Chapter 10 Shaun
Shaun
For the first time in months, I have nowhere to be, which, of course, means I haven’t been able to sit still for more than a minute without feeling like I’ve got ants in my pants.
Now, it’s not even lunchtime and I’ve run out of things to do. Nothing for it but to make another coffee, my third today.
I make my way into the kitchen where the espresso machine my parents bought me as a flat-warming present sits on the countertop, its chrome exterior glinting in the morning light.
I’m not a fan of clutter. Usually I like to keep appliances out of sight, tucked away in their own designated cupboard space, but my coffee machine is placed front and centre like a trophy.
Without it, I wouldn’t have survived this last month.
I pop open a bag of dark Colombian roast, inhaling the rich, cocoa scent that fills the air as I get to work making a double espresso.
Something soft tickles my calf and I glance down to see Jester, his ginger tail dancing expectantly.
While the coffee pours, I take a tin of cat food from the fridge and scoop it into Jester’s bowl, trying not to breathe in the fishy smell as I set it down on the kitchen floor.
Jester meows gratefully and begins devouring his lunch, pointing his arsehole straight at me like the shameless pervert he is.
“Cheers,” I say, raising my tiny espresso cup and taking a sip.
Mmm. I smack my lips. Sweet liquid life.
It’s almost eleven. Freddie will be starting his shift soon.
Thinking about him makes a bubble of guilt grow in my gut.
He looked like a wounded animal when I left him on the kerb by his house yesterday.
I thought about that all the way home. And all last night.
Most of this morning too. Maybe I was too harsh on him?
It can be intimidating starting any new job; maybe all the flirting was just his way of breaking the ice?
Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything?
No, a cold logical voice grabs the mic in my head.
I’m his manager. It’s my job to tell him if his behaviour is inappropriate, which it was.
Although he clearly didn’t mean anything by it, it certainly had an effect on me.
I should have said something sooner, but I was surprised.
Surprised by his confidence. Surprised that he was a guy who was flirting with me, and that it felt great.
I haven’t been complimented like that in, well… I can’t even remember.
Some distance from the situation has helped me see things more clearly. Nerves. I’m sure that’s all it was. I was feeling nervous inducting a new staff member and got overwhelmed and wasn’t thinking clearly. It has to be that. There’s just no plausible way I’m actually attracted to him.
I down my coffee and stick the cup in the dishwasher.
Then, I grab my laptop and throw myself down on the sofa to do some admin.
I put Freddie on the payroll system, then type up his contract and attach it to an email.
As I hit send, I’m suddenly filled with panic that the way I shut him down yesterday might have made him think twice about working for me.
I’d certainly question coming back if my boss had spoken to me like that.
It’s 11:30. He should be on shift by now.
Maybe I should call the café and check if he showed?
I give myself a shake. If he didn’t turn up, Anna would have messaged me. I think. And if he did, she’ll eviscerate me for calling on my day off.
I’m sure it’s fine. I hope it’s fine.
Freddie’s handsome face appears in my mind’s eye, his dazzling smile seared into my brain.
Gosh, I’d never forgive myself if I scared him off after his first shift.
Despite everything, yesterday was the best day at work I’ve had in ages.
He brought such a fresh energy to the place. All that charisma…
I’m not crazy, am I? He really is that charming! And not just because he’s so devastatingly good-looking.
I open the spreadsheet I use to track stock and start making a list of items I need to order.
It’s fine if I find him handsome, right?
It doesn’t mean anything, except that I have eyes!
Several customers did a double-take when they spotted him yesterday, so clearly I’m not the only one who thinks so.
Respectfully, I’m allowed to look. It’s not like anything’s ever going to happen. I’m his boss!
And I’m straight! That too, of course.
I check over the inventory and realise I’ve ordered ten kilos of glace cherries instead of ten tubs. Quickly, I fix the error, annoyed at myself for making a blunder. My head’s too full of Freddie to concentrate.
I let out a sharp sigh. Come on, Shaun! This is the twenty-first century, and if a straight man can’t look at another guy and think he’s easy on the eyes, then we’ve truly failed as a species.
No point in dwelling on it. As for why my heart went off like a jackhammer when he touched my hand?
And why, even now, the butterflies in my belly stir just thinking about it? I don’t know.
But I don’t fancy him. I can’t.
In my head, Freddie’s face is replaced by a vivid snapshot of his ripped abs. I remember them so clearly—the way the columns of muscle went rigid as he flexed them, the light dusting of golden hair that trailed south from his belly button…
A familiar tingle starts in my belly and spreads to my crotch.
Gah!
I slam the laptop shut and leap to my feet.
Nope. Just nope. We’re not going down that road.
I’ve got way too much on my plate already!
Lara left my heart in bits. Work has been a decent distraction, but that was only going to last so long.
Plus I haven’t had any “me time” in weeks.
No wonder my hormones are going a little haywire.
Anna’s right, I need to relax. If only I knew how.
I could go back to bed for a release, but in my current state, I’m worried about what, or who, my rogue thoughts will manifest. I’ll resist, even if a big wank is probably just what I need.
Instead, I make myself another coffee and stick on the first movie I stumble across: Top Gun. If nothing else, maybe Maverick and Iceman’s impressive flying skills will help push Freddie Young out of my head.