Cries of Cassie (Our Ruin and Renewal #5)

Prologue

Cassie

"Maddy, please don't go."

It's not the first time I've shoved my pride aside and begged him to stay. After years of loving a man so hellbent on pushing me away, I'm surprised I'm still sane.

Especially when each time I ask for more again, he won't even look at me. I would have broken things off with him a long time ago if it weren't for the obvious fact that he's trying to protect me.

As the president of the Shadows MC, Maddox lives a life of danger and violence. I get it, and I hate that he doesn't think I'm worthy of his lifestyle. Someday I'll prove it. I've got nothing better to do than fight for the man I love.

"Maddy, come on. It's three in the morning." He doesn't so much as grunt as he pulls his shirt over his muscular back. "Just fucking stay!"

"Enough, Cassidy," he barks, whirling around with his familiar cold gaze. Six years of the same dead look in his eyes. Only when he's deep inside me, and placing gentle kisses on my collarbones do I feel his warmth. "Go take a fucking shower and go to bed. I'm leaving."

I've spent many years learning not to cry in front of this man. It makes everything hurt even more when he can't hide his flash of guilt and sorrow in the face of my tears.

Even now as I narrow my eyes, I can't help but flinch at the harshness of his tone. Damn it. Tears build in my eyes when his jaw and fists flex. He's fighting a battle I can't see but know is there.

He wants to stay, but he won't allow himself to. We love each other so much, yet somewhere along the way he stopped trusting himself to protect me. Now he's doing the only thing he can think of: push me away.

Maddox does a damn good job trying to convince both of us he doesn't have feelings for me. I doubt I'll see him for a few months after tonight just so he can build his walls back up.

Fucking asshole.

I know I seem ridiculous. He treats me like a booty call, yet I still love him.

I'm not dumb enough to ignore the problem, but the good news is Maddy isn't my whole life.

Maybe someday our world will revolve around each other again, but until he pulls his head out of his ass and claims me like a fucking man, I have better things to do than miss him when he's not here.

The pain I experience when he is here is enough to remind me how much my soul is bound to his. I don't need to carry that constantly.

Fortifying my own walls, I pull the sheet up higher to cover my bare chest. "Get out."

If I weren't looking into his dark brown eyes, I would miss the tiny flash of hurt. Well, fuck him. He's the one doing this to us, and I need to get his scent off me.

"Leave, Maddox. I'm serious," I warn, voice devoid of emotion. He watches me for a few more moments. His beard and the dark lighting hide his facial expression from me.

Grunting like a caveman, he nods. When he turns to open my bedroom door, I stand and drop the sheet. A hot shower and a mental slap will do me good. Ignoring Maddox, I make my way to my attached bathroom, chin held high.

His large hand wraps around my bicep, yanking me back to face him. "What the hell are you doing?" he growls, glaring down at me like I fucking offended him. Someday, I'm going to throttle his ass.

"I'm going to shower," I answer blandly, at a loss for sass.

He tightens his grip for a moment as his gaze flicks over my body. Heat engulfs me, but when his blank eyes capture mine again, a chill races across my skin.

"You know the rules. Follow me out and lock the door immediately."

See, this is why he's under my skin. He goes from wanting absolutely nothing to do with me to fucking my brains out, then making me feel like just another warm body, and ends the vicious cycle by showing he cares.

It's absolutely infuriating.

He makes it easy for me to want him to stay out of my bed for a few months. I have a great supply of toys that will do the job just fine. And you know what they don't do? Jerk my feelings around like they're stuck in a pinball machine.

Maddox must pick up on the rage building inside me, because in the next breath he drags me out of my bedroom and stops me at the front door of my apartment. "Keep out of sight and lock the door right when it closes. You understand?"

Once he releases me, I cross my arms over my chest and only nod. I'm naked, out of patience, and pissed off. At this point, I just want him gone and to get on with the next few months of my life.

"You can leave now," I remind him when he just stands there looking at me.

His eyes narrow and his shoulders stiffen. "Watch it, Cassidy."

Another thing about Maddox is that he's a very dominant man. Rarely does he slip out of his I'm the big bad boss, and everyone must listen to me mode.

"Oh, I'm watching it, alright. You're leaving again. Until you decide to pull your head out of your ass, you have no right to boss me around. Now get the fuck out."

This time he does as I say and yanks the front door open. I'm surprised he looks over his shoulder one last time before I slam it in his fucking face. Unwilling to hear his voice again, I flip the two locks and stomp back to my room.

Am I making a mistake letting him string me along?

Most people would say hell yes, but fucking hell, he's really good in bed, and I'm so madly in love with him I can't help myself. Not to mention, I understand why he's pushing me away. He just doesn't understand that I am cut out for a life in his club.

I won't think about what he was thinking when he took his final look, and I most certainly won't miss him while he avoids me. In all honesty, he's exhausting my heart.

My mind gets it and can think it through, but my poor heart thumps wildly when he's around and drops in defeat when he leaves. I'm not sure what I'll do about us, but I do know I'm getting angrier with each encounter.

Anger is the perfect fuel after all.