24. Chapter 24
Noah
I dress Asher in my spare jacket, and since it’s cold outside, I hand him Auntie’s old knitted mittens as well.
“Cute,” he snorts, pulling them on in the entryway.
You are , I want to tell him, and if not for the wildfire of anxiety raging in my heart, I would. Instead, I’m quiet and stiff as a board as I gather everything we need and open the front door.
Asher gives a little gasp behind me. “Wow.”
It’s sunny outside, and the ground is covered in a thick layer of recent snowfall, rendering the sunlight so intense we have to squint as we walk out onto the porch.
Asher inhales a deep breath behind me, and I do the same. His mitten-clad hand finds mine and squeezes my fingers. When I turn around, he’s smiling.
“Thank you, Noah. I think I needed this.” He inhales again, this time all through his nose. “Damn, that air smells nice.”
I haven’t been outside for a week or two beyond going out with the trash, but Asher’s been cooped up in my house for longer, so it makes sense for him to have the bigger reaction. Still, I can’t bring myself to fully relax. Not until we get back home.
“This your car?” Asher walks up to my rusty old pickup truck that used to be Auntie’s. “Damn, is this thing even drivable?”
I unlock the driver’s-side door and climb swiftly inside, and Asher does the same into the passenger’s seat.
“Just kidding,” he says, voice uncharacteristically mellow. “You’re really quiet today, Noah.”
I start the car and swerve out of the parking lot. Asher lays a hand on mine, but as I have to shift gears, he can’t really hold on to my hand for long.
“We’ll be okay, you know,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere, except for with you.”
I wish I could believe him.
The Love Loft is an anomaly in a small town like Springvale, and I’ve never set foot in here.
The little bell by the door dings as we walk inside, and we’re greeted by the owner of the store: a lady who looks like an old-school dominatrix, all dressed up in a latex suit that shows off every curve, her long black hair pulled into a high ponytail.
Asher saunters further into the store while I lag behind.
“You boys need any help?” the store owner asks me.
I shift my gaze to her, giving her no reply except for a leveled stare, my long hair falling in front of my face as I look down at her. In this store full of sex paraphernalia, dildos, and revealing underwear, I stick out like a sore thumb.
Granted, I stick out like a sore thumb everywhere.
“Uh, no, we’re just browsing.” Asher grabs my arm and drags me into the store. “Don’t just stare at people like that,” he hisses in my ear, a little amused. “Don’t be a weirdo.”
But I am a weirdo—I can’t escape that fact—and soon Asher will realize he can’t be with a weirdo like me.
“Let’s get what we came here for,” I mutter, feeling like all the other customers are staring at us, at me.
“There’s loads of fun stuff here though,” Asher says. “How about this thing?” He holds up a ball gag, a wicked grin on his face. “Would make it easier for you to shut me up.”
“I like you talking though.” I lean in to speak low into his ear. “I like you whining too.”
His cheeks turn pink. “Oh, uh, right.” He returns the ball gag where he found it. “How about one of these, then?” By the dildo section, he holds up a giant purple thing that looks way too big to ever fit inside anyone.
“Are you sure you can take a thing like that?”
He snickers. “Me? You’re the one who’d take it.”
“Why me?”
With a roll of his eyes, he leans in close, whispering, “If you forgot, I had my whole fist up your ass just yesterday.”
“Yeah, and that means it’s your turn to put out.”
He returns the dildo with a grimace and turns his back on me. “Never mind.”
I study the dildo with renewed interest. It would be kind of fun to use this on him, but I doubt I’d ever manage to convince him to try.
I follow him through the store like a shadow as he browses crotchless underwear and vibrators, and after a while, the experience isn’t as jarring. Maybe we can be like this—a normal, relaxed couple, casually browsing sex toys on a random Thursday.
But we’re not normal, and we’re not relaxed. At least, I’m not.
Normal couples don’t start out holding each other captive. Normal couples don’t depend on each other to continue living. At least, I don’t think so.
We end up in front of the lube section, and I grab a silicone-based one of the same brand as the one we ran out of. Thinking we might as well stock up, I grab another one. And another one.
Asher laughs as I end up grabbing at least five bottles. “Hey, how much are you expecting us to fuck?”
I turn toward the cashier. “This way, we won’t have to leave home for a while.”
Asher lingers behind, and when I glance at him as I pay for the lube with his card, he’s got his arms wrapped around himself, biting his lower lip.
Not good. We need to get home as soon as possible.
After we’ve exited the store, I walk straight to the car.
“Wait a minute.” Asher slows me down with a hand on my shoulder. “How about we go eat lunch? I’m hungry.”
“We have food at home.”
“Yeah, but not burgers.”
“You want a burger?”
“Yeah, and fries. Let’s go to Sidney’s.”
I frown as I throw the bag of lube bottles into the back seat.
“Come on,” Asher coaxes. “It’ll be like a date. Our first date.”
I sigh, but when I look into his eyes—the hope shining through, the excitement—I’m helpless to refuse.
We get into the car and drive the minutes-long distance to Sidney’s Diner. If the sex shop was easy in terms of people and overstimulation, Sidney’s is a whole lot harder.
I stiffen as we walk inside, hit by the smell of greasy fries and the sounds of people chatting and machines beeping. Asher takes my arm and leads us up to the cashier. All the while, I repeat a mantra in my head.
I can do this. Asher wants a burger, and he wants to eat it with me like we’re on a date. Because we are. A super casual and normal date.
Once we’ve ordered and received our food, we sit by a vacant table in the corner. I hunch over the table and eat with mechanical bites while Asher leans back in his chair and sticks fry after fry into his mouth.
I try to focus on him and calm down, but the environment we’re in makes that a little hard.
How can anyone relax at a place like this?
Children are screaming and running around in the aisles, gangs of teenagers are playing video clips on their phones, and now and again, I feel their gazes shift to me.
The whole thing reminds me of school—of being watched, of being alienated.
I grab the edge of the table, knuckles going white with the force. I’ve barely touched my food.
“Are you okay?” Asher reaches over the table and lays a hand over mine. He’s done that a lot today.
I shake my head. “Too much noise.”
“It’s okay. We can leave.” He wipes his mouth with a napkin, but just as he’s rising from the chair, a hand grabs his arm.
“Asher?”
A girl about his age stands by the side of our table. Her long black hair is tied into ponytails, and she’s wearing a bloodred top and a checkered skirt. Behind her, another girl, who I guess is her friend, is sipping a Diet Coke from a straw.
“Lilith!” Asher says.
Oh. So this must be his cheating ex-girlfriend.
She puts her hands on her hips. “Where the fuck have you been?”
“I?…?uhm?…” Asher looks stunned, and he stares at me, then back at Lilith.
“Who’s this?” She points at me with a long black fingernail. “Your new boyfriend?”
Her friend snorts out a laugh.
“I was worried about you, you know,” Lilith says. “Disappearing like that in the middle of the night. I asked Louis to find you, but he said you were probably better off without me.” She rolls her eyes dramatically.
I have no idea who Louis is, and I don’t care to know. All I care about is getting out of here before the situation escalates.
I rise from the table, but before I have time to drag Asher out of here, Lilith catches sight of something, and she pulls up the sleeve of Asher’s jacket, exposing the marks around his wrist. The marks from the chain.
Her eyes narrow. “Ash? What the fuck is going on here?”
People around us have started to take notice, and panic is taking root for real in my heart.
Asher rips his arm away. “It’s nothing.”
“Is he hurting you?” Lilith nods at me.
“What do you care, anyway?” Asher snaps.
“Come on.” I grab his shoulder and start walking him toward the exit. “Let’s go home.”
“Home?” Lilith says, a worried crease between her brows. “What’s going on here, Asher? Ash!”
She keeps calling after us, uncaring of the scene she’s making. Thankfully, that girlfriend of hers stops her from following us, and we disappear out of the diner and into the rush of cold air.
Back in the car, I clench my hands around the steering wheel. “I knew something like this would happen,” I say, teeth gritted. “We never should’ve left the house.”
“I know.” Asher strokes his wrist with his opposite hand, looking down into his lap. “I’m sorry, Noah.”
This experience hasn’t been all bad though. In fact, it’s led to an important revelation.
It’s becoming more and more clear to me that what we are—and what we have together—can never be understood by the outside world. We’ll both be better off in the basement.
Safe. Alone. Isolated.
Down there, no one can question us. Down there, no one can plant seeds of doubt in Asher’s mind. I just have to make sure we stay there. Forever.