Chapter Sixty-one
Vida
I stare at Ciro as his head rests against the bed. He looks so exhausted and pale. Even in sleep, the lines of worry aren’t hidden, they even show more as he lets his guard down. But he is still so damn beautiful, so perfectly moulded.
I carefully remove my hand from his grasp, holding my breath as I quietly swing my legs over the side of the bed. My body protests, it is weak and heavy, but I push through the pain, needing a moment alone. The silence in the room has felt suffocating, and the weight of everything that has happened is threatening to crush me.
The hospital hallway is dimly lit, the cool tiles welcoming my bare feet as I walk slowly, making my way to the elevator. Once inside, I press the button for the roof and lean against the cold metal wall. I look at my reflection in the mirror, instantly seeing why Ciro looks at me with sad eyes. I look like a ghost, one that is fading to an afterlife that no one knows if it’s good or bad.
When the doors open, the cold evening air greets me. The rooftop is empty, with the city lights stretching far and wide. I walk to the edge, lean against the railing, and tilt my head to the sky. The stars are scattered like fairy dust from a fairy’s body, twinkling above me with their calming presence.
I take in a deep breath, letting the cool air fill my lungs as my thoughts spiral. How do you move on from something like this? How do you rebuild a life that was shattered into a million pieces? Can Ciro and I ever truly heal?
No , I scoff and shake my head as I take a seat on the graveled ground. It is Ciro and I, we can do anything and that includes healing.
I don’t hear him approach until his voice startles me. “You’re going to catch a cold out here.”
I turn, my heart skipping a beat as Ciro steps into the moonlight. His hair is messy, and the shadows under his eyes look even darker under the glow of the stars. He walks over and stops beside me, his gaze fixed on the view in front of him.
“Sit with me,” I say softly, gesturing to the space beside me.
He nods and does as he’s told, sitting just inches away from me, and letting the uncomfortable silence take over till it becomes bearable. As we sit, I can feel his warmth beside me, a quiet reassurance in the cold night.
Minutes pass, the stars the only witnesses to the silence of our love.
“I’m sorry,” Ciro says, breaking the silence. His voice is low, almost hesitant.
“What?” I turn to face him.
“I couldn’t give you the wedding of your dreams. A wedding you deserve,” he says, his gaze remaining fixed on the stars.
“Before we met,” he continues, “All I wanted was to take over my birthright. To prove myself, take control, and let my father rest. That was all I cared about, my inheritance.”
I scoff lightly, shaking my head. It’s so typical of him to admit something like that now.
“And then you came along,” he says, a small, bitter laugh escaping him. “I hated you before I even met you. I resented you for being forced into my life, and for being a complication I didn’t want. But the moment I saw you in that red dress, those white pearls resting on your neck, I . . .”
His voice softens and he shakes his head. “I didn’t like you any more than I did before, but I knew. I knew that if anyone was going to be my wife, it had to be you.”
Tears well in my eyes as I listen, my chest tightening with every word.
He continues, his voice thick with emotion. “Everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I’ve been taught to fight for, all of it, I would give up for you. Every single thing that brought me to your bedroom door that night to call you down for dinner . . . I’d trade it all just for you.”
He turns to me then, and I see the tears streaming down his face. “I would lay my life down for you, chaos. Everything, anything, I would give it all up just to see you smile again. To make you happy.”
The raw vulnerability in his voice breaks me, and the tears I had been holding back finally fall.
My voice trembles as I speak. “I’d go through every heartache, every wound, every nightmare, all of it, if it meant finding you. I would visit hell a thousand times to be with you, Ciro. You’re my full stop, the end of my story.”
He reaches for me and I meet him halfway, our lips colliding in a desperate, tear-soaked kiss. His hands cup my face as I hold onto his shirt, as if letting go will shatter me completely.
As we finally pull apart breathless, he rests his forehead against mine and whispers, “and the beginning of a new one.”
I smile through the tears, nodding as the stars above bear witness to our quiet, painful promise. Together, we’ll piece ourselves back together, even if it takes a lifetime.
“It’s our Crimson Vow,” I chuckle against his mouth before pressing a kiss to his lips.
“And I had the best wedding, baby,” I add, letting him eat my lips like he’s been dying to do for days.
And then everything else disappears.
“I’ll never let you go,” he murmurs against my lips. “Not in this life or the next.”
It has been a few weeks since I left the hospital. Shutting everyone out wasn’t how I thought healing would look like, but I needed the space and they understood. Ciro wanted to give me that too, but I can’t stand the silence that comes from being away from him. Once Carmela was healed enough, she took over for Ciro. She has somehow run the whole family business without a single flaw, but I don’t know why that came as a surprise. She is effortlessly great at being a leader, just like her brother.
After cleaning the nursery and crying silently so I don’t wake Ciro, I decide to move on. Not away from my loss, our loss, but from the isolation I went into. I’m tired of it, the silence and reminder it brings, plus I miss everyone. Cam’s daily chats, the sun on my skin, surprise lunch dates with Matteo, Mom and Dad too. Poor Monarch hasn’t seen anyone in weeks because of me. Also, Ciro has an empire to run and even though Cam is doing a fine job, I know for a fact that she can’t wait to hand it all back. This life is Ciro’s, he thrives in leading. I know he wants to be here with me, but working is something that puts his mind at ease too.
I let out a long sigh and stare out into the night. It’s beautiful, calm, and the stars twinkle in such wonder, it brings a smile to my face. We are going to be okay. Our baby is somewhere up there doing great.
Our little angel baby.
“Chaos,” I hear Ciro’s sleepy voice call, making me wipe my tears away.
“Don’t,” he says as he takes a step closer, kissing my wet cheeks with such love and tenderness that I almost start crying again. “You don’t have to pretend to be okay in front of me.”
“I know, but I’m not pretending. I’m okay, Ciro.” I smile at him and for the first time in weeks, my smile is real, not forced.
“You will be, mama, I trust you,” he replies.
“Thank you for being here with me, leaving everything . . . I . . .”
“You come first everyday, chaos,” he cuts me off, making me giggle. “I’ll drop everything to be with you. Everything.”
I plant a gentle kiss on his lips before continuing, “I know, baby, but you’ve got an empire to run and a sister to save from the workload.”
That makes him chuckle, the sound wrapping around me like a warm blanket. I’ve missed that sound.
“Are you sure? Are you ready for everything that comes from being out of this bubble?”
I’m not entirely sure, but I have to at least try first, right?
“There’s nothing I can’t handle.” I shrug playfully, making him smile.
“That, my wife, is completely true,” he says as he pulls me in and kisses my temple.
“You know,” I start, as I pull him to sit with me on the ground, “we are parents to an angel baby.”
“We sure are,” he chuckles as we sit in the silence that hopefully opens the door for our next phase of healing.
“Ciro,” I call, unable to miss him for another second.
“Hmmm?” he hums in response and turns to me, his blue eyes hitting mine and igniting everything that we spent weeks holding back from.
“Have me,” I whisper in a plea, watching his expression turn dark.
“Chaos . . .” he starts, sounding a little nervous.
I can see it in his eyes, he wants this as much as I do, needs me as much as I need him. “Please, make me yours in all ways you want to. Remind me, Ciro.”
I shed a tear, my chest heaving with emotions. Before I can start to overthink, I feel his hands on my waist, lifting me effortlessly and placing me on his lap. My head falls back, a soft moan escaping my lips as his mouth finds the hollow of my throat. I can feel the bulge growing in his pants and I can’t lie, I’m soaking wet already.
“You’re mine, baby,” he growls, his voice rough with need. “Every part of you belongs to me, and God, I have missed you.”
I know he has, I’ve seen it in his eyes every time he’s washed me, seen me walk around naked, tie my hair up, read a book, play with Monarch. I’ve seen him need me and all I want now is to let him see just how much I need him too, how much I will submit to be taken by him.
His fingers find my hard nipple as he presses against them harder with each second.
“You’re still . . .” he pauses, watching the few drops of milk drip out of them.
The surgery wounds have almost healed now and the slight bleeding from the C-section stopped last week. But the milk, I had no idea it was still there.
“I didn’t know I was still . . . I’m sorry. Should we . . .” my last words fall back into my throat the moment his lips hit my nipple. He bites on it softly and the slight bite of pain sends me into a frenzy, one I’ve dreamt about the past few nights. I have woken up needing him on nights he sits in the living room alone in the dark, on days he spends hours on the phone with Cam, and every time he washes me.
“Even your milk tastes like heaven, baby,” he whispers, sucking gently while his other hand plays with the other nipple.
“Oh please,” I moan in utter disbelief of how much this man will have me and how much that mere thought turns me on even more.
“That’s it baby, beg,” he continues.
“Please,” I whisper, my nails digging into his back as I cling to him, needing to feel more of him.
He groans as my nails scratch over his skin, drawing thin lines of blood, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, it seems to drive him further, his movements becoming more desperate, more intense, and damn have I missed this!
I move my hips over his hard cock, letting him know how much I need him to fill me up, to help me forget, to feel how much I’ve missed him.
“You drive me insane,” he says, his breath hot against my ear. “But I’d go mad a thousand times over just to have you like this.”
His words send a shiver down my spine. He licks my ear, his hand leaving my nipple and trailing down beneath my belly button, dancing over my scar before finding my soaking wet pussy.
“Fuck,” I moan, throwing my head back as he inserts two fingers at once and instantly begins to fuck me.
I cry out as his lips find mine again, him catching the sound with a kiss so deep, so consuming, it feels like he is breathing life into me. His mouth finds my nipple again and he doesn’t stop sucking every last drop of milk that drips out, while his fingers pumped my juices in and out of me, making something inside of me snap with this overwhelming need to have him deep inside of me. Now.
“I need you, baby, please,” I beg as I dig my nails deeper into him, not caring how much blood is now coming out of his skin.
“Fuck, put me inside you, chaos. I want to feel your wet cunt wrapped around me,” he moans, then goes back to sucking on my nipple.
He doesn’t have to tell me twice! I free his throbbing cock and push him into my wetness. The thick, large length spreads my walls so wide it almost hurts. But the sweet slurpy smooth sensation washes over me and I drop my head against his shoulder as he holds me steady on top of him.
“Oh fucking hell, mama,” he curses and lets out a wild grunt as he begins to move inside me slowly.
“Ciro,” I moan, still adjusting to the overwhelming pleasure flooding through me.
“I want to make love to you, baby, but your pussy drives me so insane I turn into an animal,” he groans and pushes himself in with a forceful trust, and I scream into the night.
“So fucking needy. So wet. Fuck!” He thrusts in, his pace picking up as his arms hold me even tighter.
“Ciro, please, fuck! Please.” I arch my back, letting myself take him in more. Unsure of what I’m begging for, I continue. “Yes please! Baby, yes, yes, yes.”
“I’ve missed you so much. Missed fucking your needy pussy, and making you beg like this. Ah.” He pushes in further and I let my body take over, bouncing up and down on his dick.
“That’s it, chaos, bounce on my fucking dick. Fuck,” he groans as his pace stops, letting me do all the work, and fuck! I love it.
“Yes please, please, baby. Don’t stop fucking me,” he begs and that only makes me pound my pussy onto his dick even more. Each bounce makes me wetter, echoing the sounds of our slapping skin into the night air.
“Let me see your breasts, chaos,” he says, completely removing my gown and holding my breasts that bounce in the night.
His lips on my nipple as I bounce on his cock drives me mad with pleasure. I’m so close, but I don’t want to stop. It’s been so long and I’ve missed him so much.
“Oh god,” I moan, still bouncing on him as I feel my walls clench around his cock.
“Come for me, chaos,” he orders and before I can let it all out, he comes before me.
“Shit! Fuck! Fuck!” he groans, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face between my breasts as goosebumps spread across his body while he fills me up with his cum.
“Ciro,” I moan, letting myself join him in ecstasy.
“Fuck!” I scream, as him coming drags out my orgasm, causing cum to keep erupting from me.
“I love when you make a mess of me and my dick with your juices, baby,” he teases as our releases drip down my thighs and our heavy breathing takes over.
I bury my head in his shoulder as I try to catch my breath, and before I can say anything, Ciro turns me and places my back on the gown he’d taken off of me.
“What are you . . .” I try to ask, but his kiss shuts me up before I can finish.
“Helping you get some sleep,” he says before sliding a finger into my wetness.
“Ciro,” I moan as I look at him in shock.
Shouldn’t we be going inside? What is he doing?
Another finger finds its way into me, making me shut my eyes as I let out a moan shamelessly. His thumb begins to play with my clit as his mouth takes my nipple, and I swear I begin to see more stars in the sky than there really is.
“Ciro, please,” I cry out as his body fills me with so much pleasure from his mouth, thumb, and fingers that I can’t focus on just one thing he’s doing. It’s all too much yet not enough, and I let myself surrender to the pleasure.
He bites so hard on my nipple it makes me even wetter and he uses that chance to stick the third finger into me, causing me to moan shamelessly.
“So fucking pleasurable,” he murmurs around my nipple.
“Ciro,” I cry out as his finger fucking gets rougher and more aggressive, making my orgasm build inside me.
“There you go, come for me, baby.” His thumb circles my clit, making it harder to even think or moan.
Before I can cry out for him to stop or continue, I come shamelessly undone on his hand, shaking like a wet dog in the rain. That doesn’t stop the man though. He sucks the life out of my nipple and makes sure every bit of cum gushes out of my pussy.
“Fuck,” I finally manage to utter as I open my eyes to find a smirking Ciro staring down at me.
I can’t believe I once slapped this man across the face because of this beautiful smug smile.
“Taste how perfect we are,” he orders, sliding a finger into my mouth and watching me lick it.
“That’s my good girl,” he praises, and fuck, I might’ve just gotten wet all over again. “You’re such a good girl for me, chaos.”
His blue eyes pierce my brown eyes as he sticks another finger into his mouth, tasting us in return.
And in that moment, I knew we weren’t leaving this spot anytime soon.