Chapter 9
CHAPTER
NINE
That had certainly been… something.
Kirby had screwed up. It wasn’t an unusual feeling for her after sex. She was kind of known for bungling things in that arena. Notorious for it even. As multiple TV shows had exhibited. But there was something extra messed up about it happening with Mara fucking May.
Mara hadn’t opened her eyes since she’d come.
Kirby hadn’t even been completely sure that Mara was into women.
Kirby had suspected—their weird, angry sexual tension wasn’t just in her head, obviously—but Mara’s sexuality wasn’t a topic she had spoken about in interviews.
There were no rumors about her dating women.
Or anyone.
“Here, sit down.”
Mara jumped at Kirby’s voice, and her eyes flew open. They were so green up close. Unfairly green. Her face was blank.
“It’s okay,” Kirby said. She pulled Mara’s sweatpants back up for her. Mara swallowed hard and sank to the ground, and Kirby followed her down.
“Jordan borrowed my extra sunglasses. Then mine broke during training. I think that might be a bad omen.” Mara sounded dazed.
“All right.” Kirby nodded like that was relevant in any way.
“I was coming to get my extras. Jordan gave me her key card. I need them to ski. Superstition.”
“Sure.”
“Umm. Should I, you know?”
Leave? Kirby certainly hoped she didn’t. This was a disaster, but Kirby wasn’t ready for it to end.
“Should you what?”
“Reciprocate?” Mara’s lips twisted like she was uncomfortable, and Kirby nearly laughed. She stopped herself, but it was close.
“No. It’s fine.”
“Oh. If you don’t want me to, okay.” Mara’s chest rose with a quick breath. And another. God, she was so fucking pretty. “But I can. I don’t want to leave you…”
“Hanging?”
“Yes.”
Kirby should not touch her again. She absolutely should not. But she was going to.
She lightly touched Mara’s chin. Forced Mara to look at her. Mara let herself be led, and Kirby’s lizard brain lit up.
It had been so good. The fast, furious clash of their bodies had been so good.
“I already got mine,” Kirby whispered. Mara’s breath sped up even more. “You listened, remember?”
“I’m sorry about that.” An apology. How novel. Neither of them had ever uttered those words to each other about anything.
And Mara’s voice was so, so soft it was almost impossible to hear. But Kirby could feel it, feel the words against her lips as she closed the distance completely.
Their lips barely brushed. A sweet, real kiss. Different than the aggression of the sex they’d just had. Mara trembled, and Kirby pulled back to watch.
“That was probably a bad idea,” Kirby said.
Mara’s expression went through about three emotions, all too fast for Kirby to get an accurate read. “The kiss or the…?”
Kirby was surprised Mara wasn’t running away as fast as possible. One of them needed to pump the brakes. Mara was the responsible one, no doubt, but Kirby wasn’t delusional. This was not a good idea, and at any second, Mara was going to turn back into a block of ice.
“I think both.”
“Yeah.” Mara stared over Kirby’s shoulder. “I would have liked to have, you know.”
“No. What would you have liked to do, Mara?”
Mara sighed and zipped up her bra. “Reciprocate.”
Kirby almost reached over to drag that zipper right back down.
She had been trying to be respectful and not a complete horndog as Mara came down from the personality transplant that had allowed her to let loose a little bit.
But now that those beautiful breasts were hidden again, Kirby was ready to throw a fit.
And that one word—reciprocate—was so brave. Kirby had danced, strategized, cooked, and dated on TV for money. She had raced and taken tactical risks while skiing.
But she was never brave when it mattered. Mara’s courage touched Kirby, made everything realign in her mind about what had just gone down.
“Next time?” Kirby said. Throwing out a line, seeing if Mara would bite.
It was a terrible, terrible, brilliantly terrible idea. And Kirby would do it every fucking day if it meant she got to see a daring Mara again. They simply had to keep their emotions out of it.
Easy for Mara the ice princess. Maybe not so easy for Kirby, who ran hot and fast and reckless.
Mara rolled her head loosely against the wall, which might have been a no or a what the fuck have I done?
But she didn’t respond. That was common, Kirby realized. For Mara to not answer questions when the questions were hard.
Mara closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. “When was the last time you felt joyful?”
Kirby blinked, her mind spinning, and let herself look her fill at Mara while her eyes were shut. She’d asked Mara that days ago. Mara had seemed so stunned by the question. Like it had hurt her.
Kirby almost said when you let me kiss you. But that was much, much too vulnerable. And today, Mara was the brave one. Not Kirby.
“I don’t know. Last time I went dancing maybe.” She had line-danced at a queer cowboy club in LA a few months ago. It had been a blast. So uncomplicated and jubilant.
Mara wrinkled her nose and opened her eyes.
“You don’t dance?” Kirby asked.
“Of course not,” she said like that was the most obvious thing in the world. “I think winning is the closest I get to joy.”
That was a very Mara response, but it was also sad.
“What about when I made you come on my fingers?” Kirby asked, trying so hard to be brave, but mixing it all up in dirty talk. “Did that spark some joy, Mara May?”
Red exploded over Mara’s cheeks, and she put a hand to her forehead. After several long seconds, she said, “I don’t feel like myself right now.”
“Gotcha.” Ouch.
“I shouldn’t have liked that.”
“Hey, there’s no shouldn’t have here. We’re adults. We’re both single.” Kirby’s stomach dropped. God, she hoped Mara was single. “Right?”
“Sure.” Mara moved her hand away from her face and looked at Kirby with a resolve that reminded Kirby of Mara’s game face before a race. “I can’t do that again.”
Fair. That was fair. Just because Kirby’s brain was reeling with possibilities and reciprocity and regrets and excitement and plans didn’t mean Mara’s was. Kirby felt all the things, but it wasn’t fair to expect Mara to feel anything at all.
Kirby cupped Mara’s cheek. Another risk. Mara didn’t lean into her palm, but she didn’t pull away either. “It’s okay. You can’t be anyone but yourself.”
That was the big question mark, though, wasn’t it? Kirby didn’t know Mara. She suspected no one did.
Mara’s eyebrows dipped at that, and her eyes moved like she was reading Kirby’s words from a book in front of her and didn’t like the sentence structure.
Kirby needed a minute to breathe. She stood up and left to grab Mara’s sunglasses from Jordan’s room.
Jordan and Brandilyn had acted like they were holding a Fabergé egg when they had shown Kirby Mara’s glasses earlier.
Kirby had told them that Mara would need those back ASAP.
Mara always wore the silver ones for training, and Kirby had no idea how or why she knew that, but she did.
Kirby found the glasses in Jordan’s room, snatched them off the bedside table, took a deep breath, and marched back into the living room. Mara had put her shirt back on and was about to bolt.
“For you.” Kirby handed the sunglasses over. Mara grabbed for them like she was trying not to touch Kirby’s fingers.
The glasses tumbled to the ground, and Mara looked stricken.
Kirby quickly bent to pick them back up. “They’re fine. Here.” She stepped forward, and Mara tensed, which made defensiveness rise in Kirby’s throat like acid. She hadn’t done anything wrong here. Neither of them had. But it hurt that Mara was acting so jumpy about it.
Kirby placed them on top of Mara’s head like a headband. Their eyes met as Kirby stepped back.
“I won’t tell anyone,” Kirby said. Kirby didn’t usually hide her hookups, but she assumed that Mara wasn’t thrilled by the optics of having sex with Kirby.
They were rivals. Kirby had beaten Mara in her best event the one time it mattered most. They had just had a contentious interview that would air during the Olympics.
And that wasn’t even touching the personality issues. Kirby was rough around the edges. Loud. Messy. Vulgar.
Probably the last person Mara would have chosen to spend time with outside of skiing. Or inside of it.
But it had been incredible.
Mara kind of shrugged, all awkward and clipped. “Thanks for…”
Kirby set her jaw and nodded her head toward Mara’s hair. “The sunglasses.”
Mara stared at her hard, taking in every bit of Kirby’s face for one, then two uncomfortably long seconds. Then Mara turned on her heel and left.