Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Cassie
I'm on the cusp of everything I've ever wanted. The past seven days have proven to me that I belong here. Hell, even the club girls want me here—I'm in a group chat with them. I definitely need to mute them sometimes, but they're really great.
I've heard and read some awful shit about club girls, so I really wasn't expecting them to be nice. I was just hoping they would ignore me when I first got here. Their friendship is more than welcome. Thank hell Maddy doesn't have vicious women looking to rip my tits off.
Jake and Ticket have become my favorite men to hang out with. They don't handle me like a grenade or give me whiplash like the men I'm living with do.
As infuriating as the four presidents are, I feel like the only thing that's missing from my life is them when they're not around. Which makes my heart hurt every damn day because Spider and Maddox avoid me at all costs.
Last night was the first time Maddy had intentionally been around me. Of course it ended in disaster, but what the fuck does he think he's going to accomplish by being fake?
The softness of his touch and hesitancy to be the man I love infuriates me. How could he possibly think I want that when he has for sure seen me loving life here in the Shadows compound?
I'm not going to run screaming. Surviving his cruelty over the years is a testament to that. So how dare he? It's ridiculous. I'm pissed and should want him far away from me, but when he released me on the sidewalk last night, it felt like a rejection. Again.
What will it take for him to give me all of himself? The possessive, dominant, overbearing alpha male that he is is everything I could ever want in a man. Now there are four who have those qualities plus some extras that draw me in.
Koa's easy humor and ability to move through any kind of situation are amazing. The sheer intensity of Ripper is a total aphrodisiac. Then there's Spider's quiet vulnerability that he thinks he hides so well. And Maddy? Well, he's the man who stole my heart when I was twenty-five.
Fuck, over seven years and I still can't move on. Could I live here as a Shadows member without being his? Theirs. I'd like to think I'm strong enough to live with that kind of loss staring me in the eye every day, but the ache in my heart just imagining it makes me miserable.
"Coffee first," I grumble, slipping my tank top over my head.
I'm grateful they gave me a room with an attached bathroom even if they're confusing asses. The sense of privacy allows me to process all the shit that goes on here, and the hot water this morning relaxed some of the tension in my shoulders. There's never a boring moment, that's for sure.
I groan as I catch sight of the time on the clock in the hallway. Since when do I sleep in until eleven?! "Or maybe a beer."
The chill of the stairs feels nice on my bare toes as I pad down quietly. My silence isn't intentional until I come to a quick stop at the bottom of the staircase.
Koa's voice hits me first, and I immediately know what they're talking about. "So, she wants you to be your usual dickish self?"
The confusion in his voice bothers me. Why is it so difficult to understand that I want my men to be fucking genuine?
I huff out a quiet breath in time with a click of glass as silence stretches. Are they all just sitting around talking about me?
That question makes my heart thump harder. If the answer is yes, then I'm about to overhear a very telling conversation. Will their words push me away or give me some reassurance that they want me here beyond my safety?
"Evidently." The deep timbre of Maddy's voice makes me gulp. Does he sound just as confused as Koa? Or resigned? What the hell is he feeling?
"I don't know why you're so fucking butthurt when it's clear you have no idea how to not be an asshole," Parker adds. He's there too?! Thank fuck for his statement though, because that's kind of what I'm thinking.
As gently as I can, I seat my ass on a stair and clutch the railing. This is what I've been wanting: an inside scoop. Something to tell me my feelings aren't a lost cause.
Someone grunts, sounding like Spider when he came down Koa's throat the other day. Are they fucking? If they are, then I need to see.
"Not helping," Koa says, sounding tired. "Did she tell you anything else? Did you apologize?"
"For what?"
The gasp that comes out of me is choked. I'm going to—
"Naughty Kitty."
SHIT! Lurching back, I grab hold of the stair behind me.
My new position leaves me vulnerable with my boobs shoved out and my legs spread slightly on the stair below me.
I'm basically sprawled out on a damn platter for Ripley, and I don't think I hate it.
I really fucking hope the others didn't hear us.
"Ripper," I breathe, trying to calm my breathing, but Jesus, he looks good. Like he's going to devour me. His eyebrows cast a shadow over his already dark gray eyes. His wavy black hair, caressing his bare fucking shoulders and scruffy jawline, threatens to make me do something stupid.
My heart has other ideas. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, making the poor organ thump harder than ever before.
It knows a threat when we see one, and Ripley has every ability to crack me open and leave me bleeding out alone.
I honestly think I would let him. There's just something so sexy and meaningful about a man who spends his free time stalking me.
Groaning, I slam my legs closed and sit up straight to bury my face in my hands. "I think I need to stay with Jake for a few days and—AH!"
Ripley yanks my feet down to the landing and spreads them apart. Zaps of electricity flow from my ankles, through my clit, and tickle my nipples. Even if I wanted to pull away from Ripley's hands, I don't think I could.
"What did I tell you, Pet?" he growls, hands now on my knees, forcing them wider. My god, our faces are only a few inches apart. "I am not Ripper to you."
"Oh," I basically moan, slamming my hands down beside my ass cheeks to keep myself from slipping. With my luck and lack of self-control, I might just fall right onto his cock and take exactly what I want. "What are you doing?"
Something flares in Ripley's eyes, but before he can either scold me or kiss me, three men I don't want to see line up in the hallway on the other side of the railing.
"The better question is what are you doing, Cassie?" Koa asks, thankfully with a teasing smirk, so I at least know he's not mad.
Shit. "I—"
A gentle squeeze on my knees makes me stutter and blink up at Ripley. His lips kick up on one side, the scent of his cologne and bare chest holding my attention as he leans in to whisper in my ear. "No lying."
Blowing out a breath, I tip my head back, allowing the big man to trail kisses down my neck. "I was listening to your conversation."
"Spying, you mean," Spider interrupts, his snide comment annoying me.
"Eavesdropping, asshole."
"That's not any better, Cassandra," he quips.
Fully distracted from the glorious man sucking on my collarbone, I turn my head to glare at Spider. "My name is Cassidy, Eight Legs."
His warning growl gets cut off by Koa's surprised snort. Followed up by a soft chuckle from none other than the king of pricks himself. Maddy's chortle pulls Ripley's mouth off me, forcing me to stifle a pout.
"Eight Legs," Koa wheezes, slapping Spider on the arm with unrestrained humor.
Spider glowers at him and shoves him off. "I'll kill you."
Koa bumps into Maddy who just sweetly wraps an arm around the slightly smaller man’s waist. Just when I think he's sobering a little, Koa pulls Ripley into the conversation. "Ripley, how many legs do you think it will take Spider to kill me? Six? Or all eight?"
Ripley hums, never once taking his eyes off my body. His undivided attention sends a thrill of excitement through me. I wiggle and basically preen under the heat of his gaze.
It's not Ripley who turns things up a notch...Maddy does. "How about we put our limbs to better use and teach our woman a lesson in manners?"