CHAPTER NINETEEN
“I will kill that guy for you. I swear to God.” Hayley hands me another tissue, so I can blow my nose for the hundredth time since I arrived at her apartment.
It’s a little late, and I’m sure she worked hard all day, but I had to go somewhere. I couldn’t face going home and being alone.
And frankly, this is not the sort of story I want to share with Matt. I don’t feel like hearing how he told me so, how he never trusted Dustin in the first place.
“You have to get in line because I would like to kill him myself.” Then, I have to look at her for confirmation. “We’re talking about his agent, right? Not Dustin.”
“Maybe both of them—who knows? It all depends on whether or not that guy was telling the truth.” She sits next to me, rubbing my knee while I wipe my eyes.
“I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first example of an agent stepping in and feeling like they have to protect their client.
That could be all this is. Maybe he sees how close the two of you have gotten and doesn’t like the idea of Dustin being involved with somebody so seriously while he’s trying to make a comeback. ”
“But we aren’t together seriously. That’s the thing. That’s what I don’t understand. Why did he treat me the way he did back there? I don’t want anything from Dustin. And I totally expect for him to forget all about me once he leaves the city.”
“Did you say that to the guy?”
“Honestly, I didn’t trust myself to try to say anything else without busting out crying.
I had to get out of there. I can’t imagine what Dustin thought when he got back out onstage and saw that I was gone.
” And I don’t even want to get started on those women sitting nearby, what they must’ve thought of it.
“I’m sure there’s an explanation for this. He wouldn’t use you that way.”
I want to believe her. I want so much to agree with her and to do it with all my heart. I want to believe in Dustin. I want to believe he’s been so determined to pursue me because he sees something special in me. Because I, myself, am special.
“You have to admit, it’s almost sketchy when you look at it from a different point of view.
” I sink back against the sofa cushions, wiping my eyes again.
“You’re looking at this as my best friend, and I love you.
But let’s think about it in another way.
Why would he go out of his way to spend time with me? And I’m not fishing for compliments.”
Her mouth snaps shut because she was about to tell me how wonderful and awesome I am, which is exactly why I shut her down before she had the chance.
“We haven’t slept together—though we could have the other night, but that went south.
I have nothing to offer him but someone who’s willing to listen and understand him, and I figured that was enough.
Between that and attraction, I thought that was enough to keep him interested in me.
How naive could I have been? All along, he thought I was writing a book about him or that I would tell the world that he was the inspiration. ”
“And you think he was using you to boost his brand.”
“Of course! Now that Todd put it like that, I can’t imagine I ever saw this any other way. It makes total sense now. He probably even wrote that song about me, so I’d write about it in my book. I can’t believe I was so stupid!” I have to bury my face in a pillow and scream; I’m so mad.
Hayley waits until I get that out of my system. “Again, wait until you talk to Dustin about it.”
“What’s he going to tell me? That Todd was wrong? That he was lying? Or even worse, that maybe they started out, knowing I was writing about him, and he agreed to treat me well and woo me, but now, he has real feelings? Please.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time in the world something like that has ever happened.”
“In real life? Or in one of the books I’ve written? Because that sort of thing only happens in fiction. No, the more I think about it, the more obvious it all is.”
She sighs, resting her head on my shoulder. “I wish there were something I could do or say to make it better. I only want you to be happy and feel good. But I guess there’s only so much I can do right now.”
“You were here for me when I needed you, and that means everything.” Then, something occurs to me. “Hang on a second. I really hope this doesn't become an issue for you at your firm if this news gets out and there’s trouble between one of your clients and your best friend.”
She lifts her head with a gasp. “He only could’ve talked to my boss, and I did tell him at one point that you and his client’s client were dating. And I might’ve mentioned you were writing a book about a rock star. Crap. Is this all my fault?”
The genuine anxiety written along the creases in her forehead make me sorry I ever mentioned it.
“No, nothing is your fault. You’re not the one who decided to string me along for the sake of free publicity.”
“Again, you’re not sure that’s the case. Todd can see things one way; Dustin could see them a totally different way. You just don’t know until you talk to him.”
I check the time. Almost midnight. “He should be finished by now. He should’ve been finished almost an hour ago actually.”
“Maybe there are people he needed to talk to after the show. Like music writers or whoever. Or maybe he’s arguing with Todd because Todd told him about your conversation and Dustin’s furious and freaking out and firing him.”
I have to giggle at that. “If only I could be there to see that happen.”
“I wish I could record that happening, so I can watch it again and again. He sounds like a real pig, that guy.”
“He acted like one too. I mean, I get it. He’s in this to make money and to make a name for his client. But he was so mean and cold. For all he knows, I caught feelings for Dustin, and he completely broke my heart.”
“Have you? Did he?”
“No, and no. Trust me, that’s not the problem here. It would be so much worse if that were the problem. I was smart this time, and I didn’t let myself get wrapped up in him.”
“Smart. Good for you. Because I would seriously, without a doubt, need to murder somebody if you were hurt any more than you already are.”
“Just my pride, and we both know that’s been hurt more than enough times for me to be used to it by now.”
“It’s still worth murder. Just sayin’.”
“This is why I keep you in my life.”
She tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “And I keep you in my life because you need somebody to threaten to hurt people for you since I don’t think you have a single violent bone in your body. Sometimes, people need to be roughed up.”
“Oh, like you would actually throw a punch in my honor.”
“You don’t think I would? Sweetie, there aren’t many people in the world I’d throw down for. You’re at the top of the list. In fact, you are the list.”
She knows just what to say to make me feel better.
I’m smiling when I ask, “Even the great Dustin Grant? Would you throw a punch at him in defense of my honor?”
Her eyes take on a steely look, her chin jutting out. “Honestly? After what you just told me? Without flinching.”
“I thought I was supposed to take the time to ask him first before making any judgments.”
“If what that Todd idiot says is true, yes, I would gladly slap Dustin into tomorrow because you’re better than that. You’re not the girl who gets used for free publicity.”
She gets up from the sofa to pull the teakettle from the stove. The girl thinks of everything.
I hug one of her throw pillows while I wait for my tea.
Her apartment is soothing, warmer and cozier than I would expect a cool, brilliant chick like her to live in.
There are plenty of plants and flowers on the windowsills, lots of pillows and throw blankets around.
Her sofa is so comfortable that I’ve fallen asleep on it in the middle of a conversation. Twice.
My arms wrap a little tighter around the pillow. “To think, I was so happy that he wrote a song for me. Now, I know he only did it to look like the big, romantic hero.”
She comes back, carrying a tray with mugs and a teapot and even cookies. “Where is he? I want to go have a word with him right now.”
“Why am I the one trying to convince you that we should take our time and wait for the full story?”
“I’m sorry.” She shakes her fists in the air after leaving the tray on the coffee table, scowling. “The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Who does he think he is? Like anybody has cared about him in years.”
This isn’t the time to remind her how nerdy she acted when she met him, so I’ll keep that to myself. For now anyway.
If she thinks I’ll never bring it up at any point in the future, she has another thing coming.
When my phone rings, we both look at it like it’s a hissing snake.
“Please, let me.” She’s already reaching for it.
And that’s fine as far as I’m concerned. I’m not ready to hear his voice yet.
“Kitty’s phone. This is Hayley speaking.” She might as well be answering the phone at the firm, very businesslike. I’m almost proud of her since I know how angry she is—the hand not holding the phone is clenched in a fist, for example. “Yes, she’s here with me now. No. I’ll have to ask her.”
She turns to me, putting the phone against her chest. “Will you go to the hotel to talk to him?”
Part of me wants to say no. I want him to sweat a little. I want him to feel terrible. I want him to ask himself how hard this must be on me and how he can make it up to me.
But then I remind myself that he might not care at all. If Todd was telling the truth, Dustin doesn’t care about me in the least. And if that’s the case, then I at least want to have my say before I close my eyes for the night. I won’t go to bed with this hanging over me with no answers.
Which is why I nod in agreement.
And immediately wonder whether or not this is the right thing to do.