Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Parker (Spider)
Walking Cassidy back to our house is a hardship I didn't fucking ask for. I'm the last fucking person that should be doing this. Hell, even Ticket is a better option, but when she slipped out the doors of the clubhouse, I had no choice but to follow.
She's a fucking liability. I don't care how safe our compound is; Cassidy needs to be more careful. And aware.
"AH! Jesus, Eight Legs, you scared me." Hands pressed to her cleavage, the woman breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes it's me who surprised her. I followed her all the way back to the house and jumped onto the porch to unlock the front door for her.
"Eight Legs?" Absentmindedly, I question her as I swing the heavy door open and wait for her to walk in ahead of me.
"Spiders have eight legs," she explains in a sing-song voice. Cassidy practically skips into the entryway, barely stopping to kick off her boots.
As I watch her float into the kitchen, I grind my molars and lock the door behind me. Already I'm questioning if the other three noticed her leave at the same time I did and I just reacted faster. Damn it. I don't care, but they do, so why am I here?
I keep my shoes on, eyeing her as she rummages around our kitchen as if she's completely comfortable here. "Are you drunk?"
Shoulders stiffening, Cassidy slams the fridge shut and glares at me. "You're on a roll trying to humiliate me tonight. No. I'm not. Ever hear of happiness?"
What?
"No?" she sasses. A big smile spreads across her face, then she jumps around in a circle. Is she high? "Happy like you're on cloud nine? Like you feel like you're finally making progress toward your dream?"
Her ridiculous spin comes to an end when I don't respond. A little frown mars her features, forcing me to acknowledge that I feel bad for dragging her down. "Do you have a dream, Spider?"
Hoping to derail her plans to get me to talk, I drag her farther down. "I have nightmares, Cassidy."
"What are they about?" She doesn't miss a beat, just cocks her head to the side like the kitty Ripley calls her.
Intrigued by her openness to talk about the negative shit, I lean my hip against the island that separates us. "Usually my family and my men are murdered in front of me, and I can't help. Other nights they're taken from me. I live my life drowning in guilt because I can't find them."
"So," she draws the word out and grabs a banana from our fruit bowl. "Your dream, one of the things that matters most to you, is ensuring your loved ones are safe and live full lives."
"That's the goal," I grunt, eyes locked on the way her nimble fingers peel the skin off the banana. "Why are we talking about this?"
"Because I'm worried you don't know what joy feels like. Because you're looking at my smile and energy as if they're foreign. What makes you happy, Parker?"
The tingles that race down my spine sharpen my glare. "Spider to you, Cassidy. And to answer your question, plenty of things make me happy."
"Like what?"
My cock jerks at the sight of her wrapping her lips around the banana.
She's not trying to be erotic, but fuck she has my attention like she did earlier when I saw her outfit.
Too much attention. That's what I'm going to blame my next words on because there's no way I would normally sit here with a woman hellbent on making life complicated for us and show vulnerability if she weren't clitnotizing me.
"Koa's no-bullshit sass is one of my favorite things in the world—he's hilarious.
Sometimes when Ripley hums in the shower, I linger and can't help but smile.
" My attention is completely on her mouth as mine runs away from me.
"Maddox throws his head back when he's belly laughing and complains about his neck every time.
I love when my mom and dad hug each other and—"
It’s like a bucket of ice water is dumped over me when I realize that I was going to talk to her about my mom. I stop mid-sentence. Blood roars through my ears. Did she intentionally eat the banana to manipulate me into talking? No, I doubt it, but either way, I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's no sense in opening myself up to someone who will leave one way or another. Even if she manages to skate past Victor's wrath, she'll never forgive Maddy. Or me. No matter how happy she is right now, she'll realize she doesn't fit in here soon enough.
"Spider?"
Why does her calling me that suddenly make my stomach twist in knots? I need to get away. She's confusing me, pulling me into her orbit like the rest of my lovesick fools. One of us needs to stay clear-headed so nobody gets hurt. It has to be me.
"What has to be you?" she murmurs, putting her snack down and leaning over the island toward me.
Fucking hell, now I'm saying shit out loud. "Go to your room," I growl low.
"I'm not a child." She doesn't shout, but her voice is tight, and she pulls away from me. Damn it.
Knowing I'm losing control, I step away and admit defeat. "Then I'll go."
Before I can turn away from her fully, she rushes through the kitchen, then places herself between me and the stairs. "No. I'll go. It's your home. This is your safe place, like you said. I'm sorry, okay?"
Cassidy doesn't wait for me to say anything before rushing out of the room. Cataloging the fact that she's lost her smile and the irritating pep in her step leaves me feeling horrible.
How am I going to manage living with that woman if all she does is piss me off and make me feel guilty about it?! If Koa were here, he'd probably tell me I'm more mad at myself than her. Would he be right?
Does it matter? I must keep my distance lest I risk losing her like my dad lost my mom for those agonizing weeks. But he got her back, and they're so in love it scares me...
My thoughts are a jumbled mess that have no right to be that way. Cassidy will find out soon enough that Shadows MC is not a good fit for her. We may be less morally corrupt than most MCs, but we're still dominant assholes who will only tear her down, not build her up.
So why was she so happy tonight?
"Fuck!" I snarl. I'm going to be obsessing over the fact that I didn't ask her what her dream is or how she’s finding it here.