10. Kai
CHAPTER TEN
KAI
Nico has finished his fish tacos by the time I get back to our table.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
Besides being the Condors’ team captain, Nico is my best friend. We’re always here for each other, and I need that now.
“Yes,” I say. “That was—”
“Oskar. I could tell from the look on your face when you saw his message.”
“What look? And what’s that supposed to mean?”
His only reply is a raised eyebrow.
“I don’t know what to do about him, Nico. He’s so nice it’s infuriating.”
“How can someone nice be infuriating?”
“Because… Well…” I take a bite of my fajita salad and consider what to say. Before Oskar texted, I’d already told Nico about him. Since Nico knows more about me and my history than anyone else, he must understand.
I put my fork down. “If I were a normal person—”
“Kai.” Nico’s using his firm voice. “You are a normal person.”
“I’m talking about with guys.”
He hikes an eyebrow.
“You know what I mean,” I say. “I’ll never let a guy shit all over me again. It hurt way too much. With my projects, I wouldn’t have time to date anyway, and my focus needs to be on hockey.”
“You’re skittish,” he says. “That’s nothing new.”
Irritated, I spear another bite of salad and glare at him. “I am not skittish. I’m determined to protect my heart because I can never be that broken again.” After eating the bite of salad, I add, “I like him, Nico. We’ve only known each other for a few days, and it already feels dangerous.”
Nico holds out a hand for me to go on.
“He cried at Strawberry Fields. His best friend died two years ago. He told me about it and then kept going. Didn’t ask for anything. Didn’t make it into a big deal.” I look at my plate. “That’s not typical hookup behavior.”
“Crying?”
“Trusting me with something real.”
“I get it. Since it’s only been a few days, don’t worry so much. That’s plenty of time to start liking someone, but it doesn’t mean anything else. You—”
“I shouldn’t see him again.”
Nico nudges my foot. “What was that big grin about when he texted? I almost thought that glow around your head was a halo, but I am well aware you’re no angel.”
“That’s what I mean. I can’t see him again.”
Nico takes one of my tortilla strips. “Tragic.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know.” He takes his time crunching. “Why shouldn’t you see him?”
“I told you. Because I like him.”
“That’s usually the preferred starting point.”
I stare at him. “It’s the starting that worries me.”
“Sounds like you’ve already started.”
Nico’s smirk is as infuriating as Oskar’s niceness can be, so I have to work to keep my voice down. “We haven’t—”
“Okay,” he says. “Have fun with him for a while. You deserve it.”
I push my plate to the side. “But what if it turns into something?”
“Such as?”
“I could fall for him. He could fall for me. Or we could start expecting things.”
Nico smiles, the bastard. “Dangerous. Hazardous even.”
“What if I started missing him when we’re apart? Making space in my life where there shouldn’t be any.”
“Meaning?”
“We could get in the habit of each other.”
“In the habit of each other?” Nico’s mock-horrified expression is so funny I laugh, and he joins in. When we quiet down, he says, “Even if you two got habitual, it wouldn’t have to go any further than that.”
“But I’d already have—”
“Someone to hang out with. A guy to be there for you in ways the Condors can’t.” He narrows his eyes. “Readily available sex. You’ve told me before how it can be the only thing that calms you down.”
“Yes,” I whisper, hoping he’ll let that drop.
“Having someone in your life who understands you would be a lot better than letting your thoughts go haywire.”
I let out a long breath. “In that case, I’d have to tell him… about me.”
“Not right away. Only if you got habituated.” I shake my head, but Nico keeps talking.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Kai. You are an incredible man. Look at everything you’ve made of your life, the things you’ve learned to deal with that so many people never do.
If Oskar’s worth the time of day, he’ll admire that. ”
“Then I’d…” I take a quick drink of water. “If he understood me, I’d like him even more.”
Nico gives me the same no-nonsense look he uses on the team in the middle of a tough game. “Once again, that wouldn’t be bad. Liking a guy doesn’t mean things have to escalate.”
I bark out a laugh. “How’d that work out when you were dating Packy?”
Nico struggles not to laugh. “I didn’t say things couldn’t escalate, but they don’t have to. Why not find out if Oskar might be special enough to date for a while? It would be good for you.”
“No.” I say it too fast, then add, “We shouldn’t see each other again.”
What the fucking hell? I’m saying this when I’ve already made another date with Oskar and promised not to back out.
While I’m deciding whether to tell Nico this, the server brings the bill. Nico hands her a credit card before I can reach for my wallet.
“When are you seeing him again?” he asks.
I close my eyes and try to think of a way to escape the question.
“Kai?”
Nico’s voice has always been like verbal truth serum. I open my eyes and confess. “Tomorrow.”
“As I suspected. I’m proud of you, buddy. This is hard, I know, but maybe it’s time for Kai’s act two.”
“I’ll try.”
Nico’s right, even if I don’t want to admit it. Someone who knows me would be better than endless hookups. Especially since I’m sick and tired of those.
He taps my hand. “That’s the Kai I know, the one with guts enough to face down the best shooters in the league and never flinch.”
I take a deep breath and nod while I let it out slowly.
“Your brain likes to label things,” Nico tells me. “Why not call it friends with benefits, since you like Oskar?”
“Good idea. But I won’t say those words to him. Just in case.”
Nico snorts. “Keep telling yourself that.”
The server returns, and after Nico signs the bill, he turns his attention back to me. “You’re like a brother, Kai, and I’m always here for you. You’re not in this alone.”
“Thank you. I’ll be careful.”
Too late. I’m already thinking about tomorrow.
When I get home, I work on my current LEGO and process what Nico said at lunch. Friends with benefits was a good suggestion, but not sharing that with Oskar will be important. Any label carries implications, and I don’t want to give him the idea that this is more than it is.
Since it’s supposed to be ninety-three degrees tomorrow, walking around the city wouldn’t be any fun. I promised Oskar I’d text in the morning, but there’s nothing wrong with making plans now. I pick up my phone and start typing.
KAI: We still on for tomorrow?
A reply comes in less than a minute.
OSKAR: I am very excited about it.
OSKAR: Apologies, tutor. I mean I’m stoking about it.
It’s a good thing that makes me laugh because my mind began cranking out dirty thoughts as soon as he said, “I am very excited.”
KAI: “I’m stoked.” We need to work on your figures of speech.
OSKAR: Perhaps we can find more time to do it.
Does he know what “do it” can mean? It’s probably better not to ask.
KAI: Tomorrow’s supposed to be hot as hell. Do you like to swim?
OSKAR: Love it.
KAI: My building has two pools, one on the roof and one in the basement.
Typing bubbles appear, but it’s a moment before his reply comes in.
OSKAR: Nice. I will beat you in races because I am very fast.
KAI: Fuck that. I was on the swim team in school.
OSKAR: What makes you think I was not? You should prepare your ass for kicking.
I laugh again.
KAI: I’m the one who’s going to kick your ass.
OSKAR: Perhaps we will see whose ass gets special attention.
Just like that, my heart is racing.
KAI: That may have to come after the swimming.
Shit, shit, shit!
OSKAR: Before and after? I know how much you will like it.
OSKAR: And I like giving you what you need.
My cheeks are about to catch fire, and my dick is getting hard. Time to change the subject before I say something crazy.
KAI: Come over about noon? I’ll order lunch.
OSKAR: I will be there. I should tell you that even your texts are sexy.
KAI: You’re nothing but a huge flirt.
OSKAR: As if you do not like it.
OSKAR: A question?
KAI: Go for it.
OSKAR: Should I bring an overnight bag?
The fuck? Do I want to look that easy?
KAI: Yes.
Apparently I do.
OSKAR: That makes me very happy.
KAI: Me too. Have a good night.
OSKAR: Same to you, handsome.
Before I think better of it, I send a winky face back. Then I go to the bedroom, scour my favorite porn site until I find a Swedish guy who looks a lot like Oskar, and take care of business. It’s good, but nothing like what’s in store for tomorrow.