Rude Awakening
. . .
Cade
There was a unicorn in my bed.
Either jet lag was causing bizarre hallucinations, or I’d woken up to a fluffy rainbow unicorn attacking me.
Well, a woman in unicorn clothing.
Which was… arguably stranger.
When all she did after I pinned her was try to pitifully wiggle free, I repeated myself, “Who are you?”
She wrenched her head back, gasping for air. “Oh my god, how did you do that? You moved so fast.”
I pushed her face back into the mattress. “Who are you?”
She squeaked—actually squeaked, as if she weren’t the one who’d attacked first—and stiffened under me.
I yanked her arms back further. “Answer me.”
“Ow! I’m Ellie with S.C.S!” The rushed words were muffled against the mattress, and I eased the pressure on her head. She huffed. “I’ll have you know you are breaking about a dozen rules right now. I have no choice but to tell my supervisor about this.”
I stared at the ridiculous sparkly horn sticking up from the top of her hood. She may as well have been speaking a different language. “Your what?”
“My boss.” Giving up her fight, she slumped against the bed with a sigh. “Can you please let me up now? This is assault, not to mention extremely uncomfortable.”
Assault?
She was the one who’d attacked me.
“Not until you tell me what the hell you’re doing in my bed,” I said, digging my knee into her back and resting more of my weight on her, earning a soft grunt.
“What you hired me to do, you—you jerk!” She kicked out wildly without managing to make contact. “I’m here for our appointment.”
I questioned my sanity again. Mac had mentioned a cleaning crew coming to wash windows, but I’d never seen cleaners wear unicorn costumes. “What does getting in my bed have to do with cleaning?”
The intruder’s kicking abruptly stopped. “… Is this a riddle?”
“It’s a simple question. How were you planning to wash the windows from my bed?”
Her horn cocked to one side. “I… I wasn’t?”
“Exactly.” The stupid horn had left a trail of glitter on my bed, and I ripped her hood back to reveal a messy blue braid.
Blue.
She turned her head and rested a cheek against the mattress—not seeming the least bit bothered by me pinning her down anymore. I blinked hard, recognizing those big blue eyes and upturned nose.
The red face from thrashing against me was new, though.
“You’re the woman from the front entrance,” I said, letting go of her hood with a frown. “The one who made a scene.”
She winced and heaved in a breath. “Can everyone stop calling that a scene, please? I was perfectly reasonable.”
I hadn’t taken a good look at her outside, but she reminded me of the little fairy statues my grandmother used to keep in her garden.
Soft, delicate features framed by colorful hair.
Long thick eyelashes brushed against flushed cheeks, and my mind strayed to other reasons I’d have her in a position like this on my bed.
How soft she felt underneath me wasn’t helping.
But she was clearly a raging lunatic, so I shoved those thoughts aside. It was a miracle she’d managed to get past Mac and the staff—and a massive breach of security I’d discuss with my team later.
Maybe Mac had been right about her being the perfect hit man.
That didn’t explain why a hit man would dress like a unicorn, though. “Why are you wearing that?”
“It’s what you requested,” she answered, staying surprisingly calm given the situation—until her eyes narrowed up at me. I got the feeling she was trying to glare, but it lacked any heat. “Why did you hit me? The terms of service clearly state we have a zero-tolerance policy for violence.”
Every word out of her mouth was more absurd than the last.
“You’re mad at me?” My brows rose. “You’re the one who trespassed and climbed into my bed.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line. “Mr. Westbrook, I’m a little confused. If this is an attempt to roleplay, there wasn’t any mention of that in your request.”
“Roleplay?” An actual growl left my throat, making her freeze. This woman was insane. But since she wasn’t fighting back and I could easily overpower her again, I shifted off her back. “Get the hell out of my bed.”
She took her time sitting up and brushing off the front of her costume. When she made a show of rubbing her wrists like a convict who’d been cuffed all night, my impatience grew. I slid off the other side of the bed.
“You know, I’m just trying to do my job,” she said slowly. Half her braid had come loose during the struggle, and she pushed back the wild strands. “The one you’re paying me for.”
Her sidelong, narrow-eyed look implied I was the crazy one in this situation, and I bristled. “I didn’t order a whore.”
Her breath hitched. “Excuse me. I’m a professional cuddler.”
I stared, convinced I’d heard wrong. “A what?”
“I don’t know why you’re acting oblivious when you’re the one who hired me.” A crease formed between her brows. “You don’t need to be so self-conscious about it.”
I gritted my teeth. “How exactly do you think I hired you?”
“On the Sunshine Cuddle Services app, of course.”
The more she explained, the less sense it made. “You’ve got the wrong guy and the wrong address.”
“No, I don’t. This address was listed in your profile, and the scary security man in your living room confirmed your identity when I arrived.” She lifted her chin. “You’re Cade Westbrook, and you hired a professional cuddler from Sunshine Cuddle Services.”
“The hell I did. I don’t have that app. Never heard of it.” I crossed my arms, eyeing her for any weapons. The unicorn costume was baggy, and she could easily have a knife strapped to her person. “How did you even get past the front desk?”
“It was trickier than you’d think,” she said with a sniff. “But your little cover with the company name helped keep our appointment discreet.”
Cover? Everything she said was complete nonsense.
I hadn’t slept, felt a killer headache coming on, and all this talk about a fake appointment was starting to piss me off. The last thing I needed today was a crazy stalker sneaking into my bed and playing mind games with me. She needed to leave.
“All right. You’ve had your fun. Time to go.” I circled the bed and grabbed her arm, pulling her off the bed. She barely blinked while I dragged her out of the room.
“I’ll be telling my supervisor about you attacking me.” She stumbled in her attempts to keep up with me down the hallway. “He’ll block you from ever using the app again, and we aren’t afraid to take legal action for the violence.”
I didn’t slow. “Tell your pimp whatever you want as long as you leave.”
“He’s not a pimp!” she cried, suddenly digging in her feet. “Wait! My things are in that room.”
We stopped long enough for her to dart into the guest room and grab a small duffle bag, which she clutched to her chest while I marched her to the elevator.
I punched the call button hard enough to sting my thumb.
“Change clothes in the elevator so you don’t draw attention,” I ordered while we waited. “When you reach the bottom floor, use the side exit to leave. Don’t go back through the lobby.”
“Um, but you have an elevator attendant.” She frowned, fiddling with the zipper. “I’m not changing in front of Samu—”
“He only rides in the elevator when escorting someone up. You’ll be alone.”
A pause, then her throat cleared. “Can we just talk about this for a minute? There’s clearly been some sort of mix-up.”
I glanced pointedly at her unicorn outfit. “I’d rather you be gone before anyone else sees you here.”
If rumors got around that I hired unicorn hookers, the press would be all over it.
Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ding.
The elevator doors slid open, saving me from having to explain.
I moved to shove the unicorn girl inside but stopped short with a viselike grip on her upper arm. Three people already stood in the elevator—one of the younger bellhops and two workers dressed in bright yellow coveralls.
Witnesses.
My attacker sent a little wave to the bellhop. “Hey, Samuel.”
He nodded, smiling. “Miss Darling.”
“Oh, please call me Ellie,” she said with a sweet smile.
The building staff had been trained well, because he didn’t even blink an eye at her ridiculous unicorn outfit—while the two in coveralls openly gaped at it.
Great. So much for my pristine reputation. The staff would have a field day with this.
The blonde worker finally picked her jaw off the floor long enough to paste a trembling smile on her face. Her gaze bounced between me and my grip on Ellie’s arm. “Hello, Mr. Westbrook. We’re Aurora and Paul from Steve’s Cleaning Services. Uh, is everything okay—”
The man dug his elbow into her side, making her double over. He cleared his throat and looked everywhere but at us. “Apologies for the interruption. We can come back later if now’s not a good time?”
The glittery unicorn horn wobbled when Ellie looked up at me, and my jaw clenched.
All four of them waited for my answer.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have a good way to spin this. Not a single believable excuse crossed my mind, and getting Ellie out of here without her visit spreading like wildfire to the other residents and staff was now impossible.
But I also didn’t need her riding down an elevator with these people and opening her big mouth even more.
Ignoring all of them, I maintained my firm grip on Ellie’s arm to keep her beside me while reaching inside the elevator. I hit the button for the lobby without looking.
The doors glided closed painfully slowly in the silence.
“I love your outfits!” Ellie called to the two workers right before the doors finished shutting.
Then I was left standing in my foyer with a trespassing unicorn who was under the delusion I’d hired her to… come over and cuddle?
Motherfu—