29. Chapter 29
Noah
The house looming up ahead looks ready to be demolished, the wood siding worn to hell and some of the windows half-shattered, the yard littered with motorbikes and cars.
A broken place for broken people.
The parties held here are an infamous, weekly headache for the neighbors.
I’ve never attended a party, let alone a party like this, and I didn’t think tonight would be my first—if they even let me in.
I have to get in though. I have to find Asher, and I have to let him know I’m sorry. Sorry for everything.
I know he’s here. His presence is like a hook in my heart, guiding me into this place full of people who’ll look at me like I’m a freak.
I have to act as if I know my way, as if I’m here all the time.
I can’t seem uncomfortable; I can’t seem unsure.
The gang of bikers guarding the entrance won’t let me in if I do.
Two of them stand on the porch. One with a bandanna around his head and one with messy dark hair, broad shoulders, and a thick beard. They stop talking when I approach and look me up and down.
“You lost, kid?” the bearded guy says, arms crossed.
“Uh?…?no. I have friends in there.” Not friends— a friend. The only one that matters.
“Names?”
“Asher. Asher Dalton.”
“And what’s yours?”
“Noah.”
“Well, Noah, we don’t usually let people in at this hour. If you want to come inside, we’ll have to pat you down.”
“Okay.” I shrug, trying to appear unaffected by it all, even though my heart is beating hard and fast. I pull my hands out of my pockets and stand still as Bandanna Guy makes short work of patting me down.
“He’s okay.”
“Well, then. Welcome inside, kid.” The bearded biker steps aside and opens the door for me.
A wall of music blasts into my ears, and blood rushes to my face.
There are people everywhere, dancing, chatting, and making out.
Lilith is among them, sitting with a group of friends on the couch.
I try not to glance her way, but it’s already too late; as soon as she spots me, she leans in to whisper in her girlfriend’s ear, and they both look at me with narrowed eyes.
I slink away to a corner, trying to appear nonthreatening, but my height and appearance usually do my talking for me. Before they’ve even spoken to me, people are wary of my presence. They assume I’m strange. Dangerous, even.
My pulse is rushing in my ears, making all the noises appear muffled, distorted. I close my eyes, leaning against the wall, trying to calm myself down.
“Hey!” A voice cuts through the music. “It’s you, isn’t it?”
A young man with a golden head of blond locks approaches me.
I already knew Asher and his brother looked similar, but I can’t believe their striking resemblance.
Their similarities in looks only enhance their difference in aura.
While Asher is impulsive, quick to sarcasm, but at the same time withdrawn, his brother is confident and striking, owning every inch of the room.
“No.” I shake my head, trying to hide behind the curtain of my hair.
“It is you!” Ethan hisses, eyes going wide. “What the fuck are you doing here, Dead Eye?”
Shit. I didn’t count on him being here, and even less on him recognizing me.
Just then, someone comes down the stairs, and my heart jumps in my chest at the sight of Asher. He looks like he’s been crying. I want to go to him, comfort him, but we’re too far apart, and his brother and his friends are forming a barrier between us.
“Ethan?” Asher’s beautiful face twists into a confused frown. “What’s happening?”
“Do you know this guy?” Ethan throws a gesture my way.
“I?…?uh?…”
“Yeah, he does!” Lilith speaks up. Someone turns the music down, and the remainder of the guests turn their attention to us.
“I saw them together?…?You did something to him!” She points at me, and I feel the stares of the crowd pressing in on me, suffocating me.
“Look at his wrist!” She points to Asher. “He hurt him.”
“Ash?” Ethan turns to his brother. “Is this true?”
Asher shakes his head, face pale, but he says nothing. We both know the truth. Lilith is right; I did hurt him. If only they’d let me apologize?…
I take a step toward Asher, sidelining his brother, but a rough shoulder pushes me away, and hands from an unknown assailant grab me from behind.
“Stay the fuck away from him,” Ethan growls.
Asher shakes his head, fists clenched by his sides. “Why did you come here, Noah?”
“Let me go.” I struggle against the hold of Ethan’s friends, but my limbs are heavy, as if I’m standing in quicksand.
“Let me go to him.” Let me tell him I’m sorry.
Let me repent. Even if he won’t forgive me, let me at least see his face one more time before the end.
“Ash. Asher!” I struggle once more and get free, stumbling toward Asher and his brother.
Ethan stares at me with fear-laced fury. He puts his back to Asher and digs something out of his pocket.
“Get away from my brother, you freak!” His eyes flash as he lunges toward me, and the next moment, something sharp and hot punches me in the gut.
“No!” Someone screams, but I don’t know who.
The following seconds feel distant, slowed, and all I feel is that burning—not pain, just?…?a warm wetness, soaking the front of my shirt.
Where before he looked furious and hateful, Ethan now backs away from me, and what he’s holding in his hand drops to the floor.
A knife. Oh, so that’s what it was?…?Wow, I feel dizzy.
Someone rushes to my side and helps me lie down, and I know who it is by scent alone.
A scream. “Someone call 911!”
A pressure on my abdomen and a pain hot like fire, knocking the breath from my lungs.
My nostrils flare, and Asher’s hands are on my face. Someone else must be stifling the flow of blood, then. I try to see who, but my vision is too blurry, everything too far away.
“Don’t you dare,” Asher sobs. “Don’t you dare die.”
His tears land on my cheek, and I can’t help but smile.
At least he cares enough about me to cry in the face of my potential death.
That means something. It means I didn’t fuck up as much as I thought.
It means there was still hope between us when I came here.
That hope might no longer exist, but it’s for a reason different from my own mistakes.
I didn’t know it would feel like this. I thought I’d be ready when it happened. I shouldn’t resist the wave in the distance that is coming to wash me away, but?…?part of me doesn’t want to leave.
Leaving means leaving Asher.
Leaving means his face will fade from my sight.
I’m so lucky he’s here with me. At least I’ll die happy, in the arms of the one I love.
I want to tell him all this—I want to make him understand—but all I get out is, “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine!” Asher wails.
“I am,” I manage, tasting blood at the back of my throat. “I’m with you.”
I’ve never seen him this upset. Not even when I drugged him and chained him to the bed, wanting to keep him. Selfish?…?I was so selfish. I know that now. And I deserve this?…?for all the bad things I did?…?for all the selfish choices I made?…
Oh. Everything is going dark. Does that mean?…?Is it happening?
Asher collapses onto me with a cry, touching his forehead to mine.
His tears fall into my face like drops of rain, and I taste their salt on my tongue.
If it’s the last thing I ever taste, I am happy.
If his arms around me are the last thing I ever feel, I am happy.
I want to tell him not to be scared, not to mourn me.
That I’m sorry, most of all—sorry to the end.
But I cannot get the words out. It’s fitting, I suppose—one last failure.
As the darkness seeps into my vision, I imagine another path in life I could have taken, another version of reality where I wouldn’t end up bleeding on the floor in an unfamiliar place, and I really, really hope for the one thing I never thought I’d hope for.
Survival.