Chapter 19 Freddie
Freddie
“Holy shitballs,” I say, pushing my empty plate away from me. “That was totally epic.”
“Andi never disappoints.” Across from me, Shaun wipes his mouth on a napkin. “And you finished your latte!”
“Yup!” I examine the milky dregs at the bottom of my cup. “It was nice. I liked it.”
I really did.
Leaning back in my chair, I cradle my stomach, which is fuller than it’s been since last Christmas. My belly feels like I’ve swallowed a beach ball. Bye bye abs, nice knowing you.
Shaun, who ate even more than me, lets out a low moan as he adjusts his belt.
My cock stirs in my pants. Damn, he’s sexy—a total beefcake.
The sight of him fills me with a different kind of hunger.
If we weren’t in public, and I wasn’t weighed down by a metric butt-tonne of food, I would almost certainly jump on him.
Respectfully, of course.
With a large hand, Shaun strokes his beard.
“My plan was to take you to a few of my favourite spots today. Although from the state of us, I’m not sure we’d survive another feast.”
Eager not to cut our “research” short, I shake my head. “Nothing a little walk won’t burn off, I’m sure.”
Shaun looks pleased.
A moment later, Andi appears by our table with a tray and begins clearing plates.
“All good here, boys?”
“It was amazing, Andi,” says Shaun. “I don’t remember the last time I ate this well.”
“Totally,” I agree.
Andi beams.
“No one leaves my place hungry,” she turns to me. “So tell me, have we converted you to coffee, Freddie?”
I show her my empty cup and she nods, approvingly.
“Excellent! No going back now, I’m afraid. Say goodbye to your disposable income and a healthy resting heart rate.”
Shaun chuckles, a knowing look in his eye.
Andi clears our table and, despite Shaun’s objections, insists everything is on the house.
“So, I take it I’m not fired then?” I ask once she leaves, only half-joking.
“You can stay,” Shaun confirms, a twinkle in his eye. “Now you’re no longer a traitor to the cause.”
I wink and he grins.
Once our stomachs settle, we bundle up and head up to the counter to thank Andi one last time. She and Shaun hug, and Andi promises to come and visit Cream I wouldn’t normally take an employee out on a trip like this but you’re really fun to be around Freddie and I guess, for some reason, I trust you. ”
He trails off, struggling to meet my eye. I can tell he's trying to speak but the words aren't coming.
“It’s okay,” I say, unsure where he’s going with this. “Take your time.”
Shaun takes a deep breath.
“Thanks. The thing is I don’t really have many close friends.
I spent my twenties throwing myself into so many things—work, uni, rugby—and the older I got, the more I realised just how draining I found it all.
It became harder to maintain relationships, people got married or just sort of drifted away.
I didn’t really have anyone to check in with or tell me I was doing a good job.
I felt, sort of, lonely I guess.” Suddenly, he closes his eyes and shakes his head.
“Sorry Freddie, you don’t want to hear this—”
“No, I do!” I scoot my chair forward. “You can trust me.”
Shaun takes a moment, steadily breathing in and out.
“Then I met Lara and it was different. For a bit. Her confidence was infectious. We started off fine, but more and more I felt like I was just, sort of, faking it. She was always dragging me to these parties, and I hated every minute of it. I’d always end up hiding in the bathroom or leaving early but I could never figure out why.
It felt more and more like all I did around her was put on a mask.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved spending time alone with her, but the longer this went on, the worse I felt and so last year I finally went to see my GP.
I filled in some forms, got a referral and… ”
Finally, he looks up and I’m shocked to see his eyes are full of tears.
In a trembling voice, he says, “I was diagnosed with autism." Shaun sniffs and takes a deep breath. "I had no idea. And though it made complete sense, it also changed everything.”
At his words, my whole agenda evaporates.
I don’t know what to say. I feel a rush of sympathy for him and overwhelming humility that he trusts me enough to be so vulnerable.
I want to hug him, hold him close and tell him what he should already know: that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I lay my hand palm-up on the table, in case he needs it.
“Thank you for telling me, Shaun,” I say. “I think it’s awesome.”
Relief shines through him and the tears fall. He takes my hand and squeezes it tight and I let the moment run its course. At his touch, something blooms inside me, like a balloon, soft as down but tougher than steel.
After a moment, Shaun clears his throat and says: “Sorry, I'm being silly.”
“Whoa there!” I say, as though to a wild horse. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Never apologise for being who you are.” The words come naturally; it’s what Mum would’ve said to me if she was here. I rub my thumb gently along his. “Have you told many people?”
Shaun dabs his eyes with a napkin and shakes his head.
“A few old friends. My parents. Anna. Lara.” He lets out a shaky sigh.
His free hand trembles violently and he hides it under the table.
“When I got my diagnosis, everything just made so much more sense. I finally had a reason why I struggle with things most people find easy. But also, it gave me permission to finally be who I really am. Lara didn’t take it so well.
She thought I was using it as an excuse not to spend as much time with her. ”
A spike of anger shoots up my spine. “She what?”
“Yeah. You met her. She’s all about image and being popular. I was her arm candy to show off and when I didn’t want to be that anymore, I guess she moved on.”