Chapter 7 Benjamin
Benjamin
My body is still flooded with adrenaline after my altercation with Cielo.
Maybe it was the way he threw me over his shoulder like a sack of spuds, or maybe it was the argument afterwards that still has me vibrating with pent-up anger.
It’s definitely not the fact he clearly just did rather adult things with someone, up against my door.
The man is awful. I understand why Lorenzo has him running his evil empire.
He’s well-suited for it. A pang of regret burns in my stomach.
I was equally awful in our last exchange.
I like to think I’m a good person. I go out of my way to make people’s days pleasant.
Growing up, my mums often said I was too nice.
I don’t feel like that nice little boy right now.
I intentionally hurt Cielo. I don’t know where it came from, but I knew it would wound him.
I saw a vulnerability and exploited it to cause him pain.
Some might say it was deserved. After all, he’s kidnapped me, shot my best friend, and threatened to kill me.
But aren’t I just as bad if I retaliate?
The fact I could be so cutting is a concern, too. Naturally, I’m wondering if I’ve inherited some less than savoury characteristics from Don Sperm Donor. It’s not just brown hair and brown eyes that have been passed on, it seems.
Gah! This kind of pondering should be done over a tub of ice cream whilst hiding under a blanket on my couch, not in the secret lair of my biological father.
Oh, my God, it sounds insane! If, and that is a big if, I get away, who in their right mind is going to believe me? I’d like to think Kevin would back up my story, but after his little display of dribbling over Brian, I’m not so sure now.
Okay, I need to ground myself. I’m quite new to yoga. I started practising last month and I’m honestly not sure I’m cut out for it. My body is more stout and rigid than lean and flexible. I do, however, enjoy the breathing exercises and the way they help me calm my anxieties.
Penny said yoga only counted as a hobby if I went to an actual class rather than trying to learn on my own in my apartment. I chose to ignore her opinion. Back to the task at hand: processing the past twelve hours and figuring out what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I need to take a measured approach to my current situation. If I learned anything from my parents, it’s how to step back, organise my thoughts, and then make an action plan.
I sit on the floor with my legs crossed, doing my best to look like a seasoned yogi. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply and focus on my energy. Once I feel in a state of relative calm, I collect my jumbled thoughts and start to unpack them.
First point to analyse: being kidnapped and watching Kevin get shot.
It was harrowing, but all-in-all, I think I handled myself well.
It would have been a mistake to try to get Cielo’s gun, so in a silver lining sort of way, I’m pleased he was able to read me so easily and get me to see the stupidity of it.
If not, I might be dead in a ditch now, probably because I shot myself. I have no idea how to use a gun.
Watching Kevin get hurt will require some professional help, but I am a master at compartmentalising, so I’m confident I can shove that to the back of my mental closet for now. The most important thing is Kevin is okay…sort of. His mental state is somewhat questionable right now.
Moving on: Lorenzo Fusaro is my biological father, and I’ve got some pretty nasty people after me because he’s a crime family boss.
I never thought about my bio parents. My mums were and are great parents.
I had everything I could ever want, not just materially, but emotionally, too.
Why would I need to seek out people who didn’t want to keep me?
The problem is, now I know it wasn’t such a straightforward situation.
On the other hand, Lorenzo chose his horrible wife over me and my mother.
Surely, with all his power, he could have found a different way to handle the mess he created.
I suppose it’s neither here nor there anymore.
He gave me away, and that’s that. Going forward, though, I’m not so clear as to where my feelings stand.
By all accounts, he and his merry band of criminals are all terrible human beings.
There’s no rational reason I should want anything to do with them, but something inside of me is curious.
I suppose it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if he’d kept me.
Would I be as ruthless and heartless as Cielo?
My guess? Yup, that’s definitely what would have happened.
After all, Lorenzo took him in and groomed him to be the perfect mafia king.
It doesn’t take a qualification in psychology—which both my mums have—to guess how he ended up connected to Lorenzo.
If I have to guess, I’d say Cielo has no parents and Lorenzo has been his surrogate dad.
That’s why my last words to him were so cruel.
Stop thinking about Cielo.
Right—back to Lorenzo and him being my father.
Maybe if we’d met under different circumstances, I’d be more open to getting to know him.
But even with a curious mind, I can’t forgive what he’s done.
Or can I? I need to table this conundrum for a different time.
There’s way too much to process and consider.
Right now, I need to stick to the smaller things.
Changing my train of thought leads me to my current predicament: being locked away in this gigantic and admittedly gorgeous—if you’re into antiques—room.
Everything in me wants to run away. But if Lorenzo is telling the truth, I could be in more danger if I leave.
Staying put would be the sensible course of action, right?
What about the bookstore, though? Surely, Clive will realise I’m missing.
It’s not like Janice will really give a shit, but even she will see the store isn’t open and will wonder where I am…
I think. Plus, I ring my mums every night without fail, unless they know I have a new book to read—like Criminal Casanova—so actually, they won’t be expecting me to call until at least tomorrow.
That might be a good thing, though. It gives me time to talk to Lorenzo about them.
I don’t trust Cielo to pass on my demand to get them here.
There is no way I’m leaving my parents to get hurt.
They didn’t ask for this, just as much as I didn’t.
Alright, I’ll not do anything daft tonight. I’ll try to get some sleep, then demand to see Lorenzo in the morning, and have him secure my parents and call Clive. Okay, that’s a solid plan.
Yoga meditation for the win!
Last but not least: Cielo. How am I going to deal with him? He’s clearly the head honcho around these parts. By all accounts, Lorenzo is the only one above him, which means I’ll have to interact with him whether I like it or not.
He’s the mafia king and I’m the unsuspecting civilian thrust into his world. I knew reading so many books would come in handy one day. If I do the opposite of everything the main character would do, when faced with an alluring, yet dangerous, mafia nut job, I’ll be fine.
There will be no forced marriages, no fake relationships to appease other mafia families—none of it.
Plus, it’s not like Lorenzo wants me to take over the family business, so Cielo shouldn’t feel threatened.
He’ll be in his corner, and I’ll be in mine, being careful not to piss him off to the point of homicide.
Now I have my brain in order and am confident in my decisions, I need to get some rest. Actually, I need a shower because I feel gross.
Cardigans and sea spray aren’t a pleasant combination.
Standing from my yoga pose, I try to will the blood to flow into my limbs again. Pins and needles are a bitch!
Shucking my trousers to the floor, I pick them back up and lay them over the back of the vanity chair.
That’s right—the room has a vanity desk that looks like something Queen Victoria would have used.
Everything is so bloody old. I mean, it’s lovely if you want to live in a museum, and I’m sure—like the paintings—the vanity costs an arm and a leg… But jeez, it’s so dark and dowdy.
Once I’ve removed all my clothing and organised them neatly to prevent creases, I proceed to the ensuite.
The gold is blinding: taps, plug holes, showerhead—everything is garish; however, the size of the shower cubicle makes up for the gaudy décor.
There’s also a claw-foot bath I may utilise at some point.
Might as well make the most of it, I guess.
The water feels heavenly against my skin.
The journey by boat left me covered in a fine layer of salt.
Running my hand through my hair makes me instantly think of Cielo and his super tight bun.
Although he didn’t have his hair up when he hauled me over his shoulder.
It was flowing freely, and I’ll admit, it did something to me when I first clapped eyes on him again.
I’ve never seen natural platinum before.
The light kept catching it and reflecting off it in an almost blinding display.
He looked different, too. He’s definitely more imposing in black silk.
Of course, I then think of the noises I heard outside the room.
At first, it disgusted me. Not because the two of them were having sex—I’m all aboard for that—it was Cielo’s utter disregard for decency.
I can’t understand what point he was making.
Did he want me to know how powerful he is?
That he can have whomever he wants, whenever he wants?
I guess that would make sense after what I said.
Clearly, he needed to feel in control again.
He probably wanted to banish the truth behind my coarse words: He is a replacement. I still feel shitty for saying that.
Or…and I’m not sure if this is wishful thinking… Did he want to… I don’t know…turn me on? Did he want to let me know he is also a member of the rainbow family? But why would he? It’s pretty clear he detests me. And more importantly, why do I enjoy the idea of him trying to turn me on?
See, this is where I need to remind myself of the books I’ve read.
Having naughty thoughts about the mafia king is like number one on the plotline list of things I need to avoid.
Easier said than done, though. I might be the world’s most boring person, but I still have carnal urges and functional eyeballs.
I roll my eyes because I can hear Penny’s mocking tone in my head as she repeats carnal urges back to me with a grimace. It’s times like this, when I use words like that, she thinks I’m one cat away from living as a spinster. She could be on to something.
Shaking my head, I surge on with scrubbing myself clean. That is, until I clean a certain body part and I realise Cielo succeeded, even if he didn’t mean to. The mafia boss has turned me on.
Bloody marvellous. I’m already failing. Nothing I can do about it now. I just need to be extra vigilant going forward. No more thoughts about Cielo and what his mouth can do…or those strong hands.
Dammit.