Aurora
Even though it’s been a week since Saint fed me, I can still feel the effects from his blood.
My thirst and hunger have returned, despite my efforts to ignore them, but it’s like I can feel him beneath my skin.
Drinking his blood was like gulping down pure power—infinite, gorgeous, dangerous, delightful power.
I’ve never felt so strong or so clear-headed. Is that the key to clarity? To control over my mind? His blood? Or would any strong, ancient vampire blood do?
My stomach turns at the thought of feeding from someone else. Even a human.
I take a long, deep breath, enjoying the crisp, floral scent of the gardens as I stroll through them.
The moon is high, blanketing the greenery in silver.
Little flickers of gold illuminate the vegetation from the ambient lighting strategically placed throughout the grounds.
It pays to be king, certainly. I’m surprised to not have run into Alek or anyone else in my nightly strolls the past week.
If I owned these gardens, I’d be out here all the time.
Though, I suppose a king has more on his agenda than merely existing, which feels like all I’ve been doing lately.
Shame trickles through me at the thought, but I can’t deny it.
Since the hunters found me and brought me here, all I’ve worked on is existing.
Being a fully turned vampire, but just barely.
Before, I’d been able to ignore that half of myself, my father’s half.
My mother had raised me as a human, and I’d lived that way until Samuel turned me. Now…
I don’t want to just exist anymore. I want to thrive. To be useful to my new family. To be free. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like it’s possible. I know I have my new family to thank for that—the friendships I’ve made here—but most of it has to do with Saint.
I turn down another carved pathway in the shrubbery, focusing as best I can on the power thrumming through my soul. It’s been easier to access since I fed from Saint.
I reach up, grazing the petal of a white rose. The flower perks up, blooming brighter. I can feel its life through the strings of my power, can feel all the threads working together to make it stronger. Right next to it is the opposite of life, the strings I’d have to pull to kill it.
I avoid those strings. Doing as I practiced with Gabriel earlier in the evening, I focus solely on the life-bringing sensations that make up half of my power. Separating the two certainly helps, and I can sense them more than I could the week prior.
Maybe there really is more to feeding than I thought.
It’s more than sustenance, more than taking from another.
It’s life and growth and passion. And I want more.
I want more of Saint. More of his blood, his body, him.
I want more of the glimpses he’s given me, in those rare times when we share vulnerable moments, bonding over our pasts.
I want more of his madness that matches mine.
The way we can walk together in our uncertainty without fear of judgment. I just want him.
After another hour, and more grown and strengthened plants, I feel like I could touch the moon if I wanted. I’ve never felt so optimistic about my new life before. Never thought I’d make it this far.
“Aurora,” Saint’s voice cuts through the darkness.
I whirl around, gasping at the sight of him right behind me. “I didn’t hear you come up.”
“You were preoccupied.” He smirks a little, nodding toward the fully blooming flowers next to me. “Rightly so.”
I smile, pride washing through me. His scent joins the floral smells of the garden, and my mouth instantly waters. The thirst I’ve ignored for the last couple nights pulses in the back of my throat, hot and demanding.
Swallowing hard, I do my best to hide it. “How are you?”
“I’m…” He trails off, the previous soft features turning hard. “I need to speak with you.”
The switch in his tone has all my senses firing, and not in a good way. Foreboding swirls in my stomach, like I can sense the energy radiating from him.
“What happened last week,” he says. “It can’t happen again.”
I flinch like he’s given me a physical blow.
“I thought I could handle it, but from the vision I sent you, and what happened after, it’s clear that I can’t.”
“What?” I take a step toward him, and he takes a step away from me.
“Everything went great. I thought?” Had I misinterpreted the feeding?
Was that not how it normally occurred? I kissed him, yes, but he’d let me see inside his mind for once.
And what I’d seen, it gave me every indication that he wanted me to kiss him. That he wanted much more than my kiss.
Mortification races through me. Oh, God, had I imagined all of that?
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I furrow my brow. “Did I say all that out loud?” I hate that sometimes I don’t know. After everything Samuel did…my mind isn’t always the sturdiest. Though, I’ve been getting so much better.
“No,” he answers. “I can tell where your mind wandered. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I lost control. I can’t allow myself to do that with you. Ever. Again.” He takes another step away from me. “I need you to promise me you’ll feed from a volunteer.”
“You know the reasons I don’t want to do that.” I gape at him. “I thought you understood?”
“I understand them, but your survival comes first.”
“I want to do more than survive, Saint.” I wave an arm toward the flowers. “After drinking your blood, I was finally able to bring something to life instead of destroy it. You’re the key—”
“I’m not,” he cuts me off. “You are. It’s all you. You have the power. You have the talent. It has nothing to do with my blood.”
I shake my head, irrational anger spearing through me. It’s not like I can force him to feed me. I would never demand it. I just thought he enjoyed it. Wanted it. Wanted me.
“Is this because I didn’t offer to return the favor?” I hurry to ask. “Because I totally will. I’d love to, actually.” Hot tendrils curl beneath my skin with just the thought of feeding him.
“Goddammit, don’t even say that.” He takes another massive step away from me, and I swear I feel my heart break. “Aurora, I’m trying to protect you.”
I swallow down the ball of emotion in my throat, feeling out of control in my own body again. My breaths come too quick. I never thought this would be his reaction. Not after what happened between us. Not after all the time we’ve spent together.
“Please, just promise me?” he asks again.
I shake my head. “I can’t promise that.”
“Promise that you’ll try.”
“Fine.” I only agree because he looks half ready to wend as far away from me as possible. Does he think this is fun for me? That I like having to beg him to feed me or take my nightmares away?
Another thought hits me like an anvil. Maybe he feels used. Maybe he feels like a mere tool for my survival. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I part my lips to assure him that’s not the case, but he’s already gone.
I sigh, glancing at the bush next to me, reaching out to touch the new roses I’d helped bloom earlier. The crumble under my touch.
“Have they pulled you in for any official votes yet?” Annika asks me later that night. She, Daphne, and I all sit around a small firepit in one of the residence’s many courtyards. This one is decorated with stone pots overflowing with jasmine and moonflowers.
“No,” I answer with a sigh.
“That’s good,” Annika says. “But as a duchess, you know they will.”
“The title is still hard to wrap my head around,” I admit.
“One minute I’m a sophomore in college, the next I’m Duchess Somerhaul.
” I shake my head. “Especially since my vampire father wanted nothing to do with me thanks to my human mother.” Even though he was the one who pursued her.
Shock of his life when it resulted in me being born.
Daphne laughs softly, taking a sip of her sparkling water. “One second you’re just a human pawn for your cult family to use in a political agenda, the next, you’re in college because a demon king decided to pay for your tuition.”
A laugh rolls through me. “At least I’m not alone in the weirdness.”
“Never,” Daphne says, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
“You know we’re here for you,” Annika adds. “Always.”
Warmth flutters through me, helping chase away the heavy from earlier. “I appreciate that. I really do.”
“Have any guesses on whose mark that is yet?” Annika asks, eying the tattoo I never hide on my neck.
“Not a clue.” I shrug. “If it’s Samuel’s, I’d rather die. If it’s Saint’s, I think he’d rather die.” The truth of that threatens to crush me.
“But you said he put you at his neck when you fed from him.” Annika shifts in her chair.
“Yeah,” I answer. “So?”
“So,” she laughs. “Vampires have this whole thing about where we get bitten.”
I furrow my brow. “You do?”
“We do,” she corrects me.
Right. We. Because I’m a vampire. Just a really bad one.
“There’s a significance when it’s at the neck. An intimate one.”
Heat storms beneath my skin at the memory of his hands guiding my mouth to his neck.
“It takes a ton of trust,” she continues.
“It’s not like I’m a threat to him. He’s a million-year-old hunter.”
They both laugh at that.
“He hasn’t rejected the possible bond either,” Annika says. “Right?”
I shake my head, hating that hope slips into my heart. “He’d have to say the words, right?” I ask, remembering what she told me about mating bonds before.
“Yeah,” she says. “And you’d feel it.” She tilts her head. “I’m surprised you haven’t felt something one way or another.”
Another sigh rattles out of me. “I wish I could.” I check internally again.
“It’s hard for me to sort all of my emotions and sensations,” I admit.
“Since the hunters found me, I haven’t really felt like me.
The past few weeks have gotten better, where I feel like I’m coming out of a hazy nightmare, but I can’t be sure what I feel means anything concrete.
” I rake my fingers through my hair. “I’ve always felt attached to Saint.
He found me. He helped take the nightmares away.
Helped me feed when I couldn’t stand the thought.
How am I to know that my attachment to him is anything other than a he saved me? ”
Annika swirls the wine in her glass. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard it is.”
“I would say it isn’t, but then I’d be lying.
” I take a sip of my drink. “Especially after feeding from him. I felt so clear. So much like myself it felt like regaining a piece of my soul.” I shake my head.
“And then he seeks me out and says it can never happen again.” I mime a knife to the heart, and the girls laugh with me.
“Fuck him then,” Annika says, making me laugh harder. “There are other willing vampires to feed from that are just as powerful. It’s not always an intimate thing. Dagon could feed you his hunter blood and maybe you’d feel just as clear-headed.”
I smile at her. “You’re the best.”
“Want me to text him?” She pulls out her phone. “He’ll wend right over. That’s another perk about mates—we’re a team.”
Thirst burns the back of my throat, but the idea of feeding from Dagon, even in a non-intimate way, makes my stomach turn. “No, thank you,” I answer. “I’m fine. For now. If the hunger gets really bad, I’ll let you know.”
Annika sets down her phone. “Probably a good idea,” she says. “Now that I think about it, Saint might kill Dagon for it.”
“Really? But they’re like brothers.” I can’t imagine any of them hurting the other…except for Samuel, of course.
Annika nods. “It’s a mate thing,” she explains. “The idea that you’d feed from anyone else can send them into primitive mode. Even another male accidentally touching you can make them go nuclear.”
“That puts her in a truly unfair position,” Daphne chimes in. “I know I don’t fully understand mating bonds and thirst, but seriously? If he’ll kill anyone for feeding her, who’s to say he won’t do the same thing if she decides to feed from a human?”
My blood runs cold.
“Not that you will or ever would have to,” Daphne hurries to say. She knows my stance on feeding from humans. “But come on. She has to feed. If he’s refusing, he has no right to threaten anyone else.”
“You’re not wrong,” Annika agrees.
“Again, we’re not even sure if it’s his mark I’m wearing.” I groan, my head falling into my hands. “This is impossible. Saint is immovable and stubborn.” And comforting and safe and sexy as hell. “He’s infuriating.”
“Maybe you should chase him,” Daphne says.
I look up from my hands. “You’re kidding. Chase the scary-as-hell hunter?”
Daphne grins, something mischievous twinkling in her eyes.
“I have a little experience with tall, dark, and dangerous…beings. I understand immovable. Stubborn. Terrifying.” Her eyes go distant for a second, and I can’t tell if that’s fear or intrigue radiating there.
A blink, and it’s gone. “Sometimes, those types have to be chased. Sometimes, you have to be just as stubborn back. Let him know you’re not taking no for an answer. ”
Anticipation flutters inside me. “But, wouldn’t that be forcing him?”
Annika snort laughs. “Not even close. Anyone with eyes can see what you mean to that hunter. He just happens to be the one who won’t allow himself to be happy.
And, if I had to put money on it, that’s what you represent to him.
Happiness. Something he’s sworn to himself he doesn’t deserve.
Especially after everything his twin has done to you and everyone else. ”
“That sounds like him.” I chew on my bottom lip, wondering if they’re right. If his resistance to me isn’t about me and my need of him since he found me, but his own self-punishment over the responsibility he feels over Samuel’s actions?
“So, fuck him.” Annika goes back to her earlier sentiment but waggles her eyebrows this time.
I go hot all over before we all burst into laughter. It feels good to laugh, to be alive, to be with friends. And it feels just as good to let myself dream. Let myself believe I can be the powerful, strong vampire my friends are telling me I am.
“Good advice,” Daphne agrees.
Annika arches a brow at her. “Advice for Aurora,” she clarifies. “I was in no way giving you the same advice.”
Daphne blushes before forcing another laugh. “Of course,” she says. “I know that.”
Annika flashes her a concerned look.
“Annika, we’ve gone over this.” Daphne eyes her friend right back. “I’m not ridiculous enough to chase the demon king.”
“Mhmm,” Annika chides her. “Be grateful Benedict wasn’t walking by just now, or the king’s favorite lie detector would have some new ink on his skin.”
“If I had something to throw at you, I would.” Daphne teases.
I glance between the two, realizing I’m not the only one here whose heart has locked onto someone not only dangerous, but also totally out of reach.