Chapter 15
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
Mara could see her wispy breaths in the cold night air. It was loud around her. Excited voices rising and falling. There were hugs and selfies and music blaring as Team USA waited for their entrance cue during the Parade of Nations in Milan.
It was a huge, raucous party. It hadn’t been so fun last time she’d come to the Opening Ceremony.
Mara lifted her face to the sky and let the overwhelming sound of athletes from so many countries wash over her.
She felt unburdened, which was blatantly ridiculous.
In reality, there was more pressure. More eyes on her. More expectations than ever before.
But she felt light.
She hadn’t attended the Opening Ceremony at her last two Olympics, instead focusing on getting her head on straight in time for her first event. She didn’t regret that now, but she knew she didn’t want to miss the Opening Ceremony this time around.
Mara, Jordan, and Brandilyn had traveled to Milan with a few guys from the men’s team, but other skiers, like Kirby, Lindsey, and Apollo had stayed in Val di Fiemme for the Predazzo Opening Ceremony events.
Mara was going to get pulled for an interview at any time. It had already been arranged with the major television network covering the Opening Ceremony, but she still had some time to take it all in.
Jordan grabbed her hand and before Mara knew it, Brandilyn’s phone was in her face filming or taking pictures.
She had no idea which. She smiled, and the rookies both grinned and posed in several different ways.
The poses happened in such rapid succession that Mara froze.
She was sure she looked the same in every photo. She really was old.
Brandilyn’s cheeks were so rosy and her eyes so bright.
And Jordan was talking so fast it was like someone had turned her voice on two-times speed.
They were excited. And they had every reason to be.
She had been terrified at her first Olympics.
She couldn’t remember smiling. It had been such serious business.
“There are so many hot guys here,” Brandilyn whispered, and Mara laughed. She had been boy crazy at nineteen as well until she realized she wasn’t actually that into boys.
“Hot girls too,” Mara whispered back, nodding toward the women’s hockey team who were taking pictures and dancing together, enjoying themselves. She mimed fanning herself.
Jordan and Brandilyn both reacted as if Mara had revealed an incredibly juicy secret about herself. And maybe she had. It wasn’t something she talked about often, but the important people in her life knew.
And maybe Jordan and Brandilyn could be important to her.
Maybe Kirby could be too.
Jordan was bouncing up and down, asking her type, and pointing to every random woman around them, but Mara couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
A hand touched her elbow, and Mara jumped.
Out of habit, she shuttered all the happiness on her face as she turned toward a person with media credentials around their neck.
And before she knew it, she was whisked over to the edge of the holding area so she could be interviewed for the Opening Ceremony broadcast.
She’d seen the interviewer, Ross McFadden, on TV during past Olympics, but she’d never met him.
“How are you feeling tonight, Mara?”
The impulse to lie was hovering right at the surface, but she could still see Jordan and Brandilyn in the crowd of athletes waiting to make their debut during the Parade of Nations. They were giggling about something. She could hear opera music, likely from the actual televised Opening Ceremony.
“I’m just…” She shook her head. “It’s hard to explain, but I’m so, so happy. Tonight feels special. There’s so much adrenaline and excitement,” she said, words gushing out. “I’m so thankful I’m here.”
He seemed taken aback by her response. Maybe he had expected her to be more somber. Precedent would have supported that expectation.
“This is your fourth Olympics. What makes this Opening Ceremony so special?”
“It’s my last one.” She hadn’t planned to say that, but she couldn’t imagine not saying it at that moment.
Most people assumed, but she hadn’t said so outright.
“I’ll compete in these Olympics and finish out the World Cup, and then I’m done.
So maybe I’m looking at everything differently.
Trying to see it through the eyes of someone who will never be back. ”
When she’d discussed it with her agent and, separately, her dad, they had agreed she should announce her retirement after winning her gold medal. The logic was that an announcement before the Olympics would be a distraction, but there was another reason. One that no one was admitting out loud.
If she waited until after the Olympics to announce her retirement, it gave her a chance to change her mind if she didn’t win the gold. To try again and again. She could complete until she literally couldn’t keep up anymore.
But she would win. She had to.
“So you’re retiring after this World Cup season?”
“Yes. I’m ready. This just”—she gestured toward the huge group of athletes from the United States.
She could see the delegations from Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, and Uzbekistan from where she was standing.
There was such a sense of joy around her.
“I want this to be my last one. It’s beautiful here.
And I’m having fun, and I’ll be honest, the Olympics haven’t always been fun for me.
I want to have fun and move on on a high note.
I see the fire in these young athletes coming up in cross-country skiing, and it’s exciting. I’m ready to cheer them on.”
“You mention not having fun in past Olympics. Is that a reference to losing the thirty-kilometer race four years ago? You were widely considered the front runner.”
“It’s not a reference to that.” For once, she hadn’t been thinking about that horrible race.
“I put a lot of pressure on myself. I’m competitive.
We all are. But it takes a toll.” She thought back to Kirby’s panic attack in the hallway.
“It takes a toll on a lot of us. And it’s important to do what’s best for our own health.
Mental and physical. What’s best for me on all fronts is to enjoy my last Olympics.
Enjoy myself for the rest of the World Cup. Then move on.”
“I would like to ask you about your competitor and teammate, Kirby Bonham. She beat you in Beijing in the thirty-k mass start. She had never even hit the podium in that race, so it was a surprise for her to race so well. And—”
“Any high-level competitor can win a single race. All it takes is for someone to fall down or have a bad day or contract a cold or for the conditions to deteriorate. She won that day. I expect to win this time.”
“You’re saying her win was circumstantial?”
Mara laughed. She hadn’t exactly meant it that way. It was wild how easily her words could be spun. But she liked the idea of Kirby seeing this interview and interpreting it that way. Maybe it would fire her up the same way Kirby’s interviews emboldened Mara.
“I’m saying my record speaks for itself. And so does Kirby Bonham’s.”
“Is that shade?”
“Oh, I would never be shady,” Mara said, mock disbelief in her voice. “Bonham is a great skier. She has more spirit than anyone I know. She’s fearless. I underestimated her four years ago. I will not make that mistake again.”