Chapter 25
Twenty Five
Andie
“Ms. Moore, are you alright?” A soft voice penetrates my melancholic thoughts.
I blink away the fog and turn my gaze to Tabi as she pulls on her pigtails, standing close to me.
I remember what I was doing—checking notebooks while I gave them lines to learn for the year-end play.
We have our first practice later in the day, and I couldn’t be more distracted.
I give Tabi a small smile, touched that she noticed my mood. “Thank you, Tabi. I’m alright. Just a bit tired,” I say, pinching the air, not wanting her to worry.
A grin spans across her face. “Then I won’t add to your stress, Ms. Moore.” With that, she runs off to her seat and gets to work.
God! She’s so thoughtful at such a young age. I’ll have to tell her parents that she’s an amazing kid. All of my students are amazing in their own way. That uniqueness that I get to guide and cultivate in the right direction is what I find most satisfactory about teaching.
“Ms. Moore, I’m done with my line,” Kelly raises her hand dramatically in the air.
“Good girl, Kelly. Why don’t you take a break and see if any of your friends need your help?” I praise her from my seat behind the desk.
‘You’re doing so good, baby. You’re a good girl taking all of me like that.’
Noah’s words and his kisses all over my skin from last week flash before my eyes like my own vice. My eyes widen at my thoughts, and I instantly avert my gaze to the notebooks in front of me.
God forbid any of my students see me blushing and wonder what is wrong with me. What would I even tell them? Not that any of my thoughts are appropriate for the kids.
Though it’s not just the moments of passion we spent together that have been plaguing my mind for the last few days.
I can’t forget the distant look Noah had in his eyes when he told me that I have no right to pry into his life just because he took my virginity. I burst into tears the second I entered my apartment, doing all I could not to until I reached back home.
As much as I detest admitting it, he never promised me anything more than fulfilling my physical needs. In fact, I was the one who even suggested it in the first place and convinced him after his insistent refusal.
That’s why we had all those rules in place not to kiss or fall in love, so we don’t get attached. He held up his end of the deal, and I can’t be angry at him for following through.
For the first few days, I was angry at him, but soon, with a call to my therapist as I revealed it all, I realized I was angry at myself for developing feelings for my brother’s best friend. And that anger stemmed from the humiliation and hurt I felt when Noah showed me the mirror.
All he said was the truth, and I can’t hold it against him. My mind understands that. But how do I convince my heart to follow my mind’s lead and let the anger dissipate?
I’ve tried everything I can to distract myself—preparing for the play, spending my time writing stories that’ll never see the light of day, binging movies. I didn’t even post any fan edits of Noah, just so I can avoid looking at his perfect face.
It worked to some extent, but somehow I always end up thinking of him, like right now. I’m in school, and I should be focusing on making the year-end event the best one yet, so that I can become a permanent teacher instead of staying on a contract basis.
But all I can think about is how he filled me up, whispered dirty words in my ears, choked my throat while he took me to the highest of highs.
I’ve never been as intimate with a man as I’ve been with Noah, never trusted someone with my body as I did him, and so to be with someone like him for the first time has set the bar way too high for anyone to reach.
Noah has only been inside me once, but I’m almost convinced that no man can compare to him and his raw strength.
A knock on the classroom door has my attention shifting there, heat rising in my cheeks when I find Mrs. Deena there.
God! If she even had an inkling of the thoughts…
I clear my head of anything not related to school as I stand up and walk over to her. “Good morning, Mrs. Deena. How may I be of help?” I ask her with a polite smile, even though I’m well aware she merely tolerates my presence.
She looks as well put together as always, her hair tied in a tight bun, as her immaculate sense of dressing makes her appear better than us. That’s where the problem lies; she somehow believes she is, too.
Now, I respect my peers, elders and seniors. What I don’t respect is being treated like I’m less than just because of how I look or how much I weigh. None of it hinders my performance, so it shouldn’t come in the way of the courtesy and respect I deserve either.
“How’s the preparation for the event going, Ms. Moore?” she asks, her expression as stoic as ever. If it were someone else asking me the same thing, I’d assume it was out of concern, but with her, I know that she’s always looking for a way to shoot me down, discredit me.
She’s praying to the universe for me to fail.
So, I give her an overly sweet smile. “Why, thank you for asking, Mrs. Deena. It’s going great. My students and I are very excited for our first stage practice today.”
Her left eye twitches, and I barely bite back a smile. “Don’t be happy just yet. We’ll see how capable you are. Because from what I could see, you were day-dreaming instead of teaching your students,” she scoffs, undignified for a teacher if you ask me.
“We certainly will, Mrs. Deena,” I meet her penetrating gaze with the confidence I don’t feel and a smile that feels fake.
When Mrs. Deena walks away without as much as a simple bye, I’m left deliberating over how much I have allowed myself to get distracted.
Not again, and especially not at my place of work.
I’ve suffered and sacrificed so much just to be here—dropping out of law school, losing friends and peers, and losing part of my independence to find a residence near school and letting Ezra own the apartment.
No matter how good the chemistry between Noah and me was, I’ve got to accept the fact that it’s over and move on to focus on much more important things.
Forget about Noah and how he turns me on.
* * *
I failed.
Of course, my mind went back to everything Noah Miller.
But I also miss Millie, the cat. God, I should’ve brought her with me when he offered. But my pride wouldn’t let me.
So, here I sit slumped on my couch with a glass of red as I reply to the comments on Noah’s fan account. I still haven’t created a post, so I have received some messages on the account regarding it. I don’t have it in me to reply to them.
Instead, I have dedicated all that time to writing. I love love, and I love stories even more. I’ve always been fascinated with the power of words, how they can hold you in their clutches, sway your emotions and make you believe that everyone has someone out there for them.
So, I started writing early on. First, it was poems or short stories for school competitions and literature class. Then it turned to more, and I started writing for myself. I took literary writing as an extra class while getting my degree to hone my skills.
There are only two things about me that no one knows, not even my family or best friend. I enjoy writing, and I’m the one behind that fan account for Noah that suddenly went viral a couple of years ago.
These two are the best-kept secrets in my life, and I plan to keep them hidden. The fan account, for obvious reasons, and I love writing.
Even though I admit I write, I’m not sure if anyone would even remotely be interested in reading them or if they’re even good. Knowing me, they most probably suck.
I’ve already suffered enough humiliation for changing degrees and gaining weight. I can’t begin to imagine how brutal they would be when they found out I’d love to be an author someday.
So, I do it all in the safe walls of my home.
I’m scrolling through the fan page and stop on a video of Noah spreading his thighs on the ice during warm-up. That’s exactly how he thrusts in bed with his tattooed, thick thigh and round butt.
My phone rings, and the caller ID has me panicking, making me throw the device in the air, only to catch it tumbling. It’s like I fear he would see that I’ve been drooling over his best friend.
Closing the app, I answer his phone. “Hey, big brother!” I greet the second the phone touches my ear.
“Hi…” his voice sounds suspicious. “What have you done? Are you hiding something? Did I call you at a bad time? Why the hell do you sound so cheery? That’s too much, even for you!”
The way he sounds so offended and scared has me rolling my eyes at him, even though he can’t see me.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, kid!” he yells over the line.
A grin automatically finds its way to my lips. This is what happens when you spend your childhood with someone. You can read each other like an open book—even when you’re not next to each other.
I can’t exactly tell him that I was ogling his best friend. “I was just checking a bunch of assignments after doing a little work for the year-end event,” I sigh. It’s not exactly a lie.
I was doing that before I got distracted.
Being the sole person responsible for the event is starting to get to me. But if I don’t prove my worth and do a splendid job, then I can kiss my dream job goodbye.
“Oh, honey. I know how much you care about your students. Just let me know if I can help you out in any way, Andie. You know all you have to do is ask. But I know you got this. You’re a rockstar!” Ezra’s comforting words and silent support bring tears to my eyes.
My big brother has always been there for me, helping whenever I needed. His love for me always felt undeserving. But tonight, and after the week I’ve had, I’m too selfish not to lean into it.
“You saying that means the world,” I choke on the last words, hoping he doesn’t hear it.
But of course, he does. “You’re crying!? Why are you crying? I’m coming over right now?”
“What’s wrong?” Kaeli’s concerned voice cackles through the phone. She must hear the panic in his voice.
I sniffle and sit straighter. “Oh, no. You don’t need to, Ezra! I don’t want to bother you!”
“Shut the fuck up, kid. You know you’re never a bother. And I was already missing you. It’s been a while since we last met,” he reasons over the phone, shuffling coming from behind him.
“Let him come, Andie! He’s being overbearing, I need him off my ass,” Kaeli’s voice sounds closer than before as she yells into the phone.
“Oh, I love being on your ass and in it,” he thinks he’s whispering, but he’s not.
“I’M STILL HERE, AND THAT’S TOO MUCH INFORMATION, EZRA!” I scream into the receiver. I’ll probably need to bleach my ears and eyes of the visual. A shiver of disgust rolls down my spine as I hear Kaeli scolding him.
“Oops, sorry. Never mind, I’m still coming to your place,” Ezra declares, hardly apologetic for putting me through that ordeal.
“We literally had brunch two days ago,’ I say, rolling my wet eyes at him and his over-dramatic self. No one would believe me if I told them this about Ezra.
“Right! It’s been forty-eight centuries! I’m coming.” That’s all the warning I get before he drops the call.
I can only stare at the phone until the screen turns black. Because wow, he can be really persuasive. Not sure how much persuasion is really required if he plans on showing up no matter what.
But honestly, the feeling of loneliness has started creeping in again, and I could definitely use my brother’s presence. Though keeping my face blank when he brings up Noah in the conversation is going to be a challenge.
Ugh, I love my brother.