Chapter 2 #2
Meanwhile, I turn around and face the wall, focusing on the fire evacuation procedure plaque in front of me. “We got there, and the guys were playing a drinking game. I should’ve left then. I had no business drinking or even being there.”
My heart pounds harder and harder with every word, battering my ribs mercilessly.
“Ryker and I joined the game, and it was awful. So bad, but I didn’t want to let Ryker down.
He got so much shit from the other guys already because of his sexuality.
The liquor was terrible. My insides felt like they were on fire a couple of turns into the game, and my head was getting fuzzy.
Then my phone rang, and I thought it was my way out.
I could answer it and go back to our room. ”
I take a moment to breathe through the panic twisting in my gut. It’s the same as that night when Presley got in my face and—
“Eli,” Connie calls softly. “Who was on the phone?”
“Finley,” I reply. “She called me after every game when her parents had gone to bed.”
“That’s sweet,” she coos back.
“It’s Finley. She’s the sweetest person in the world.
” I suck in a breath before I carry on telling her about the party.
“Presley got in my face, and when I tried to get up to leave, he shoved me back down. My drink spilled all over my shirt. It was a mess, and I was still trying to get out of there when he took my phone. I tried to get it off him, but his friends held me down and… and…”
“They held you down,” Connie echoes as I trace the arrows along the floor plan on the plaque.
“Yes, and I couldn’t get them off of me because I was dizzy and the liquor made everything sludgy.
” My hands flatten to the wall to steady myself.
My head is spinning now as it was back then.
The sickness is blistering up my throat.
“I couldn’t stop any of it. Ryker tried to, but Presley threw him on top of me.
He made him lick the liquor from my shirt and… and I couldn’t… I couldn’t stop it.”
“I see,” Connie whispers. “That’s the photo.”
“Yeah. After we returned to Portland the next day, I never saw Ryker again. Until he showed up at the community rink. We argued, and he followed me to my car. We argued some more, and I left. I went home to Fin and Jayden and—” I stop at my words.
They slipped so easily. Too easily. Or maybe I’m done trying to hold everything in.
“Like I said before, this doesn’t change who you are, Eli.”
“I never ever felt anything other than friendship towards Ryker. Until… until that night. I thought he was my friend, Connie. Even when I crawled out of the room, I thought he was my friend. I was mad for sure, and I yelled at him. But he put me in that place. In that situation. He manipulated our friendship and… and… he left me vulnerable. Unable to protect myself. He fed me to the sharks.” I blink away the tears that cloud my eyes.
“You were a good friend to him.”
I spin so fast, my insides lurch. “I was a stupid child, and now…”
Connie tilts her face, eyes narrowing as though she’s trying to see through to the core of my fucked up mind. “Now?”
“Everything is falling apart. Again.”
“That’s not true,” she asserts, righting her heels before she slips them on and stands on the step she was sitting on so that we’re level. “You have held yourself together every day since that incident. Nothing has changed, Eli.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true. Think about it logically. Step outside the box you’re putting yourself in and look into it from a different perspective.”
“You don’t get it. You don’t understand, Connie. I’ve hurt them. I’ve hurt the people that matter the most and—”
“How? Take a breath, think about it, and tell me how you’ve hurt anyone.”
I take a breath, even though it’s impossible to think anything through with the chaos screaming in my head. “The photos. The article.”
“Did you take the photos?” She asks with a hitch to her brow.
“No.”
“Did you write the article?”
“No.”
“So, it’s fair to say that you have not hurt anybody with either of those things.
Don’t you think?” When I open my mouth to argue, she goes on, “Eli, the people you love don’t care about the words in the article.
It’s not the photos that hurt them; it’s the fact that they don’t know the significance of those pictures or the story surrounding them.
They can’t process or come to terms with what they don’t know. Do you understand?”
My phone rings as I allow her words to sink in. The last time I answered my phone, Lex was in full damage control mode. It was fucking torture, and with everyone around me, I couldn’t do anything except listen and concur with him getting on his jet and flying here to handle this face-to-face.
With bated breath, I check who’s calling me, and the instant Finley’s face beams up at me, my heart fists tighter than ever.
“Fin,” I answer with a strangled sigh when Connie turns away and heads back up the stairs.
“Elijah,” she sighs right back at me. Her voice is so tender that I can’t stop a dry sob from ripping up my throat when she asks, “Are you okay, Love?”
I wish I could say yes. I want to so badly. Instead, I blurt, “I don’t know.”
“I know it’s not true,” she states, the words rough and angry around the edges. “The photos and the words are not true.”
“How do you know, Fin?”
“Because I’m your heart, remember? I feel what you feel. I love who you love, Elijah.”
The hiccup in her voice shreds me open. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I hurt you and JJ, and—”
“You haven’t hurt me,” Finley coos back, her words are pitched and trembling, and I can just imagine her fussing with her hair. Winding it around her finger and tugging at it.
“But I did hurt Jayden. I saw it, Fin. I saw it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. About him. What I’ve done to him. It’s killing me.”
“Then fix it, Elijah. Stop overthinking everything. Stop thinking at all. Let your heart do its thing. Let it guide you because it knows what it wants and what it needs.”
“Finley, I—”
“You came to me when I needed you, and now Jayden needs you. He needs you to go to him. To let him in. To fight for him. Put yourself on the line for him like you always have for me. Cause that’s love, Elijah.
It protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.
Most importantly, it forgives and understands. ”
“What if he doesn’t forgive or understand?” What if I’ve pushed Jayden too far?
He’s been here all this time, and he’s trusted me, had my back when all I’ve done is hold back. Too afraid to lose him. And maybe I have now.
“That night after Matheo’s party, you told me to take what I want. I did. Now, it’s your turn to take the leap of faith. To fight for what you want.”
The line is quiet for a beat with only our blustery breaths colliding into static before she whispers, “I love you. Forever.”
“I love you,” I murmur back. “Always.”
Finley ends the call with a cajoling, “Go get him, Elijah.” Leaving me with nothing but the empty silence to drive our conversation home.
Right to my chest, where the emptiness hollers for her. For Jayden.
Leaving me no choice other than to do what Finley said.
Go to him.
Take a leap of faith.
Fix us.