in my seat. “There’s just a lot going on.”
He nods. “Life is like that sometimes. I’d imagine it’s even more like that when you’re involved in all this.” Jonas lifts one hand from the steering wheel to gesture around.
“What’s ‘this’?” I ask him.
“Oh you know, being entangled with CEOs on this level and dealing with a big company. Even if you were just working for them, I’m sure that would come with a lot of stress.”
I nod along because he’s right. Even before we started this whole thing, it wasn’t like working for Vantage was what I would call relaxing.
“That’s true. I feel like a fish out of water most of the time. Like I just don’t fit in. I’m not fashionable or clever like some of the other assistants.” The image of Sienna touching Xavier’s chest flashes into my mind and I have to forcibly shove it away. “I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.”
“Can I tell you a secret, Ms. Penelope?” Jonas asks.
“Please do.”
“I guess it’s really two secrets. The first one is that most of us have no idea what we’re doing. We’re all just stumbling through as much as we can, trying to piece together enough knowledge to not completely mess up. The second secret is that you being exactly who you are is a wonderful thing. I’ve been in this business for a long time, and I’ve had a lot of people in my backseat. You’re a special one.”
I smile at his words, feeling a little bit better from the fatherly way Jonas talks. At least someone doesn’t think I’m a failure, I guess.
“Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.”
He smiles and pulls up in front of a neat, quiet little cafe. “My pleasure. Enjoy your lunch, and just give me a call when you’re ready to go back to the office.”
I nod and slide out of the car. The cafe is cute, and it smells invitingly of coffee and warm bread, so I walk in and look around to find a table.
“Penelope?”
I turn when someone calls my name, and I’m surprised to see Xavier’s sister Bella sitting at a table to my left. She grins at me, waving.
“Hey! I thought that was you.”
“Hi.” I try to smile back, but it probably isn’t all that convincing, considering the way Bella arches an eyebrow.
“So what’s going on?” Bella asks.
“What do you mean?”
She gives me a look. “Come on. I can tell when someone’s had a bad morning, and you look like you’re going through it. Do you need someone to talk to?”
I bite my lip, debating. On the one hand, it’s probably bad form to complain about someone to their sister, even if Bella had offered to be there if I needed someone. On the other hand, it’s not like I have anyone else to talk to, and I feel like I might literally explode if I can’t get some of this off my chest.
“Your brother and I got into a fight,” I admit after a while. Bella’s eyebrows go up, and I clarify quickly. “It was just a little argument, I guess. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Hey, you don’t have to qualify it with me,” Bella says. “Here, why don’t you go order something and we can talk about it?”
It sounds better than sitting at a table alone, going over everything in my head, so I agree and go to the counter to order a sandwich and soup.
Once I have my food, I settle at the table with Bella, and she watches me try everything, an expectant, but patient look on her face.
“It’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard to know where I stand sometimes,” I tell her. “Everything was nice this morning, and we were flirting and teasing each other before we left the house, right? Then we get to the office, and I have to bring him some files, and I come in to see this other assistant, Sienna, all over him. And he was just letting her do it.”
Bella rolls her eyes. “I remember Sienna. Tall, leggy, always acts like she has a stick up her ass?”
“That’s the one,” I say, laughing a little. “And it doesn’t help that she’s beautiful and competent and she hates me. So seeing her there in his office just made me feel like shit, you know? Like he’s just waiting for his chance to swoop in and have her once he’s done with me. He said that I’m his wife, so I shouldn’t worry, but it’s not like we’re mated. It’s not like he can’t just toss me aside if he wanted to.”
I don’t know how much Xavier has told his family about the truth of our marriage, so I don’t go into too much detail. The relevant parts seem safe enough anyway.
“Oh, Xavier,” Bella says on a sigh, shaking her head. “He can be an idiot sometimes. He’s so friendly and charming to everyone that he forgets that some people read into that kind of thing.”
“Right?” I say, finishing the last bite of my sandwich. “Sienna definitely wants him, and he didn’t do anything to warn her off.”
“Here’s the thing about my brother,” Bella says, leaning her elbow on the table. “He basically always means well. Everything he does is to make other people happy. But sometimes he needs to realize that he’s being over the top with it. Or that in trying to make everyone happy, he’s letting other people down. You just have to make sure he knows how you feel.”
I wrinkle my nose because having a heart to heart about it doesn’t sound great. Although I guess I basically already let him know I was jealous by snapping at him about Sienna. So that cat is out of the bag already.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I guess I should just talk to him about it now that I’ve calmed down some. Better than letting it fester.”
We finish our meal and I get up to go pay at the counter, Bella following behind me. When I pull out my wallet, I realize Xavier’s card is still sticking out of it from when he gave it to me this morning.
Bella grins mischievously. “Well, they say the best way to get your feelings out after a fight is to spend money.”
“Who says that?”
She shrugs. “People. I’ve heard them.”
I laugh and swipe Xavier’s card to pay for lunch and the two of us walk out together.
“What are you doing now?” Bella asks.
“I guess technically I should get back to work. I told Xavier I was taking a long lunch, but there’s a lot to do.”
She smiles at me, linking her arm with mine. “Or you could not do that and we could go do something fun instead.”
“Like… what?”
“Shopping!”
“I don’t know if I should…”
“Come on, Pen. You’re married to the bosses. What’s the fun of that if you don’t take advantage of it every now and then? What did Xavier tell you when he gave you his card?”
I chew my bottom lip for a while before answering. “That I should use it to get whatever I want.”
“There you go.”
I don’t mention that he said that because we were talking about my nesting, but Bella does have a point. The three of them are always talking about providing for me, and up until now, I haven’t really asked for anything.
“Okay,” I say, smiling back at her. “Let’s do it.”
She claps excitedly. “Yes! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to have a shopping buddy? Trying to get my brothers to come along with me is like pulling teeth. And on top of that they have the worst taste.”
We take the car to the shopping district, bypassing any of the shops I would usually go into, hoping to find something on clearance that wouldn’t break the bank. We go right for the high end boutiques with names I can’t pronounce. The clothes are all so beautiful, and you can tell they’re expensive because there aren’t even any price tags on them.
In the first shop, a sales girl asks if we need any help, and Bella waves her off with a smile.
“We’ve got this,” she says, towing me over to a rack of dresses. She pulls out one that’s a lovely green color and holds it up to me. “This would look amazing on you.”
I glance at it, making a face. “Do you think it’ll fit?” That’s the other issue with high end stores. Most of them don’t cater to women who have any amount of curve to them, and I am not even remotely small or skinny.
“Only one way to find out,” Bella insists.
That seems to be her motto for the afternoon.
We try on countless dresses and shirts and pants, coming out of the dressing rooms to show each other what we’re wearing.
She has me turn in front of the mirrors and tell her what I like and don’t like about each outfit. It feels silly at first, like I’m just playing pretend, but eventually, it starts to be really fun.
Bella’s energy is infectious, and seeing her being all excited about me trying things on makes me excited about it.
I spin around in a dress, making the skirt flare out around my legs, and she laughs delightedly.
“Oh, you have to get that one,” she declares. “And shoes to match!”
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I’m mostly supposed to be getting things for my nest. Not really clothes and stuff.”
“We’ll do that too,” Bella promises. “But you can get yourself a few things that will make you feel good. That’s a part of it.”
And she’s right. Feeling good will make it all so much easier, so I agree to the dress and a couple other pieces from high end, designer lines, as well as shoes and a few pieces of jewelry that Bella insists will tie so many things together in my outfits. She calls them investment pieces, saying that the wife of three prominent CEOs has to look the part for events and stuff, and she has a point there, too.
Even with not getting everything we tried on, the bill is so much higher than anything I’ve ever spent in one go, and I wince as I swipe the card, trying to tap into Bella’s belief that I deserve it.
We go into a home goods store next, and test out pillows and blankets, touching them critically. Most of them are almost sinfully soft, and we load up on a bunch of them to add to my nest.
Those cost another small fortune, but Bella doesn’t even let me worry about it before she’s whisking me off to the next shop.
“Listen,” she says. “Xavier has more money than he knows what to do with. He doesn’t give us numbers or anything, but he’s always telling us that we don’t have to worry about a thing because he can handle it. He’s a billionaire. Spending a ton of money at a couple of shops isn’t going to break his bank.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right, it’s just…” I sigh. “I don’t even know how to explain it.”
“You’re not used to being treated the way you should be,” Bella says. There’s something almost wise in the way she says it, and I look at her, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that. It’s like… I know I deserve things, and I know people are capable of caring about me, but it’s so hard to trust it sometimes, you know? That’s one of the big reasons why this fight with Xavier hit me so hard. The idea of someone I thought I knew, changing on me and becoming a completely different person is basically my biggest fear.”
Bella looks at me and gleeful expression melts into something more serious. “Has that happened to you before?”
I hesitate and then nod. “Yeah, it has. It’s one of those things where I feel like it’s my fault. Like I did something to make them change. Or I didn’t do enough to keep them from changing. It makes it hard to trust that people are who they say they are and that they have good intentions.”
“I get that,” Bella says. “And I can’t say that I’ve been through what you’ve been through, but I know how hard it is to trust people when you’ve been hurt.” There’s a knowing look on her face, like she can tell that there’s more to my story than I’ve told her.
And there is. Of course there is.
Thankfully, she doesn’t push too hard. Doesn’t try to get me to open up more than I’m willing to.
“Does Xavier know?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“I’m not going to say you should spill your guts to him or anything, if you’re not ready, but can I tell you something I’ve learned?”
“Sure,” I whisper.
“It’s hard to expect people to live up to things they don’t know about. If you told Xavier and the others how you feel, or what happened to make you feel the way you do, they might understand more and it would help things between you.”
“I can’t do that,” I say immediately. “I just… I can’t. I’m not ready.”
If they were serious about me maybe I could consider it, but with things the way they are, it’s not like there’s any reason to dig up all that trauma and lay it at their feet.
“That’s fair,” Bella replies. “And it’s up to you either way. But maybe think about it?”
“I will,” I tell her, knowing I probably won’t.
“And give my brother a little bit of grace, if you can. This is all new to him. Being married, having a pack. He’s always been family oriented, always been willing to do whatever it takes for us, but besides his company, this is the first thing he’s ever had for himself.”
“He told us you were the reason he got into tech in the first place,” I tell her.
Bella laughs. “I guess that’s true, if he means I threatened to kick his ass if he died for some celebrity. But he would have gotten out of that life eventually anyway. All of us were worried about him, and he knew it. But it fit for him, in a way.”
“Really?”
She nods. “Yeah. He’s always been protective, always ready to step in and help someone if they need it. Mostly for his family. Me and our brothers.” She smiles a little wistfully. “Our parents died when we were pretty young, and he worked so hard to take care of us, all on his own. He shouldered everything so the twins and I wouldn’t have to worry about paying rent or where our next meal was going to come from. And he did it without asking for so much as a thank you in return.”
I turn that over in my head and find that it makes sense for the Xavier I know. It’s clear how devoted he is. How much he wants to make things better for people. “He never told me all that,” I murmur.
“He doesn’t talk about it much. You have to know how to read him, and I think I know how to do that better than most.” She smiles, leaning in like we’re sharing a secret. “So I can tell you this, Penelope. I’ve never seen my brother look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
Those words hit me hard. Bella clearly pays attention, and she’s not the kind of person who would make up a lie just to make me feel better. If she’s saying that, then it must be because it’s true.
I haven’t recovered from it yet before she’s continuing on. “I’m glad he married you, Pen. I’m glad it brought me into your life.”
“Me too,” I reply, meaning it so completely.
She pulls me into a hug, and it’s one of those warm, all-encompassing kind of hugs that people only give when there’s feeling behind it. I melt into it a little bit, holding on to her as tightly as she’s holding on to me.
Jonas doesn’t say anything when we get back to the car, just takes me back to the office and says he’ll be waiting outside at the usual time.
It’s late in the afternoon when I walk back in, and the office is quiet while people wrap up their tasks and get ready to head out for the day.
Xavier happens to be at the copier when I walk by, and he calls out my name, halting me in my tracks.
“Can I see you in my office?” he asks.
It’s hard to tell from his demeanor whether he’s mad or not. He seems pleasant, but the smile he gives me is a little bland. I just nod and follow him to his office, watching as he closes the door and then walks around to drop down into the chair behind his desk.
“You definitely meant it when you said you were taking a long lunch,” he says.
I bristle a little, still feeling defiant. If I wanted to be petty, I could point out all the times I worked through lunch when I first started working here, and how the company technically owed me for that time. But instead, I just shrug and say, “I needed a break.”
Xavier nods. “You did seem… tense.”
It doesn’t give anything away, and I fidget a little while I stand there. It’s awkward, wondering if I’m going to be in trouble with my husband, who is also my boss.
“Is it going to be a problem?” I finally ask, just wanting to get it over with.
He shakes his head. “No. As far as I’m concerned, you can take as many long lunches as you want. You don’t even have to be working here if you don’t want to, and you’re always ahead on your work, so…” He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“Okay. Is that all?”
He looks at me. “We should probably talk, shortcake. About what happened before.”
I open my mouth to say it would probably be better to talk at home, but I’m interrupted by Xavier’s phone buzzing on the desk.
He makes a face but answers it, putting on his smooth, professional voice. “Xavier Sterling.”
There’s a moment of quiet as he listens to whoever’s on the other end of the call, and then his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He glances at me. “Is that all from today?”
Something about the way he asks that tells me exactly who is calling and what they’re calling about. My heart skips a beat and my stomach clenches with anxiety.
Bella was so sure that Xavier wouldn’t be mad about the charges to his card, but now that I’m standing in front of him while he’s finding out… I’m not so sure.
I spent an absurd amount of money. The kind of money that could buy someone a house or pay their rent for a long time. More money than I’ve ever seen in my life. No matter what Bella said, I brace myself for Xavier to be furious with me.
Maybe I can take it all back once stuff gets delivered. Do rich people do returns? At least I could try if he’s really mad, and that might?—
“Approve the charges,” Xavier says, his voice calm.
I blink in shock. “You know that was pretty damned near a million dollars, right?” I blurt out, unable to help myself.
Xavier just grins at me. “Yes, thank you,” he says to the person on the phone and then hangs up. He gives me his full attention again, and he still seems completely unbothered. “I gave you that card so you would use it, shortcake,” he says. “And you’re finally doing what you should have been doing this whole time.”
“What’s that?”
“Letting us spoil you. Acting like the fucking queen you are.”