43. Caspyn
Chapter 43
“Lyani!” I yelled her name the moment I lifted the heavy canvas flap to her tent, barging in and instantly freezing in place at the wide expanse of bare skin that greeted me.
Lyani stood in the center of her tent, her back to me as she pulled that threadbare dress over her hips. Her back was bare, the smooth skin revealed from the beautiful curve of her hips to the nape of her neck, and every inch of it covered in swooping and swirling lines of yellow, one word set amid all of them: Alenya.
The word glowed as I entered. She gasped and turned, clutching the dress to her as she scowled. Her fury reached me in a wave, but I didn’t move, my heart setting an agonizing beat in my chest as her scent hit me head on.
“Please tell me you didn’t lose an arm or something?” She sighed in an attempt at exasperation, but I didn’t miss the worry in her voice.
“No… I just… I need…” I cleared my throat, trying to force composure. “I need you to tell me how the tattoos work.”
“Last I checked, that is not a valid reason for entering a tent so untowards.” Her tone held as much rage as her eyes did. Seeing that fury there hit something in me and my shock turned to something just as fiery as she was.
“You’re right, I should have entered in the morning before you had awoken and demanded the answers without telling you.” The corner of my lips twitched as I countered her, her eyes narrowing before she turned away from me, pulling her dress on the rest of the way.
“What do you want, Caspyn?” I shouldn’t have rejoiced in her sigh of defeat, but I did.
“I want you to tell me how the tattoos work,” I asked again, taking the last few steps to close the gap between us and immediately moving to fasten the long length of buttons that lined her spine.
That uncomfortable throb of my heart returned as I grabbed the fabric, my knuckles grazing over the soft skin on her back. I had moved to assist without thinking, but now I was having trouble breathing. This sensation, this knot that wound itself from my navel to my throat was a new, and very unwanted sensation. I tried to push it away, but it wouldn’t budge.
“I don’t—” she forced the words out through the sharp inhale as my fingertips grazed her skin as I reached for the next button.
“Ryndle showed me his ears.” I said before she could counter me, the words choked as I again tried to push that knot away. She sighed, stepping away to fasten the last few buttons on her own.
“I know. He told me he would. Before you ask, I am not showing you my ears.” She was firm as she moved to her bed roll and the small pile of belongings there. A small leather bound book, the Book of the Goddess, an inkwell and quill, a tiny pile of coins and what looked to be a necklace of red stones with more than a few removed from their settings. I don’t know what it was about the necklace, but it suddenly made me feel as though I was invading her privacy. Which I was.
Why in the world had I come in here?
“I’m not asking to see your ears, Lyani. I’m asking you to show me how the tattoos work.”
She stopped tying her shoes to look at me, those brown eyes flashing so that I could have sworn I saw the gold in them.
“Why should I?” She asked, already returning to tie her shoes.
“Because the Queen is using them. I saw them on that Fae army that she has. Two words. Ohrya and Kinz. Ohrya I know. What does Kinz mean?”
“Kinz? I’m not sure…” She asked, her hands suddenly shaking. “Are you sure that is what it said?”
It wasn’t only her voice that shook, it was every part of me. I stepped closer, reaching to her as though I would grab and pull her into me. I wanted to, after hearing that man in the carriage that feeling was more acute than it had ever been.
“Lyani, is everything okay?”
She shook her head as if banishing the shake and stepped back, turning to pack up her things and stepping away from my arms.
It was not the mark of a strong assassin to have your chest ache when a woman walks away from you. I pushed the emotion away before it tried to take hold.
“Yes, it’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t–”
“Why do you need to know about the words?” She cut me off, abandoning her bed roll again.
“Because if the queen is using them, I need to understand them so I know what I’m up against, and so that hopefully I can counter them,” and so I could use them against her. “I am going to be leaving when we reach the temple to finish my task to kill the queen. If I am going to succeed, I am going to need all the help I can get. I need to know how to use them.”
She stiffened, her hands still as she held her bed roll in place, any attempt at rolling it forgotten. Her motions were slow as she lifted her head, her eyes already narrowed.
“He told you who she is then?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she might as well have been yelling with how the words moved through me.
“What do you mean, who she is?” All of my enthusiasm of before died down as every muscle in my back once again tightened. I guess Ryndle hadn’t told me everything.
Not that I should be surprised.
Knowing that didn’t stop the frustration from rising up in me and heat sparking at my fingers, however. She exhaled, shaking her head before she went back to tying her shoes.
“The only holder of ice magic,” she said. Even I wasn’t fool enough to think that that was all she was referring to. “But you are right, you are going to need all the help you can get if you wish to walk away from that alive.”
Lyani gave me yet another look that was more exasperated than friendly as she stood, wiping her hands on her skirt.
“Give me your hand.” She seemed almost bored as she held out her hand to me, her scarred and dirty palm up as she waited for me to place my hand in hers.
I didn’t hesitate, sure there was some trick to this magic that required touch. A second after I had placed my hand in hers, however, she lifted the other hand, turning my hand over as she dragged the sharp edge of the blade over my palm.
“Lyani! What–?” I made a sound that was half hiss, half shout and tried to pull my hand away as blood pooled in my palm. She clung on, that bizarre strength of hers holding me in place.
“By the Goddess, Lyani! What the fuck are you doing?” I was still trying to pull my hand away, she held on tighter, smiling.
Of course she was enjoying this.
“Teaching you to use the marks as you asked. Now, stop being a baby.” She clung to my still bleeding hand, the thick fluid pooling and dripping over the side of my palm now. How deep had she cut?
“I am not being a baby,” I snarled, barely able to hide my wince as she squeezed my hand and pulled me closer. Her other hand shot forward and I flinched, expecting the blade to sink into my belly.
“You sure about that?” Instead of a knife to my gut, she grabbed my shirt and pulled. “Calm down, Caspyn. I’m not going to hurt you, or anything else for that matter.”
“You cut my palm open. I think the time for not hurting me has passed,” I hissed between the clench in my teeth. Trying to shift away from her again. I had left my blades in my tent, but suddenly I was regretting that decision.
“Yes, but how am I to teach you to use the words if you have nothing to heal. Unless you were lying and the blood you are covered in is yours and you’ve lost an appendage you aren’t telling me about.”
“The blood isn’t mine.”
“I didn’t think so, it’s too dark to be yours. So a cut palm it will have to be then. Especially since I don’t think the words are strong enough to heal bull headed arrogance.”
“Lyani,” I said her name in warning, her hand still around mine as she continued to yank my shirt up, her other hand pressed against my abdomen, right above the words.
“Caspyn,” she matched my tone perfectly. “Stop messing around. Say the words.”
“What words?”
“The words I tattooed on you.” She was clearly losing her patience. “Say them.”
“Say them?” How could I say them? I didn’t even remember what they were. I tried to look down, but she yanked my still bleeding hand closer to her, removing any line of sight and leaving me toe to toe with her, her knees pressing against my shins.
“Bedayn grynolin,” she said, her sassy slash of a grin fading slightly. “Say them.”
I hesitated. I had seen the power of the words, but I was suddenly regretting this choice. I saw the Queen use them, I knew I needed to know the power, use the power, control the power, but the idea of having a deeper connection with them was pulling at me all wrong.
“Bedayn grynolin,” I grumbled, trying to pull away from her. She held me there.
“I know we are supposed to be enemies, Sypher, but that doesn’t mean you need to say them like you hate them,” her voice was even lower now, her face soft and eyes beaming. “Say them like you love them, Caspyn.”
Her scent was everywhere, her touch a warm weight that lingered on my abdomen, on my hand.
I was suddenly having trouble breathing. So much for my bruised ego of her walking away before.
“Bedayn grynolin,” she repeated, even softer, as though she was in fact whispering to a lover.
Somehow the air had grown very heavy.
“Bedayn grynolin,” I repeated, my voice dropping as hers had, the gravely tone rumbling through my chest as I gazed into her eyes, at the light smattering of freckles that covered her nose, the hint of a dimple kissing her cheek.
“Bedayn grynolin,” she whispered, her voice so low I had to lean in to hear it.
“Bedayn grynolin,” I could barely get the words out through the lump in my throat. The fingers on my uninjured hand shook as I lifted it, carefully moving some of those wild strands of her hair behind her ear.
“Now, say it like you mean them, Caspyn. As though the words are part of you.” She didn’t flinch at my touch. If anything, I could have sworn she moved closer, that her words were nothing but a whisper. There wasn’t even a hint of her usual bite.
“Bedayn grynolin.” As I said them, the words burned as though I had swallowed the sun, a golden glow wrapping around us as that burn spread to every inch of my skin, the heat of my fire rising to join.
She didn’t release my hand as I stepped back, looking at the words on my abdomen that glowed and glimmered, and then to my hand where the blood had stopped flowing.
Where the wound had healed.
I looked from the wound, to her, to that soft smug smile.
“How?”
“Words have power, Caspyn Light Bringer,” she whispered, that turn of her lips fading as she dropped my hand and stepped away. I tried to ignore the cold hollow that built from gut to groin at her distance. “Just not enough power to soothe your ego.”
I made a sound that was close to a laugh, still staring at the stretch of my hand.
“You can tattoo any word on me and it will do that?” I asked, finally looking from my hand to where she had begun rolling her mat, carefully tucking the book and necklace in the folds.
“Heal you? No. Words only do what their meanings relate to. Even then, those words only worked because your Sypher blood has power. The words will only connect to your blood when you have accepted its power, and its meaning.” She was firm, all of that softness gone as she tugged and rolled the heavy mat.
“I have. With this, I have.” I spoke without hesitation. After everything, I think I finally knew where I was supposed to be.
She was already disbelieving as she rose, the bed roll tucked beneath her arm.
“What word do you want?” She clearly still didn’t believe me, but I didn’t move. I stood between her and the door, trying very hard to ignore the burn that was rolling over my skin, the way my heart was exploding in my chest, and everything that her scent was doing to me.
“Let’s start with two words,” I corrected her, continuing on before I lost my gall. “Caspyn. And Lyli.”
“Do you know what Lyli means…”
“I do,” I stepped closer to her, closer to that scent that I had placed the moment I had walked into her tent. The scent that reminded me so much of a home I didn’t know I had. The home my mother had hidden in my name. In my and Lily’s names.
She smelled like the caspyn lily’s.
“Caspyn Lyli. Light bringing Lynar.”
She stopped, her lips pressed tight. As though she might not do it. A fear I had never felt before ran over my spine, clenching deep in my gut. I had lost everyone, everything. I had faced death a million times over, and somehow, this fear of losing something I didn’t even have was more than I had ever faced.
“Please, Lyani.” I reached to her, the plea hanging between us before she bobbed her head, turned, and unrolled her bed roll.
“Take off your tunic and lay on your back.”
The fear vanished into a twist of nerves as she turned from me, my hands already pulling the heavy tunic and letting it drop to the floor. I was standing there, stripped to the waist when she turned, her eyes bright and damp.
I had been shirtless before her before, I had been bared before her before. But somehow this was different.
“Promise me one thing Caspyn.” I could only nod, unable to find words past the lump that had formed in my throat. “That if I do this, when everything is done you will find your way back to... You will find your way back home.”
Jayse had said nearly the same thing all those weeks ago, a lifetime ago, but then it had felt as though it was an endless dread. As though something was missing. As though it could never be. I was still hiding. She didn’t know who I was, not really.
That pang of loss that I had felt before when thinking of Jayse was little more than a shadow as I looked at Lyani, into those eyes that were burning with something that I swore I could feel scream its way through me.
“Come home, Caspyn,” Lyani whispered after a moment when I hadn’t said anything. “I don’t care how much blood you are covered in or whose, I will always find a way to heal you. Just come home..”
Home. I had used that word last night, but I don’t think I realized until that moment exactly what it meant. Or what she was.
It was as though this place was home. No, as though she was. I had felt that in her that first day. That bright something in her that I didn’t want to lose. They say I am the light bringer, but she had more than enough for everyone.
It was worth saving.
It was all worth saving.
“I promise,” I whispered, lifting my hand to her, to her jaw that was tight and nervous. To those eyes that shook with a fear I didn’t understand.
I had never seen anyone look at me like this.
Never.
I wanted everything in her. I wanted every part of her. I wanted to protect all of those shaking nerves that she hid behind that smart and powerful exterior. I stepped closer, my thumb moving over her jaw, closer to those red lips that I was sure were quivering.
Before I could move any closer, she turned, that sharp bark of hers making a return.
“Lie down, Caspyn.”
I did as I was told, the bedroll cold and hard, but bathed in her scent in such a way that I could have been lying on the softest moss.
“This may hurt,” she whispered as she rolled up her sleeves, lifting her hand to her head, her fingers twisting around the long strands of her hair before she pulled a single strand.
“What are you doing?” I tried to sit up, but as she always did, she placed her hand on my chest, her frail arm pushing me back down with ease. This time, however, I saw the faint glow of a word printed above her wrist. I should have known.
“I am placing the words on you,” she said as she pulled another hair from her head.
“With your hair?” I tried not to laugh, but the nervous chuckle found its way out, stopped only by a sharp look from the woman hovering above me.
“Fae hair is an interesting conduit,” she whispered, inspecting the hair before she placed them on my chest, her hand again lifting as another tattoo glowed.
This one, I recognized.
Ohrya.
As her hand dropped, the long points of her ears appeared, the shimmer of her hair moving from the mousey brown to bright blonde I had seen in every one of them. Her eyes could have glowed as much as her hair, as much as the sun.
“Stop staring Caspyn or I’ll flatten your nose. I am more deadly in this form, I promise.” I didn’t doubt that, not in the least.
But that wasn’t what I was staring at. Her hair had changed, and her ears, yes, but it didn’t matter. She was the same. Seeing her like this was a slap to the face of what I had missed before.
She wasn’t just home.
She was everything. I didn’t know what was floating between us, some bind I couldn't understand.
“It’s just–” I had to force the words out.
“It’s just what?” She snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously as she turned to me.
“You’re beautiful, Lyani,” I whispered, fighting the urge to reach for her, knowing that she would probably punch me in the face if I tried. But I didn’t stop. I took the risk. “In every way I’ve seen you. You’re beautiful.”
She pressed her lips into a flat line as she turned away, the tent silent except for the sounds of others as they packed up.
“Don’t forget your promise, Caspyn,” she whispered before turning back to me, her eyes bright with threatening tears. “Come home.”
I didn’t get a chance to answer before she placed her finger against my chest, before whatever magic she had in her embedded her long hairs into my chest. All I could do was stare at her bemused smile as I howled in pain.
“You are such a baby, Caspyn.”