Chapter 25
ELIJAH
Goddamn, it feels good to be on a roll. With one last lap of the ice, I throw my stick over the glass to a kid with a birthday banner and rush to get out.
We’re lucky tonight’s win was a sure thing, because both Jayden and I have been counting down the hours to go back home to our girl.
I just want to know she’s safe. If JJ and I had our way, she’d be in the arena, watching the game, but Lex thought it would create too much fuss, and until we’re prepared to confirm that we’re together, it’s better that we keep our personal life outside the arena.
After yesterday, I’m done. Hiding. Looking over our shoulders every time Jayden and I touch. We’re here telling ourselves that what we have isn’t wrong, that it’s normal, but hiding it defeats it all.
That is what’s wrong about us—keeping what we have a secret is wrong. And I’m over it.
“Good game,” the equipment manager says as I jump off the ice and hand him my gloves before I rush down the corridor to the locker room.
It’s so damn loud I can’t hear myself think as I push through the crowd to my cubby.
Dylan’s sitting down, chugging water in between bites of his protein bar.
Bruce is beside him, waiting for Coach’s debrief, and next to him, Weissman is half naked, ready to get in the shower and go home.
He’s the only other player, aside from Dylan and me, who always goes straight home.
“Hey, you seen Nano?” I ask Dylan as he leans in to shake my hand on my first goal since I’ve been back.
Dylan gives me a confused look. “Yeah, he’s still with Coach. Where have you been? He called you both.”
My heart stutters as I make quick work of getting the heavy gear off, stripping down to my compression pants and shirt before I put on my sliders and head to Coach’s office. I’m trying not to let my mood sour with all the thoughts going around my head.
Even though I’ve read the rulebook through and through several times now, and I know there’s no rule about relationships within the team, I’m also aware that we are an exceptional case.
As far as I know, there have never been two players on the same team in a relationship.
And certainly not in an unconventional one like Jayden, Finley, and me.
We haven’t addressed it since Lex brought it up, but what happens if one of us has to transfer? We could end up on different coasts, different countries…
What happens to Finley then? I can’t take her away from Jayden, and I can’t be without her in the same way I can’t be without him.
“Sylkes,” Coach calls when I pause in his open doorway. “Come on in.”
Jayden’s sitting in one of the two chairs at his desk, while Gerry Bielinski, the General Manager and President of Hockey Operations for the Los Angeles Comets, sits in Coach’s seat with Coach and Connie standing to the side, out of his peripheral vision.
When she winks at me, some of the tension around my chest eases.
“Have a seat,” Gerry says, shuffling random papers on the desk.
They’re obviously not his, from the glare Coach is giving him. He’s as bad as Jayden for liking everything in its place.
I sit back in the chair beside the one Jayden is occupying. He looks ready to go to war with the pinched expression on his face. Every cell of my being wants to reach out and touch him, to smooth over the stressed lines of his face.
When he looks at me, I give him a nod to let him know we’re in this together. Whatever happens now, nothing will change between us.
I love hockey. It saved my life and brought me all the best people. But Jayden is not all the best people. He’s my people. There is nothing that I love more than him, Finley, and us.
“I’m going to cut to the chase. It’s been a long few weeks, and I’m sure we’re all ready to go home and get some R’n’R,” Gerry says, blowing out a long breath.
“We’re in a pivotal position right now, one that this organization would not be in without either of you.
Saying that, I have given much thought to the situation we are in. ”
The instant Jayden opens his mouth to speak, I tap his foot with mine. One thing Taylor always taught me is to listen to every detail before I talk—it avoids pissing people off. Something that neither of us wants right now.
“The rumor is that the two of you are…” Gerry gestures between us, knitting his hands together to finish his sentence and meaning.
I glance at Jayden. He gives me a fuck-me eye roll, and when I move my stare to Coach and Connie, they’re both shaking their heads at each other.
“Together,” I offer, keeping my tone neutral.
“In a relationship,” Jayden adds, mirroring my tone.
Gerry narrows his stare on me. “And you have a girlfriend…”
“We do.” At this point, I’m not going to hide any of the truth. It’ll only come back to bite us in the ass, and I’m not going to act ashamed or afraid when we are not doing anything wrong.
Gerry clears his throat; his face is glowing a bright red now. “Well, uhhh… how very Hollywood… Rock’n’Roll, or whatever you kids say nowadays.”
I’m not sure what to say to that, and neither is Jayden, because our very conservative and ordinarily composed boss is flustered. It’s beginning to get awkward when he gulps down half of his water and pats his tie back into place, even though it’s still clipped in.
“Well, I suppose to each their own applies here. There isn’t a rule about relationships within the team.
Uhm, between players… As such, what you choose to do in your personal life is not my concern so long as it stays outside the arena.
Remain professional, and there won’t be any issues.
” He looks behind his shoulder at Coach and Connie.
“I’m sure the two of you can offer some pointers on that front. ”
Well, this is definitely the craziest meeting we’ve had in this office. I don’t think I’ll ever look at Gerry the same way again after he’s blathered his way through this conversation.
Talk about out of his comfort zone.
“I guess I’ll see everyone at the Christmas party tomorrow,” he says, shuffling the papers again before he places them back down on the desk and leaves—face still bright red and hands gripping his tie so tight it looks like he’s about to strangle himself.
“I think the two of you broke the man.” Coach bursts out laughing, pulling his chair out for Connie and guiding her by the hand into it.
“I hope he took some aspirin,” Connie chuckles in that calm, well-spoken tone of hers that’s become settling to me. “His blood pressure looks like it’s through the roof.”
“You good, Morrow?” Coach perches on the side of the desk, waiting for Jayden to say something.
The overwhelmed pout says he’s processing what just happened, and now that we’re officially official, I don’t hold back. Taking his hand, I give it a light, coaxing squeeze for him to look at me.
“What a fucking day,” he tells me, eyes wide on mine.
“Tell me about it,” I say, blowing out the long breath I’ve been holding since I walked into the room. “Pretty certain I just came out. Like out out.”
Jayden drops his head back, slouching into the chair with a deep sigh as he levels me with a grin. “Told you, Sweetheart. They’ll catch up.”
I wonder what Lex is going to make of this turn of events. I know he’s been keeping a close eye on the press and dealing with all the noise. He wasn’t wrong about the fallout. To be honest, there isn’t a sponsorship I care much for over us.
“Want to get out of here… go home?” I ask.
Jayden glances at Coach. “Are we done?”
“Go on, boys, get,” he says in his all-business tone through a fond chuckle. “I’ll see you in the locker room in ten for debrief.”
“Got it, Coach,” Jayden pushes up from his chair, taking me with him.
Our hands are still linked together as we’re walking out of Coach’s office.
All the tension has eased from me, making room for relief and pride.
This sense of attainment is so new to me that I don’t know how to celebrate it.
All my life, I’ve been told that pride is a sin, but I’m learning that it’s part of being human, of being happy…
more than that, it’s part of loving myself.
“Eli,” Connie calls behind me. When I look back, Coach is standing beside her with his hand resting on her shoulder while she smiles widely at me. “Illegitimi non carborundum.”
“Nope,” I tell her with a nod as Jayden continues guiding me out of the office.
Talking to Connie has put a lot of things into perspective for me.
It’s forced me to think about all the feelings I was holding in and trying to suffocate.
If it weren’t for our sessions, I might not be here right now.
I certainly don’t believe that I would’ve been able to push through all the shit that The Chronicle’s article dredged up.
I’m grateful she made the time for me when I went to her, and I’m even more grateful that she went out of her way to find me when I didn’t.
“Always with the Latin,” Coach chuckles when we’re out the door.
Connie’s croon echoes behind us, “Makes me sound clever.”
“Come on, Red. You’re cleverer than most assholes in this place.”
I can’t not smile at the sound of Connie’s laugh while Jayden and I amble down the corridor toward the locker room.
Awareness suddenly dawns on me. Jayden and I are walking side by side, holding hands, and it feels so damn good. Like breathing fresh air for the first time.
Tugging him closer, I back into one of the dark alcoves of the fire exits, stumbling backward until his body is pressed to mine. I’m fully sandwiched between JJ and the wall at my back when our eyes meet.
“I want you,” the words pull from my chest as my hands anchor on his hips, gripping him as tight as I can. “JJ…”
“Sweetheart…” His breath catches in his throat, and I know that I have him when his elbows brace above my shoulders with his lips hovering over mine.
I don’t wait for him to give me what I need. I take it.
Without preamble, I suck his lip into my mouth, licking across the plump flesh with a groan when the citrusy hit of his taste sparks over my taste buds. As I push my tongue into his mouth, his fingers tunnel into my hair, tugging as his tongue licks over mine.
Jayden’s fighting me for control, and I love the push and pull. The rough scrape of his teeth and guttural grunts when he fists my hair with one hand and the other strokes down the side of my face to my neck.
The V of his hand grips my jaw at the top of my throat as I rake my hands around to his back and up, hooking them over his shoulders.
We’re in a deadlock, an unmovable standoff. Our tussle for control fraying all that we have left.
“Fuck, Eli…” Jayden growls into my mouth as I drag in a desperate breath. “If we don’t stop now… fuck. I won’t stop at all… and I don’t know how many lives we’ve got left, Sweetheart.”
I don’t want this to be over. I want him to kiss me, to touch me, to own me the same way I want to do all those things to him. But Jayden’s right—we survived today, and we have to keep surviving so that we’re not torn in different directions.
For so long, I’ve lived afraid of letting Jayden and Finley in. Afraid of what they might think of me. Scared that they might look at me differently. Terrified that I’m not good enough for them. That I am too broken.
Now, I’m petrified of losing them. Of ever having to live without them for just one second.
“Come on, let’s get this fucking debrief over with and go home,” Jayden murmurs with a soft kiss to my mouth while his hand twines around mine. “I want to get you naked and in my bed, like now.”
His stare holds mine. Boring. Searching.
The same way I keep waiting for that nagging feeling to cloy into shame—that needling voice to twist my love to sin—it never happens.
Not a sound. Not a churn. There’s only Jayden and my desire for him.
The necessity to feel him and love him in every way I can.
“What’re you waiting for, sugar cookie?” I grin at him.
Jayden sucks in a breath, part chuckling as he tugs me back to the corridor, leading me to the locker room. “Are you pulling my pigtails again?”
“What are you going to do about it, Sunshine?”
When I side glance at him, he’s holding me with a narrowed stare. My insides twist with anticipation. A nervous energy tingles all the way down my spine, coiling my muscles tight around my bones.
When we reach the locker room entrance, he pulls me flush to his side so that our faces are almost touching as he promises, “That’s for me to know, and for you to find out… later.”