Chapter 52
ELI
“I’m sorry,” Finley whispers into my chest. Delicate fingers drawing mindless circles on my skin. “I’m sorry I freaked out, that I wasn’t better about—”
“Don’t apologize. It’s a lot to take in,” I tell her, coiling my arm tighter around her.
She’s already so snug to my side with her leg hitched over me that my hold shifts her all the way on top of me. Her heart is pounding so hard, I feel it hammer into my chest.
“I know you’re angry, Fin, but we can’t allow this to fester, to ruin our happiness…”
At my words, she tenses. Her forearms fold over my chest as she lifts her face to mine.
“I’m not angry, Eli.” Her voice is low and cold. “I’m raging. I am… fuck, I… I hate him.”
It’s in her eyes. I can see it roiling—an endless stormy midnight. As much as I love her fire and protective nature, I don’t want to waste any of it on the piece of shit that hurt us both.
“He’s not worth the thought, sweet girl.”
“He’s not worth shit,” she growls. I think we’re on the same page until she states, “But he’s not getting away with it. You can’t let him.”
“Okay. What do you want me to do?” I ask, picking at the thread of her logic.
I know that it’ll unravel and she’ll see things for what they are—a pointless battle that eats time and gives nothing back except more pain. We could spend that time living and building our future.
“Report it,” Finley replies with a resolute shrug. “He deserves to pay for what he did to you.”
“Alright, I’ll report it, and what next?” I hold her stare as she opens her mouth, closes it, rethinks. “What happens when I report it? How does it change anything? How do we prove it?”
“There has to be something we can do, Eli. A way Presley gets his comeuppance.” The blaze in her eyes dulls under a sudden flood of tears. “This can’t be it. It can’t… No, I won’t let him get away with hurting you. I won’t.”
“Fin…” I breathe deep, sliding up the headboard until I’m sitting and she’s in my lap.
I owe her the undiluted truth of how outsiders will read the situation.
“It’s been years since it happened. There are pictures of me and another guy that night that coincidentally outed me to the world.
So not only does it appear like I was purposefully hiding who I am, but now we are public.
We’re in a relationship that most people don’t understand.
We’re an anomaly in the eyes of the world… ”
“It shouldn’t matter who or what we are. Nobody deserves to be… to… what he did.” Her breath thins to a thread.
“The fact is that I’m not a straight man, Finley, and Presley is. It’ll be his word against mine, and with all the shit that’s happened…”
“You’re the better man. No one has a reason not to like you.”
“No reason not to like me means that they don’t have a reason to like me, either.”
She catches my jaw between her palms. “Ryker was there. He knows the truth about those pictures, he—”
“We can keep going around in circles, but it was me and Presley in that bathroom.” I shiver at the sentence.
I hate that talking about it muddies my senses with the memory of that night. The spray of the hot water burning on my skin. The pressure around my throat and the throb of my flesh pressed to the tiles. That godawful helplessness of being out of control…
“I know you’re hurting and raging, but this is my choice. I’m choosing to move on. To move forward.” I press my hand to her chest, “I will not allow you to sink into the dark pit I’ve lived in. I don’t want that. You don’t want that.”
“I want to put those assholes in a bottomless fucking pit. Six feet deep in hell.” Long nails claw into my jaw with the same ferocity as her words.
“Stop.” I’m done being gentle and soft. This needs to be over.
Done and dropped so we can move on. “I don’t want to report it.
I don’t want to give him more of my life than I already have, Finley.
I deserve better. You deserve better. We deserve to be happy and live the fullest life without any of Presley’s crimes tainting our future. ”
She chokes on a long sob. “Eli…”
“It’s over. It’s done. Nothing will change what happened. The only thing that will make it better is this. You, me, and JJ… we’re what matters to me.”
Finley nods. “We’re what matters to me, too. What we have is everything. It’s all I’ll ever need, you and Jayden.”
“Good.”
Shuffling to the edge of the mattress, I ease her off my lap onto the plush rug before I get up and we strip the sheets. They’re damp from our soaked bodies, and with Fin vomiting earlier, I don’t want Jayden to get into a smelly bed.
We change the sheets in silence. I know that my drawing a line under the conversation won’t stop Finley from stewing on it in her head. At the same time, I need to protect my headspace.
Like Connie’s told me so many times, it’s okay for me to protect my sanity. To step back from what drags me under so I don’t give in to the habit of harming myself.
I promised Jayden and Finley I’d do everything not to do it again.
This is me keeping that promise.
She’s heading to the bathroom when I stop her. There’s one more thing she needs to know. One thing that I need her to accept.
“Don’t be mad at JJ. I made him promise not to say anything.”
Even though Finley nods, she says, “I get that this was not something he could share with me without your consent, Eli. I understand that, but he still hurt me. We can’t keep secrets from each other.”
“I know, and I understand that now.”
“Good, because while we are three people, we are one heart. One soul, Eli.” She clears her throat. “No more secrets. Please.”
“No more secrets.” I follow her into the bathroom, and we take turns washing each other.
When we’re done in the shower, clean and more relaxed, I take a moment to breathe. To just be with Fin. To give her the presence she needs from me.
“What are you doing?” She asks, stare bugging on my hand as I bring her toothbrush to her mouth.
“I like taking care of you, too.” The whisper of a smile crosses her lips.
While she brushes her teeth, I comb through the wet strands of her hair. I can’t braid it like JJ does. Instead, I gather it up loosely into a ponytail at her crown.
Looking after her makes me feel better. Stronger. It’s my segue back to normality. These mundane instances are the precious moments we miss the most when we’re apart.
When we’re done in the bathroom, I help her get dressed in a pair of my boxer briefs and one of JJ’s clean t-shirts. The pajamas she loves the most.
We’re about to leave the bedroom when Finley pauses. Her hand pressing against the door to stop me from opening it.
“It’s done,” she murmurs, turning to me. Her eyes are still swollen and red from her silent breakdown in the shower. “We can move on. That’s what you want, that's what we do.”
“Thank you.”
Finley nods. “I’m letting it go for you.
Because I love you and I respect you. But—” Sucking in a deep breath, she presses her chest flush to mine.
“I’m always going to hate him. There won’t be a day I stop loathing him.
I will never forgive anyone who hurts you or Jayden. That’s what my love comes with.”
My girl’s fire blazes in her eyes. Wild and untamable. So fucking strong that it licks up my insides when I drop my mouth to hers. Sucking her lip into my mouth, I smother her in my embrace as I drink down every groan and throaty growl that escapes her.
Because this endless hunger is what my love comes with. For her. For JJ. For us.