CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The wounded look in Faith’s eyes continued to haunt Nick long after she’d stormed out of the diner. Any hope of friendship got into an ugly pink Beetle and drove away that day. He was just doing his job, but she wouldn’t see it that way. And he didn’t blame her.
In the two weeks that had passed, the guilt of his betrayal hadn’t abated. He was back at work—riding a desk on limited duty but making progress every day. Physical progress anyway. Mentally, he couldn’t get back into the swing of things. Something was wrong. Nothing felt right.
While his body milled about in Boston, his mind was a hundred miles away, in Green Valley Falls. He’d been sure that once Faith was out of sight, she’d also be out of mind, but his thoughts kept boomeranging to a tall, blonde goddess.
He didn’t like his new partner. Nor the way the CO coddled him while simultaneously blowing past his old partner’s loss. In this morning’s meeting, the boss had made it sound like Andy had it coming. Barely dead two months, and already the brass was throwing him under the bus.
Nick’s outburst and rebuttal went unappreciated and, in fact, landed him in the boss’s office right after the meeting.
That hadn’t gone so well. Nick had taken a page from Faith’s playbook and told the CO exactly how he felt about the whole situation. Said some not-so-nice things and made some not-so-subtle accusations about the management team.
“We were ambushed, plain and simple. If anyone’s to blame, it’s whoever was in charge of the intel. And you putting it on Andy is really pissing me off. The department’s lucky his family isn’t suing. Hell, I could sue too. We were sent into the op like sacrificial lambs, and you don’t seem to give a crap.”
Nick had no intention of lawyering up, but he’d be damned if he’d allow them to keep insinuating Andy’s death was his own fault. Things went downhill from there, and Nick had been sent home early with a reprimand. It was the first time in his career he’d been in trouble.
He’d barely arrived home when his boss called, falling on his sword and apologizing, agreeing Andy’s death was a terrible tragedy and in no way his fault. It was insincere, and Nick took it for what it was—a way to cover his ass in case Nick or Crystal did decide to sue.
A sick feeling washed over him as he hung up. He was back on the job. Back where he should be. Then why did everything feel so wrong? So off? Had he taken too much time away? Had losing a partner and having a near-death experience changed him? Could his priorities have shifted in the two months he was home?
Interesting that he suddenly thought of Green Valley Falls as “home.” That was new. Maybe he had changed.
He needed to get out of his own head. Focus on something or someone else before he went mad. With his afternoon freed up, he returned to his car and drove to Andy’s.
Crystal answered the door with a baby on her hip. “Who dat, mommy?” she said quietly.
“It’s Daddy’s friend,” Crystal said. “Hey, Nick. Come on in.”
They’d texted and talked while Nick was in GVF, and he’d been by a couple of times since returning to Boston, but it wasn’t enough. He’d neglected his responsibility to care for them, and it weighed on him.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you more,” Nick said.
“You had to get better,” Crystal said. “I understand. How’s being back on the job? Speaking of which, why aren’t you at work?”
“Had a difference of opinion with the boss. It didn’t end well for me.”
She offered him a seat, and he sat. Andy Junior looked up from a coloring book.
“Hi, Uncle Nick,” he said. “Wanna see my monkey?”
“Sure, buddy. Whatcha got?”
The boy brought the book to Nick and handed it to him, showing off a green and blue monkey.
“Looks good, bud. Nice job.”
AJ blushed with pride and returned to his project. Nick had to look away. It hurt to know these two would grow up without their dad. Crystal sat across from him.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
She sighed. “It hurts a little less every day. We’re getting by all right. How about you? How was home?” He took her changing the subject to mean she didn’t want to talk about it, and he wouldn’t push her.
“Different than I remember. I wasn’t quite as repulsed as I once was.”
She tilted her head, studying him. “You met someone.”
“What? Why would you think that?” Usually, he did a pretty good job of hiding his emotions. At least, he thought he did. Were the strange new feelings he had for Faith written on his face?
“You seem different.” She shrugged. “And it would explain your change in perspective. What’s she like?”
“Crazy.” He huffed out a laugh. “And I mean that almost literally. She believes in horoscopes and psychics and vision boards. Her head is in the clouds ninety percent of the time. But she’s also fun, happy, optimistic, and sees the good in people.”
“So, your exact opposite?”
“Exactly.” He smiled.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were in love.”
“Huh?” Love? No way. Sure, he liked Faith. Liked spending time with her, but love? It was way too soon for that. They’d only been hanging out for a couple of months.
“The real question is, why are you here and not there?”
It was a valid question. One he didn’t have the answer to. “I don’t know. My job is here. My house is here. Where else would I be?”
“Where’s your heart?”
That was deep. Too deep. But she had a point. Faith had been on his mind a lot lately. All the what-ifs constantly occupying his thoughts. Were his unresolved feelings for Faith the reason he couldn’t readjust to life in Boston? And if so, did that mean the only way back to normal would be to confront and settle those feelings?
“What if I take a chance and it all goes to hell?” he asked.
“That’s a possibility.” She repositioned the squirmy toddler in her arms. “But are you happy here? Would you be happier there?”
“Not really. And I don’t know. Honestly, I kinda screwed up. Left on a sour note.”
“So fix it.”
“I wish it were that easy.” He sighed.
“Love’s never easy, Nick,” she said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “But it’s worth it. Even if you have it, then lose it, it’s worth it.”
“I’m such a jerk. You just lost your husband, and here I am complaining about my pathetic love life.”
“You’re not a jerk. And your problems help me take my mind off my own. I welcome the distraction.” The baby fussed, and Crystal set her on the floor, handing her a colorful toy. “Andy would want you to move on and find happiness. You know that, right?”
“I suppose,” Nick said. “Geez, I came here to offer you help and somehow you’re the one helping me. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Be happy. If the job’s not doing it for you anymore, figure out what will. And if that’s a woman, all the better.”
They stood, and he hugged her goodbye. She’d given him a lot to think about. Discussing Faith with Crystal had warmed his heart and forced out all the bitter, confusing feelings caused by his job.
He missed Faith. He liked Faith. Heck, he might even love her. But enough to uproot from his life here? Quit his job and sell his place? That was too much, too soon. He needed to dial back his expectations.
They could start by trying a long-distance thing. Then, maybe someday, she’d open up to the idea of leaving GVF and coming to live with him in Boston.
He shook his head to stop the runaway thoughts. All this speculation assumed she wanted anything to do with him. And considering how he’d betrayed her, that was a gamble—a bet where the odds were not in his favor.
On his way in, he picked up a newspaper from the porch. He didn’t subscribe to the paper, but a sticky note on top advised this was a “free sample” and gave directions to “order now.”
On a whim, he opened to the lifestyle section. Below an ad for a wedding venue mansion and the marriage announcements, he found and read his horoscope.
The celestial alignment may help you understand why you have been going through some unusual, unresolved feelings regarding someone close to you. Now is the time, dear Capricorn, to make a decision and follow through with it. Don’t be afraid to go big and put yourself out there. A financial opportunity will present itself today .
He read it again. And again. It was the exact message he needed. Except the financial stuff but never mind that. Why had he gotten a free paper today? What prompted him to open it and read the prediction when he’d never done so before? How had it so clearly and precisely answered his questions and quelled his doubts?
Logically, he knew it had to be a coincidence. But he also couldn’t deny that right here, in black and white, was his answer. He loved Faith. And he would fight for her.
A rush of unmistakable positivity flowed through him. All the conflict and anguish scattered, leaving an overwhelming sense of calm in its wake. He’d made a choice, and the peaceful sensation that settled over him confirmed it was the right one.
The newspaper had given him an idea. Winning back Faith’s trust would take some effort, but he was up for the task. Now that he’d made up his mind and committed, slowing down was not an option. He pulled out his laptop and got to work.