Chapter 27
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
A fter an hour at the start of the day at the Excelsior booth, I’m given free time to go and help man the table in Artists Alley with Cal and Manny. I wander over slowly, meandering around the rows of exhibitors and displays.
I barely slept at all last night again, tossing and turning as I think about the impending day ahead. Aside from the big announcement for Excelsior Pride , it’s also going to be the first time I’ll have seen Cal since all these new feelings about him started bubbling to the surface. I don’t know if I should mention it, or ignore it, or if I should see if he feels the same way. If he doesn’t, would that just become a problem between us?
I finally get to our row, and realize it’s time to suck it up and just get on with it. It’s not like I can run away now. Wait, can I?
“Jesse! Over here!”
I look up from staring at my feet to see Cal jumping up and down and waving his arms. He’s wearing his signature dungarees again, but with one side undone, flapping wildly as he jumps, and these ones he’s cut off into shorts. Underneath he has a baggy black t-shirt on, which means he just looks like the skinny Cal I always knew…but now I know what he’s hiding underneath.
A guy with dark hair and tan skin sits next to him, sketching into a large sketch pad. He looks up and holds up a hand in a tentative wave. I guess this must be Manny (and I definitely can’t run away now).
As I approach the table, I realize it’s actually kind of busy with customers. Five people are standing in front of the table, a couple looking through copies of Flowers for the Dead , a cosplayer dressed as Iron Man (in some pretty impressive 3D printed armor actually) and another couple hovering over Manny’s side as he returns to his drawing.
“Dude, I’m so glad you got here now, it’s been crazy,” Cal says to me as I sidle behind the table, before turning back to the small group of customers. “This is my co-writer on the book, Jesse Abelman. He’ll be more than happy to sign your copies too.”
“Oh, sure, totally,” I say, grabbing a Sharpie from the table and taking a copy of my comic being handed to me.
As I write, Cal leans in close to me ear, and I feel his breath glide across my lobe. “This is Manny, I’ll introduce you properly when it gets a bit quieter.”
I tense up suddenly as my heart starts to hammer in my chest, making my hand jerk out of control. “Oops, sorry, uh, I guess I should have been practicing my signing, huh! Here, let me get you a new copy, sorry I ruined this one.” I pop the copy with my mangled signature down and grab a fresh copy, just noticing Cal giving me a confused head tilt out of the corner of my eye.
One the group have said their thank yous and made promises to follow us all on social media, Cal turns to me.
“You okay, Jess? You seem weirdly tense.”
“I’m fine, really!” I yell. I clear my throat and modulate my volume to a more reasonable human level. “It’s just been a really busy show and I guess I’m kinda exhausted.”
“It’s only been one day…”
“Exactly! I don’t know how I’m going to survive the whole weekend!” I laugh awkwardly, and Cal raises an eyebrow, staring at me for a beat. But then he just shrugs his shoulders and moves on.
“Anyway, this is Manny. He’s been really excited to meet you too. Apparently, your notes when we were making the comic were some of the best he’s ever gotten.”
“Oh, wow, thank you, Manny! Though really, I’m not sure how I had any at all, your work is really good. We’re lucky to have got you on it,” I say, as Manny stands and takes my hand in his in a firm but friendly shake. He has kind eyes and round cheeks when he smiles, making him immediately disarming.
“Please, the thanks are all mine. It was a pleasure to work on the book with you. Tell me, is there any news on what you will make next? Perhaps I will be a good fit for this too?”
I rub my neck and look away. “Nothing as yet. I’ve been really busy with work, and I’ve kinda let my writing slide as a result. I’m sorry,” I look to Cal. “I’ll be better.”
Cal puts his hand on my shoulder, and I resist the urge to tense up again. “It’s okay, I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure of late. I know you’ll get there.”
“Of course, Jesse, there is no problem with me either. I’m currently drawing a book for a friend back home anyway, so I am in no rush,” Manny reassures me. He nods, smiling, and then returns to his seat and his sketch pad.
Cal makes a motion to sit down, letting me know he managed to get an extra seat from someone who wasn’t using it so we could all sit down in between busy spells. We sit, and as we each relax for a moment, my knee brushes against Cal’s own bare knee. I jerk mine away reflexively, and immediately feel bad for it, when I see Cal look down at our legs with confusion and maybe something that looks like hurt?
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“No, no, it’s cool, I—” but he’s cut off from saying anything else as someone approaches the table and I leap up to greet them.
The quiet spells are few and far between as it turns out. Artists Alley is insanely busy, and not just for the big name creators dotted throughout the hall. What’s really cool to see is how the organizers have spaced most of the big names out and mixed them in amongst independent and small press creators, so the crowds are forced to work their way through everyone, and are checking out more off the beaten track comics as well as the A-list signatures they desire.
As we deal with customers coming to the table, some who’ve heard of our comic already, most haven’t, me and Cal can’t help but kind of stumble over each other. This is far from our first show together, and we normally operate like a well oiled machine of comics selling incredibleness. But not right now.
It’s my fault, I know it. I can’t help this tension between us, as I want nothing more than to grab him and hold him and tell him I’m sorry for being such a fool and confess my feelings. But in the same breath, I’m terrified of doing that, because what if it changes what we have? Cal is the closest friend I’ve ever had. He’s been there when I’ve been at my lowest, he’s pushed me to be better as a writer and as a person. He’s seen me when I’m down in the dumps and always lifted me out, and I’ve got his head out of the sewers of self-loathing and depression too.
I’m torn between saying something and keeping my mouth shut, and it’s making me trip over my usual convention comic selling patter and our usual back and forth. We’re barely afforded a moments rest, but when we do have some, I can’t help but feel like the conversation is stilted and off balance.
Time gets away from us, and the next time I look at my watch it’s just after 2pm, and I have to leave to get back to the Excelsior booth so I can head over to the ‘What’s Next-celsior’ panel with Arran and the editors.
“I’m sorry, guys, but I got to head off. The panel I have to be on is in the next hour, and I’ll have to meet up with everyone to head over together and help set up, and?—”
“It’s cool, don’t worry about it,” Cal smiles, but there’s something behind it. He turns to Manny. “Hey, man, can you watch the table a second, I just need to talk to Jesse a sec.”
Manny agrees, and Cal heads out from behind the table with me, walking a short distance with me, hands in his pockets. I feel like I’m buzzing with electricity as my mind races with what it can be that he wants to say.
“Hey man, are we okay?” Cal finally says when we get to a small break in the crowds at the end of our row.
“Yeah, of course, like I said, I’m just feeling a little stressed, I think,” I lie, and hate myself for it.
“Okay. It’s just…” Cal rubs his shoulder, and then looks up at me again. “Look, I know we each said we’re sorry, but it still feels like there’s something going on. And I know that what I said was out of line, and I really am sorry about it. I wouldn’t want anything to come between us, man. Our friendship is important, not just because of the stupid comics or anything. It means a lot to me, and I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it, you know?”
He’s looking up at me into my eyes, and I keep contact going, because what he said means so much, more than he can know. Because it’s true, it’s so right. Our friendship is too important. And though my heart breaks inside, I swallow it down and say, “Cal, I would never want anything to come between our friendship. Nothing can change that, or should. I’m sorry, I swear it’s all okay between us. It’s just this weekend, that’s all. We’re good.” I smile, even as I feel a sting in my eye.
But Cal doesn’t sense it. He just smiles and hugs me. I tilt my head so my cheek is on the top of his head, and swallow a sob before it can escape.
“Awesome. Well, I’ll let you go. Can’t leave Manny by himself for long, he’ll be eaten alive. See you later?”
“Sure, I’ll try and swing by after the panel,” I smile.
With that, Cal fist bumps my shoulder and then heads back through the crowds towards our table.
I turn and walk away from Artists Alley, finally letting the tear that I’ve been holding back slide down my cheek. I wipe it away with a sniff that gets lost in the crowds.