Chapter 43 – Amanda #2
“Well?” I swished the skirt and took in my appearance in the mirror.
That wet, hard thumb lowered. It brushed against the scallops on my belly.
“Decadent.”
That one word made me shiver.
“Another,” he barked, and his fingers snapped.
The associates quaked.
His contrasting attitude was going to give me whiplash. Gentle only to me. Grouchy, bordering on mean to others.
We tried on outfit after outfit. I allowed myself to crave the beautiful things.
Clothes I wouldn’t dare let myself wear.
The style might have changed, but the feeling of the items made me reminiscent of the old Amanda.
The one who existed before she tried to shape herself into someone acceptable to others.
I lost myself along the way.
Tears prickled in the corner of my eyes as I stared at the breezy crimson maxi dress. The soft cotton material was dotted with eyelets across the whole thing. The arm-holes were fringed with scrunched material right before my bare shoulders showed.
Vincenzo liked the blood red colors. While I adored yellow, it was fun to see the hunger in his eyes as he stared at me in the garment.
“I think that’s a good start,” the voice of darkness murmured behind me.
Emotion choked my throat, and I didn’t trust myself to speak. My head bobbed.
“Let’s go.” Vincenzo looped his arm over my shoulder.
I let him lead me to the point of sale, where the wiry man shifted uneasily. Clearing my throat, I reached into my purse.
“That won’t work,” Vincenzo said quietly, his warm breath brushing my ear.
I rolled my eyes. “I won’t let you pay for all this.”
He snorted. “You won’t have a choice but go ahead. Try the card.”
I handed the AMEX over.
It declined.
The wiry man grew more agitated, looking between us. “I can try a different one, madame.”
Reality slapped me hard.
Suddenly, the emotions from earlier came surging back. The feeling of being trapped tightened my chest. This wasn’t happening.
“Let me call the bank,” I said, a knot of unease making my voice sharper than I meant.
Vincenzo let me pull away. He leaned casually against the counter as I dialed.
The quick call to my financial institution told me that my accounts had been frozen—by my father. Dread washed away the cozy feelings created from the shopping trip. I had the banker put me through to my financial adviser. That conversation was even shorter. My trust had been liquified.
Gone.
Every cent.
The trust made sense because it was tied to the family assets. If Dad was trying to gather his resources to pay the debt, he would need everything. But my private accounts? The ones I put the paychecks into from working for years as a lawyer? Those were drained because daddy dearest was a cosigner.
He hadn’t even asked me.
He’d tried to have me kidnapped.
I reached around to unzip the crimson dress. It would all have to go back on the shelves. The time spent here was a complete and utter waste.
“I can’t get these,” I muttered, cheeks flaming, as I went back to the store associate.
Vincenzo shrugged. “Then you’ll have to run around naked.”
I shuddered. “I have a few other outfits.”
“You have one.” Vincenzo pulled out his wallet and handed me a card. “You also have this.”
I planted my feet firmly in place. “No, I can’t accept that.”
I didn’t know where we stood. The sham marriage wasn’t that old. Instead of dealing with it, we were out playing at being a couple. In the chaos of everything else, that conversation had taken a back seat.
“It’s got your name on it,” Vincenzo smiled. “No limit. Ready to be used.”
I fingered the pretty crimson dress. With the loss of my job, I had no way to pay him back. I was completely at the mobster’s mercy. He didn’t point out that fact. He didn’t taunt me with my poverty. He simply offered me a solution.
What strings are attached with it? Lesson one in law school was always to read the fine print.
It wasn’t about the money. Not really.
It was about giving up control.
Fighting the rising panic, I plucked the card from his outstretched hand. Flipping it over, the truth was right there. The Black Card had Amanda Messina printed on the back. The bastard.
“That’s not even my legal name,” I stated, handing it back. “It would be fraud to use it.”
“Then we’ll use mine until the name change paperwork goes through.” Vincenzo had his matching card out and in the associate’s hand before I could blink.
“Enzo, I can’t,” I pleaded.
While the pretty clothes made me feel like me, this was a far worse turn of events. It stripped me of my independence. Desperation clawed up my spine. The icy feeling sank into my bones.
I began to wheeze.
My lungs didn’t work.
Vincenzo shot a worried look at me as he scribbled his name on the digital signing pad. He slapped the stylus back in its holder and with a voice that sounded like thunder, he bellowed, “Everyone, out.”
The associates stared, stricken, at him.
I clutched my chest, dropping to a crouch. I wanted to tell him to stop being so rude. But the walls were closing in on me.
This time, I was powerless to stop it.
It hit me all at once—so fast I didn’t even have time to pretend I was fine. One moment, I was standing there, and the next, my chest tightened like an invisible fist wrapped around it. My heartbeat slammed against my ribs, too hard, too fast, as if it were trying to escape my body.
No! Not now.
There was no room for embarrassment. I tried to breathe my way through the panic, but the air felt thick. Heavy. Suffocating. My throat burned. My lungs refused to expand. A prickling heat crawled up my neck and the back of my scalp, spreading over my skin in hot, electric waves.
“Mandy, I’ve got you.” Warm hands clasped mine. They were steady against the tiny tremors.
But it wasn’t just my hands. My whole body shuddered. The room felt skewed, tilted, as if gravity had shifted just to mess with me.
“Sit down, you’ll be just fine,” Vincenzo said, but his voice sounded far away, drowned by the roar building in my head.
My vision tightened around the edges, tunneling inward until all I could see was what was right in front of me, too sharp and too bright.
Then the fear hit—the kind that wasn’t tied to anything real.
Pure, raw, animal terror that poured through me like ice water.
My body thought I was dying. And for a few breathless, choking seconds, I believed it.
Something warm pressed against my mouth. Darkness blocked the cold light. The living shadow shielded me, protecting and solid.
The fluttering beat of my heart latched onto that dangerous presence, knowing it was safe. Eventually, the air thinned its resistance, my lungs loosened, and the world slowly eased back into focus. The tremors lingered in my fingers, and my throat felt raw, scraped out, but I could breathe again.
“There you are,” the darkness whispered. “Fiore mio, you’re so brave.”
A sob choked my throat. “No…I’m a mess.”
Vincenzo shook his head. “The world is trying to knock you out. But you keep fighting. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I squeezed my eyes closed. The panic attack passed, but it left me hollow and shaky. “I don’t know why that happens to me.”
His soothing touch rubbed up and down my bare arms, bringing heat back to the freezing limbs. “It’s my fault this time. I should have just told you.”
“Told me what?” I sighed. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry, to fight whatever it was he wanted to say.
“When I caught your father trying to steal your money, I moved it,” Vincenzo confessed. “The card is tied to your new accounts. I haven’t added a cent to the capital—even though I wanted to.”
That should have made me furious. Those were the kinds of things he should have told me. Asked my opinion about. But it was painfully obvious now. Vincenzo was my silent protector.
“I know how much you value your independence,” he added. “But I wanted to see how you responded to the idea of me taking care of you. That was a horrible idea, and I’m so fucking sorry that I messed up.”
I leaned forward, pressing my hands on his black tee. “Yes, you did. But I forgive you.”
With that, I kissed him.
It wasn’t a soft kiss. There was a raging ball of energy in me that needed an outlet. The kiss was possessive, and I poured my emotions into him. He tasted like salvation. Warm and hard, his mouth was everything I needed.
Before I could pull him to me, slide his unbreakable body over mine as a shield, I broke the kiss.
“That wasn’t a bad one,” I croaked. My voice still sounded funny.
Vincenzo growled low in his chest. “You have them frequently.”
Oh, lord! I didn’t want to admit the truth. But my silence only confirmed his observation.
“Mandy,” he said my name like a prayer. “I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“It’s been building all morning,” I confessed. “You took my mind off it—for a bit.”
Vincenzo barked a rough laugh and shook his head. “Instead of hitting resume on our date, I should have checked to make sure you were okay. I’m so sorry.”
I squeezed his arms.
“I like…having you here when they come,” I whispered. “They don’t feel as scary.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “That’s good to hear, fiore.”
Flower—his flower. I closed my eyes and let the much-needed oxygen fill me.
I was an idiot to resist this man. He might not do things in a conventional manner, but he was the rock I very much needed.
I didn’t know how we would navigate the future, but as I slid my hand into his and let him help me stand, I didn’t feel so alone.
And that wasn’t something I was going to lose.