26. Chapter 26
twenty-six
When Kris had said everything would turn out okay, this wasn’t what I had in mind.
The girls’ night group milled about in the grassy clearing around me, along with the only other female agent on Lex’s squad.
Woods lined the dirt road and clearing, stretching to cover the rest of the square mile piece of land one of Hattie’s friends owned outside the city.
Kris’ minivan, which we’d all carpooled here in, sat at the end of the dirt road. All good, neutral things.
The dress was the issue.
As far as loose interpretations of the word “okay” went, my get-up wasn’t bad , mind you. Of all the bridesmaids, I certainly didn’t end up with the craziest dress. But would I voluntarily wear this for any occasion other than Lex’s bachelorette party?
I’d sooner cold-call the doctor’s office.
On the plus side, I finally had a dress to match my music taste.
The sleeves of my dress poofed up around the shoulders before fitting to my arms down to three-quarters of the way down.
It had a neckline that hit right at the base of my neck with a V-shaped embellishment of lace that pointed toward the sweetheart shape of the fake neckline further down my chest, leaving my collarbones exposed under nearly-transparent mesh.
Scandalous, I know.
But the fun didn’t stop there. Under the beaded waist that hugged my tummy and hips a little too tightly for my comfort, the blindingly white skirt bubbled and ruffled like the shoulders of the sleeves all the way down to the floor.
Oh, and did I mention it was a wedding dress?
A Goodwill wedding dress, but one all the same.
In fact, all of the bachelorette party was decked out in varying shapes and cuts and decades of thrift store wedding dresses.
Annie had a Victorian-era monstrosity that left literally everything to the imagination, especially on her petite frame.
Rowan, from Lex’s squad, wore what could only be described as an Elven warrior’s wedding dress, complete with forest green embroidered embellishments and a hood.
Kris had lucked out with a fluttery dress with lace cascades and fringe embellishments.
Kind of like what you’d expect a Bohemian flapper would wear, which was only reinforced by Kris’ veil of choice: a headband with a shock of tulle at the back.
Basically it was like her head had a really weird garter, but she made it work.
Hattie’s dress was possibly the wildest, with a bow so big on the back that it had its own zip code.
The rest of the teacup-like skirt looked like the monster bow had spawned a mini bow army with small forts holding pinches of fabric hostage.
To make matters worse, she sported even poofier sleeves than mine, complete with their own little bows like vaguely threatening mistletoe adorning her shoulders.
In lieu of a veil, she’d tied her voluminous curls back with a white bow, which was only fitting.
Finally, the woman of the hour looked amazing, like always.
Lex’s dark curls contrasted the white fabric beautifully, her eyes radiating excitement like glowing jade stones.
Her dress, reminiscent of prom circa 2010, consisted of a halter top with long silk gloves and beaded embellishments up the bodice.
Like Annie and me, Lex had foregone a veil.
“I already love this,” Lex gushed, beaming at our ragtag group of fashion faux pas. “I’m not entirely sure what we’re doing here in wedding dresses, but I’m down for whatever.”
I exchanged a knowing look with Hattie, my stomach tumbling like tennis shoes in a dryer from excitement. Lex, of course, didn’t know what was in store, so taking Kris’ minivan full of women clad in wedding dresses out to a remote, wooded property seemed strange at best, sketchy at worst.
“Just wait until the men show up.” Hattie winked, grinning devilishly.
Lex’s smile morphed into a frown, zeroing in on me. “What men? I told you I didn’t want any exotic dancers.”
“Killjoy,” Hattie muttered, which earned her a scathing glare from Lex.
I laughed, enjoying the way Lex’s brow wrinkled further when Hattie seemed unaffected by her scowl. “Don’t worry, you’re going to want to see these men.”
Kris grinned, wiggling her eyebrows. “And their outfits. Definitely their outfits.”
Lex’s face flushed, her frown firmly in place. “I swear, if you ordered strippers, I’m going to lace all your drinks with laxatives next girls’ night.”
Rowan snorted, flipping her hood up. “I can get you something stronger from the evidence locker if you’d like.
I never understood that bachelorette party tradition, anyway.
If you’re sure you want to marry your partner, why spend a night so close to the wedding fooling around and lamenting how you’ll be tied down to one person from here on out? ”
“Exactly,” Lex agreed, gloved hands on her hips. “I don’t need a—”
“Oh my soul, woman.” Hattie shook her head good-naturedly, cutting Lex off. “Spare us the sermon until after you see what we actually have planned.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, mirroring Lex’s defiant pose, “I was involved in planning this. Have a little faith.”
That seemed to pacify her, since she let her hands fall to her side.
Before she could worry further, a black SUV rolled into view, bumping over the uneven ground. It pulled up next to Kris’ minivan, remaining eerily still for a moment before the driver’s door opened.
McBride’s silver hair caught the late afternoon sun as he exited the vehicle. With his chiseled features and broad shoulders, I could picture him as quite the heartthrob in high school. Since Hattie had revealed more of their past, picturing him as a theatre kid was surprisingly easy.
Of course, that could be due to the wedding dress he wore.
His style mirrored my eighties dress, poofy sleeves and all, though his arms filled them out significantly better than my weak noodle arms did. He caught Hattie’s eye, an incriminating blush coloring his tanned face.
Hattie grinned, eyes twinkling as she waved him off. “I know, I know. I owe you big time. Now let’s get the rest of the men out here.”
Lex looked rapidly between McBride and me, her smile wide but brow furrowed. When he turned to open one of the back doors, she mouthed, “What is happening?”
I didn’t bother answering, instead rubbing my hands together like an evil scientist.
Colt hopped out of the SUV next, his wedding dress more form-fitting and off the shoulders like Belle from Beauty and the Beast .
And, for the record, he fit the beauty requirement well.
With his well-defined cheekbones, freckles, and rich eyes, he looked like Eddie Redmayne’s dark-haired cousin.
Personally, he was a little too pretty for me, but Lex had ultimately chosen well.
Especially catching a glimpse of the physique he constantly hid under starched shirts and pleated pants.
You go, sis.
I turned my attention to the next guy exiting the car as Lex erupted into giggles next to me.
I’d only ever met Isaiah once, another agent in Lex’s squad, but his intense stare was unforgettable.
Not intense like creepy, mind you. But intense like he probably ate nails for breakfast and washed them down with a refreshing glass of lava.
Somehow, wearing an A-line wedding dress with cap sleeves over his bulging biceps did nothing to his intimidation factor.
A brunette guy exited, laughing at something one of the remaining guys in the car said.
I’d never met this guy before, but his princess-cut wedding dress was enough to keep him occupied as he squeezed the skirt through the door.
A blonde guy with a ruffly nightmare of a dress slid out from the passenger side door, his immaculate hairstyle and posture reminding me unmistakably of Colt.
Just when I thought everyone was accounted for, a last man leapt from the back of the SUV. My heart leapt with him, landing somewhere in my throat and lodging itself there until a weird strangling sound gurgled out.
Max. In a wedding dress.
I’d foolishly assumed he wouldn’t make it since he was out of town. If only that were the case.
He straightened the skirt, a silky tent of fabric that must weigh ten pounds alone.
When he caught sight of me, I seriously considered running.
Both because of the impending awkwardness after the make-out of a lifetime and because he somehow looked great while I was one giant hair jewel away from a budget remake of The Labyrinth ’s ball scene.
Talk about unfair.
Unfortunately, running would draw even more attention, both because of the spectacle it’d be and the fact that everybody else chatted amicably around the cars and compared dresses.
So I did the natural, totally normal thing of pretending to inspect the unusually cloudless sky like it was about to dump rain on us.
Which, with Michigan weather the way it was, it might.
My stomach pitched. Sweat gathered under my arms, and I mentally calculated the likelihood of anyone noticing if I slunk into the minivan and never came back out.
The odds didn’t look promising.
“Be honest” —Max’s voice came from a few feet in front of me, forcing me away from my sky-staring of shame— “does this dress make me look fat?”
I snorted the piggiest snort I’d done yet. Our awkward discussion clearly wouldn’t take place here and now. I could blissfully pretend nothing happened between us, even if my body lit up like a lightning storm being this close to him again.
Easy breezy.