3. Chapter 3 #2
That list, plus a rattlesnake and cobra, actually exhausted all my snake knowledge. But, I wasn’t about to let him know that.
“I know enough to be wary,” I evaded. And technically, it was true. I knew some snakes were venomous, some weren’t, and they should all be avoided in threat of death. That was good enough for me.
“I see.” He dodged around the box of camping gear I’ve used exactly once in my life. “So, what kind of snake do you think it is?”
“A, uh” — golly dang Dillybar , I didn’t know enough about snakes for this— “a Great Lakes Cobra, if I had to guess.”
Sounded legit to me, so I was going with it.
“Hmm, I’ve heard of those. They’re particularly nasty.”
I froze outside my bedroom doorway, my stomach dropping like a brick. Those actually existed? “Nasty how?”
“Well, for one, they steal your socks.”
I put my hands on my hips, pivoting to glare daggers at him. “This is serious, Max.”
He nodded, expression grave. “Deadly so, I’m afraid.”
The blood drained from my face, leaving my cheeks cool.
Deadly? What did he mean deadly ? Snakes didn’t really steal socks, right?
That was crazy. Then again, unhinging a jaw to fit a whole carcass in your mouth was crazy, too, but snakes did that.
They are coldblooded, so maybe the socks were like the perfect little snake jacket?
“I don’t want to lose my socks,” I murmured, all my bravado fading as my blood pressure skyrocketed all over again. I wiggled my toes in my donut socks, a gift from Lex a few years ago.
His lips pressed together as he nodded. “That’s why it’s a good thing I got here when I did. Now, where did you see the snake?”
I lingered outside the door as he entered the bedroom.
Being in the same hemisphere as a snake set my teeth on edge.
Being within ten feet of where I saw one minutes ago made my skin crawl like ants were performing a marching band drill all over my body.
He could get as close to his slithering accomplice as he wanted, but if it attacked, I was leaving him behind.
I leaned into the room and pointed toward the fallen sundress, my phone playing Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust on the bed. Mocking me. Or prophesying. “Over there. Under the dress.”
Was that…? Holy lamb chops and sugar cane, I could still see part of its body sticking out from under the fabric.
“It’s still there,” I hissed, backing away to the end of the hall.
Max could have a go at my yearbook and holey undies if he wanted. I’d officially decided the snake was scarier. I paced back and forth, wringing my hands and watching for either the snake or Max to exit the room, whichever won.
I didn’t have to wait long. Max reappeared, his broad shoulders taking up most of the doorway. He kept his mouth in a tight line, the dimple in his cheek visible from down the hall. “It’s dead. You should come take a look at it.”
I blanched. “Why in the name of all that is sweet and holy would I want to do that?”
He shrugged. “I’ve never bagged a Great Lakes Cobra before. Figured you’d want to get a better look at such a rare snake.” When I didn’t move, he offered a smile. “It can’t hurt you. I promise.”
I don’t know why my feet moved toward him. Maybe because he’d killed his own snake for me? Or maybe it was because I couldn’t help but trust him. Stupid, I know, considering he caused this and probably still hated my guts, but I wasn’t exactly known for my clear thinking when fear was involved.
As I inched into my room, he held the sundress’s fabric away from the snake. “What I didn’t mention is that stealing socks isn’t the worst thing these snakes do. I’d say, hands down, it’s when they break and make your pants slide down.”
What? Okay, there was no way that was true.
And then I got a closer look at the snake, the source of my terror for the past five minutes.
Coiled, thick, brown, scaly, and most definitely not a snake, but a belt.
Apparently, when my suitcase vomited its contents all over the room, that included my belts, one of which lay on the floor under the dress.
Heat raged across my face, humiliation burning like a thousand suns and melting my insides to goo.
I covered my face with my hands, wishing the inky depths of the creepy closet would swallow me whole and never spit me back out.
Antarctica wasn’t sounding so bad right about now.
I could live amongst the penguins. Collect pretty rocks, learn to make fish cakes.
It could be a good life. Certainly better than facing Max right now.
The humiliation boiled into laughter, rising and bubbling up my throat until I couldn’t contain it anymore.
I’d screamed over a belt—a belt —so loudly my neighbor had rushed over out of concern.
It would be a miracle if none of the other neighbors called the cops, too. Good luck explaining that one.
I wiped at my eyes, my body rocking with the peals of laughter. “You probably think I’m an idiot, huh?”
And would he be wrong? No. No, he would not.
“Never.” He flashed his dazzling smile as he stood, taking a noticeable step away from me now that the threat had been neutralized. “Just a healthy fear of snakes. Or maybe an unhealthy fear.”
I snorted before clapping my hand over my mouth. What was it about being in his presence that brought the snorts out of me, even when I wasn’t laughing? Not little huffs of disbelief. Nope. Full-on, throaty, piggy snorts. The least ladylike or dignified sound I could imagine.
It had always been that way. Even the day of the incident when he’d cracked a joke for the first time.
I thought I’d fallen in love with him then and there.
I’d always dreamed of finding a partner who could make me laugh, but this snorting thing?
I wasn’t sure what classification it fell under, besides “concerning,” but he’d always, always, drawn it out of me.
When I didn’t even know his name. When he was engaged to someone else. Even now, when he resented me.
His eyes twinkled as his smile widened. Yep. I was the curly pig at the zoo, and he was the spectator enjoying the show. “Do you have any other pests that need eradicating while I’m here?”
Great. Not only had he not exacted his revenge yet, but now I owed him even more. Would I ever even the score? If I wasn’t drowning in the imbalance already, I’d have him check the closet while he was at it. It’s not like his opinion of me could drop any lower, right?
“I think I’ve racked up enough debt for now, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Debt?” He dipped his head to the side, dark brows furrowing. “What debt?”
Ooh, he was good.
Too good.
“You already helped me move in” —I shrugged— “and now you’ve saved me from an incredibly scary belt.”
And then there was the whole I ruined your engagement and possibly your life bit. But let’s start with the smaller, more recent things. The things I had a ghost of a hope of repaying.
“Right, there is that,” he allowed, nodding sagely, “but, as luck would have it, I have an idea for how you could repay me.”
I perked up at that. Short of actually dying or selling my soul, I was pretty open to anything. “How?”
He paused the music still playing from my phone and passed it to me. “Well, when you quite literally dragged me in here, I couldn’t help but notice a certain aroma coming from the kitchen.”
My Franken-cupcakes! Thank goodness I’d taken them out of the oven before the belt-snake fiasco.
I grinned, not even caring that, now that I was emotionally stable enough to notice, I still wore my pajamas while he looked like a million bucks.
Not even my cute pajamas, either. A ratty T-shirt two sizes too big with a stretched-out neck and a hole in the armpit paired with running shorts I never once used for running in my life.
If Max wanted baked goods as payment, baked goods he would get. “Let me make the frosting for them first and they’re all yours.” I paused, remembering the reason I made them in the first place. “Well, all of them but like four can be yours.”
Lex would kill me if I gave her any less.
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”