33. Elara
Chapter 33
“Time to go! Get out of there, you lot! If you can!”
The voice rattled me out of the fitful sleep, if you could even call it that. I was sure I had only fallen asleep minutes ago with how my body ached. Every joint was sore, my face still burning with tears, my heart still raw and swollen.
Swallowing on a dry tongue, I opened my eyes, the darkness of the room engulfing what I knew was there, what I had spent most of the night after Adain had left staring at.
The Boy lay on the other side of my bed, his magically healed body dressed in new leathers, his face covered by a new, dry shroud. He was the shadow he always was, but he was right there, alive.
I blinked, still not understanding what had happened. I had spoken those words and the world had turned to light and then he was fine. I had barely blinked and everything was alright.
He had dressed, he had held me, his lips soft from behind the veil as he pressed them to my forehead again and again. But there were no answers, no explanations. There were no more words spoken, only gestured promises and signed warnings and gentle touches. I had seen magic that I didn’t know existed and now I was lying next to a man who should be dead.
It was all too much. My father and his Catalyst. The magic I wasn’t supposed to have. Batian’s orders. Batian taking his role as Ramal. My mother. A Catalyst that wasn’t a Catalyst. And blood. So much blood.
Laying there, clutching his hand, it had all swirled together, keeping me awake.
“Get up!”
The voice came again, my breath shuddering out of me as the Boy turned to face me, his leathers rustling softly as he shifted that shrouded face closer to mine.
“We have to go,” I whispered as the Boy made a walking gesture with his fingers, the words clear. It was time for Aeinya’s pilgrimage.
It was the morning that Aeinya was set to begin the Walk of the Maiden, and all the wedding party would begin the trip to the Temple of the Sister. It was also yet another thing that had kept me awake most of the night.
“Yes, but that is not what I am speaking of.” My throat burned, the tears over what I was about to say coming back to haunt me. He shifted closer, as though he could see the pain ripping through me.
I sighed, leaning into the softness of his glove as he pressed it against my cheek.
“We need to leave the Runturin. We need to escape after the wedding. We can’t come back here.” I didn’t want to leave Father. I didn’t want to leave Aeinya. I didn’t want to leave Batian, even if I wasn’t sure what he had become.
But after last night, after everything, we could not stay.
The Boy, however, jerked back, his hand waving in a panic as he clicked ‘no’.
“It’s not safe here. She… he… last night was just the start. We have to go.” Again, he clicked ‘no’.
The bed creaked as he sat up, the booming knocks echoing through the room again before the same man's shouts rattled the door.
“Don’t make me drag you out of there!”
“We have to go,” I hissed, suddenly afraid I was going to be overheard. “It was a miracle you survived last night. He will do it again.” My heart broke saying that, the Boy only clicked ‘no’, walking toward the door.
“But I… I can’t stay here. Batian will lock me up, he warned me as such. The pilgrimage is our only chance.” This wasn’t how I had imagined this going at all. I didn’t understand what was happening, why he was standing there shaking his head in a fervent no.
“Tell me why,” I demanded, jumping off the bed and gesturing to the pile of blood soaked sheets that we had piled at the foot of my bed. “After last night, I need to know why you need to stay.”
He didn’t move, he just stood there, his chest rising and falling in heavy breaths as I waited.
My mind flashed to the writing in that book, to what he had said, about the ‘her’ that he had to save. That he had to protect.
“Why would you stay?” I demanded, fury igniting in the pit of my heart. “Did you make a deal with my mother?”
He gestured wildly, his hands making those same frantic movements. Motions that I didn’t understand.
“No. Tell me.” Folding my arms, I stared into the shroud of his face, the mysterious pieces of him that I was trying desperately to figure out.
He shook his head.
“Why? You can talk. You did before–” Again, another head shake.
We stood there, facing each other, the black figure of my shadow, the man who had always been there. The man who I–
I pushed the thought away before it formed, before the crack in my chest that hadn’t quite healed from last night grew any bigger.
“You won’t tell me what happened last night.” He shook his head again before I even phrased it as a question. “You say you will protect me but you won’t come with me. Tell me why. I need to know why.”
He stood there, his fingers flexing and stretching as though he was contemplating grabbing me and running. My muscles pulled, a knot in my chest growing as I waited to hear his voice. Instead, he shook his head again.
“You said she will kill us before. But don’t you see? She will kill us either way,” I said, using the last words that he had spoken to me back at him. “We have to go.”
I wasn’t sure when I started crying, but the hot tears choked my words, they flowed down my cheeks as I faced him as he once more shook his head ‘no’ before exiting my room, leaving me standing there beside the sheets soaked with his blood, besides the horrors that would await me if I stayed.
I only waited a moment to see if he would come back, to see if he would change his mind, before the furious knocking sounded on the door again, and any hope of escape faded with it.
—
An hour later I stood in the freezing courtyard, clutching the fur lined cloak I had mercifully found in the back of my closet. It was warm and thick, warmer still when paired with the layers of underpinnings I had put on to keep me warm as I knew the peach silk of the dress I had on wouldn’t. Even with its long sleeves that I had carefully tucked my woven bracelet into, there was no warmth in this fabric. It all should have been enough to keep out the chill of the freezing morning air.
It wasn’t.
I shivered, the biting wind cutting right through me as I stood with the nobility, the Boy standing at attention right behind me. Every few minutes one of the members of the court would stare my way, clearly questioning my sanity, health, or any number of things I was sure they had heard about me over the years.
After everything, after training, after fighting, after working so hard to prove myself… nothing had changed. They all thought me crazy, anyway. The Boy had paid the price for nothing, I would pay the price for nothing.
A horn sounded, announcing the arrival of the royal family which sent everyone standing a little straighter. I, however, ducked deeper into my cloak, pushing away the pain that I once again wasn’t up there with them.
“Queen Dalyah and the future Ramal, Prince Batian!” My head snapped up at the announcement, at the clear lack of Father being mentioned leaving me in a panic that he wasn’t there, that he was locked away. Yet, there he stood, hand on his cane, Uncle Jahn's hand over his as they walked behind the Queen and her son. The pair were matching in every way from their golden cloaks and crowns, the same icy shade of their hair, to the twists of a sneer on their faces that they were trying to pass off as a smile. My father almost looked like their shadow all his own.
Batian grinned as he usually did, waving to everyone as he scanned the crowd. I did not miss the way his eyes widened when they fell on me, the shock growing as he looked from me to my shadow behind me.
He wasn’t the only one who was surprised to see me standing there, in the shadows behind my brother, both my father and his Catalyst were staring, whispering to each other the same way they had the night of the fight. Jahn nodded, looking from me to Father, his lips pinched in some secret I was missing.
I hadn't been able to speak with him since I went to his rooms so many moons ago, not that I had really been speaking to him. Then he had been lost in madness, trapped in a past and a future and a world I didn’t understand. Right then, however, he seemed so alert, so present. My attempts to speak with him yesterday were for naught, but we were traveling together for days. Perhaps I could still see him, perhaps I could ask him about what Mother was up to when he was alert. Perhaps I could still find a way for him to escape with me.
“We should try to get in Father’s carriage,” I hissed to the Boy, his clicks of agreement soft as Batian and Queen Dalyah made their way down the steps, both of them heading straight for us.
The Boy stiffened behind me and took a step closer, the bracelet on my wrist growing warm as heat skittered over my skin like rocks on a pond.
“Elara.” My mother spoke the second she was within earshot, something about the way she said my name made it sound almost painful. “I am surprised to see you here after your escapade last night. You didn’t tire yourself out too much, I hope.”
I didn’t miss the way her lip curled. You would think she was eating rotten meat and not just talking to her daughter.
“I am well, Mother,” I lifted my chin, sure she would demand I call her Queen as she usually did. Her lip curled into a fouler disgust. Too many people must be watching. “I am quite ready to attend my brother's wedding, as promised.”
I flicked my eyes from Dalyah to Batian, who was standing there, shuffling his feet as he glared at the Boy. He almost looked angry to see him there, a disgust I didn’t understand curling his lip.
“The Boy as well?” Dalyah’s voice was ice as I turned back to her, her focus only on the shroud of black behind me.
“Yes, quite well.” I spoke slowly, watching her eyes narrow and lips purse as the air around us became even colder.
“Perfect.” It was not possible for her to say that word with any more vitriol. “Now, if you will excuse me. I must see after my Catalyst.”
She pursed her lips and walked off toward the golden carriage that was set aside for her, the one Father and Uncle Jahn were already being loaded into. Perhaps this leg of the journey would not be best to speak to my father, then.
It was only as she walked away, that I noticed that her Catalyst, Adain, wasn’t there. Batian’s Catalyst was missing as well. They were usually only a few steps behind them as was required. Now, however, they were nowhere to be seen.
In fact, I didn’t see any of the bright red capes of the Catalysts anywhere.
“Where is your Catalyst?” I asked Batian, looking around as though the girl would emerge on command.
“She will be along.” He straightened his cape, that darkness in his eyes fading. “I am glad to see you here, Elara. I was concerned after last night that you would stay away, but you are my sister and I truly do want you here.” I stiffened. It hadn’t sounded like that last night. He must have seen the words on my face for he added, “I only said what I did because it is so important we keep you safe. I hope you understand.”
Safe and locked away.
I forced a saccharine smile and nodded. I was so used to playing this game with Mother, but with Batian? I was sure something inside me withered and died at the realization.
“Yes brother, of course. You and my Boy are the same that way. I am so glad I was able to help him last night. Consider it a lesson learned.” I didn’t shift from Batian, my heart thundering against the knot in my chest as I admitted what had happened, what I knew he had done. I watched him, that deep, bright part of me hoping that he would refute the idea that he had any part of it, that he had been the one to give the order to have the Boy returned to me in the state he was in.
“Good. I am glad to see him up and around. I was afraid that I had been too heavy handed.” His lips pulled up as he spoke the words that were so much worse than I had anticipated.
My heart stopped, my mouth instantly growing dry. He didn’t question, didn’t refute. But worse, it sounded as though he had been the one to carry out the punishment.
“No,” I shook my head, forcing myself to pull together. To not play into the absolute panic that was everywhere around me. Luckily, I was saved from saying anything by the second horn. This one announcing Aeinya’s arrival.
The doors atop the stairs were thrown open, a line of maid servants dressed in white stepping down, each holding a different piece of Aeinya’s usual wear. Her dress, her shoes, stockings.
They each held them out as though there were an offering before Aeinya emerged, barefoot, the blonde coils of her hair unbound. She was dressed only in her small chemise.
Batian said nothing as he walked to her, the Sun Prince moving into position at the foot of the stairs as his future bride, and the future queen made her way down.
Everyone watched as they stood together, the shivering Aeinya falling to her knees to kiss the toes on each of his golden boots.
It was the sign of the start of the Walk of the Maiden, the seven day walk to the temple in which Aeinya would rely on the support and strength of her people, and of her future husband. She would walk as the Goddess Leilan once did to the final battle that would save her people, showing servitude and affinity with those she served. Seeing Aeinya there, kissing his boots, however, made the whole thing look as though she was showing her place against her future husband, against the Ramal.
Not that anyone else saw that, they all cheered as she made her promise to him and to Okivo, the horn sounding again before everyone began moving to their wagons. Aeinya took her place behind the gold and ivory gilded one that Batian would ride.
Batian would ride, while Aeinya would walk.
I knew the tradition; I had been raised knowing what would be expected of any high born royal before their marriage. For some reason, watching Batian strut away, my mind repeating the snarled threats and promises he had given the day before; thinking of him being the one to hold the whip, my whole body lurched forward as he turned to me with a smile I had seen my whole life.
A smile that suddenly looked different.
The Boy stepped closer, his hand a soft pressure of support on my lower back, the silent question echoing through my mind.
‘Are you alright?’
“I’m fine,” I said the words in a whisper even as something hardened inside of me. “Boy, tell me one thing, was he the one to whip you?”
I knew what Batian had said, but that hope was still there, that desperate plea that my brother wasn’t the monster he was slowly revealing himself to be.
There was nothing but the excited chatter of the crowd in my ears, the sound accented by the thunderous beat of my heart, by the sound of Batian’s boots as he walked right up to me.
The click of confirmation from the Boy was still ringing in my ears as Batian grabbed my hand.
“You, my dear sister, are riding with me.”
He said nothing more before leading me to his carriage, his skin icy against the boiling heat of mine, freezing me right to my core and smothering that last ember of hope, taking with it everything that I thought I knew about my brother.