Chapter 10
I feel like I’ve woken from the dead when I crack a crusty eye open and peek over at the alarm on my nightstand.
Ten-thirty.
I groan into the blanket. It’s Saturday. I’m supposed to have lunch with Lara, and I already slept away the morning.
I stretch my arms overhead and push myself up in bed. I’m still not used to my new home but that doesn’t mean I don’t love it.
I pull my cozy duvet up and cuddle into it, taking stock of the room. It’s decorated in a contemporary Spanish style that suits the house. Everything is incredibly high-end. I’m in a four-poster bed for goodness’ sake. Which makes me think… None of this is Anton’s either. Is it?
He made a crash landing in Echo Valley only months before I first came, escaping captivity, adopted by the Mendezes… Anton told me on those stakeouts, he plans on staying. He said apart from an estranged brother who lives off-grid in Brazil, he has no family but Ava.
Neither of us are starting out with much of our own when this baby comes into the world.
Suddenly my stomach churns thinking about the list Lara made for my baby shower. The stroller. The crib…
Anton and I haven’t talked about money. Not really. Shadow Justice works, but it isn’t exactly raking it in—and yet Anton doesn’t seem worried. He drives a brand-new, souped-up Ford Raptor that costs more than every adult purchse I’ve made put together.
I stare at the carved oak of the four-poster bed.
There’s still so much I don’t know about him, and yet he always feels so familiar.
I try to remember the last time something felt this easy without consequences.
I can’t. Not with a man anyway.
I sit up slowly, stretching. Every muscle complains though my feet aren’t swollen anymore. Anton’s huge, strong hands kneaded out every bit of tension from them. I hadn’t thought twice about asking.
True, I wouldn’t ask just any friend of mine for a foot massage but also true, I’m not inviting any of them into the delivery room. And if I have a C-section or need any physical help after…in general, it’s best if we aren’t afraid to touch each other, isn’t it?
Asking for a massage felt right in the moment.
That’s the problem. Everything feels right with Anton.
I can’t trust “right” anymore. We can touch each other, sure, but I have to be careful about what I let it turn into.
If our hearts get twisted and it doesn’t work, I don’t just lose a man—I lose the one person who makes the idea of parenthood feel joyful instead of overwhelming.
Stability. Friendship. The baby.
I repeat the mantra to myself as I get dressed and brush my teeth.
By the time I’m dressed in leggings, a loose tee, and battered Nikes, the leftover warmth of sleep has faded, and I make my way downstairs.
The house is quiet.
A folded note sits on the kitchen counter under a mug of ginger tea, now completely cold, but the fact that he made one is so damn sweet.
The handwriting is neat, slanted, unexpectedly professional and clean for a man who looks like he doesn’t write a lot of notes.
Freya,
Didn’t want to wake you. I’m at the shed near the barn with the boys this morning. Follow the gravel path. Take your time, pastries are on the counter. If you need me, text.
— A
I sip my tea because I’ve never minded room temperature drinks, nibble a pastry because, um, pastry, and I let out a sigh that’s as much about the flaky crust as it is about the man who left it here.
Anton is thoughtful as hell.
He’s proving very quickly that he deserves space in my life.
Especially when I talked about Zoe. I wasn’t sure of what to do.
Following my gut means re-tracing the steps of a senior officer with extensive training, in a small town that doesn’t want to relive the ache of losing a young woman.
It’s my job to confirm the documentation is complete, not accurate.
Pushing past that line could cost me credibility I haven’t earned yet.
But I just feel it’s off, and that was enough for Anton to support me.
Anton could have answered a million different ways, but he chose one clear statement.
Trust yourself. I’ll back you up.
It feels even better coming from an older man with a hell of a lot of life experience. An ex-Navy SEAL who has seen and done more than most will in a lifetime. A man who knows his shit.
My mentor.
Suddenly, Lara’s student-teacher-romance comment races through my brain.
I do find his competence, his authority so goddamn sexy.
He saw my potential before I did; he has mastery in a space I’m passionate about.
And in the bedroom, the man knew things about more than just law enforcement and security…
The last thing I should have trusted myself with was a man I admire this much.
I’m getting heated, and I can’t let myself fantasize about that anymore. I need to get over the attraction and slide into pure friendship…like he has.
A small part of me wonders how it seems so simple for him. He flirted a little last night, but I could tell he was completely in control when he touched me, and I never felt he’d take that massage past my ankles.
How could he have gone from having so much chemistry with me to a simple friendship so quickly? Meanwhile, I still want to slip my fingers under the covers when I think of him in those gray sweatpants.
Monarch Hills feels unreal to someone like me. Sweeping pastures, horses grazing as if they belong in a painting, everything curated and intentional.
Santi once told me it started as a dream. A place where the Mendez family could finally feel secure. Looking around now, it’s hard to believe it was ever anything else.
As I step out of the residential part of the ranch, I wind past a pool and pool house encircled by a huge outdoor kitchen. I might have to stay here at least through next summer, just to experience one of their famous pool parties.
A paved, manicured path gives way to a gravel one, heading out toward the barns, stables, and pastures. It’s truly a paradise. In fact, it’s so awe-inspiring, so idyllic, I decide it’s a good idea to take a photo and show my mom.
I hold up my cell and snap the rolling hills in the background, just as in the foreground, Ava, Kat, and Lara walk out of the barn with two horses.
Before rushing over to say hi, I send my mom the pic with the caption:
City Girl Check-in- The view is pretty great.
I press send and think immediately again of my view yesterday morning.
Gray sweatpants.
A text comes in from Mom:
Mom
It’s gorgeous baby, can’t wait to visit. Have you and Anton talked any more about the house and finances?
Leave it to my mom. She needs control and information. They’re her addiction.
I, on the other hand, like to feel things out before I get in my bulldozer.
Like last night. I was feeling out our ability to touch each other without wanting to fall into bed. He succeeded. I did not.
My mom doesn’t know it, but at this point, she can probably trust Anton more than me to be responsible in this situation.
Me
I only got here two days ago. Work yesterday. Today I’m chilling. We have months to sort things out, Mom. Promise we will.
Mom
I was only wondering. Just thinking about you.
Me
Thanks but it’s all fine. It’s relaxing here and Anton is taking care of me.
And for once, that doesn’t seem to come with a price.
The ellipses appear and disappear, and I realize that maybe my mom has read into that too much. After all, I told her everything about how that one-night stand went down, including how I was the ringleader. I never want her to think Anton isn’t anything but the upstanding guy he is.
In the end, she settles for:
MOM- Good, you deserve that. Love you baby.
ME- Love you too.
I burst into a light jog to catch up with the ladies and the two horses they tie up outside at what seems like some sort of hitching post.
Lara popped in at the police station yesterday to say hi, but apart from that, it’s the first time I’m getting quality time with my best friend since my celebration party, and I’m looking forward to having lunch in town.
Lara isn’t leading a horse, so she comes over to me and hugs me. “You’re awake and alive.”
“Barely.” We wander over to where the other ladies are. “What decade is it? Still the twenty-first century?” I ask.
Kat, Santi’s fiancée, sets down a grooming kit and pulls out a horse brush. “Growing a human is tiring. Though I found the second trimester easier than the first.” She blows a strand of dark hair off her forehead and slides the brush across a big, dark horse’s back. “You’re eighteen weeks now?”
Lara answers for me. “And one day…” She grabs my hand. “I’m so damn glad you’re back. Even if it’s just for a while.”
Lara knows everything. She knows what happened at the hotel, what Anton and I discussed about life as friends (though she consistently chooses to ignore it), and that I hardly feel settled about the future.
Lara is easygoing, always supportive, and over the past months, as I geared up to move, she’s been happy to hear me out as one day, I wanted one thing and another the next.
I’m lucky Anton has accepted the uncertainty. He probably hasn’t, not really. It’s probably eating him alive, but that’s his maturity showing. No pressure. Just support.
Kat smiles at me warmly. “I loved being pregnant. I was lucky. Had it easy. Though I often pretended to be feeling crap when it suited me.” She winks.
Kat has been through it as a mom. She knows far worse than pregnancy hormones. When she arrived in Echo Valley, she’d lost it all. No money. Single mom. Trouble on her tail. I only hung out with Kat a few times before moving back to LA, but I have a huge amount of respect for her.
“New job, moving house, growing a human…” Kat pats the rump of her horse—I think his name is Fuego. “You’re doing great being up before noon on a Saturday.”
“So which bed did you crawl out of this morning?” Lara teases.
I cock an eyebrow. “Mine.” I put a hand on my waist. “And you don’t have to ask again… It’s not like that, and won’t be as I told you a million times.”
Ava eyes me perceptively. I’ve spent the least amount of time with her when I lived here; she was on a world tour with Enzo, her fiancé.
She and Anton aren’t blood-related, but they’re as family as it gets from an emotional point of view, so I want to be closer to her.
All I know is she’s a hacker, and a wizard of one at that, so somehow, despite being super bubbly, I always think she’s trying to figure me out.
Anton was the most important person in her life for a long time, and she would only want the best for him.
Ava takes a brush out of her grooming kit and takes to the horse’s tail. “You look better rested than a couple of days ago.”
Ava and Luis popped in the night I arrived with a bouquet of flowers and a romance book…with the accidental pregnancy trope. I was too tired to show my gratitude, but it was sweet and made me feel welcome.
Ava chimes. “You’re glowing.”
“Am I?”
“Hundred percent.” She beams.
Lara clasps her hands dramatically. “Are you ready to be my perfect partner to carbo-load with? Gabriel is so annoyingly healthy.”
“A panini at Café Luna? Or that pizza. Maybe a burger?”
“All of the above,” Lara answers.
I think back to Anton’s note. “But before we head out, Anton mentioned he’s in the shed? I thought I’d meet him first, and then we can leave?”
Kat lifts her eyebrow. “The shed, eh?”
Ava smirks, her freckles dancing with mischief. “He invited you to the shed?” She looks at me from under her auburn eyebrows. “He doesn’t even invite me into the shed. And he’s like, my bruncle.”
I laugh because I swear anytime Ava mentioned Anton as a family member when I did see her, she had a new way of describing him.
The way he talks about her is special for sure, but then she is an exceptional woman by anyone’s measure.
Younger than me, high-paid, intellectual job. A genius, some might say.
She teases me. “He’s very precious about his zen den.”
I glance between Kat and Ava, wondering what’s going on. “We are talking about a shed, right? Not a cult initiation?”
Kat laughs. “It’s just Anton’s workshop.”
Ava adds. “And actually, most of the boys go in there for a hangout from time to time, but it’s just one of those man-cave type places. Like a clubhouse.” Ava points up the side of the barn. “It’s up there behind the barn.”
I turn on my heel. “I’ll make sure to act impressed.”