Chapter 13
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
LEX LUTHOR
M onday rolls around and thankfully most of my embarrassment over my actions from Friday night have finally dried up. Most of them. I still won’t ever mention it again to anyone, and sometimes find myself feeling unable to look Arran in the eye, but he just laughed it all off, so I’m feeling kinda over it.
It helps that, first thing Monday morning, Arran came into the office and had a meeting with Hank and Anna, where he finally put pen to paper on the contract. He’s officially on board for the Excelsior Comics Pride issue, and I’ve enjoyed a few pats on the back and quiet messages of a job well done from some of the editorial team. The positivity that’s bringing to me is kind of washing away all other feelings, and I’m subtly riding a high.
When they come out of the meeting, Arran waves over at me as he heads out of the office. We’re going to catch up at the signing at Pun’s comic shop on Wednesday, giving him a few days to see New York for himself and make his own trip around the city’s sights. Anna heads straight to her office, but Hank, he looks right over at me, clocking me as I wave back at Arran. I gulp, and drop back into my chair as he makes a beeline for me.
“Excellent job, Jesse,” he says once he reaches me, “Wilson is on board, and we have our full lineup back in place. You just saved the book and our announcement at NYCC, kid.”
I gulp hard again. “Honestly, Mr. Wolowitz, that’s giving me way more credit than I deserve. Arran was really eager to sign on anyway.”
“Jesse, again…it’s Hank,” he smiles down at me, as I look up at him. He’s actually looking really quite handsome, framed by the light over his head. “This industry can be a real tough place, kid. Take the win.”
“Thank you. Hank.” I offer a brief smile back, turning as if to get back to work when he continues speaking.
“I read your comic, by the way. Went and found some others by you too, you know.”
“You did?”
“Uh huh. You know, you’re a pretty good writer, Jesse. Really good actually,” he says as he leans against my desk, facing me side on, pulling my attention to him. “Excelsior good.”
And just like that, he has all my attention. “You think?”
“I do. And I should know,” Hank rests his hands on the desk, and sinks his shoulders, bringing him down even closer to me, his thigh close to where my hands rest on my desk. “You know, maybe we can even find some space in the Pride issue for you to have your first Excelsior work too.” He says the last part nonchalantly, like an afterthought.
“But…I can’t while I work here…can I?”
“Well,” Hank raises a hand, looking at his nails. “It could be argued that on an internship, you’re not actually being paid. So there’s not really any conflict of interest here…you’re not hired by Excelsior editorial, so much as volunteering. It’s…tenuous, but definitely a loophole that could be taken advantage of.”
I sit back in my chair, looking up at Hank.
“That’s…that’s amazing, I would love to?—”
“We can’t finalize that now, of course, there’s a lot of stuff still to get nailed down still, and you’d have to do a pitch.”
“O-of course. I can come up with something and get it to Anna?—”
“No, no. Let’s keep this between us, no need to bother Anna with a new element to the book until we need to, you know. Come up with a pitch, and bring it to me. I’m staying in the city over the con, so I’ll be more…accessible than usual. But also, keep up the good work, Jesse. Let’s make sure this con, this announcement and this book are going to be award winners for the company, and yeah, I’m sure we can make this work.”
I bring my eyes away from Hank, then look at him quickly out of the side of my eye. “What-what kind of thing did you want me to do to…help?”
Hank puts his hand on my shoulder. “Oh, you’re a smart young man, Jesse. I’m sure you’ll work something out.” With that, he gets up, taps my shoulder twice, and then marches off towards his office.
Did…did that just happen?
I decide to take my lunch at my desk, and try and work out what happened this morning. If it really is what I think it was…and if so, what do I want to do about it.
And yeah, I know it should be easy, but I can’t deny that there’s a part of me that thinks ‘ is this how it happens? Is this my moment to break in as a creator? Do I suck it up and just take it ?’ Oh boy, I need to be careful with that phrasing.
If I’m honest, as much as I’m conflicted about it, as much as the idea of being approached this way gives me the ick, there’s another thing: I’m realizing more and more that Hank is actually not unattractive.
Aside from the possibility that he may get me through the door (and overlooking the reasons why he might do that), the prospect of him as a partner is increasingly being explored in the recesses of my mind. Like, okay, he’s handsome, he’s powerful, he has loads of industry experience and has been through a lot and come out on top. He probably knows more about all sorts of things than I’ll ever learn. He could teach me a lot, and show me the ropes. He could guide me when I need someone like that, and he could be there when I need someone to watch over me.
He can look after me.
And I know what it sounds like, I’m not looking for a dad. But maybe a daddy isn’t so bad a prospect? It’s not what I thought I’d wind up with, but if things really are hitting the fan in my life, maybe I need someone who can be that kind of figure for me.
But then…I never wanted to be hounded by the idea that I relied on the privilege of who my parents are to make a name for myself in this industry…this wouldn’t be any better. Whether it was said out loud or not, the whispers would always follow me. ‘ There goes Jesse Abelman, the guy who slept his way into Excelsior ’.
Which then puts me onto thinking: if not Hank, then who do I turn to to be there in my future.
It feels like things might finally be working out for me, might finally be happening, but I’m still alone. I still don’t really have anyone. And I don’t know if I can face that, a whole life as just me against the world. Not after a whole childhood of it.
I put my sandwich down, and pull my laptop back towards me. Lifting the screen and turning it on, I open my mailbox. It has a note function, to make for easy reference when we work, and I’m on this thing more than anything else. More than my personal laptop lately, which Cal would definitely give me shit about.
I’ve been dating over recent months, sure, but nothing serious. But now, I need someone to be there. I need a partner. Someone to help me get through the hardness of this industry, like Arran said. But also, someone so I’m not alone, and heck, if I can do it fast, I can even have a plus one for Ricky’s wedding.
And I need to find someone soon so I don’t have to face that alone. The thing I don’t want to face right now, because I definitely cannot do it on my own.
So yeah, it’s time to get serious. Time to put all aspects of my life in order. I might finally be about to make the biggest step in my creative career, finally a foot in the door as a writer, I’m apparently instrumental in making this awesome new Excelsior project come to life, who knows what that will get me. It’s time to make sure all the rest of my life is in order too.
Which means it’s time to find me a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, but THE boyfriend. The one who’ll stand by me through thick and thin and will mean the end to feeling like the lonely kid I always felt like.
But there’s one hitch: who do I choose?
Like, which path is the smartest play? If that’s even how I should be thinking about it. I know it sounds kinda cold and calculating, but this needs to be someone who will understand me, for all my faults, and who will want to be there for me.
I can’t fuck this decision up. Not like I did before.
Somehow, I am not short on options lately, and I am terrible at options. Choosing the right path always feels like a nightmare, because deciding on one means forgoing the rest, and if I do that, I wind up fretting over if I made the right choice. I panic and worry, and my mind buzzes like a persistent phone getting constant notifications. So this needs to be the perfect choice, the one that when I make it, all other paths fall silent and I feel sure, inside and out.
And something that always helps me with that is lists!
But this is my work account - I can’t exactly make a list of guys and their pros and cons. I mean, I don’t think our workstations are checked regularly, but what if someone sees me adding to the pros and cons over my shoulder. It’d hardly look professional. Which is when the most genius idea hits me: codenames!
I open a new group in the mailbox notes, and start listing my potential future partners, but not with their names - I use comic character aliases. That way, if anyone did see it, they’d think I’m just doing some sort of comics research! Honestly, sometimes I really surprise myself.
So, so far I have:
Deadpool (Julio, on account of how enthusiastic he is, if perhaps a bit misguided)
Lex Luthor (Hank, because sometimes the ‘bad’ guys are irresistible too)
Prodigy (Shahid, because he’s so clever and insightful, and he really made me think)
Professor X (Arran, because he’s wise, feels like I’ve been following him forever, but yeah, probably one of the messiest options)
Multiple Man (Perry, Tom and Seth, for obvious reasons…look, the idea of getting not one but three partners has my mind racing, okay, so definitely should be considered)
I’m thinking if I’m missing anyone when my phone buzzes and I realize I’ve had a new message. It’s from Will, the pup guy I met at the Condor Friday night (or I guess Saturday morning?).
Hey, how about meeting me at the Condor tonight? Should be fun
I can’t remember much about him, aside from thinking he was cute and, well, impressive in certain areas, shall we say. But also, I get the sense I thought he was kinda sweet and funny? But I can’t be sure, that part of the night is still really fuzzy to me.
Well, only one way to find out, I guess.
Sure! I’ll be there by 10pm? I have to meet my friend first to sort some stuff out for the weekend.
Awesome! Can’t wait to see you!
Well, guess I remember the other option…and I have a perfect codename in mind too.