Chapter 39 – Vincenzo #2
If she expected a monster.
I quit fighting the pressure. I let the tension explode and slammed my fist into the wall beside her head.
Hard. The crack echoed through the narrow space, defying the walls that entombed us.
We were free. This wasn’t a prison. Dust fluttered to the floor from the mark in the plaster. I struck again, and again.
Amanda flinched each time.
Crowding against her, I snarled, “I told you to stay because the thought of you walking out that door—” I swallowed hard “—alone to face the danger? It’s a nonnegotiable.”
“Enzo,” she pleaded, but my fist against the plaster silenced her.
“I didn’t trap you in my house; I offered you a place to rest. A sanctuary.” Another blow sent a chunk of wall to the ground. “Did you ever stop to think that I might be trapped by this, too? Or are you really that selfish?”
Both her hands shot up, flattening on my chest.
I stilled.
My lungs screamed for air, heaving as though I’d just run a mile. “Are you really scared of me?”
If the answer was yes, if she confirmed that terrible fear, I would let her go. Right now. She would be safe with my brother.
“No,” she whispered. “I’m not. I…I didn’t mean it.”
“Then what?” I nearly shouted. “Why does my help bother you so damned much?”
Enough that she went to Cristiano and not me with the truth. I knew this discussion was coming, but I’d kept it back, holding onto my feelings, for her sake. But she’d goaded me to the breaking point.
Amanda closed her eyes. Her lips trembled as she drew in a desperate gulp of air. “I’m not scared of you,” she said carefully. Her eyes fluttered open. Those jewels pinned me with a fierce, determined look. “I’m scared of what happens if you try to make me yours.”
She wasn’t talking about the wedding or public marriage.
This was about us deciding to be together. The connection we didn’t acknowledge was that we recognized a part of ourselves in each other. Soulmates, she used to call us. Together, we could face anything.
My voice turned raw, my torn heart bleeding into the words. “That depends on you. I won’t cross that line for us.”
“Good.”
I pushed off the wall, putting some much-needed space between us. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You’re falling apart, and you can’t stand the thought of me dragging you into the one place you know is safe.”
“I am not!” She swallowed hard. “I am not falling apart.”
She might not be.
But I was.
“You want me to be a guest in your house?” she mocked. “Just a guest? Then explain why you can’t even look at me without shaking.”
The distance between us wasn’t enough. Those inches didn’t offer me escape.
I gave her a deadly smirk. “Oh, fiore, I’m not the one shaking. You are.”
She brushed the comment aside, deflecting the word games. “So, I can leave? I can get that divorce and deal with these problems on my own?”
If she didn’t feel anything for me, I might consider it. Even if it broke me. Fucking hell, it would gut me. If that really was what she wanted, I wouldn’t stand in her way.
But I still clung to the idea that, given enough time, she would want to be with me. At this point, it was the pillar of my existence. Plus, it was more than a delusion. I saw it in the quiet moments. I felt it in her passion. It was there, dammit! She just needed to recognize it.
Until then, I would keep her close.
“No,” I said, bracing myself for her wrath. “You can try to ignore my help but use that wheel of logic and put the pieces together, Mandy. We’re stronger if we stick together. End of discussion.”
“That’s it?!” Amanda’s face contorted in pain. Her eyes glittered with a sudden burst of moisture. “You aren’t even giving me the choice?”
I froze. “You hate me.”
Amanda flung her arms wide. “I have nothing, Enzo! Nothing! Everything I was, what I worked for, it was stripped away. And now, you won’t even let me pick through the rubble.”
I hadn’t done those things, and yet somehow those sins were laid on my doorstep.
The tremble in her voice twisted the knife deeper in my chest. She couldn’t even see that I was the one who wasn’t able to breathe when she was out of reach. Because I was weak, I moved closer. My knees trembled as I stopped right in front of her.
I’m just fighting for a chance to be yours!
She wasn’t ready to hear those words. She would only twist them to hurt me.
“I don’t want to determine the course of your life—be a lawyer, don’t be a lawyer.
Live in Boston or don’t. I’ve only ever let you choose.
Now that the cards are stacked against you, my hand’s been forced.
But only to keep you safe. Why do you think I’ve been away so much?
Why do you think it took two years before I let you know I was watching?
” I leaned closer, despite myself. “I want you, Mandy. And you can bluster all you want, but you know it. And that thought terrifies you, which is why I’ve given you as much space as I can. ”
Her voice trembled as she spoke, “No, it doesn’t scare me. It’s just impossible.”
“Why? Because your dad sold you? We’ll handle it,” I snapped.
But Amanda shook her head, lips pressed tight.
Something else, then.
It didn’t matter; I would figure it out and end whatever demon whispered lies about us not being together.
I gave her a cold smile, not letting her see how devastated I was. How badly her resistance crushed me. The cruel facade was my shield. “You should be terrified of me. You should run the second I walk into a room.”
“I can’t.” She choked on a sob. “You’ll find me.”
That was the truth. My whisper turned raw for the confession of my worst crime. “If you knew what I want to do to you right now…fuck!”
Amanda leaned forward despite herself.
I barked a rough laugh, grazing my knuckles down her cheek. “If you knew, you’d never speak to me again.”
She lifted her gaze to meet mine. The look was part challenge, part dare. “Show me.”
A little bit closer, and our lips almost touched. Her exhale was warm on my face.
I jerked back violently. My body swayed as I struggled to restrain myself. Pulse racing in desperate bursts, I took a step backward. And then another. Each was agonizingly slow.
“Not here. Not now. Not like this.”
Amanda’s voice cracked. “Enzo.”
“If I touch you…I won’t stop. So, I’ll go. You can have the loft to yourself. I’ll only come back on your terms.” With that, I yanked open the door. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in, temporarily blinding me. “But, Amanda? Nothing happens to you. Not while there is breath in my body.”
I slammed it closed behind me.
Cristiano could bring her home. She would return to an empty apartment. I wouldn’t haunt her anymore with the ghosts of our love. Kissing her would have crossed a line. One I vowed not to break. She needed to come to me of her own free will.
It wasn’t obvious to her yet. I was the one still in prison, and I would happily be trapped if only she chose to keep me.